The depressing depression thread

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RoboNixon
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby RoboNixon » 27 Feb 2017, 11:35

I too am a negative over thinker often. What has helped me since my divorce is exercise. Gives me a few hours a week were I put on good music and run/bench/bike/etc. My brain doesn't have time to second guess itself or mull over my life choices (too busy saying "man this is tough :p") Plus it's helping with my physical self confidence. Now, it's no substitute for real therapy when needed, but it has definitely helped me with minor depression, so maybe it can help others? I've really gotten into running and these days there are bunches of fun runs to motivate me. And many gyms have classes that anyone can join and meet people. Just some thoughts. Trying to stay positive :mrgreen:
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Avistew » 28 Feb 2017, 00:31

My depression is bad again. I made an appointment with my doctor but it's in a month. Why does it take so long to get an appointment in the US? I miss France :(

I've already skipped school once and I haven't done any homework. I feel like just dropping out completely. I'm scared. I'm going to try and go tomorrow but I'm not sure if that will make much of a difference.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MrL » 28 Feb 2017, 05:44

Was in the same seat last week; skipped two days of work and seriously thought about quitting, (even though that would most likely cost me my apartment).
Went an hour early yesterday amd spoke to my boss and he was suprisingly understanding. Still not feeling 100% about it but it's much better.
That's my advice for you; put your cards on the table, the longer you wait the harder it will get. Nothing will come overnight but if no one knows you're going through tough times, no one can help you either.

Hope it works out!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Avistew » 28 Feb 2017, 08:40

Thanks! I emailed my teachers today (I didn't go again) and I'm going to try and do as much of the work from home as possible. Last night I found myself despairing in bed but my husband woke up and gave me a bear hug and I just try to forget about everything else, and it helped a bit. I'm lucky that I have his support (and kitties who don't mind if I grab and snuggle them when I really need a hug).

I'm going to try my best until my doctor's appointment, and then hopefully things will improve. I may not register for classes next term, but a break could be good for me.

I'm going to try and take it one day at a time. Thanks everyone here, this thread and your support do help :) Thanks MrL specifically for your advice, which was on the nose.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 07 Mar 2017, 18:18

Series of unfortunate events.

My bursary application wasn't applied to my course fee. Resolved that today.
My MP3 player is now MIA, I need to hunt that down.
Fraud transaction on my bank account, so sorting that out.

It's my two weeks off work and there's so much to do already!!!

Focusing my energy on being annoyed into action instead of resignation. But I am finding myself pondering what will go wrong next.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby BlastFemur » 24 Apr 2017, 22:25

Hi forum. Just looking for support and advice as I'm having a hard time coming to terms with this whole chronic disease kinda thing. It's really set my college career back at this point and I'm taking a bit of time off essentially to sort myself out, though it's a bit of a relief that living with my parents wasn't the thing keeping me from a spiral of self destructive behavior that makes me have a real hard time doing school. I have a pretty hard time asking for help and telling the truth so I'd just like to be present and participatory here. I love the LRR community and they've definitely frontlined in making me feel less alone, so thanks everyone.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 07 May 2017, 17:21

BlastFemur wrote:Hi forum. Just looking for support and advice as I'm having a hard time coming to terms with this whole chronic disease kinda thing. It's really set my college career back at this point and I'm taking a bit of time off essentially to sort myself out, though it's a bit of a relief that living with my parents wasn't the thing keeping me from a spiral of self destructive behavior that makes me have a real hard time doing school. I have a pretty hard time asking for help and telling the truth so I'd just like to be present and participatory here. I love the LRR community and they've definitely frontlined in making me feel less alone, so thanks everyone.


