The depressing depression thread

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RytelCSF
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby RytelCSF » 14 May 2016, 14:58

Okay so, update.

I wasn't fired. In fact, my supervisor (not the boss who texted me, she's one level above him) made sure to let me know that as soon as I came in. We discussed the situation, and we both agreed that I was performing poorly in my current position, which is contributing heavily to the stress I've been under. However, he then told me, "There are some things in this job you're not very good at. But there are also things at this job that you are good at, and the things you're good at, you're really good at, and I wouldn't want anyone else doing them. So we're going to get you to do more of the things that suit you best."

Essentially, I'm being moved back into the position I was in before things got rearranged due to a coworker leaving. I'm getting a few hours a week cut, but I was working about 50 a week anyway, so... I'm not torn up by it. If anything, this is the most relieved I've felt in months.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 14 May 2016, 15:06

Well that sounds like the best outcome from what you said the other day, glad it turned out well for you. :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 14 May 2016, 16:33

I'm so glad it worked out, Rytel! And I'm happy you have an understanding supervisor and boss. :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 18 May 2016, 18:21

Feeling like a worthless sack of crap. I've entertained various thoughts today of just not going to work, not eating, not doing anything but laying down and doing nothing. Been trying to figure out what I have to live for rather than just count reasons why I shouldn't die.

Edit: Being too depressed to eat is a real problem... It just causes a vicious cycle, since your brain no longer has the nutrients it needs to think straight, compounding the issue.

I forced some food into me and I think I'm going to be a bit better.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 19 May 2016, 01:59

Good on the getting better for now! Maybe when you're up you can prepare some easily-heated meals for yourself for when your down, so the only excuse is "I don't feel like it" and not "It's too much effort"? That way you can also make sure they're pretty good nutritionally for a quick recovery from the low.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Twinklefeet » 19 May 2016, 12:53

Things don't feel like they're going terribly well right now. Work is unbelievably stressful, the potentially really interesting job I've been interviewing has gone silent, despite them saying everything was really positive and they wanted to set things up for me asap, and the visit to a psychiatrist was kind of unhelpful. Not completely unhelpful, but some of it definitely felt like "Have you tried...not being a complete social outcast?"
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MrL » 20 May 2016, 17:18

So… my gf has been refusing to talk to me for a week now without me knowing why, and yesterday my meds ran out…

I'm feeling pretty shaky right now and could use a couple of words of encouragement!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 21 May 2016, 02:19

MrL wrote:So… my gf has been refusing to talk to me for a week now without me knowing why, and yesterday my meds ran out…

I'm feeling pretty shaky right now and could use a couple of words of encouragement!


Things will work out all right MrL. Women can be quite hard to figure out. Just keep trying. Hang in there!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 21 May 2016, 04:32

Dutch guy wrote:
MrL wrote:So… my gf has been refusing to talk to me for a week now without me knowing why, and yesterday my meds ran out…

I'm feeling pretty shaky right now and could use a couple of words of encouragement!


Things will work out all right MrL. Women can be quite hard to figure out. Just keep trying. Hang in there!


Not to get all up in your grill about stuff, Dutch, but I'd say people, not women.

That aside, I can only echo what Dutch Guy said; People can be confusing at the best of times. Just keep an open channel for communication while you focus on you, best to not wallow on it too much(though I know that is a lot easier said than done, it's the best advice I can give).
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 21 May 2016, 09:55

AdmiralMemo wrote:Feeling like a worthless sack of crap. I've entertained various thoughts today of just not going to work, not eating, not doing anything but laying down and doing nothing. Been trying to figure out what I have to live for rather than just count reasons why I shouldn't die.

Edit: Being too depressed to eat is a real problem... It just causes a vicious cycle, since your brain no longer has the nutrients it needs to think straight, compounding the issue.

I forced some food into me and I think I'm going to be a bit better.


Yes, keep eating regularly. D supplements too should help a bit. You would be missed greatly if you weren't around chat anymore!

MrL wrote:So… my gf has been refusing to talk to me for a week now without me knowing why, and yesterday my meds ran out…

I'm feeling pretty shaky right now and could use a couple of words of encouragement!


