The depressing depression thread

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JustAName
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 30 Aug 2016, 00:21

Oh yeah. Rooming with people (friends!) whose family paid for college and they had money for a car and fun experiences... yeah. I feel that.
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MinniChi
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MinniChi » 01 Sep 2016, 05:23

Facebook reminded me today that I was almost raped 5 years ago, and the police did nothing about it. Wow. Way to go Facebook.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 01 Sep 2016, 22:31

*offers MinniChi hugs* I hope you are in a safe and relaxing space right now. <3
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 01 Sep 2016, 23:03

Re family disappointment: Many families have at least one loud person who can't be pleased and is very vocal about it while the others don't defend even if they don't agree. This can make it hard to see everyone's point of view accurately especially if you're not inclined to speak with each of them about it easily one at a time without the loud mouth hearing about it. Worst is when families get the notion to gang up on one member instead of speaking to that member first to see if they can clear the matter up without bringing humiliation upon them or similar.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 02 Sep 2016, 11:16

Danielle Pepin wrote:*offers MinniChi hugs* I hope you are in a safe and relaxing space right now. <3

*Ahem* I think you forgot I reside here. Nothing's safe.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 03 Sep 2016, 01:09

Elomin Sha wrote:
Danielle Pepin wrote:*offers MinniChi hugs* I hope you are in a safe and relaxing space right now. <3

*Ahem* I think you forgot I reside here. Nothing's safe.


Not the right time for that joke man.
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MinniChi
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MinniChi » 03 Sep 2016, 04:40

Elomin Sha wrote:
Danielle Pepin wrote:*offers MinniChi hugs* I hope you are in a safe and relaxing space right now. <3

*Ahem* I think you forgot I reside here. Nothing's safe.


But you're safer than that other guy from 5 years ago :)

I'm sure you'd just set me on fire.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 03 Sep 2016, 09:49

MinniChi wrote:
Elomin Sha wrote:
Danielle Pepin wrote:*offers MinniChi hugs* I hope you are in a safe and relaxing space right now. <3

*Ahem* I think you forgot I reside here. Nothing's safe.


But you're safer than that other guy from 5 years ago :)

I'm sure you'd just set me on fire.


Nah, I'd just put you in the bag.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MinniChi » 03 Sep 2016, 13:51

Not if I put you in there first.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 03 Sep 2016, 14:03

I am the bag.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 03 Sep 2016, 21:28

The FanDraft is no more... Long live the FanDraft!

:-(
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby leapy » 06 Sep 2016, 07:38

Another day, another job rejection e-mail. Oh, and one off to interview that I REALLY don't want and only applied to out of desperation.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby NebulosDisconcertion » 06 Sep 2016, 20:59

My last job was applied for out of desperation. I remember getting it, and on the way out thinking 'Wow, I really don't want to work here.'
I worked there for almost two years.
Is it because it actually turned out to be a really great place?
No, this is the depression thread, it was terrible.

Well, my alarm clock never made me cry. So I guess it wasn't the worst job I've had.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Lord Hosk » 08 Sep 2016, 23:36

One of these days... im going to work up the nerve to talk, but not yet. Thank you all for being... well you.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 08 Sep 2016, 23:45

We're here when you need us, Hosk. *Hugs*
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 09 Sep 2016, 13:31

These are the days that I wonder... of what use am I? There are many other people who can do what I do, but do it better. I don't think I'm the best at anything, and I'm replaceable in all of my aspects. I feel unnecessary and unneeded. Why should I go on when I bring nothing unique or exemplary to the table?

I feel like I'm just wasting time by continuing.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 09 Sep 2016, 14:13

Well, maybe it's a small thing, Memo, but I like to see you in LRR chat. I like talking to you. I like hearing your perspective on things. And I know I'm not the only one.

If you were "replaced," well, I'd lose that. It wouldn't be the same. You couldn't be replaced. That's all you, and only you.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 09 Sep 2016, 15:09

OK, after discussion in LRRchat... I guess the problem is that what makes me unique and irreplaceable is something that's not quantifiable. And therein lies the problem. My brain wants something you can point at and define, something you can explain in words, something that you can say "This is why we need you." And that doesn't exist.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby auberginequeen » 13 Sep 2016, 09:18

I just successfully defended my thesis and pending some edits, paperwork, and graduation in the winter, I now have a Master's in Psychology.