Does your college have a psychology/health department or offer accommodation in any way for those with chronic conditions? My college had both and through the health department they would give you a form for listing how they might be able to help make things easier for you considering your condition. For example one person I knew of had ADD or similar attention/focus issue and they let her bring a recording device to each of her classes which helped her immensely. They may still be able to do so without an internal health department. If there is a psychology department it would likely pay student visits to get help with depression, anxiety and all sorts of things that affect mental health. Most if not all colleges wants its students to graduate healthy as possible (which tends to be different than with primary and secondary public schools). You might give 7cups.com a try. It has volunteer listeners (check their rating first cause it can take a few tries to find a good fit), self-help guides and relaxation audio section. There's a low cost therapy option too for those that need to speak to professional.
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Danielle Pepin
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 15 May 2017, 23:01

Not sure if I linked this here already. For anyone that self-harms or for those that wish to understand why people often do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqDcACrtloM
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Phi » 18 May 2017, 03:26

Lately I have been feeling worse than usual, although not as dire as it used to be. Feelings of not having a place in the world, of being lost and confused and not belonging anywhere; of not being good enough, of being a cog in a machine, of having to keep be continuously fighting and struggling for nearly every little thing in my life; of being unhappy.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 28 May 2017, 22:54

Feeling quite homesick lately...
Might not sound so concerning, until you realize that I don't consider anywhere in this world to be my true home...
As such... I want to go home...
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 29 May 2017, 12:21

Phi wrote:Lately I have been feeling worse than usual, although not as dire as it used to be. Feelings of not having a place in the world, of being lost and confused and not belonging anywhere; of not being good enough, of being a cog in a machine, of having to keep be continuously fighting and struggling for nearly every little thing in my life; of being unhappy.


I've been enjoying your recent comic posts! You've got a place here and you're always welcome. 7cups.com is also a good place for a variety of things including depression and anxiety relief. The mindfulness section especially.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MrL » 12 Jun 2017, 10:48

I just feel like the most worthless piece of shit in the world right now...
I can't even formulate my thoughts, I've thought about one sentence for probably 5 min!

I was recently informed that one of my friends is moving abroad and since then I haven't been able to function!
I don't know when or even IF(!) they're moving but it's completely floored me, I don't have many friends so losing only one is a big loss for me but this is out of proportions;
For one week I had trouble eating (and all the fun stuff that does to ones stomach) so I don't have energy to work more than half days and on top of that we just had TWO long weekends so I had plenty of time to really torture myself with my own thoughts.
Now I've temporarily moved back to my parents! I'm 25 f*ing years old and can't function without my mother! Do you realize what that does to your self esteem? At time of writing I've just come home from work and cried my pillow wet. I'm not even ashamed to admit that any more...
I guess I never realized how lonely I actually was...

Seeing this written out it doesn't seem as bad as it feels but I can assure you all that I'm a complete wreck that doesn't know where my life is heading.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 14 Jun 2017, 13:04

I'm 35 and still depend on my mom for some things. I didn't move out until I was 30. I still don't know where my life is heading.

You're fine. I mean it. You. Are. Fine. *hugs*

I'm not saying that to just be encouragement, even though it totally is as well. And I'm not saying that in a sense of "Look how much worse some other people are" either, because that's totally the wrong route to go down.

I'm saying it in a sense of "You can deal with this, and we can help you weather the storm." If you need to cry, go ahead and cry. If you need someone to listen, we're here for you. If you need a safety net, be glad you have one with your parents, and this community can help socially.

As much as I personally try to avoid it, none of us are truly independent. We're social creatures. We literally need each other, and each of us needs different things from others. If you need something from us and we are able to provide it, just ask. As long as it's something we're actually able to provide, I know for a fact that this community will step up to the plate and do it without hesitation to help one of our own. And even if you don't know if we can do something, still ask, even if it seems far-fetched. It certainly can't hurt, and I've seem this community do amazing things in its time. And even if your brain goes to the negative, think about the worst-case possibility. We can't provide something you ask for? You're no worse off than if you hadn't asked. But if you do ask, there's the possibility that we can help make things better. :-)

Take care of yourself, bud, and let us know if we can help. :-)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 15 Jun 2017, 23:52

MrL, I hope your mother is being supportive about the whole thing rather than the opposite. We're here for you as AdmiralMemo says. If you ever need someone more immediate to talk to there's the irc channel mentioned earlier in this thread and 7cups.com (may take a few tries to find a good match for personality and is volunteer based so quality of chats vary but listeners have ratings). There's also tips for easing anxiety there.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 17 Jun 2017, 04:57

The perverse desire to jump in front of a train has grown a bit lately. I'm not happy about that. Also, SPECIFICALLY a train, not a car or anything else. Brain: y u do dis?

