The depressing depression thread

[LokiTheLiar]

It's good that you decided to share Phi. It's even better that you are already seeing a therapist. You are strong, you can go on with your life. No matter how shitty life life seems, you can deal with it. If you feel that your therapy isn't working, maybe talk to your therapist about changing it?
Hand in there buddy.

[Lord Hosk]

Phi all I can say is that we are here, we are in the desert bus survivors chat, we are in the twitch chat, and we are on the minecraft Lrrcraft server.

The runners are all around you no matter if you come here often or not, you are not alone.

[Phi]

Thank you, the three of you.

[AdmiralMemo]

That moment when you feel outnumbered by people with antithetical opinions in a community you love... Especially when you can't find anyone who agrees with you...

[Tinasaur]

I had a diagnosis of unspecified personality disorder for quite some time. When I got it I had a gut feeling that there was more to my problems than that, but the healthcare professionals chalked it up to fear and anxiety of "getting back to the real world" after many years of depression. So I went out and faced my fears and forced myself through the hard times. I hoped my struggles would get me a semblance of normal life in the end, but somewhere halfway through my energy ran out and I just started slipping back until I broke down.

I went back to see a doctor and asked for further evaluation. I was told that I already had a diagnosis so there was no need for it, and I was offered some more antidepressant of the same kind that hadn't worked anytime before. I fought that attitude from the healthcare system for one and a half year and I just barely made it out alive. Last month I got a diagnosis of bipolar disorder of unspecified type.


I've gotten validation of my problems and maybe I will even get real help, but .. this scares the living crap out of me.

[Deedles]

Okay, I'm ready to go apeshit on the Swedish health care now.

*hugs* Just stay strong, Tina. I know it's easier said than done, but I know you can get through this. You've come this far.

If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to add me on Skype (Nintarie) or PM me here.

[Tinasaur]

*hugs* Thank you Deedles, it's good to have someone to talk to

Yeah, there's been a lot of problems in the region where I live. The waiting list to get therapy is ridiculous and at the psychiatry department they have to rent doctors just to have some on staff.

[Danielle Pepin]

Tinasaur, I hope your doctors are also recommending to make sure you're getting enough vitamins such as D and B complex as well as enough exercise daily. The energy will run out faster if you don't have those in place even while on an anti-depressant. You probably already know this but the doctors go for the drugs first often skipping over reminding people of the basics.

Some doctors seem to only mention food/vitamins when someone's gone over/under weight or they get an illness directly related to food like diabetes....and then some prescribe things without providing all the info you'd need to know before taking it like side effects and what alternative meds are that might be less hard on someone with say a heart condition (I've been hearing that from others at least).

*offers hugs* Also I love your avatar kitty.

[Deedles]

This isn't really a depressing post for me, but seeing as this is the mental health thread rather than just the depressing thread I feel best to post here.

I went to see a psychiatrist today, I thought it was going to be like last time where I get cross-examined on how I feel, my behaviour, etc. But this psychiatrist had really read through my files, and the stuff that the social worker I'm seeing right now had written about me, so she told me pretty much straight away that she wanted me to start on mild anti-depressants(which I have now since I picked them up after the appointment), and she's pretty damn certain I have aspergers syndrome, so I'm gonna get investigated for that.

It's been an eventful morning.

[Danielle Pepin]

Deedles, I know someone else with aspergers syndrome. He hates changes of plans and when people don't say exactly what they mean all the time. I hope awareness helps in your case too.

[Deedles]

Yeah, those were a couple of things that she asked me about(and yes, I get down right angry when plans change, and get unreasonably annoyed and hung up on it when people are unclear). For every question she asked she seemed to become more and more certain that her initial assessment of me was correct.

[Arclight_Dynamo]

Hey, Deedles, I'm not sure if this is your first time on meds, but in case it is, I wanted to say something about that.

I have GAD, dysthymia, and atypical major depressive disorder. I started an antidepressant for the first time six weeks ago. In a fairly high dose, in fact.

I was scared shitless.

I'd heard the horror stories. That the meds don't work. That the side effects are awful. That the pills turn you into a "zombie."

None of that has been true for me. Going on this SSRI has been the absolute best thing that has happened to me in a long time.

I had some side effects, yes. They mostly cleared up in two weeks.
The side effects I still have are inconsequential.
I do not feel like a zombie.
My anxiety started to get better less than a week after going on the meds.
My depression started getting better last week.
The pills work; I feel more like myself than I ever have.

The horror stories are wrong, at least for me. I can't say how things will work for you... but, man, from what you read online? All you hear is bad, bad stuff. You never hear something positive to counter the negative. That's not helpful. Especially if you're worried about going on the meds you've been handed.

I wanted to try to counter the negative a bit. If you're worried at all (and, hey, maybe you're not), I wanted to let you know that I was, too. That worry is real, and it's valid. But, you know what? It worked out so well for me in the end. I didn't need to be worried.

