The depressing depression thread

[Deedles]

I'm fucking up again. I don't want to, but I am. Just got to keep it together...

[theknightofiron]

oh no Deedles
i'm sorry man. is there anything we can do to help?
either way my best wishes are with you. i hope that you feel better.

[Jamfalcon]

Hey Deedles, do you want you know a secret?

You're awesome and people think you're awesome! *Hug*

[Danielle Pepin]

I don't know if I suggested this before but for those that can't have a pet but like animals enough can ease a bit of social anxiety by visiting with animals at animal shelters instead of trying to do it with people all the time. This helps to feel less alone though I know shelters aren't the most joyful of places (some better than others). I used to do that and hope to do so again soon.

[fantôme]

If your local shelter isn't all that joyful, a farm can do the trick too. I've seen just a few seconds with some baby ducks do some remarkable things.

With regards to loving without reciprocation, I've never thought of this as a flaw or a hurdle or in any way depressing or condusive to loneliness, quite the contrary.

[Danielle Pepin]

<3 Ducklings! I should find a farm with some.

[Deedles]

oh no Deedles
i'm sorry man. is there anything we can do to help?
either way my best wishes are with you. i hope that you feel better.

Hey Deedles, do you want you know a secret?

You're awesome and people think you're awesome! *Hug*

This is my first semester at Uni and I really want to be on this course, but between my depression, anxiety and atopic dermatitis(i.e. eczema) I'm just losing all control of my studies and falling behind severely. It makes me so frustrated because I really want to do this, but my body and mind fight me every goddamn step of the way. I'm tired of not feeling comfortable in my own mind or my own skin.

[JustAName]

What's your course?

[Deedles]

A 4-5 year long education to become a College/Sixth Form level English Teacher.

[JustAName]

Neat! What classes do you have right now?

[Deedles]

Neat! What classes do you have right now?

Didactic, Grammar, Written Proficiency, Spoken Proficiency, Vocabulary, Literature and I need to study for a Phonetics test that I missed due to my eczema.

[JustAName]

How have all of those been going?

[Deedles]

I'm on target with Written Proficiency and Spoken Proficiency, also doing fine in Literature thus far. I'm nervous about Vocabulary, because while I have a well-sized vocab I'm not very good at remembering the Swedish equivalent of the English word. I am terrified of the Phonetics test that is coming this Monday because I'm bad at translating orthographic spelling into phonetics, and lets not even begin with Grammar and Didactics. Good Lord...

[JustAName]

Hm, that sounds daunting, but not insurmountable. What's your timeline of deadlines and quizzes for the rest of the semester?

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

Waiting on hearing if mum has cancer again.....

Personally I am feeling better than I have been about it. Sadly, mum and I are not a hive mind, so her mental state is independent from me.

Results of test 1 are good. The test my mum was most anxious about. Yay.

[Darkobra]

Neat! What classes do you have right now?

Didactic, Grammar, Written Proficiency, Spoken Proficiency, Vocabulary, Literature and I need to study for a Phonetics test that I missed due to my eczema.

Want to continue our book? See if that helps?

[AdmiralMemo]

I feel like I should just give up because I have no support network and it feels like I have no value to anyone. I'm just wasting away.

[DaMage]

Well, how long since I posted in this thread? March? Oh.

So back in January I came down with migraine like symptoms with heavy vertigo, and in March I was getting frustrated with how long it was taking to get better. It's now the end of the year and my condition has hardly changed. I've had ups and downs in quality of life (in May I started being able to do ordinary things again, but June and July I could hardly stand), but on average I haven't improved. Hell, I've seen 2 specialists now and despite all the tests nothing has been found to cause this.

Before this happened I had my next few years planned out, graduate top of class at university and start a phd on a scholarship and move out of my parent's place. But my life is basically on hold now, my degree, including a 30 thousand word thesis is just sitting there as I am unable to be well enough to attend university. I slowly losing touch with friends as they move on in their lives and I am unable to ever meet up with them.

Every day is the same for me, wake up, sit at a computer until I am too dizzy to see anymore, rest for a bit and repeat. The worst of it is that medication doesn't help much, so once I get a headache there really is no way to get rid of it, I just have to suffer until it goes away.

I don't feel I am anywhere near depression despite all this, more just frustration at how little control I have over my life right now. I am just thankful that my parents have provided support through all of this, as I would not be able to do the simplest things like preparing meals, cleaning and shopping.

[Ptangmatik]

I was playing a game (seven days to die) with a few friends, two of whom had decided to go into another channel in mumble so that they could hunt me instead of cooperating, which was fine, but when one killed me the other called me a fuckwit in ingame chat.

I quit out and I don't know if I've upset them somehow (I'm utterly rubbish at telling when I have, I worry about it a lot in telling but I can't remember doing or saying anything to offend them), but I'm off steam, off mumble and deep into paranoid introspection.

[Deedles]

Hm, that sounds daunting, but not insurmountable. What's your timeline of deadlines and quizzes for the rest of the semester?

Phonetics test on monday, hand-in of the 3rd draft for Written proficiency on Thursday(though I may get extra time on that because of my various issues.), Vocabulary test the week after that, and the rest I've forgotten. Everything is all over the place right now.

[JustAName]

What do you feel you need help with, and what help can you get from your school, your classmates, and/or your friends and family?

[Deedles]

Right now it's mostly that my eczema has been acting up, which fucks with me in several ways, so what I need is essentially the time to go see my dermatologist about it before I can really pick things up again.

[JustAName]

Can you do any studying in the meantime?

[Danielle Pepin]

Since Desert Bus the DB main chat irc has been down. In case anyone didn't know already this is the temporary server until it's back up again: irc.chatspike.net #desertbusbunker Still a supportive place much of the time.

[Deedles]

Can you do any studying in the meantime?

A bit. Can do editing on my paper, and try to read the book for literature. But anything that takes much focus isn't really possible.