At least my perverse desire to jump out of a tall window seems to have gone away, so that's good.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MrL » 26 Jun 2017, 16:48

First; thanks for Memo and Pepin for the reassurance, it's good to know I'm seen. It's kept me going during dark moments.

Now, Memo; how are you doing? Has something happened?
Like you told me; reach out to us here. It's easier said than done but let it out and let someone help carry your burden.
I'd like to say things like "don't care what others think" and "put yourself first" but while that's healthy I haven't mastered that myself so I'm not the one to preach it...
If it's anxiety, I find meditation help clearing my mind and gathering my thoughts, and also improves my sleep (although it has induced nightmares from time to time).
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 27 Jun 2017, 06:29

Nothing has happened and I think that might be the problem. It's been 17 weeks since promotion offering announcements... I believe 8 since my interview... And nothing. Previous rounds of promotion were decided in a month to 6 weeks from first announcement... What's the hold up? Add to that the fact that at least 3 Tier 2s and now the Manager of Training have been like "Why hasn't this guy been promoted?" Only 1 Tier 1 has been there longer than me, and he's specifically not looking for promotion. I've been there longer than 3 of the Tier 2s. One of the Team Leads even did training under me.

My problem is that either I've been forgotten, which I am quite familiar with, or I'm being specifically left behind, which I am also acquainted with.

There are so many times that I feel it's me against the world. I'm pretty sure that part of the reason I'm still here is my absolute determination that if I go down, there are a few people I am going to take with me. That takes planning, and I'm lazy. Even if I did start the plan, the feeling that caused it would be over by the time got anywhere with it, causing me to scrap the whole thing.

So, hooray for laziness?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MrL » 28 Jun 2017, 16:55

Much of that went over my head, don't recognize this tier system. Who's top and who's bottom? Where are you in this scale?

Have you confronted anyone about it? Some people say that it's good to be a little loud and aggressive (one of these being my Team Manager). Can't say I personally agree, I like playing it safe even though I too feel invisible from time to time.
How is your relationship towards your coworkers? What get's me through most days is smack talking the higher-ups for not seeing things from our perspective (though in reality, that goes both ways), it doesn't get anything done but it builds a stronger bond within the team and it feel reeeeeally good :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 30 Jun 2017, 11:06

I've been on a record low streak again. I KNOW I need to seek help. It just takes making an appointment with my GP and asking for a referral to a mental health care specialist... Just a stupid fucking phone call. And I just can't seem to make it. And it's not even the only reason I need to see a doctor.

*metaphorically punches a wall repeatedly*
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MrL » 01 Jul 2017, 02:06

Yesterday it all went straight back to square one again, if not further… The one place I thought I could call safe I'm no longer comforfortable in.
I now find myself only working and sleeping to keep myself too busy to think about anything and even that is far from bullet proof. Constantly dreading the weekends and my rapidly approaching holiday, considering shortening it or moving it enirely for when I feel better, if that day ever comes…
I sometimes fear that I'll do something really dumb and drastic if this keeps going.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 01 Jul 2017, 02:22

