The depressing depression thread

[LokiTheLiar]

I think someone brought this idea up some time ago, but I don't think anyone actually did anything about it then, so I'm gonna suggest it again: penpals? And I mean oldschool, pen and paper. Most of us here know how hard it is to be alone, but we live to far away from each other to actually meet. I hope it's not just me, but while it's easy to just contact via email or this forum, in my opinion handwritten messages somehow feel special. Having this piece of paper with words scribbled on it, ready for you to read, reminding you that there is another human being somewhere in the world with with your letter seems calming. And I don't mean writing about our problems, since all of us know them well. I mean writing about the small insignificant things in everyday life that bring us happiness. Writing about thing we did, thing we are doing and thing that we plan to do. Sharing thoughts about the world, art and culture as well as silly things on the internet, hobbies. If anyone here somehow managed to get through my blabbering and want to start exchanging letters - let me know. I'd love to be your penpal.

[viscomica]

My grandma is in the hospital, she has pneumonia and a pulmonary edema and is 93 years old. A few days earlier she seemed fine. I worry but at the same time....
Rough day today.
Tomorrow it'll be better. It has to.
Stay positive, panda.

[Jamfalcon]

*Hugs*

Really sorry to hear that. Sending my best wishes!

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

It saddens me that I feel like I don't have anyone to really talk to about how I am feeling.

I'm thinking about my future, and I would like to discuss it with someone. I have parents and a sister who I could talk to them about it, but I know how it's going to go down.

Dad probably won't actually be useful. He's useful for stuff now, but I don't know how useful he is for talking about future things.

My sister will be all negative and say something against what I am thinking about. She will not understand what I am saying to her. I will be unable to explain it to her. She will talk about it to other people and a month later she will tell me she spoke to other people about it and she'll have a different opinion.

My mum will ground me with realism. Say how I need to do something for money, to support myself. She will also stress over the idea that I will refuse to do the thing I am training in.

The one friend who I know I could talk to about this won't be able to reply to me in quick time. I also don't want to burden him.
--
Reflecting on whether I could live in Spain as a plumber/stay in Spain for a long time as an artist. I don't want pessimism or negativity to bitchslap that fantasy into oblivion. It's just a fantasy. It's not a plan. I live my life in a state of pessimism and I try to be optimistic. I don't want my dream of optimism to be so easily defiled. I also know I cannot work this out alone, since there's tonnes of factors to consider that overwhelms my mind.

I don't even know if these are things I will actually want to do.

I don't have a plan. I don't want my whimsical dream to be murdered because I lack the ability to know how to plan it in concrete.

[Arclight_Dynamo]

You say you have no one to talk to. I'm not sure that's true (depression can lie, especially about your perceptions of other people), but fine - I can't know your situation or family better than you. You say you can't talk to your family, you can't talk to them.

So... can you find someone else to talk to? It looks like you're in Wales. There are mental health services through the NHS that you can access - even just to talk to someone.

If you really need to just talk, there's the CALL Helpline:

The service provided by CALL falls into two parts. Initially the caller is offered emotional support through listening and allowing them to express their feelings regarding any crisis or situation. We also provide an information service whereby from the database we can provide contacts for agencies, both statutory and voluntary, local to the caller. Free literature is also provided on a range of symptoms, mental health problems and the services provided by particular agencies.

You can reach them by calling 0800 132 737.

I mean... if nothing else, it's someone to talk to who won't judge, or minimize, or anything of the sort. And maybe they can point you in the direction of further services to help you.

It's worth a shot right?

I hope things get better for you; no one deserves to feel that they're alone.

[AdmiralMemo]

How do I rekindle passion? I've lost my drive, my will to do things. I mean, I still have desires, certainly, but they're buried under a sense of ennui, of lassitude. I want to do things, but I'm no longer really compelled to do anything.

Some people have told me that I need to change my outlook, my way of looking at things. How do I do that?

I've recently realized that I haven't really "looked forward" to anything in about 8 years.

Edit: Take that back. I've looked forward to Desert Bus several times, as well as the reboot Star Trek movies, Shore Leave, and LRRcon. However, those are few and far between. 11 things I've looked forward to in 8 years. Seems sparse. I used to look forward to things on a more regular frequency.

[viscomica]

*Hugs*

Really sorry to hear that. Sending my best wishes!

Thanks Jam!
She's doing better
Hope you have a great NYE

[My pseudonym is Ix]

How do I rekindle passion? I've lost my drive, my will to do things. I mean, I still have desires, certainly, but they're buried under a sense of ennui, of lassitude. I want to do things, but I'm no longer really compelled to do anything.

Some people have told me that I need to change my outlook, my way of looking at things. How do I do that?

I've recently realized that I haven't really "looked forward" to anything in about 8 years.

Edit: Take that back. I've looked forward to Desert Bus several times, as well as the reboot Star Trek movies, Shore Leave, and LRRcon. However, those are few and far between. 11 things I've looked forward to in 8 years. Seems sparse. I used to look forward to things on a more regular frequency.

