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Guh, yeah. The worst part is how vague the whole thing is. Like... trying to compare moods between meds is so subjective. I never really know if I'm actually feeling worse, or if I'm just making that up. I can't trust my own brain to look at itself and compare things in any objective way. I'm not sure that sort of objectivity is possible even for someone without mental issues.

Depression is one long horrifying carousel of self-gaslighting. Ugh.

<3

Thanks. And right back at you.

Right. I am officially requesting internet hugs at this point in time.

*Hugs*

I haven't been through what you're dealing with myself, but someone close to me has dealt with what sounds like a similar situation. I know this might sound like obvious advice, but what I told them at that time was just... give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to get your mind off of your anxieties, be they about the medication specifically, something else, or just more general.

If your schedule allows it, binge watch a show that you've been meaning to see for longer than you might normally let yourself, pick up a game you've been meaning to play, or something like that. Media that you can totally occupy your mind will help pass a day or two if you need it while your medication isn't yet doing it's job. Obviously you don't want to use that as an excuse for weeks on end, but if you can think of anything that sounds like an appealing distraction, especially something you know you'll enjoy that you've been putting off, this is the perfect time for it.

*Hugs Back*

Thank you.

That's really good advice; it's what I do when I'm anxious, actually. Finding ways to fill up brain space so there's no room for thought or anxiety is very helpful. I find going for a drive while listening to music, or playing Minecraft while listening to a podcast fills up the 'ol thinking meat pretty nicely.

But that's for anxiety. For depression, it doesn't really work for me. It's a different problem. To wit: I just spent the last three hours laying on my bed, drifting in and out of sleep, unable to move my arms. I haven't been like that for a while - my old meds seemed to take care of it. My new meds don't seem to be able to.

I just need to wait it out, until I can get them adjusted.

*hugs*

I'm a little bit frustrated. Now that I have coverage I'm trying to get an appointment but their email system (which worked for an eye appointment) keeps telling me to call. I've been trying for a few days but it gives me a lot of anxiety, and whenever I try to contact them by email to try and fix that, they keep sending me automated messages saying I need to call them.

At some point last week I managed to contact someone, only for them to tell me they couldn't make an appointment because of the doctor I chose (nothing on the website where you choose your doctor stated that, or I would have picked accordingly) and that I need to call a different number instead.

It's all stressful and frustrated. I'm trying to get help and they're making it very difficult. And when I tried to make an appointment with a mental practitioner directly instead, they said I can't unless my regular doctor first prescribes it, so I'm right back to square 1.

*Hugs Back*

Oh, god, dealing with the mental health system. Trying to get help can be like yelling at a brick wall. I've been there. I gave up trying for a while.

My advice? Do not do that. Do not do what I did. Do not give up trying.

Had I kept at it, I would have gotten the help I needed a lot sooner. I would have avoided years of misery. I don't blame myself for that; I blame a system that is not designed to be easy to access or use. I was pushed away, and it ended up hurting me.

You shouldn't blame yourself for finding it difficult, either. It is difficult. It is crappy. It is scary.

But don't let that push you away; don't give up. Once you manage to get into the system, to actually get help... things get so much better. And you can do it. As hard as it is, you can.

Doesn't mean you can't get help getting help, though... if you get anxious on the phone, do you have anyone you trust who can call on your behalf? Can you speak to an MD for a referral to a mental health practitioner?

Exactly. Find someone who can help walk you through it, be that helping you with research, putting the phone on speaker so you can both chime in, or just being there to hold your hand. I'm sorry I can be there in person to help everyone out, but if you need internet support, I'm definitely here.

Thanks I used to go to a psychiatrist and I was on antidepressants so I know how useful it can be. I just need to start over because it's in a completely different country and medical system now. But I don't plan on giving up, every time I feel like it I remind myself I really need to do it.

I really appreciate the support. My husband is also very supportive, which makes me luckier than a lot of people. His work schedule is about the same as the phone schedule but I'll see if they're also open on the weekend (maybe on Saturday). I don't really want him to miss work for me. I know he would do it but I would like him to keep some sick days for himself. If I can't seem to find another way though, I'll ask.

Since I changed states there aren't many people I know in the area, but I do get a lot of internet support, which is good. Another good thing is that I got a prescription for new glasses and I'll pick them up on Friday. I felt slightly old when they turned out to be bifocals since I always associated those with older people, but then my husband told me he's had bifocals for years so I guess you may need them at any age.

Again, thanks everyone I feel better just talking here, which I guess is the point of the thread

So community housing fell through. They can put me in touch with a youth worker who can get me into youth refuge (Go stay with a bunch of other people between 15-25 and a couple of social workers.) temporarily while they put me ont he public housing wait list which is apparently over a year long for a chance at my own place, and since refuge is only temporary they'll look at putting me into shared housing, so go sign a lease for X time with people you've never met before, hope you get along!

I've still got a meeting with a social worker on the 14th, who might have some other options. But, I'm gonna wait till my anxiety goes the hell away then send a couple of friends a message, see if their offer to stay with them for awhile is still open, if so the time period, rent, ground rules etc. Hopefully that might work out long enough for me to get my stomach under control at which point I can work, and as soon as I can work I have an instant job at a bunch of places. Hell, both of them could get me a job at their works, I'd just needa be able to work the job.