Structure - Click to Expand
Tier 1 is entry-level. We do the grunt work, taking calls directly as they come in. This is where I am, and have been for over a year and a half. Due to the high rate of turn-over, most Tier 1s either leave or get promoted between 6 months and 1 year of being there. It's a high-stress environment, made worse by what I consider are some poor hiring decisions.
Tier 2 is a step up with more responsibility and more flexibility with regards to handling cases. Deals with customers as needed. Handles more complex cases and cases where it's important to double-check that we're doing the thing right. (For example, stuff that can't be reversed.) Basically, these are the people who don't deal with the customers where the answer is just "Customer is too lazy or stupid to use Google."
Above that is Team Lead, who manages a group of Tier 1s and Tier 2s out of the whole office. Tries to manage work-flow and productivity metrics, and also tries to make sure information from the client is getting passed down from the management to the lower folks.
Then there are various other departments who deal with other things.
Workforce Management: scheduling.
Human Resources: hiring, firing, paychecks, benefits, etc.
Account Managers: deals directly with the clients and makes negotiations with them.
Training: Deals with training new hires to get them situated into the work-flow, and also deals with up-training when new policies and procedures come into effect.
Quality Analysis: Deals with making sure that cases are being handled appropriately by agents, as per the client's standards. (Unfortunately, this team just got let go and outsourced to a different office. :-( Makes my previous potential promotion to that department falling through seem not as bad now.)
Office Interactions - Click to Expand
Regarding confronting anyone about it, I've taken it to my lead, whoever that may be at the time. I've been shuffled around to so many different teams, it's ridiculous. I've had 6 Team Lead changes, sometimes back and forth between the same few. (Most agents have been on 1 or 2 teams.) I've had 9 different QA people work with me. (Most agents have 1 or 2, unless they change schedules often, which I don't. I've had 1 schedule change in my time there.)
Regarding being loud and aggressive, I've seen where that route goes, and it's the door. There was a guy who was there when I was hired. He was loud and aggressive and made the concerns of both himself and us grunts known very well to the management. He was fired after working there for 2 years. Granted, he was not the best agent, by far. He was productive and got stuff done, but in a way that caused a whole lot of messes that you had to clean up afterwards, and that's not what the company wanted. Loud and aggressive gets you fired in this company, and I've trod close to the line a few times.
My relationship with my coworkers? Varies because I only get to know very few of them. As I said, high turn-over. By the time I get to know any of them, they're probably either fired or leaving on their own. I only have good camaraderie with about 6 or 7 people in that office, out of like 120. Over a dozen people I had some good relationships with are now gone for various reasons. My basic relationships with people are "Where'd [x] go?" "Oh he quit." "Didn't he just get hired like 3 weeks ago?" "Yeah." Like, I was just getting to know him.
So building a stronger bond with the team is basically pointless, because that team really won't exist next month.
Frustrations - Click to Expand
A good chunk of my problem stems from what I consider poor hiring decisions.
I feel the company wants cheap, disposable labor, and honestly that's what they're getting. This is compounded by the fact that if a few people abuse the system, they change the system, instead of just firing the people who are screwing it up. It's a punishment for everybody and it sucks. Let's list off some things that have happened.
1. Control over our own wrap time after calls got taken away after it was being abused by a few people who were using it to avoid calls for several hours.
2. Bathroom breaks were taken away for the same reason. Now, we can only go during our scheduled breaks, which are 3 times a day.
3. Being able to snack at our desks was taken away when someone was eating an entire rotisserie chicken while on a customer call.
4. The head of HR had a series of meetings with everyone in various groups a few weeks ago, letting us know that 80% of the office (not naming names, but still that's ridiculous) was failing with regards to attendance and should've already been fired. (We can't keep any clients if they fire 80% of the office, though, so there's that.)
5. We have the simultaneous problems of people leaving food in the office refrigerators for weeks and of people stealing other people's food. No one who's been there for any significant amount of time brings their own food often in because they both will struggle in finding room to put it and also worry that by the time they get to lunch in a few hours, someone else will have eaten it.
6. Various stuff regarding hygiene such as sticking used band-aids on the bathroom walls, pissing all over the bathroom floor, having diarrhea in a beanbag chair in the game room and not telling anyone, and of all things... Smearing poop on various armrests on chairs around the office over the course of a few weeks. We had a serial poop vandal in the office. Who was never caught. Why is this even a thing?

