The depressing depression thread

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 25 May 2016, 09:10

Sorry I don't have time for a more detailed response, but... I know you say these forums aren't really active enough for you to get that feeling, but I'm going to use them as an example, because I feel like I went through very similar feelings. I hopped between a couple different online communities before landing here, and I'd put in an effort and try to be a part of it, but I always felt like an outsider who was just playing catch-up to all the in-jokes and big personalities, and like nobody would ever remember me. So when I found LRR, and started lurking the forums a bit, I figured it'd be the same thing. There were people that had been here for years and years, and they all seemed to know each other.

And I did feel that way for a long time, probably until I'd been here three years or so. And then I looked at what community as a whole, and realized now I was one of those people, and could be seen that way be new members. There were even more active and talkative members who signed up years after me, and I remembered them joining, but I fully considered them a part of the community. Once I realized that, it helped me worry less about being a part of the whole culture, but it never entirely goes away.

As for how I got through those few years and made myself feel like a part of the community? Honestly, I just faked it a lot. I wanted to make people recognize me, so I'd post in a lot of forum games, I'd welcome new people and sympathize or offer suggestions for vents, congratulate wins, and that sort of thing. Online and in the real world, I have a really tough time inserting myself into ongoing conversations, because like you, I don't feel like I have anything to add, like I know any more than the people already speaking. But the thing is, they probably don't all know a topic as well as they sound like they do either. So I started weighing in when I could think of anything to say, and eventually it helped me in the real world a bit too, just to know that I can contribute, even if I'm not the driving force of a conversation.

I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I just want you to know that you're not alone in wanting to feel like you belong, like you're a fixture of the community. I don't really get a chance to watch streams enough to get involved in that community, but that would be my best advice if you want to feel like a fixture there. Fake it, just say things, they don't always need to be earth-shattering new ideas. Sometimes just throwing your voice into the noise that's already there is enough.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby CamelKnackRambleHort » 25 May 2016, 09:46

@RytelCSF My own impressions as a relatively new member of the Lrr community as of about a year ago is that at worst it can be somewhat exclusionary as you describe and a bit hard to find a niche to fit in, but it is better than other communities. Never had anyone try to shoo me out of here. At best the people here are amazingly friendly and generous. Easily my favorite community I have been a part of.

The forums are a bit slow, but there are good people here. And the more people we get coming to the forums the better, so I hope you stick around.

Really I have only ever seen two online communities that are pretty much 100% friendly and inviting, those being the 2P start community that is now gone since the comic stopped (but all discussion there was fairly shallow), and the Trihex chat community, which is 100% accepting by way of shit posting at everyone all the time but all in good fun.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 25 May 2016, 10:29

RytelCSF wrote:But am I any of those? Am I any of those enough? Can I prove it if I'm called on it?

I don't think I am, and I don't think I can.



Do you WANT to be a member of these forums (And I don't even mean as a "fixture" or an active contributor, just someone who hangs around)? Then you have a reason to stay around. These forums HAVE become much quieter in recent times. If you still want to hang around you are welcome to do so. It's as simple as that. And no-one will really care if you contribute nothing more than just "being one of the people who occasionally show up".
I still don't consider myself as that big of a "fixture" around here. And I've been around for 6 years now.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 25 May 2016, 10:31

As for my current state of mind:

Took a new job in the R&D department of the company I already worked for. People seem to have high hopes for me, and while I can contribute out of my experience in my previous job I feel inadequate and like I'll never be able to get a handle on things. I'm seriously doubting I haven't made a huge mistake in taking the job...
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 26 May 2016, 07:09

RytelCSF, I'd say even the lurkers are a part of this community even though it's one sided until they speak. They still get benefit from seeing and hearing all the positive things that are communicated. <3 Welcome!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 26 May 2016, 07:30

Yesterday in DBCommunity chat people were told about a member's cat having been declawed and they gave a reaction in jumping to conclusions about how it got that way. Having volunteered at an animal shelter I've seen cats abandoned after having been declawed, put in the shelter and need new owners. Why wasn't that the first assumption? Even if they had been the one(s) to declaw the cat they may not have been aware how much damage the cat suffers because of it. I'd be disappointed in their ignorance but I wouldn't automatically hate on them verbally for it before knowing if it was intentional harm.

They also didn't take into account that this is someone new to the community and they happen to be someone that gets extremely depressed when they face accusations or get people saying things negative in their direction. They automatically get triggered to think it means everyone wants them to leave when that's not the case at all. I was trying to defend them and explain the mother may have gotten a shelter cat that way or something similar but by then it was too late, feelings already hurt and they left the chat. I know they love their kitty. I hope they eventually realize when stuff like this happens that it was an "action" that was target of disapproval not the "person" and shouldn't be taken personally when they don't have control over what the "action" was in the past.

