The bad Jokes thread.
- Lord Hosk
- Posts: 6587
- Joined: 07 Dec 2011, 08:30
- First Video: Checkpoint: Into the breach
- Location: Half and inch below the knuckle of the ring finger. MI
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
knock knock
Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb
[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
- Lord Hosk
- Posts: 6587
- Joined: 07 Dec 2011, 08:30
- First Video: Checkpoint: Into the breach
- Location: Half and inch below the knuckle of the ring finger. MI
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Orange
Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb
[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
- Merrymaker_Mortalis
- Posts: 7226
- Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
- First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
- Location: Wales
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Olive who?
- Lord Hosk
- Posts: 6587
- Joined: 07 Dec 2011, 08:30
- First Video: Checkpoint: Into the breach
- Location: Half and inch below the knuckle of the ring finger. MI
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Geoff_B wrote:orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?
Orange you glad this isnt in the good joke thread?
(bows) thank you thank you!
Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb
[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
- Merrymaker_Mortalis
- Posts: 7226
- Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
- First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
- Location: Wales
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Knock Knock
- Merrymaker_Mortalis
- Posts: 7226
- Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
- First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
- Location: Wales
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Olive.
- General Michi
- Posts: 1875
- Joined: 26 Sep 2010, 02:37
- First Video: 3 PS3s
- Location: Dublin
- Merrymaker_Mortalis
- Posts: 7226
- Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
- First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
- Location: Wales
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
I thought you'd know.
- Ptangmatik
- Posts: 3597
- Joined: 08 Apr 2012, 09:44
- First Video: probably one of the 1st unskippables
- Location: the shire of york
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irishman all walk into a bar
The barman looks at them and says "What is this? some kind of joke?"
The barman looks at them and says "What is this? some kind of joke?"
Geoff_B wrote: ... Even for here, that was weird.
- Lord Hosk
- Posts: 6587
- Joined: 07 Dec 2011, 08:30
- First Video: Checkpoint: Into the breach
- Location: Half and inch below the knuckle of the ring finger. MI
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
A priest, a Rabbi, and a Cleric walk into a bar.
The Bartender says "they are going to be talking about this for ages"
a grasshopper hops into the bar and the bartender says Hey we have a drink named after you!
The Grasshopper springs up to the bar and says "well then I will have a Frank Johnson!"
The Bartender says "they are going to be talking about this for ages"
a grasshopper hops into the bar and the bartender says Hey we have a drink named after you!
The Grasshopper springs up to the bar and says "well then I will have a Frank Johnson!"
Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb
[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
- empath
- Posts: 13531
- Joined: 28 Nov 2007, 17:20
- First Video: How to Talk Like a Pirate
- Location: back in the arse end of nowhere
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
A length of rope goes into a bar, gets served, gets totally wasted, picks a fight with several other patrons and breaks a table. The rope gets thrown out of the bar.
The next evening, the rope comes back, tries to order a drink, and the bartender gives him a harsh talking to about the rope's behaviour the night before and ejects it from the bar himself.
The rope dusts itself off, slips into an alley, ties a knot in its middle, and unravels its ends. Then it calmly saunters into the bar again.
The bartender looks at the rope suspiciously: "Didn't I throw you out of the bar just a minute ago?"
The rope just replies nonchalantly. "No, I'm a frayed knot."
The next evening, the rope comes back, tries to order a drink, and the bartender gives him a harsh talking to about the rope's behaviour the night before and ejects it from the bar himself.
The rope dusts itself off, slips into an alley, ties a knot in its middle, and unravels its ends. Then it calmly saunters into the bar again.
The bartender looks at the rope suspiciously: "Didn't I throw you out of the bar just a minute ago?"
The rope just replies nonchalantly. "No, I'm a frayed knot."
-
- Posts: 44
- Joined: 03 Dec 2012, 18:37
- First Video: The first LRR
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Another one from Steven Wright:
I named my dog stay, so now I confuse him by going "Come here, stay, come here, stay!"
I named my dog stay, so now I confuse him by going "Come here, stay, come here, stay!"
- tak197
- Feito Com Fruta
- Posts: 9010
- Joined: 13 Mar 2007, 19:20
- First Video: How To Talk Like A Pirate
- Location: Stroudsburg, PA
- Contact:
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
What do you call it when a Mexican sublets his house for Christmas?
For Lease Navidad!
What is Mario's favorite fabric?
Denim-Denim-Denim!
What is the cheapest concert you can pay for?
50 Cent, featuring Nickelback!
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About halfway!
What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate Clauses!
OHMYGOD! A SPIDER JUST CRAWLED ONTO MY KEYBOARD!!!!
Okay, panic over, it's under control.
For Lease Navidad!
What is Mario's favorite fabric?
Denim-Denim-Denim!
What is the cheapest concert you can pay for?
50 Cent, featuring Nickelback!
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About halfway!
What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate Clauses!
OHMYGOD! A SPIDER JUST CRAWLED ONTO MY KEYBOARD!!!!
Okay, panic over, it's under control.
- Merrymaker_Mortalis
- Posts: 7226
- Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
- First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
- Location: Wales
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
What do you get if you go and see a Frozen Comic?
It snow joke
Why is Beyonce the best source of Trivia?
Because Beyonce Knowles
It snow joke
Why is Beyonce the best source of Trivia?
Because Beyonce Knowles
- River_Annarchy
- Posts: 448
- Joined: 27 Feb 2012, 23:09
- First Video: Unskippable Eternal Sonata
- Location: R'lyeh
- Contact:
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Three humans and a Duro walk into a bar
The Duro gets shot!