By MAKING yourself do things. Don't really matter what, just get out and do. Experience. Find. Stimulate your mind with new things (and they really should be new) and you will become more interested in doing stuff. The worst thing you can do is give into your urge to do nothing.

[AdmiralMemo]

OK, so I just force myself to trudge along? That answers my first question, at least. I'll keep trying to do that, as I have been.

What about the second? How do I change how I see things?

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Actually, your response to the first kinda answers your second. You mustn't just 'trudge along' with what feels comfortable, although that is an important first step to make sure you're at least doing something. The important thing is to keep doing new things, experiencing new things. Talking to new people, going to new places, trying new activities; whatever it is, if it is outside your sphere of experience it can only help to expand your mind and viewpoints. I won't pretend it's a quick process, or even that it's the best way of doing things, but it's what I got and it's worked pretty well for me in the past.

[Elomin Sha]

My speaking voice for videos is kind of sucky and monotonus. Must work on it.

[Elomin Sha]

And, I just had a little bit of an emotional breakdown in front of my grand parents.

Edit: I'm okay now.

[Rikadyn]

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Guys, is anyone online? I really, really need someone to talk to right now

[Deedles]

I'm on, feel free to PM me or add me on Skype (Username: Nintarie).

[AdmiralMemo]

Ix: You can always Skype me. Might help me pay back some of the help you gave me.

[Deedles]

I'm beginning to wonder if I know how to trust people.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

'sup Deedles?

[SmknMirrs]

I've tried to start drawing again in an effort to do something positive and be productive on some level for a change. I'm far from a good or even decent artist, so I'm back in the position of fighting the discouragement that I feel from seeing my own sub-par artwork. It's even more of a struggle when every day is dotted with mild panic attacks that strike at the most random intervals. It almost always feels like I'm perpetually on the verge of tears. I just can't escape all the negative thoughts and memories that I've been struggling with for more than two years now; I can't even sleep without having nightmares of all the mistakes I've made, of all the good things I've ruined or opportunities I've squandered. It feels like I'm perpetually on the verge of tears, and there's this persistent hollowness in my chest that won't go away. Yesterday, I was in the bathroom washing up when I just started to break down.

I don't know, I guess part of it is that I don't know what to expect from myself or anyone else. I don't know what I'm looking for or what I want to happen. I'm lonely but afraid of any sort of company, I have ambition but barely any drive. I'm just tired of it all; I'm sick of being weird and clueless and useless and awkward all the time. I know I should think positive thoughts, and I do make an effort, but they almost immediately get wiped away. So I just end up here, at 8 in the morning, typing this pointless garbage, hoping this will make me feel better or something. I wish these meds could get me to stop caring so much about everything; I wish they would do anything for that matter, because I certainly don't feel like they're helping. My psych increased my dosage recently, so here's hoping.

[JustAName]

So you may remember the quests I was assigning in here previously... I've made it into an actual system! http://loadingreadyrun.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=23286 Take a look!

[Jamfalcon]

Good idea!


Unrelated, bah, I hate feeling overloaded. Today was rough, but I think I have it under control. There just always seems to be so much to be done, and the list only gets bigger.

[Danielle Pepin]

Lord Hosk, it is possible you may be having epileptic episodes similar to what my uncle experiences. I recommend you see a doctor to determine if this is the case as soon as possible. If that is the case they can help you get treated for it and help you recognize how to recognize symptoms of an onset episode...possible it may be some other issue too. I hope you have insurance but even if you don't I still think you need to see a doctor as soon as possible. I also recommend avoiding driving or operating machinery until you do confirm that it's still safe to do so. My uncle had a car accident and that's how he found out he was epileptic. Luckily for him the crash didn't cause him much damage.

[King Kool]

I saw my friend from college. I said to her, I'm glad I saw you again, because I want to tell you something.

She said, "No, I know already," clearly thinking I was going to tell her something else. I was thrown off by this, I was like, no, no, wait

And I woke up.

There's always something that should clue me in that I'm dreaming that seems utterly obvious upon waking. But one time, I remember seeing someone else from college, and we walked past each other in the halls, and I waved goodbye as she entered some door. I remember thinking if I could go back, I would have done something different... in the dream.

This time I think I knew. And I wanted to tell her, but I didn't get the chance. That will be the last time I see her.

It hurts.

And even if I dream about her again, that will be the last time I see her and I get to go through it again.

[Danielle Pepin]

King Kool, one day I'm sure you will have a lucid enough dream to know that you are in the dream and not automatically wake up before you can do the thing. I don't often have them but when it finally happens it's fun. Also if she the sort of girl to not have interest in what you have to say maybe she isn't all that she seemed to be.

[Danielle Pepin]

I know this is silly and corny kids stuff but for those that can still derive some enjoyment out of nostalgic and upbeat music. I know from being there some that are too deep in despair music won't help that much or can create irony in the brain but this just put a smile on my face cause I used to have that first full album on a cassette:
http://www.rainbowbrite.net/multimedia.html