The depressing depression thread

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AdmiralMemo
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 10 Aug 2017, 23:54

Icefall: What I'm about to say will sound like a tired old saying, but I mean it sincerely. Welcome to my world. I mean it. You're welcome here. We have many here who are friendly and know what you're going through. You are welcome to stay as long... well I was going to say "as long as you want" but that's not right. No one wants to be here. But stay as long as you need.

Depression is a liar and a killer in a very literal sense. "My ideas aren't good enough. My work isn't good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not a 'fit' anywhere, after all." This is depression talking. I've heard these words. I've believed these words. Sometimes, I still do. But they're lies. You need to fight them, remembering that they're not true.

Think of it this way. If you had an asthma attack, what would you do? You'd take a puff from an inhaler, right? Your lungs are malfunctioning and you do what you need to fix them, right? Well, your brain is an organ, too, just like your lungs. One of the symptoms of your brain malfunctioning is having it telling you lies. You need to get this fixed. I'm no doctor or psychologist, so I can't prescribe your specific solution. However, this can be fixed, be it by medication, professional therapy, or even simple communication with a friendly group of people who know what it's like.

I can't promise a cure. I can't promise you much of anything. But what I can promise is this: we'll be here for you. If what you need is time alone to work something out on your own, we won't push. If what you need is advice, we'll be here pooling our knowledge and experience. If what you need is to express your feelings and tell us your story, we'll be here with open arms and open ears.

Regarding what triggered this episode, I offer you this. You submitted projects to Desert Bus for 5 years straight. That's quite an accomplishment in its own right. I've only submitted 1 project myself. But maybe you're in a rut. Are you letting this define who you are? Is this an intrinsic, integral part of who you are? If it isn't, can you let it go, no matter how tough that might be? And if it is, can you define what it is about it that makes it that? Like James said, does it have to be Desert Bus? Is it the crafting? Is it the part where you raise money for a good cause? Is it the community? While Desert Bus will always be unique, you can find similar expression in different places. If it's about the crafting and the giving, you don't need to send it to Desert Bus for that. If it's about the charity, there are other marathons for a good cause out there. You could donate your craft to one of them. If it's the community, that's not going anywhere. We'll be here to experience the magic with you, craft or no.

Maybe this "set-back" is just the kick in the pants that you need to examine just what it was about what you were doing that made you happy. I'm reminded of this comic and our 11 7-year "lifetimes" we have. You had 5 years of this, which is close to 7. Maybe it's time to let it go and pick up something new. Or maybe it's time to double-down and really find out for yourself what makes this a part of who you are. By doing so, you will inevitably morph this into a new and different form in the future, even if the core is the same. Only you can answer any of the questions I've posed, though, through introspection. Take some time to think about this... And I mean literally schedule some time, just to be alone to think. It doesn't have to be long. Could be just 5 or 10 minutes even. And you don't have to get the answers on the first try. If you come out of your first thinking session still confused, still depressed, with nothing made clearer, don't worry. It's possible to figure it out on the first try, but definitely not the norm.

If you've read this far, thank you. We all should keep each other accountable here. You keep me coming back here, preventing me from going postal or jumping places I shouldn't. I'll keep fighting the lies that depression is telling you, thereby helping you realize your worth. Even if your life is going to crap on its own, maybe we can all keep it together, by being together.

I'll leave you with a quote that inspires me:
Michael Jordan wrote:I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
After going over this again, I'm wondering how much of this is me talking to you and how much is me really talking to myself about my own struggles... That's a tough one.
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BlastFemur
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby BlastFemur » 14 Aug 2017, 19:11

Hi forum. Updating because I haven't been around in awhile, but I'm doing much better. It was a little late for me to seek help at the school I'm leaving but I started on antidepressants, biweekly therapy, an insomnia drug, the whole deal. Anyway Pepin and Memo are really putting in the work on this thread to help people and I'm really grateful for the community everybody strives to create here. Good luck to you all, and thanks.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 16 Aug 2017, 12:04

If I'm putting in work, it's because I feel like I'm headed downhill myself. Due to that, I can do one of two things. 1. If I'm going down, I can take you all with me. 2. I can push away the folks I see coming down the path behind me, and try to pull up those I see further below.