What did the potato say to the peeler?
Well this doesnt seem very apeeling!
Why did the Miss Universe contestant drop out of the competition?
Because she had to MISS out!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.!
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang,
but eventually it came back to me.
I was going to look for my missing watch,
but I could never find the time.
What do you call a drink without alcohol?
A drink without alcohol, DUH!!
Three irishmen walk into a bar.
They are very polite, avoid drinking too much alcohol, order a cab and leave a large tip!
I did a theatrical performance about puns.
Really it was just a play on words
Robin walks into a bar
Batman drops in through the skylight and starts beating the patrons up!
What do you get when you cross a watermelon and an orange?
I forget the punch line but your mothers a whore!
Something tells me we'll quickly be reinstating the pun laws after this
The Duro gets shot!
What did the potato say to the peeler?
Well this doesnt seem very apeeling!
Why did the Miss Universe contestant drop out of the competition?
Because she had to MISS out!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.!
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang,
but eventually it came back to me.
I was going to look for my missing watch,
but I could never find the time.
What do you call a drink without alcohol?
A drink without alcohol, DUH!!
Three irishmen walk into a bar.
They are very polite, avoid drinking too much alcohol, order a cab and leave a large tip!
I did a theatrical performance about puns.
Really it was just a play on words
Robin walks into a bar
Batman drops in through the skylight and starts beating the patrons up!
What do you get when you cross a watermelon and an orange?
I forget the punch line but your mothers a whore!
Something tells me we'll quickly be reinstating the pun laws after this
Facebook page Tumblr Second facebook page Twitter
"Liches and hoes"
"My body is a temple tattoos are stained glass"
"Liches and hoes"
"My body is a temple tattoos are stained glass"
- Duckay
- Posts: 3706
- Joined: 05 Jun 2011, 00:57
- First Video: Man Cooking
- Location: Central Coast, Australia
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
A man and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender immediately tells the guy, "You can't have dogs in here!"
"No, no," the man says. "This isn't just any dog. He can talk. Let me show you!" The bartender looks unconvinced, but gives the man a chance to demonstrate. So the man turns to the dog and says, "What's the top part of a house called?"
"Roof!" says the dog.
The bartender is incredibly unimpressed, and is on the verge of kicking them out, but the man shushes him violently and begs for one more shot. The bartender is still unimpressed, but the man is pleading and the dog looks so pitiful he lets the man have one more chance. So the man says, "Come on dog, what do you call those big collars men wore in Elizabethan times?"
"Ruff!" the dog says.
By this point the bartender has picked up his special security stick and insists the man and his dog leave, but the man begs and pleads for one more chance, and by this time other patrons are interested, so he grudgingly lets the man have one more chance - but this is the last one, or they'll be thrown out by force.
"Come on," says the man, "don't fail me now. Who was the greatest player the Yankees ever had?"
"Ruth!" the dog replies.
Completely fed up by now (and the other patrons now more bored than entertained), the bartender has the man bodily removed from the bar, and his little dog too. Sitting on the cold pavement outside, the dog turns to the man and says, "I'm dreadfully sorry. It's DiMaggio, isn't it?"
"No, no," the man says. "This isn't just any dog. He can talk. Let me show you!" The bartender looks unconvinced, but gives the man a chance to demonstrate. So the man turns to the dog and says, "What's the top part of a house called?"
"Roof!" says the dog.
The bartender is incredibly unimpressed, and is on the verge of kicking them out, but the man shushes him violently and begs for one more shot. The bartender is still unimpressed, but the man is pleading and the dog looks so pitiful he lets the man have one more chance. So the man says, "Come on dog, what do you call those big collars men wore in Elizabethan times?"
"Ruff!" the dog says.
By this point the bartender has picked up his special security stick and insists the man and his dog leave, but the man begs and pleads for one more chance, and by this time other patrons are interested, so he grudgingly lets the man have one more chance - but this is the last one, or they'll be thrown out by force.
"Come on," says the man, "don't fail me now. Who was the greatest player the Yankees ever had?"
"Ruth!" the dog replies.
Completely fed up by now (and the other patrons now more bored than entertained), the bartender has the man bodily removed from the bar, and his little dog too. Sitting on the cold pavement outside, the dog turns to the man and says, "I'm dreadfully sorry. It's DiMaggio, isn't it?"
- Merrymaker_Mortalis
- Posts: 7226
- Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
- First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
- Location: Wales
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
What do you call a Weasel on a beach?
A little otter
A little otter
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
From the Minecraft server I was playing on yesterday.
: Ooh, a Rubber Tree.
: I'd tap that.
: Ooh, a Rubber Tree.
: I'd tap that.
- General Michi
- Posts: 1875
- Joined: 26 Sep 2010, 02:37
- First Video: 3 PS3s
- Location: Dublin
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Two days ago, my friend who plays drums and I were in a music shop. He was looking at some bongos, cymbals etc and saying how much he wanted all of them. Considering the amount of gear he has already (which is a lot) I turned and said to him "If you get them you'll have more percussion than you can shake a stick at". 6 seconds later I realised what I had just said.
- LogicSword
- Posts: 2149
- Joined: 22 Sep 2010, 12:42
- First Video: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
- Location: Sheffield, UK
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
A drum kit fell down a hill.
Ba-dum-tish.
Ba-dum-tish.
- Merrymaker_Mortalis
- Posts: 7226
- Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
- First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
- Location: Wales
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
MOBAs are fun.
Return to “General Discussion”
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 19 guests