MrL, when your meds ran out does that mean you were being weaned off of them gradually as recommended by your doctor? If you stopped suddenly at the end of a bottle that can be a big shock to your system causing more drastic feelings and impulses depending on how high the doses were just before stopping. Even only 5mg of milder antidepressants should be weaned off slowly.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MrL » 21 May 2016, 13:37

Thanks guys! We cleared it up today but it's nice to know someone out there sees me, it got quite dark there for a while…

Danielle; I'm on 10mg Lexapro (don't know how that compares to others) and doctor's office said that it could take up to three days for the renewal to prosess, hence my panic but it all got resolved in the end.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 21 May 2016, 21:07

Glad that it got sorted out, MrL!

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MrL » 22 May 2016, 00:31

As you clearly care for me and the others here it seems you are anything but self centered.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, everyone trips, everyone falls" :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 22 May 2016, 01:44

Thank you. I've calmed down a bit now, was just really upset because it's my best friend's birthday today, but the thing is that he and I, despite knowing each other for 12 years now, have never met face to face.

It just hit me a bit extra hard and I felt sad and lonely, because I wish I could be there IRL and celebrate his birthday.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 22 May 2016, 12:06

Sitting listening to acoustic Halestorm, watching the Facebook world roll by. Seeing time pass and remembering, thinking how much has changed despite all that seems to stay the same.

In a little while I'll be finishing one of the most transformative years of my life, and I reckon it'll also be time for me to let a few things in my life go. Not because I need the space or I know what I'm going to do otherwise, but because I feel I need to let them go in order to move on. This will, unfortunately, probably have to include some people for whom I care very much, but for whom it seems the cycle has run its course. I will miss them, and hope that one day I might be remembered fondly.

I'm starting to belong more to some places and less to others, and that's just a part of growing up. Maybe the wheel will turn again. Until then, au revoir to the memories, and let's embrace the parts of the world I can throw all of myself towards.

(Apparently, however, my penchant for extended and esoteric forum posts will remain)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 22 May 2016, 12:49

Mister_Blue_Sky just went offline again leaving a note of giving up on chat. Yesterday he seemed to be doing better and called me friend while streaming. I don't know how to feel now. He's wrong about people not wanting him to be part of things. He was saying he was looking for something to do earlier today and we were trying to suggest a few things. Maybe he wanted someone to play games with but without specifically saying so how would anyone know what he's thinking? Unfortunately depression makes it very hard for people to see objectively outside of themselves...
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 22 May 2016, 13:09

To Mister_Blue_Sky if you come to forum again:
Can't play Overwatch with us once it's out if you don't stick around in chat or other games so if you do come back here please try to not leave on impulse, it's the depression giving you the impulse which we understand and we hope to help before it becomes as bad each time if you can let us know when you start feeling that off again. Sorry if you were attempting to reach out today to play games with someone. We wouldn't have known it from your statement of "looking for something to do" that you may have been seeking someone to invite you to do things with them. I only thought of that after you left. I had plans to try to catch up on things I was putting off from lack of energy and wasn't focused on doing things with people I like (includes you). Hope you are feeling better or at least less bad soon. Please do consider coming back because we'll miss you if you don't...and I can't see you getting benefit from giving up again. I'll call your absence a break for now until you feel like being social again. Also please consider contacting someone if you don't feel you are safe alone with yourself.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Mister Blue Sky » 22 May 2016, 13:21

Nothing.
Last edited by Mister Blue Sky on 23 May 2016, 09:12, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 22 May 2016, 13:45

I know that feeling, it's plagued me for a good majority of my life, and the difficult thing is that in becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. By constantly removing yourself from social situations you are ensuring that no one has the time to build the kind of relationship that leads to them wanting you there/i.e. noticing when you're gone.