While there are certainly days I feel like the former, most days I want to do the latter.
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 23 Aug 2017, 13:03

I've been VERY down before my vacation but finally managed to pull myself together and have a chat with my GP about it. I have a meeting with the practitioners assistant specialised in mental health care on Monday.
Currently doing better after 2 weeks away on vacation and another week at home, but the first week back at work has already taken it's toll. But I'm still not looking forward to that appointment on monday.

On top of that I've been trying to get an EASA leasure aircraft pilot license medical (EASA is the new european aviation rules coming into effect next year.) I accidentally mentioned I'd not been feeling great lately and that I've been diagnosed as depressed in the past. Turns out thats a GIANT red flag. They needed a LOT of extra documentation from the past treatment and if I am diagnosed as depressed NOW I can't even get a frikkin medical. GOOD FUCKING JOB EASA, TAKE AWAY THE ONE FUCKING HOBBY I STILL FIND JOY IN!!!!!!!! (I get there is some concern given the incident with the Air Berlin jet some years ago, but this seems like a great policy to prevent pilots from getting help. Because it could mean losing your medical for a LONG time. So better keep your gob shut and just keep going...)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 16 Sep 2017, 16:39

Icefall, none of use are no ones. Not you or anyone on this forum. We ALL matter including you! I know how you feel on the crafting front feeling like none of your ideas are good enough. I've felt like this a lot more than what I've communicated during DB craft submissions and this year even cut back to what I consider a more manageable small craft because of how last year's doubts left me feeling very drained both while trying to complete and afterward. I was sure everyone was going to hate last year's submission before I had it 95% complete and nearly gave up on it more than once.
Have you seen Alex stream on Voxlunch while he does his comic artwork? He's streaming more regularly now and usually speaks about his own depression and art related anxieties. It helps a lot to know how many other artists feel similarly and how they manage to push through despite these feelings. Also a lot of discussion on what has worked for people in the chat. Great stream to catch if you've got the time. :)

BlastFemur, thanks for the well wishes!

Dutch guy, youch, that sucks. Is it possible you can go up in plane without needing to be the one doing the piloting and still enjoy it? I hope that recovery is as smooth as it can be so the loss of time doing what you love is minimized.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 03 Oct 2017, 14:55

Catalunya.
BlastFemur
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby BlastFemur » 10 Oct 2017, 17:34

Hey forum. This kinda question is honestly kinda light for this thread, but I don't know where else it would go. I've taken the really broad steps to get help, and those are really helping, but what do you all do day-to-day when you feel super shitty? I've definitely had days when I feel myself slipping into self destructive habits that I was doing on the regular before I got help (missing classes, procrastinating and staying in bed all day, etc.). It just feels like I'm moving backwards sometimes and it's really disheartening. Thoughts?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Avistew » 10 Oct 2017, 21:11

Medication and exercise (even just taking a walk around the block) have both helped me. Music is good as well, and watching shows, especially comedy. But you need to find something that works for you of course.
I didn't get completely better about the kind of things you mentioned until my medication started working though. So another thing that could help is be kind and forgiving to yourself.
Check out my webcomic, The Meddlers! (Currently not updating)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 27 Jan 2018, 12:33

Even though barely anybody comes here any more, I just want to say I'm very very proud of our community that a thread like this can not only exist but has (so far) lasted to 118 pages and 2933 posts. I'm not in the best of places mentally right now, but just reading back in this thread makes me feel at least marginally better, and that is something.

Thank you all.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 28 Jan 2018, 10:45

This thread, and the wider forum as a whole, have been a great support system when I've needed it. <3

Sorry to hear you're not feeling great, Dutch guy. Anything you want to talk about?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 28 Jan 2018, 11:46

Thanks for the offer Jamfalcon, but there isn't really much to say I haven't said here before. I have managed to make the step to talking to my GP and getting a referral to a psychologist some weeks back after much delaying and "nah I'm good, I don't need to". I have my first real appointment this coming week. We'll see how that goes.