Please keep this in mind when you hear from owners of cats that have been declawed. Not always the owner's fault. Declawed shelter cats need loving forever homes with owners that aren't persecuted for simply owning a pet that had been injured at some point in their life.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MinniChi » 26 May 2016, 11:12

My husband has started to get depressed since I finished my last job (ended April 29th). It's gotten to the point where he just wants to sleep once the kids are in bed. before he would stay up and talk to me or one of his brothers. I wish I could help him, but I can't get him a job if he isn't trying. And he refuses to talk to anyone besides grouch at me about it. Which isn't helping when I get mad at him.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby hacofo » 26 May 2016, 23:32

@Dutch guy:
I know that feeling, but since you were an inside hire for the department, they already know what you are capable of.
So they know you are the right person for the job. Give it time, and the feeling will go away after some little victories in your new position.

@MinniChi:
Hope you'll get through this.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 27 May 2016, 10:39

Right about now, I feel like garbage human who can't adult and probably shouldn't try. Why can't I get my life together?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby auberginequeen » 28 May 2016, 07:02

My dog died on Thursday. I had him for half of my life. He was so beautiful and clever and perfect. I wasn't done loving him. Now I have all this leftover love fermenting inside me until it turns to sadness and I break down. There's just too much love. I don't know what to do with myself. Everything feels so insignificant but if I don't distract myself I just cry and cry.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 28 May 2016, 07:21

I've made a bit of a breakthrough that brings some clarity, if not comfort. I've been asking myself "Everyone else can make it on their own, so why can't I?" I only now just realized that everyone isn't making it on their own and everyone else has some sort of support network to help them. The fact that I lack one is why I'm struggling and failing so hard. :-(
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 28 May 2016, 11:12

Aubergine, I'm really sorry to hear that. I've lost some nearly-lifelong pets too, and it is really, really tough to get o er, especially if it wasn't something you knew was nearing and could prepare yourself for. I guess the best thing I can say is that it's okay to give yourself time to be sad and cry and just let it all out. I know it might feel endless and like a waste of time, but it isn't. You just need time to process and mourn. You can get through this. *Hugs*
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 28 May 2016, 14:59

auberginequeen wrote:My dog died on Thursday. I had him for half of my life. He was so beautiful and clever and perfect. I wasn't done loving him. Now I have all this leftover love fermenting inside me until it turns to sadness and I break down. There's just too much love. I don't know what to do with myself. Everything feels so insignificant but if I don't distract myself I just cry and cry.


I'm sorry for your loss, auberginequeen. Crying is good to get out of the system and provides needed endorphins even if it doesn't feel like it is. I've heard that the forced exhale of blowing nose after cry can help to feel more in control to stop the tears when need be. *offers cool washcloth for eye comfort*
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Mothra Fighter » 30 May 2016, 08:32

@RytelCSF

While it’s been a couple of days since your post, I hope it's not too late to respond.

It’s fine to not trust a community right away. Or to have different levels of trust and comfort with different members of a community. There’s nothing inherently trashy or (wrongly) selfish about respecting your own boundaries. Or, if you’re not sure what those boundaries are, with trying to understand what they are.

But I do get what you’re saying. You feel like you’ve “missed the boat” on being a part of the LRR community. I only joined the forums in November of last year, long after the fandom has largely moved on to Twitch, Twitter, and others social platforms. I didn’t just miss the boat. I willingly jumped into the water to catch up after weeks after it had sailed away! “What’s the point,” is a question I ask myself too. Somewhat like you, it has to do with personal comfort. I don’t like Twitter and am on the fence about joining Twitch.

You’re also right that the fandom has become more of a diaspora, with the different social platforms creating their own “sub-fandoms”, I suppose you could call them. There are differences between the Dragon Age fandom as it is on the official BioWare forum compared to what it is on Tumblr, for example.

On here, I don’t make a lot of noise or attract attention to myself. Yet, there are times when a post of mine doesn’t get any responses and I wonder if that means no one thinks I’ve provided anything substantial or interesting to the thread. You’re not the only person who has that fear and I hope it helps to hear that. Your worries echo ones this newcomer has too. And I have those concerns even knowing that the forum is quieter and more insular than it used to be. Even knowing how selfish and irrational my reaction is. After all, no one is entitled to giving me or anyone else attention. I’m definitely not the only user to have the experience of posting in a thread, but then no one responds. If I’m a loser, what does that make anyone else who experiences the same thing? It helps me to remember that focusing on those feelings of being valueless ignores when others have thought my posts were worth their time to respond to. No response isn’t the same as a negative response, as I’m trying to learn. (Yes, this feeling is something that’s haunted me on other forums, too.)