So, depressed as all hell that housing officer fell through, I mean, I literally have 3 weeks maximum to be out of here, as far as they know nowhere else to go at all, and the best they can do is basically tell me to go look on Craigslist and Gumtree for people looking for a room-mate? And in the mean time here's a very temporary place that's completely unconducive to a depressed, anxiety riddled introvert with severe privacy issues. Now I need to swallow my pride and my anxiety and ask friends for help, and worst part is, they are great friends but not ones I keep in close contact with. Penny's offered recently, Spud offered back as I moved back here, but it still feels wrong to turn around and ask them for help.

In slightly less depressing news, I probably wont get to play the Origins pre-release tomorrow at midnight, I'm gonna send Terry a message and see if I can pay him for it next friday, no expectations and not gonna be angry or anything if not. But, he knows I'm good for it, so maybe.

Sorry to hear about your housing situation the_lone_bard *hugs*
As hard as it may be to accept help from your friends, it may be a good backup plan if you don't find anything else that suits your needs. I hope everything turns out ok for you.
I won't get to play at the prerelease too, because I'm going to a two weeks long convention. I hope I can deal with lots of people being around me. Wish me luck guys

*hugs both Lone_Bard and Arclight_Dynamo*

Hugs to everyone.. It is difficult, but we are here for you.

Thanks Danielle and Phi.

I seem to be on my way out of my med troubles, in any case. Maybe it was just due to adjusting to a new medication rather than the medication being less effective. Here's hoping, anyway.

On my way to work I saw a stray kitten that looked just like my cat (I know it's not my cat because I always keep sure she stays safe at home, with food and water) it made me feel really sad. I was in a hurry to get to work (being late and all) but I feel like I should have done something. I feel crappy and sad.

It feels bad, but you've got to remember that you can't solve all the world's problems on your own. It's tough though. *hugs*

AdmiralMemo wrote:It feels bad, but you've got to remember that you can't solve all the world's problems on your own. It's tough though. *hugs*

Thanks! I cried a bit on my way to work (very silently, haha) I don't think there is any place for stray kittens nearby either, which is a shame.

Arclight_Dynamo wrote:Guh, yeah. The worst part is how vague the whole thing is. Like... trying to compare moods between meds is so subjective. I never really know if I'm actually feeling worse, or if I'm just making that up. I can't trust my own brain to look at itself and compare things in any objective way. I'm not sure that sort of objectivity is possible even for someone without mental issues.

Depression is one long horrifying carousel of self-gaslighting. Ugh.

That is the problem one gets with a succession of shit doctors; they basically ask "Did this work?", and then either tell you to keep at it forever or switch you to another med seemingly at random.

I'm at the stage of wanting to punch out my current doctor because he doesn't give a crap. He wants me to tell him what treatment I should get. I can't help but wonder if surgeons do the same thing... "By the way, do you think it would be prudent to perform a peephole surgery or open heart surgery?" What do I know, I'm the *bleep*-ing patient!

Most doctors I've encountered simply don't want to work to help. They want to be able to shovel you out the door and tick off another "Treatment completed". Very few actually make the effort to figure out what is wrong and what to do about it.

No wonder the majority of people who commit suicide have at some point been in touch with psychiatric institutions. Those doctors are either lazy or incompetent as all hell.

PRoblem is two fold. 1: We have a whole bunch of depression meds... That we have no clue about. They work sometimes for who knows what reason, and don't work other times for who knows what reason.

Second, you just need to keep going until you find a decent doctor. It took me years to find a doctor who paidi any attention to my problems. Can't move my leg every 6 weeks? Seems like a pulled muscle, no need to examine it, off you go, take some panadol!
Can't keep any food or water down and are showing all but 1 symptom of Ulcerative Colitis? Seems like chronic malnutrition, no need to run any tests, eat a meal and off you go!

Some of them really are garbage. They have a high paying comfortable job and their only requirement is to pay attention to other peoples whining. But, they can't be bothered doing that so they just tune it out, diagnose you in the first 15 seconds and then try to get rid of you. Others will move heaven and hell to help you. Just gotta keep trying until you find the right one for you and your personality. Took me about 4 years, then I found 2 in the space of a month.

Elcarsh:

Well... that's kind of how psychiatric medicine works. Everyone reacts differently to different medications. It has to be a scattergun approach, since science doesn't yet fully understand how these medications work. So you try a bunch, and see which ones, if any, stick. Then you keep to the one that works best.

It's shitty, it's cruel, and it's disheartening... but it's the best we can do. I've accepted it, even if I may feel the need to gripe about it now and then.

Also, I've really lucked out with psychiatrists. I had a few years of being treated really badly by the mental health system, but the psychiatrist I'm seeing now is fantastic. I guess I'm due for a break after all this time.

How the fuck did i go from reasonably ok to "not sure I care about life anymore" within a week...

Ughhhh, I was hoping my complete and total breakdown yesterday would just be a one day thing. Unfortunatly I seem to be tumbling down the deep and dark hole further than I've been in a LONG time. To the point where I'm currently not getting ANYTHING done, feel like shit, have a constant headache, feel like crying my eyes out for no freaking reason and I'm sitting here wondering what the point of being alive is/was...

I seriously need to start looking at getting myself registered with a local GP and getting a referral to a psychologist because if I go down this hole much further I don't know what I'm going to do. Yet I REALLY don't want to....

If you can set up an appointment with a psychologist, and go to your first session, I will knit you something special and send it to you.

I'm feeling very depressed, having no one to lean on IRL. Also, running out of unemployment income at the end of the month. Still not sure what to do about the massive DB8 debt I'll still have, as well as living expenses like food and mortgage.

Edit: Why do I screw everything up? I can't interact with anyone right. I hate my life and myself and I'm just a chungus at everything.