The bad Jokes thread.

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The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Dutch guy » 25 Jan 2013, 12:19

Because every once in a while you might just have a bad joke to share or get rid off :mrgreen:

So:
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad parachutist?
spoilered:One goes THWACK... DARN. The other goes DARN... TWACK :wink:
THE DUTCH!! THE DUTCH AGAIN!!!!!
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Kirkygirl » 25 Jan 2013, 12:43

Why are lilies and amaryllises great flowers to look to if you have questions?

Spoilered:

Because they have great anthers. *rimshot*

-Kirkygirl
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Valkyrie-Lemons » 25 Jan 2013, 14:10

I can think of a really bad joke.
The EU.

Haw haw haw...

Sorry, that's harsh and it's not that bad.

So here's a proper one.

Why does a good golfer always need new trousers?
[Because they always get holes in one.]
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Drdiggit42 » 25 Jan 2013, 14:48

All problems can be solved by trebuchets and/or fire.

When you're a pessimist there are only good surprises.

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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Ptangmatik » 25 Jan 2013, 15:26

Q: How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?

A: A buck-an-ear!

A Pirate walks into a bar with the ship's wheel down the front of his trousers,

The Bartender says "What's with the wheel?"

The Pirate replies "Arrr! It's driving me nuts!"
Geoff_B wrote: ... Even for here, that was weird.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby LogicSword » 25 Jan 2013, 16:45

I can up with a programming joke, but it didn't work. Turned out I'd forgotten a semi-colon.

Had to attach two pieces of wood together. Nailed it.

Apparently even when you're weightless in space, you still have mass, which is good news for Catholic astronauts.

My all time favourite joke though is one of Tim Vine's:

My best friend always wanted to get run over by a train. When it finally happened, he was chuffed to bits.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Master Gunner » 25 Jan 2013, 17:12

I know a good UDP joke, but I don't know if you'll get it.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby leapy » 25 Jan 2013, 17:59

What have a laser beam and a goldfish got in common?

A:Neither of them can whistle.

And if anybody can name the novel that once came from then I shall give you 1000 awesome points [no cash value].
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby TheGhostOfZero » 25 Jan 2013, 18:20

I have a friend who's addicted to brake fluid, he says he can stop any time.
/fingergun
Zero

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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Drdiggit42 » 25 Jan 2013, 21:24

That reminds me of some of my Favorites from Steven Wright.

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. Suppose you are in a space bus traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights--what happens?" He said, "How should I know?!" I said, "Forget it, I don't want to work for you."

The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica... When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with an exact replica." He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?"

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.

"Whenever I think about the past, it just brings back so many memories."

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
All problems can be solved by trebuchets and/or fire.

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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Kapol » 25 Jan 2013, 22:19

Master Gunner wrote:I know a good UDP joke, but I don't know if you'll get it.


...For a minute there, I thought you were serious. But then I realized what you'd said. You've hurt my brain. :(
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Ptangmatik » 26 Jan 2013, 01:21

I recently watched a documentary on how to build a battleship,

It was riveting.
Geoff_B wrote: ... Even for here, that was weird.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby JackSlack » 26 Jan 2013, 02:05

I always liked a Bill Bailey joke.

Three women walk into a bar. The first says, "Congratulations, ladies, we've broken into a male dominated joke." The second says, "Yes, and we're all blonde and have shapely breasts!" The third replies, "Yes ladies, but don't get too proud. It's still a man telling it."
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby WAYF » 26 Jan 2013, 02:35

One of my favourite one-liners of all time comes from the first season of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.

Giles: I've never actually heard of anyone attacked by a lone baseball bat before.

Xander: Maybe it's a vampire bat!
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Lord Hosk » 26 Jan 2013, 05:52

Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?

Because a Jedi must have patients.



++++++++++++++++
Knock Knock

Who's there?

BOO!

Boo who?

dont cry its only a bad joke thread.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When I hang out and talk to people for a long time they tell me to go fly a kite! So I do because its lots of fun!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Two men walked into a bar,

and said OW!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the wall?

Art

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole?

Phil

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean

Bob

What do you call dog with no legs?

Doesnt matter hes not coming anyways.
Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb

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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby empath » 26 Jan 2013, 07:40

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who claims you owe him money?

Bill.


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the bushes?

Russell.



More Stephen Wright:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.


I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'


There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.


I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.


If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.


I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!


I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.




...and some similar ones from the late, great Mitch Hedberg:

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got tired of not giving a damn.


My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.


I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.


I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.


A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.


I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.


My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?


I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.


I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.


I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.


My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'


I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 26 Jan 2013, 07:48

Knock knock?

Who's there?

Twitter

Twitter Who?

--

What do you get if you mix a sheep and a kangaroo?

Mystery meat stew

What do you get if you mix a Horse with a Cow?

TESCO Beefburgers
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Lord Hosk » 26 Jan 2013, 08:23

Im gonna need some help with this one.


Knock knock!
Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb

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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Master Gunner » 26 Jan 2013, 08:47

Who's there?
TheRocket wrote:Apparently the crotch area could not contain the badonkadonk area.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Lord Hosk » 26 Jan 2013, 09:20

Banana
Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb

[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Myrph » 26 Jan 2013, 10:48

Banana Who?

Also, two elephants are having a tea party on the coast, when erosion suddenly causes the cliff they're on to collapse.
Ba-dum-tish.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Lord Hosk » 26 Jan 2013, 10:59

Myrph wrote:Banana Who?




knock knock
Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb

[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Geoff_B » 26 Jan 2013, 11:25

Who's there?
Twitter|Google+|Tumblr|Facebook|Steam|Skype: gmbridges

I survived spaMEGAdon and all I got was this lousy signature joke.

#TeamMonica, #TeamMaki, #TeamTavis
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Lord Hosk » 26 Jan 2013, 11:33

Banana
Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb

[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby empath » 26 Jan 2013, 11:39

Banana who?



Waitin' for it...
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