What I try to do is find people I can get along with and not worry about others’ validating my thoughts. It’s hard, like I describe above. Strictly looking to only external sources for validation is addictive and I can feel like a recovering junkie. But it really is a terrible thing to rely on for a sense of self-worth.

Finally, you must have more substance than you think you do. You mention that the community has given much to you over the years. Superficial people don’t recognize when they’ve been helped by others. If you were as worthless as you think you are, your boss wouldn’t praise your work performance like he did.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Prospero101 » 04 Jun 2016, 23:23

Don't call it a comb-back, I'll have hair for years.

Hey everybody. It's been a while, hasn't it? Since we last spoke I've changed my major twice, moved house, developed mild-to-moderate agoraphobia, got myself addicted two, count 'em, two different MMOs, and had the only person I even remotely liked at my work move away forever. All of this forms a dry, dry martini of loneliness that I don't have the fortitude to sip anymore.

I want to be a Runner again. I've been passively consuming LRR for months, without having the energy to participate in the community. I'd like to change, but I really don't know how. I guess posting here is a good start? The Twitch chat feels like I'm shouting into a void.

I guess basically what I'm saying is, Hi, hello, how do I LRR?
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Master Gunner » 05 Jun 2016, 07:51

Hey again, Prospero.

You're always welcome here on the forums, even if we're not as active as we used to be. There's also DBChat, which is a bit smaller and more personal than Twitch chat.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 05 Jun 2016, 09:06

Prospero101 wrote:Hi, hello, how do I LRR?


You GET IN THE BAG!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby CamelKnackRambleHort » 05 Jun 2016, 10:35

Hello Prospero101, I'm a new runner from after your time, it would seem. The forums are a bit slow these days, but it's a good place to chat. And twitch chat is fine, but it can feel like you are being ignored if you are not one of the regulars. I have found it's a good idea to say hi to everyone when you jump in. Lets people know you are friendly. I'll watch out for you in twitch chat, but I rarely am in there during shows anymore.

Good to have you back, it's always good to have another person around!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 05 Jun 2016, 10:50

Hey, good to have you back here! :) I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away forever.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Jenelmo » 05 Jun 2016, 11:33

Don't know if this is the right place, but Kelsey/Pika from Desert Bus has recently started a webcomic about depression and starting on anti-depressants, and i have been enjoying it, and thought maybe other would as well.
It is both reminiscent and different from how i felt when i first started on medication
http://dontseekthevoid.tumblr.com/
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 05 Jun 2016, 15:05

Huh. Interesting. That comic definitely captured the "Oh. This is what it's like to be normal?" thoughts that I had when I started on SSRIs.

Kind of made me sad to realize that for years and years I thought my profoundly fucked up state was normal. And, as odd as this sounds, it made me want to be able to show normal people what it's like to be depressed and anxious. Just for, like, fifteen minutes. Just so they can understand what it's like.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 06 Jun 2016, 04:07

Prospero101 wrote:Don't call it a comb-back, I'll have hair for years.

Hey everybody. It's been a while, hasn't it? Since we last spoke I've changed my major twice, moved house, developed mild-to-moderate agoraphobia, got myself addicted two, count 'em, two different MMOs, and had the only person I even remotely liked at my work move away forever. All of this forms a dry, dry martini of loneliness that I don't have the fortitude to sip anymore.

I want to be a Runner again. I've been passively consuming LRR for months, without having the energy to participate in the community. I'd like to change, but I really don't know how. I guess posting here is a good start? The Twitch chat feels like I'm shouting into a void.

I guess basically what I'm saying is, Hi, hello, how do I LRR?


Prospero! *hugs* :D

Glad to see you back!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 06 Jun 2016, 06:28

... is it a bad thing that I didn't realize Prospero had even left? Could've sworn he was still here all this time.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 06 Jun 2016, 11:04

Prospero101 wrote:Don't call it a comb-back, I'll have hair for years.

Hey everybody. It's been a while, hasn't it? Since we last spoke I've changed my major twice, moved house, developed mild-to-moderate agoraphobia, got myself addicted two, count 'em, two different MMOs, and had the only person I even remotely liked at my work move away forever. All of this forms a dry, dry martini of loneliness that I don't have the fortitude to sip anymore.

I want to be a Runner again. I've been passively consuming LRR for months, without having the energy to participate in the community. I'd like to change, but I really don't know how. I guess posting here is a good start? The Twitch chat feels like I'm shouting into a void.

I guess basically what I'm saying is, Hi, hello, how do I LRR?


Aight X-Man ;-) Good tae hear you're with us again
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 06 Jun 2016, 20:47

I just now realized that I am unable to recall the last time I've physically touched a person in any way, intentionally or accidentally. That realization frightens me.
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James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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