The depressing depression thread

[Dutch guy]

Does anybody care even the slightest if I'm around or not...

[Deedles]

I certainly do.

[Ptangmatik]

I do too, you're ok.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

I definitely do.
HUG

[Avistew]

A lot of us do. *hugs*

[MrL]

I don't know you but I still care about you and your wellbeing.

[Danielle Pepin]

I still care too. However little I'm able to do to help in the situation I'm in I think of you all when I find things like this: Stephen Hawking talks about depression and other dark places;
http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/stephen-hawking-gives-some-beautiful-advice-depression

[MinniChi]

Does anybody care even the slightest if I'm around or not...

I do. I like reading your replies. Even if I don't say anything. You always seem to say something clever, or insightful.

[Master Gunner]

Dutch, you're one of the best teammates/nemesises one could ask for.

[Psyclone]

I'm not around here very often but I've always admired you and thought you had a lot of good things to say. You're a huge part of these forums.

[Dutch guy]

Thanks guys. My brains been spiralling out of control lately. One day I feel like I've got a handle on things and then the next things go to shit again...

[Tinasaur]

My therapist said to call him if it got worse, so I called today. He gave some simple practical advice on what to do, like just go outside and breathe for a minute, have someone come over, that sort of thing. But when he hung up I felt it just made me angry. I'm so tired of just taking these advices because it doesn't solve anything and just trying to cope doesn't help when it feels like my home is burning down around me.

[MrL]

That's the Swedish welfare system in a nutshell. I share your pain...

[Tinasaur]

Thanks MrL

I feel I could go on and on about everything that's messed up right now but I'm just at the point where I feel talking about it won't help solve anything. I'm thinking that's a bad place to be.

[Deedles]

I'd like to just be happy with my life for once. That'd be nice, instead of expecting myself to live some kind of damn fairytale.

[DmitriW]

I'm having a really hard time sticking to my medication. I'm not experiencing any identifiable side-effects, and it definitely helps when I take it consistently, but I just deflate every time I look at the bottle. I don't know why it's so difficult for me to take a few pills every day. :\

[JustAName]

Set yourself a reward for doing it? Maybe put a neat sticker on a chart for every day you do it on time!

[DmitriW]

Might be worth trying. I'll have to find stickers.

[Mister Blue Sky]

I'm done. I tried to stick in there. I tried. I really did. I can't do it anymore. Tired of feeling like an outsider in groups of other outsiders. Tired of being confined to my room. Tired of people pretending to care. Tired of pretending like I do. So I'm out. Permanently. Maybe this gets deleted, maybe it doesn't but, I wrote this note years and years ago, and hey, I finally have a reason to use it.

"I have no hope for my future.

Nothing good has happened. Nothing good will happen.

I live, only to be scared to die.

I am useless. I am pointless.

I will never be happy, I am not allowed.

My world exists, I do not.

I have nothing to do. I've everything to do.

I can't decide, so I do nothing.

I waste time. Until my time is fully wasted.

It's all I'm good at, doing nothing.

It's all I have to look forward to.

A life of nothing.

A death of nothing.

What's the difference?

I have no hope for my future."

[My pseudonym is Ix]

No you don't Blue Sky.

I can tell you why all those things aren't true if you want, but first you're going to have to step down. I want to help you man. So do the rest of us.

You there buddy?

[Danielle Pepin]

Mister Blue Sky, if you have any time to talk whatsoever before you take action on this I'm home now and will keep an eye out. I wanted to reply to you last time I saw you on twitch but you'd already left by the time I saw your name in there. Desert Bus chat is still there until Feb 1 on the same server they are now if that works better than twitch or here. (I'm DigitalSeahorse on twitch right now.) You can even pm me your email or skype if you wish.

I'm done. I tried to stick in there. I tried. I really did. I can't do it anymore. Tired of feeling like an outsider in groups of other outsiders. Tired of being confined to my room. Tired of people pretending to care. Tired of pretending like I do. So I'm out. Permanently. Maybe this gets deleted, maybe it doesn't but, I wrote this note years and years ago, and hey, I finally have a reason to use it.

"I have no hope for my future.

Nothing good has happened. Nothing good will happen.

I live, only to be scared to die.

I am useless. I am pointless.

I will never be happy, I am not allowed.

My world exists, I do not.

I have nothing to do. I've everything to do.

I can't decide, so I do nothing.

I waste time. Until my time is fully wasted.

It's all I'm good at, doing nothing.

It's all I have to look forward to.

A life of nothing.

A death of nothing.

What's the difference?

I have no hope for my future."

[Danielle Pepin]

As alone as you might feel right now, there are others who feel the same way as you do and there are people that care. I know chat can be a very self absorbed place that can fail to notice people at times especially while they are watching a stream at the same time as the chat. Please know that people do care about you.

[Danielle Pepin]

Here's suicide chat crisis site link where you can talk on chat to someone trained on the situation.

https://www.imalive.org/

and suicide hotlines around the world if you are willing to talk to someone.

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

I am still here though, checking regularly today.

[Arclight_Dynamo]

Mister Blue Sky, please stop. We don't want you to go. Please, please follow one of the links Danielle posted. Please talk to someone first.

[Deedles]

You might feel like an outsider, but you got to remember that it's your mind tricking you. Depression likes to trip us up and then kick us repeatedly while we're down, but we're here for you, and there are people who can really help you if you follow those links Danielle posted.

Just please, please, please, don't do it!