The bad Jokes thread.

[Lord Hosk]

knock knock

[empath]

Who's there?

[Lord Hosk]

Orange

[Geoff_B]

orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

Olive who?

[Lord Hosk]

orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

Orange you glad this isnt in the good joke thread?

(bows) thank you thank you!

[empath]

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

Knock Knock

[empath]

Who's there?

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

Olive.

[General Michi]

Olive who?

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

I thought you'd know.

[Ptangmatik]

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irishman all walk into a bar

The barman looks at them and says "What is this? some kind of joke?"

[Lord Hosk]

A priest, a Rabbi, and a Cleric walk into a bar.

The Bartender says "they are going to be talking about this for ages"

a grasshopper hops into the bar and the bartender says Hey we have a drink named after you!

The Grasshopper springs up to the bar and says "well then I will have a Frank Johnson!"

[empath]

A length of rope goes into a bar, gets served, gets totally wasted, picks a fight with several other patrons and breaks a table. The rope gets thrown out of the bar.

The next evening, the rope comes back, tries to order a drink, and the bartender gives him a harsh talking to about the rope's behaviour the night before and ejects it from the bar himself.

The rope dusts itself off, slips into an alley, ties a knot in its middle, and unravels its ends. Then it calmly saunters into the bar again.

The bartender looks at the rope suspiciously: "Didn't I throw you out of the bar just a minute ago?"

The rope just replies nonchalantly. "No, I'm a frayed knot."

[stephen0118]

Another one from Steven Wright:

I named my dog stay, so now I confuse him by going "Come here, stay, come here, stay!"

[tak197]

What do you call it when a Mexican sublets his house for Christmas?

For Lease Navidad!

What is Mario's favorite fabric?

Denim-Denim-Denim!

What is the cheapest concert you can pay for?

50 Cent, featuring Nickelback!

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

About halfway!

What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses!

OHMYGOD! A SPIDER JUST CRAWLED ONTO MY KEYBOARD!!!!

Okay, panic over, it's under control.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

What do you get if you go and see a Frozen Comic?

It snow joke


Why is Beyonce the best source of Trivia?

Because Beyonce Knowles

[River_Annarchy]

Three humans and a Duro walk into a bar

The Duro gets shot!


What did the potato say to the peeler?

Well this doesnt seem very apeeling!

Why did the Miss Universe contestant drop out of the competition?
Because she had to MISS out!

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.!

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang,
but eventually it came back to me.

I was going to look for my missing watch,
but I could never find the time.

What do you call a drink without alcohol?

A drink without alcohol, DUH!!

Three irishmen walk into a bar.
They are very polite, avoid drinking too much alcohol, order a cab and leave a large tip!

I did a theatrical performance about puns.
Really it was just a play on words

Robin walks into a bar
Batman drops in through the skylight and starts beating the patrons up!

What do you get when you cross a watermelon and an orange?
I forget the punch line but your mothers a whore!

Something tells me we'll quickly be reinstating the pun laws after this

[Duckay]

A man and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender immediately tells the guy, "You can't have dogs in here!"

"No, no," the man says. "This isn't just any dog. He can talk. Let me show you!" The bartender looks unconvinced, but gives the man a chance to demonstrate. So the man turns to the dog and says, "What's the top part of a house called?"

"Roof!" says the dog.

The bartender is incredibly unimpressed, and is on the verge of kicking them out, but the man shushes him violently and begs for one more shot. The bartender is still unimpressed, but the man is pleading and the dog looks so pitiful he lets the man have one more chance. So the man says, "Come on dog, what do you call those big collars men wore in Elizabethan times?"

"Ruff!" the dog says.

By this point the bartender has picked up his special security stick and insists the man and his dog leave, but the man begs and pleads for one more chance, and by this time other patrons are interested, so he grudgingly lets the man have one more chance - but this is the last one, or they'll be thrown out by force.

"Come on," says the man, "don't fail me now. Who was the greatest player the Yankees ever had?"

"Ruth!" the dog replies.

Completely fed up by now (and the other patrons now more bored than entertained), the bartender has the man bodily removed from the bar, and his little dog too. Sitting on the cold pavement outside, the dog turns to the man and says, "I'm dreadfully sorry. It's DiMaggio, isn't it?"

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

What do you call a Weasel on a beach?

A little otter

[Keab42]

From the Minecraft server I was playing on yesterday.

: Ooh, a Rubber Tree.
: I'd tap that.

[General Michi]

Two days ago, my friend who plays drums and I were in a music shop. He was looking at some bongos, cymbals etc and saying how much he wanted all of them. Considering the amount of gear he has already (which is a lot) I turned and said to him "If you get them you'll have more percussion than you can shake a stick at". 6 seconds later I realised what I had just said.

[LogicSword]

A drum kit fell down a hill.

Ba-dum-tish.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

MOBAs are fun.