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Why do all the things I enjoy have to be things that I'm too stupid to do with any amount of competency and thus I can never do comfortably.

Mister_Blue_Sky has disappeared form twitch and DB chat again. He was looking better than I'd ever seen him when he was helping with storm shelter streams probably from feeling needed. If anyone hears from him or has means of contact before I'm able to reach him please let chat mods and/or me know asap.

Also MrBlue, if you see this everyone in shelter is worried and you are not off the hook from being one of my mods when I stream. Hope you're alright. Please let us know. <3

For all those who are suffering at the moment, I thought I might share something that occurred to me around New Year.

In 2016, I near as dammit beat depression. I'm by no means happy all the time, there are still things that make me sad and I've had some properly crap moments in the past few months. But what I am is genuinely content with the point at which I am in my life. I am able to live with and control my depression, and it is able to form just another part of my psyche. It might have taken five attempts at counselling and it'll never be gone completely, but I'm now in more control of my mind and generally happier than at any point in at least the last 3 years. And I keep getting better.

Stay hopeful. It CAN be done.

I can't stop worrying about a friend who likely felt they weren't needed but they're wrong about that. People are going to remember them no matter how long they are gone for.

I've just done some digging and sent a message to MrBlue hoping the address is still the same. I know he's got more friends on chat than he realizes will miss him if he doesn't return.

Hope you can get a hold of him. =/

I miss the physical touch of humans. It's been over a decade since I remember it last.

Perch on tree branch. When someone passes underneath; spread your wings, screach and pounce like the albatross.

Not sure that getting arrested and having a full-body cavity search is the "touch of humans" I'm looking for...

Hey chika bump bump!

Mister_Blue_Sky's mother replied to email and said he's under doctor's care for the time being and will likely be home again soon. She wanted me to pass on to everyone that he really has a need of feeling needed and useful and she believes that being a part of our community is helping him to some degree. She also said while we shouldn't make ourselves feel that we are overly responsible for his feeling needed (because everyone should place self-care first) it is nice when we can show that we care through actions because he believes actions more than he tends to believe words. I agree with her because I've seen that in his behavior too and hope we can find more actions that will show our caring to confirm our words. She is thankful that we are here and help others like we do when we can.

I thanked her for her reply and expressed that we are looking forward to his return. We're unaware of what sort of treatment he may be undergoing or what state he'll be in upon returning home but hopefully whatever is happening helps improve his quality of life.

*offers AdmiralMemo and everyone else hugs*

Oh, thank you for that, Danielle. I was worried about him, and I'm glad he's in good care.

Danielle Pepin wrote:it is nice when we can show that we care through actions because he believes actions more than he tends to believe words. I agree with her because I've seen that in his behavior too and hope we can find more actions that will show our caring to confirm our words.

Yeah, this is basically me, too... My brain's never putting weight into words said. It's more about actions done, as far as my brain in its current state is concerned.

For those who are interested, I'm watching the VOD and it looks like Blue_Sky was in Twitch chat for Talking Simulator yesterday. Looks like he might have been feeling pretty rough, but the lad's still around.

It's times like this that I wish I could have a park bench conversation with the world.

John Hurt died

Oh joy; during yesterday's crapshoot I had a panic attack, thought I was rid of these things!
Worst one I've had in over two years, rapidly switching between fear, anger and confusion. I had to get in my car and drive an hour in the middle of the night(!) to my parents' house just to not be alone in the fear of doing something stupid.
Talked for several hours and felt a little better but I have to actively distract myself from thinking too much.
Could just barely eat and probably won't be able to sleep either. Literally shaking while writing this.
Hoping writing this helps to get it off my chest…

Oh no! That sounds really rough. I can't offer any advice or anything, but just know that if you need to vent here more, we're listening and hope you feel better. Let me know if there's anything I can do!

HI folks,

I'm popping my head in here to say that I'm now a member of this tribe of people who have depression. For a while, mine was situational and now that I'm back in therapy, the new therapist says that she thinks I have dysthimia, which is a persistent low-level depression that I've probably had all my life. It certainly does explain a lot of things about me.

My RL friends and family who follow me on Facebook know I'm back in therapy, but what only a few of them know is that I'm also on medication to regulate my moods. The medication is helping a lot and it really helps me step back and try to analyze why I'm getting angry about something which triggers the secondary emotions of guilt, shame, and ultimately self-sabotage.

Anyway, that's me and I hope that I'll be able to be in a better place soon.

Trisha Lynn
...therapy is hard...

My husband is in Vegas for a tournament and I'm feeling incredibly lonely. Which is weird because I have six pets and my boyfriend lives next door, and I've felt much less lonely in the past at times when I was actually alone. I've been trying to work, study, play games and watch shows but I can't really focus on anything, I don't want to do anything. I've been taking my meds, I hope I'm not going to need to increase the dose.

Jamfalcon;
Thanks for the kind words. I believe I've figured out what triggered it and while I've not yet reached the root of the issue I've started digging.

Trisha Lynn;
Welcome to the tribe, even if it might not be a very prestigious tribe to be part of. That being said, everyone here deserves praise for openly talking about a subject that is considered a taboo in todays society.

Avistew;
I recognize that loneliness, do have someone to talk to about anything? (I mean IRL, forums in all glory, but you often need a physical presence to combat loneliness imho) My advice is to meet this person, spill your worries, talk it out and let them distract you.
Hope it helps.

MrL, thanks, I'm feeling a lot better today

MrL wrote:I recognize that loneliness, do have someone to talk to about anything? (I mean IRL, forums in all glory, but you often need a physical presence to combat loneliness imho)

This has been my problem for the past 11 years.

.... feeling like shit lately. And this has led to over snacking and thus im gaining weight again. Which makes me feel like shit. Making me even less active and feel more like shit.. and the circle continues.

Oh dear, yeah. I know that spiral. The best thing I usually come up with to try to combat it is to try to make the snacks I eat of the healthier variety. Like rice crackers, fruits and nuts(salted and roasted).