I'm like "If you stop hiring children, none of this would be an issue." These people may be early to mid 20s in age,
but yeah... they're still children if this is the type of crap that happens. Ben's mid-20s. He's mature enough to have some things under control. He's an adult. These people, who may be physically older than him, potentially? Not so much.
So yeah... Things are not great.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Avistew » 01 Jul 2017, 03:12

I just wanted to drop by and offer virtual hugs to those who could use them

*hugs*

I know I'm not very active on the forums anymore, but I'm still really grateful for the help I got here so I do my best to drop by every now and then. I'm sorry about your trouble at work, Memo. It sucks. I don't know which is worse, that people decided not to give you the promotion and didn't tell you, or that they forgot about you. Both suck. I hope it gets better.

MrL, I do hope you feel better soon and don't do "something really dumb and drastic". That's a scary though. Hang in there!

Dutch Guy, I've been there. "Just a stupid phone call" can still be crippling for me, and I've been taking meds for a while now. I know it's easy to beat yourself up about not being able to do it, but I wanted to say, I definitely understand that it's harder than it sounds. Is there maybe a way to contact them online instead? When there is the option, it seems to be easier for me than phone calls. Either way, good luck!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Icefall » 07 Aug 2017, 22:18

I'll preface this all by saying that I know I'm not a known entity to the LRR community, so I understand if there is nothing to say to me. I know that I am no one.

I've not been doing well since my Desert Bus 11 Craft-Along project was rejected a couple weeks ago.

I've been submitting projects almost every year since DB5. Working on things for DB had become my one regular, reliable thing to look forward to each year. A fun event where I got to use some of the few little skills I have, have an excuse to get out of the house and hit up craft shops, and make something of interest to others and help a good charity at the same time. Amongst years of rejection in finding work and financial lacking to complete college, at least I could do this. Now I can't.

It didn't help that after waiting past the deadline they said folks would hear back about approval, I was still left waiting. Others had gotten emails to go ahead and I was still waiting. I had my supplies ready to order, I just needed that okay. Where was it? Did I delete the email by accident? Did my submission form not go through? No one was answering me when I tried to reach contacts, but they were responding to other people. Finally I got an email and its short rejection letter was worded like so many job rejections I've seen before. "We don't believe your submission is the right fit".

I didn't handle it well. I'm still not handling it well, nor will I likely be okay when Desert Buss 11 starts. I'm really depressed. This was all I had for 'worth' and now it is gone. I have 0 worth or value to anyone or anything.

I can (and have) logic through it all day and night, but that doesn't really bring my mind any comfort or resolution. I know they were being more tight with selection due to new management, but I'd thought I'd still get through. Even if they had too many of the type of project I was proposing, I'd thought it was unique enough to get through. I was so wrong. And there is no 'try again next year' because if I was rejected this year, I have no reason to believe I won't be next year too. My ideas aren't good enough. My work isn't good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not a 'fit' anywhere, after all. All the threads just roll into a big muddy ball restlessly inside me.

Needless to say, I feel pretty drained after the build up of worry and stress followed by this landslide of depression. I've done things I shouldn't have and I have lost interest in trying to plan out or work on any kind of creative projects since it feels like everything I do is just clutter and a waste that no one wants.
Last edited by Icefall on 08 Aug 2017, 22:53, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Phi » 08 Aug 2017, 13:42

Hey Icefall. We are all no ones here, but you have our support. Maybe what you are experiencing is not logical, but you are still experiencing it. We are here for you.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby James » 09 Aug 2017, 12:49

Hey Icefall

I'm sorry you weren't able to be included in this years craft-a-long. For various reasons we decided to go with fewer prizes this year and we knew that meant some people were gonna be pretty disappointed. We are truly sorry.

The only advise I can give you is make your entry anyways. Just cause we can't give it away doesn't mean you couldn't. Throw it up on an Etsy store or do an EBay auction. Send me a link and I'll share with others, post it in the forums, Discord or even in Twitch chat.

You are and always will be a part of Desert Bus. It's so many things and you can be involved in so many different ways.

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