And yet I can't feel proud, or even relieved. I've moved back in with my parents and spent the past 4 months trying to finish my thesis. Now that's ending, and so is summer. None of my friends have moved home - only one intends to find a job, and the rest are leaving for other institutions (PhDs/Masters at other universities). Being home, I can't help feeling like it's been a huge step back.

I'm 24. My boyfriend is almost 25. He's been employed for about a year, and it's tough not to be jealous of some of his friends. Most of them never went to university, and yet they are able to move in together and build a life at ages younger than me. Meanwhile, I look at my prospects and they don't look great.

I feel like I'm not even worth working at a Starbucks, while other people in my program are going off to work in jobs related to their field. I don't think I could ever do that. I feel like I'd be lucky to be making any money at all. I feel stuck.

Everyone's telling me I should take a few weeks off, and I'm going to have to, because I'm going on vacation in October, so no sense job searching until after that. Still, I'm left wondering what to do. I feel like I don't have much in the way of contacts either... I tend to be a very negative person, and I can't see why anyone would want to help me get a job. I complain a lot, as my friends have pointed out. I do the work, I try hard to help others, but I do like to complain, and it brings others down. My negativity is infectious like that.

I guess I'm suffering from imposter syndrome x 1000. I've never felt very good about myself or my abilities even though I know other people would be happy to have come so far, and people tell me I'm smart, that I know my stuff, that I've worked hard, but I feel nothing but shame and anxiety.

I just want to start a real life and not be one of those people who mooches off their parents. I worry that if I take time off that somehow I'll "expire" like milk, and then no one will ever hire me. I worry that I'll end up not having a lot of time living with my boyfriend before the window for me to have kids slowly starts to close... I want to be able to have a good number of years of it being just us before we even consider children, but I feel like time is running out.

Ever since I was about 14 I've always felt this anxiety, this panic, this feeling like I have to do everything right now or it'll all be over. It feels like the world is going to end two weeks from now, and so I'm trying to cram in as much as I can before it's too late. And then the world doesn't end, but the paranoia that it will just extends on infinitely. "Maybe two weeks from now it'll all be over."

It makes it hard to make long-term plans, fearing that the end is imminent. I know it's not a rational fear either, but I don't know how to not feel that way. Everyone I talk to is like "Relax, don't worry about it, you worry too much" etc. and I'm like yeah, I would LOVE to be able to stop worrying, but I don't know how and no one can tell me.

A doctor and a social worker both told me I have an anxiety disorder and need to be medicated, but I don't want to. I've had issues with meds before and I don't want to lose myself along the way. I like who I am, apart from the constant fear and self-doubt. But there are always side effects, aren't there? And those kind of drugs are not easy to start, and even harder to stop. I want there to be another option.

Not sure where I was going with this. Guess I'll end it here.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 13 Sep 2016, 12:00

I know so many people for whom medication worked wonders, with negligible side effects. I know you're scared based on past experiences, but I think the right meds are out there. Proper medication doesn't make you no longer you. It helps you to be you, in fact - like glasses or mobility devices. It is ultimately your decision, but I do think it's worth another try.

That said, here's the other part: You are worth so, so much! You did a MASTERS! That's a hell of a lot of work! They don't just hand those things out. And slow rolling it isn't going to prevent you from finding work later on. I know it feels like it is, but taking care of yourself will only lead you to be more comfortable and better able to accept a position in the future. If you know anyone in the field, ask if you can shadow them. See if you can find something that really speaks to you.

Everything sucks and is the worst, I know. Uncertainty is killer. I can only speak to my experience, which is that being done with my degree and working in an (admittedly temporary) position doing exactly what I want to do is hecking amazing. I love every day of it. I hope you can find that yourself. Let me know if I can help.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 13 Sep 2016, 17:36

Aub: I want you to do something for me. I want you to read these five comics.