That said, it also happens that you do have people around you who need you, but ones depression makes it difficult, neigh on impossible at times, to see them. Remember that you are not alone! I know it's difficult, but really try to remember.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Robo4900 » 22 May 2016, 16:09

Hey Mister Blue Sky, I'm always happy to see you here. I was very concerned when I saw the messages you left at the end of Desert Bus, and I'm very happy to see that you're still hanging around. Please do stay.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 23 May 2016, 12:23

I'm searching for some good audio to listen to either before bed or while sleeping that has positive affirmations in it (cause the subconscious doesn't sleep and conscious mind often counters things like that if it's awake and being too negative...and I'm not suggesting it to be a depression cure, just helping to correct habitual thoughts that can work against progress of drugs etc.). I'll post them here when I've found some good ones. Something that will help counter a persistent cycle of negative thoughts for anyone that would like to try that sort of thing. I read a book that has similar ideas but it touched too much on ideas of religion and I want to avoid that or at least keep it to a extreme minimum for sharing with everyone. Please do share if you know of anything like that already. :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby RytelCSF » 25 May 2016, 08:09

Why can't I trust anyone?

Online chats and communities shouldn't terrify me. But they do.

And before anyone mentions I join anything LRR community-related, that is specifically what terrifies me. Especially because everyone says it's a friendly community. But I can't trust that. Every online community claims to be friendly and welcoming, and then when you're inevitably harassed they come up with a reason for why you deserved it. I can't imagine this community would be any different.

But I want to trust people. I can't though, because I know I'm inevitably going to anger the wrong veteran who will insist I go away, and no one's going to care even if they notice. But I hate this. I'm sick of always feeling like I'm on the outside looking in. I know no one will care about me unless I give them a reason to care about me, but I also don't want to waste my time just to be reminded that I'm garbage.

I know this sounds like I want your invitations or your pity, but I don't. I missed the boat to be part of the LRR community years ago. I get that, and I've made (or am making) peace with it. But I just don't see how everyone else does it. Everyone else can just step right in and converse and be useful because you all have something worth contributing and... I don't.

So I guess I do see how everyone else does it.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 25 May 2016, 08:18

Most of the people who were "part of the community" years ago have drifted away by now. Sure we've got a few who stick around, but the place is constantly evolving. Heck, a lot of the big names in chat were here after me, but they're better-known because they're not too afraid to speak up in chat and they have the time to put into it. :P

None of this is meant to diminish you for feeling anxiety about this; I know you can't make it go away just like that. But I assure you that you're not going to get kicked out of here unless you do something that absolutely everyone agrees is horrible (and you're not going to, so please don't think that you are). Heck, even some of the better-known people around here have tiffs, but they're still here. The last person to leave in a huff had arguments with literally everyone on these forums, and he's still married to the wife he met here, last I heard.

Look, not everyone is welcoming. That's gonna happen. But what I like about this community is that most people try to consider their actions and responses. That's better even than just "niceness" because it means they rethink stances if necessary, and don't send people awful messages for the hell of it. And it's sad that that's the bar for a good community on the interwobs, but it is.

I'm sorry that it's scary. I know it is. I hope it gets less scary with time, though. It did for me.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby RytelCSF » 25 May 2016, 08:46

Where is "here" though? These forums I don't really think much of anymore, no offense, because the community has realistically moved past them. Instead we have the DB chat, fixtures on Twitch, and probably a bunch of others I'm not even aware of.

Twitch isn't so bad because there's so many random people that no one notices if I contribute to the noise, but I don't have interest in enough streams to ever become a fixture there.

So I guess the question is "Why do I want to be a fixture in the first place?" And I'm not sure. Part of me just wants to be a fixture somewhere, and this seems like as good as a community as any, given that it's one that given me so much over the years and I feel like it should be my duty to give back to it. But that's probably just my own selfishness talking.

I know not everyone is welcoming. I mean, I expect people not to be. But I feel like if someone challenged me, asked me why I should be kept around... I don't have an argument, and I feel like everyone else does. Even people I've never met that have only known about LRR for days belong because they inevitably provide something substantial. Everyone around here has a use. Everyone! Whether it's because you're skilled at something or knowledgeable about something or just enthusiastic about something, I've yet to see anyone in this community that isn't valuable.

But am I any of those? Am I any of those enough? Can I prove it if I'm called on it?

I don't think I am, and I don't think I can.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 25 May 2016, 09:08

The forum basically sucks now for discourse we used to have.
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