Maybe, just maybe, you don't need to be, either. And you're not alone.

[Deedles]

Thank you very much for the concern, it made me smile to read that, while I'm sad that you felt that anxiety towards taking meds. I'm actually feeling calm about the meds, mostly, I'm a bit nervous of course.

I'm also only on mild anti-depressants, in a small dose as well. The psychiatrist felt it best to start like this and then increase if it's not having any effect.

[Tinasaur]

*offers hugs* Also I love your avatar kitty.

*hugs* Thank you!
Yeah, too many doctors just throw more meds at your problems. Thanks for the reminder about the vitamins, I've been reading up on this lately and I've seen a few studies that suggest omega3 deficiency might be connected. Doesn't hurt to try so I'll see how that goes.

It worked out so well for me in the end. I didn't need to be worried.

I've heard and experienced a lot of those horror stories as you say. I'm glad to hear you're getting the good effect the meds are ment for!

and she's pretty damn certain I have aspergers syndrome, so I'm gonna get investigated for that

I am so relieved to hear this! I wouldn't wish my struggles on anyone and this makes me think there's still hope to get the healthcare you need. I wish you all the best in this

[Deedles]

Yeah, if the meds aren't right for you then it can become like one of the horror stories you hear, but the important thing to remember is that those effects are temporary, and since they're not the intended effect of the meds the doctor(should, if they're worth their licence) will cancel the treatment and try something else.

I'm also happy to hear that things are moving along now. Last time I saw a psychiatrist was 3 years ago. The woman I saw yesterday was actually a bit miffed about that, saying that the guy I'd seen then had suspicions that I had aspegers syndrome and I really should of been set up to see another psychiatrist sooner afterwards.

[DGatsby]

Hey everybody,

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post as I'm not actually suffering from depression, but I feel worse than I ever have, and I just need to say something about it.

Basically I'm in an MA program (in history), and there's something like a 80% chance I won't be graduating after three years (three years, I know) at which point I'll probably quit. I just can't invest any more time or money in this; I need to start doing something that will directly benefit my future rather than maybe paying off in the long run.

It's partly my fault and my own incompetence, but the program I'm in is also incredibly awful in terms of organization, and management. There's really no mentorship, and overall the department just makes no serious investment in its grad students.

Even though I wasn't planning on continuing in academia failing like this just rips my center out. I've loved history my entire life, and not accomplishing this makes me feel worthless. After three years the thing that my life has centered around is going to be over and the only thing it will show people is that I failed. That's what people are going to think; he wasted his time on a degree that isn't even that "useful", and he couldn't even hack that - what a worthless ****!

I've read through this thread off and on and I know that compared to a lot of what's talked about here, this problem really is quite trivial. Intellectually I know that, but emotionally it feels like I just can't face the world.

Thanks for listening. I've actually been a LRR fan since something like 2010, but I've never been involved on the forums before.

[Dutch guy]

@DGatsby,
*hugs*
I know that feeling. You say its not depression, but it might be. In any case you don't feel right so welcome to this thread! You have just as much right to post here as any who vame before. Comparing your own struggles with those of another person is not going to accomplish anything. You are dealing with ssomething that is hard for YOU. That is what matters. Saying "someone is dealing with harder stuff than me" is counterproductive and besides the point.

[Dutch guy]

@DGatsby,
*hugs*
I know that feeling. You say its not depression, but it might be. In any case you don't feel right so welcome to this thread! You have just as much right to post here as any who came before. Comparing your own struggles with those of another person is not going to accomplish anything. You are dealing with something that is hard for YOU. That is what matters. Saying "someone is dealing with harder stuff than me" is counterproductive and besides the point.

[Phi]

DGatsby, feeling bad feels bad no matter what you compare it to. Everyone have their reasons. We are here for you.

[Tinasaur]

Welcome to the forums DGatsby
Even if you think your problems are small compared to others, it only matters how big they are to you and how far down they will take you if you don't get help dealing with them. You're doing the right thing posting here because talking about it is a first step of reaching out. Take care of yourself

[DGatsby]

Thanks for the support! It really does mean a lot, and it has made me feel a little bit happier this morning. Does anyone have any recommendations for how to deal with times like this? Bad work habits are what has got me in trouble in grad school, and I really don't want to develop any with this.

[JustAName]

HabitRPG is marvelous for getting you to actually do things. I can't recommend it enough. Also Trello is good just for organizational purposes.

[Bebop Man]

I feel like crap! Sick since Sunday coughing up phlegm and burning with fever.

[viscomica]

I feel like crap! Sick since Sunday coughing up phlegm and burning with fever.

Get well soon!
If you have a fever maybe you need antibiotics

[DGatsby]

@Fayili - Thanks! I'll take a look at those.

@Bebop Man - Oh no! Get lots of rest? (I'm not a doctor)