They will show you that you're not alone in this, whether it's working on a college degree or dealing with brain issues.
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LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby betsytheripper » 14 Sep 2016, 23:27

I feel like I'm spiralling and there's nothing I can do.

I feel like an outsider in all my circles at school. I'm the only appointed position in the GSA, and I'm not included in meetings. I'm the Masters student trying to continue into a PhD, and not looking for a job. To the PhD candidates, I'm the Masters student.

My advisor tried to fund me this quarter, and it came out to 1.5 months short of living expenses. My car is increasingly garbage and I'm considering taking the $1k from the state to retire it. But then I'd be car-less. If I do still have a car, insurance for the year is due in October. I want to do something really special for my mom's birthday because it's an important round number, but money guilt. And that's this weekend.

My birthday is in less than 2 weeks and I'm going to be 27 with zero prospects for jobs, PhD projects, and a decade of abusive/manipulative boyfriends. I haven't been working on MS project prep like I thought I'd be able to, and feel guilty about that.

I can feel my love for my cats slipping more and more into frustration and anger every day. I can feel my ability to put on a face evaporating, and I have a public facing job. I'm turning into my dad, and I'd rather be dead than see that happen.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Phi » 19 Sep 2016, 06:25

My life changed a bit after I moved to Finland. I am studying fine arts around other creative people, I still got to keep my job (which I dislike, but eh) so I don't need to worry about rent and food, I get to have some free time and I am in a new distant relationship which is going alright so far.

So I have been trying to figure out why I am still feeling depressed and not wanting to do anything. What I managed to conclude is that no matter how many changes I can make to my life, I don't like the world around me. I don't feel compelled to try to make things better when so many things beyond my control are so fundamentally wrong, pointless, and stupid. I can feel myself becoming a colder, more bitter person again, but I am not sure is there something I can ultimately do other than accept things as they are and live a depressed but with head-above-the-water life. Endure, but not much beyond that.

There are no paths to things that do not exist. And I don't know what to do with this.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Avistew » 19 Sep 2016, 10:16

Grats, aubergine! That's super impressive! I hope that your depression gets better so you can see how much of an achievement it is :) Psychology is really hard, too!

I take anxiety meds on top of my antidepressants. I'm of course only one person, but for me, I didn't get lost after being on them, I found myself again, and that was great. This being said, if you want to find solutions other than meds, there are some. I don't know if they would work for you, but meditation, regular exercise (even just walking every day), exposure to the sun on a regular basis (pairs wells with the "walking ever day" option) and even diet changes can all help. So can therapy.

I think about mental and emotional disorders in the same way as I think about diabetes. Some people may be able to live with it and never needs med if they make some lifestyle changes, but for a lot of other people, you're going to need to take meds. There may be some side effects (my husband gained weight after being on insulin. Since he needs to lose weight and had been trying hard to, it was a big blow for him, but a common side effect apparently) but giving your body the stuff it needs just helps it works the way it's supposed to.

Again, it's possible you can get better without meds and if you're super opposed to them I'd encourage you to try the non-medication options, but it's also possible that those things won't work for you, or that they will only help a little bit. I really hope you will find something that helps you, but you should probably be ready for the possibility of it involving medication.

Good luck!

@Phi, depression isn't necessarily logical. I've seen how different I am on meds vs without them. On meds, even horrible things aren't that hard to deal with. I mean, stuff may suck, like when my husband was in the hospital for a while, but I just deal with it I guess. Without meds, even when I have no reason to feel bad, I'll be miserable, and then feel worse for not having a reason to and having so many reasons to be happy.

Depression doesn't make sense that way. I hope yours improves and that you feel better.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby leapy » 21 Sep 2016, 18:09

I can feel myself getting bitter again. I've been unemployed since leaving university this year (an unfinished MEchEng degree). Last week I managed to get a job at a well known pizza chain as a delivery driver. It's SO fucking boring. As I want to earn more than minimum wage I'm still job hunting, so I'm still getting the rekjection emails (when I recieve anything at all).

I know that these rejections aren't personal, but it's starting to feel that way. Each application feels like a massive wasted effort.

My life is delivering starch disks to people with bigger pay packets than me.

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