I've just come to the point where I need to deal with all the shit I have been dragging with me since childhood (turns out there's actually a recognized term for children of parents with mental problems, descriptions of the 4 usual coping mechanisms in children fit me and my brother to a T). And I've come to the realisation I'm not going to be able to deal with it on my own.

Things have just been building up lately and I find myself in one of those "death by a thousand paper-cuts" again. Each thing individually I can cope with, but it's all just built to a point where I just want to curl into a ball and sleep all day. Which isn't really the healthiest way of dealing with stuff...
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Avistew » 28 Jan 2018, 13:29

I hope your appointment goes well. I know there isn't much I can do but I'll send supportive thoughts your way just in case it helps.
Check out my webcomic, The Meddlers! (Currently not updating)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 29 Jan 2018, 10:22

Yeah, good on you for taking that step, I hope it helps you in one form or another! :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 30 May 2018, 16:52

Dutch Guy, I'm glad you're set for an appointment and hope that the first person there is a good match for both your personality and keeping up in their field in all the areas that are applicable to you. :)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 30 May 2018, 17:07

BlastFemur, it's good you are getting the broader help already! :) There is a website which has a lot of helpful things to do daily and is mostly very supportive (there's also random trolls cause anonymity is a part of how they function). 7cups.com Seven Cups of Tea has a "path" tracker which can be interacted with and taking steps each day to keep your "cup filled" and that helps some people with staying on track with the better behaviors and thoughts. There's guides with a lot of good insight that some therapists may skip over points or haven't elaborated on things in a way which resonates as well. There's also "buddies" and "sponsor" sort of connections you can sign up for that can give you a periodical check in which creates that accountable feel if that is something you feel in need of. Also a lot of other stuff.
(If connecting to a volunteer "listener" be sure to check individual listener reviews before connecting with anyone specific.)
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Chad Capote » 12 Mar 2020, 01:43

Reading this thread really helped. Sometime, I just wallow in my past and lack of a future. I recall this book from my undergrad days (ya been there too. sigh) called Discovering Psychology. I read things which were exciting and fun. Today all those things make me burrow deeper. Just when I think I cannot burrow deeper, I discover I can. But then climbing out is that much harder.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 14 Mar 2020, 15:50

Thanks for sharing Chad Capote. It might not look like it, but I do sometimes still visit this forum.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 28 Mar 2020, 06:28

Same, same. I just am personally more of a reactive person than an active person, so due to the lack of new content here, there's not much for me to react to.
That's kind of depressing in and of itself, and I wish the forums were returned to their former glory. But now, everyone's on Discord and asynchronous communication where you can read at your own pace is apparently dead. I hate it.
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James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 28 Mar 2020, 11:11

Also still here quietly! And yeah, I've never been into Discord or Twitch chats, I'm such a completionist that I feel like I need to read everything to stay up to date before jumping in. Even at peak activity, it was easy enough to catch up on all the conversations in threads I followed here, but on chats that's just impossible. Plus, yeah, I like being able to take my time and respond when/how I want.

But hey, glad to see there's still some of us hanging around!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 10 Jun 2020, 16:19

My brain: The world is going to crap! We have no one who supports us!
Me: I know, buddy. I know.
My brain: If everyone else is against you, that means you're the problem. You should kill yourself.
Me: No, and here's why. [list of reasons]
My brain: Those are some good reasons.
Me: Yeah, so quit it with the suicide stuff.
My brain: OK, OK. New plan. If I can't live in the world, then it's the world that's the problem. We should get rid of the people making life bad. As a bonus, we can take their stuff.
Me: No!
My brain: Well, we've got to do SOMETHING, because THIS *gestures broadly* isn't working! Something needs to be eliminated!
Me: Why are suicide and homicide your only two options usually?
My brain: You expect a broken brain to be good at self-realization?
Me: Point taken...
My brain: OK, then, which of the two options I've given are we doing?
Me: No, no, no! Shut up! We're not doing either! Will you shut up for a while if I throw some Star Trek at you?
My brain: ... maybe...
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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