The bad Jokes thread.

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Master Gunner
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Master Gunner » 14 Feb 2013, 18:34

Via Kanitaria in the chat:
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby empath » 14 Feb 2013, 20:20

Please ensure that Kanitaria gets this:

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No, seriously; both of the last two 'bad' jokes are quite good! :)
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Gap Filler » 15 Feb 2013, 06:45

Two fellows are in the pub chatting. One says, "We've know each other a long time but we don't really know each other. What do you do for a living?" Before the other guy can answer there's a low boom off in the distance followed by a rumble. Everything shakes briefly.

Once it's stopped the first guy, looking in the general direction of the boom, says, "Sounds like another gas mains gone, been happening a lot lately." Turning around he continues, "So go on, you just about to say what you do for a living."

The other guy looks at him and says, "I work for the gas board."
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Dubious_wolf » 15 Feb 2013, 07:23

Except today that's "looks like another meteor."
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Ptangmatik » 18 Feb 2013, 16:30

Another Milton Jones one (read it out loud to yourself)

We wanted to know if the firemen liked the new fire station that had been built, so we took a poll and they all fell through a hole in the floor.
Last edited by Ptangmatik on 18 Feb 2013, 16:36, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby LogicSword » 18 Feb 2013, 16:35

I've always had trouble counting to ten in french,

Un... Deux... Trois... Quatre... Cinq... Siz... Sept... *coughing fit*

Sorry, I have a wheat allergy.



I'm off to see Milton Jones on Wednesday night... I make no apologies for the terrible jokes I will be spamming this thread with afterwards.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Ptangmatik » 18 Feb 2013, 16:46

Niiiiice! I love Milton Jone's interpretation of the Grandfather paradox ;-D
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 19 Feb 2013, 00:57

I love Milton Jones. He's the only comedian I've seen who can get away with telling 1 liners. In fact, in some cases they're lame; but he makes them funny.

Yeah basically I friccing hate Jimmy Carr.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby iamafish » 19 Feb 2013, 01:23

I've been avoiding Tesco beef-burgers after the recent horse meat scandal, so I'm going to try their meatballs. apparently they're the dog's bollocks
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby LogicSword » 19 Feb 2013, 02:37

Merrymaker_Mortalis wrote:I love Milton Jones. He's the only comedian I've seen who can get away with telling 1 liners. In fact, in some cases they're lame; but he makes them funny.

Yeah basically I friccing hate Jimmy Carr.


Have you seen Tim Vine? I think he's better than Milton Jones most of the time.

But yes, Jimmy Carr sucks.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Ptangmatik » 19 Feb 2013, 08:03

I was once shipwrecked and had to swim for it! I never gave up though, ten miles I swam, the last three were agony, they were over land! Finally I collapsed in a heap on the ground. I've no idea who left it there.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Keab42 » 19 Feb 2013, 11:08

LogicSword wrote:
Merrymaker_Mortalis wrote:I love Milton Jones. He's the only comedian I've seen who can get away with telling 1 liners. In fact, in some cases they're lame; but he makes them funny.

Yeah basically I friccing hate Jimmy Carr.


Have you seen Tim Vine? I think he's better than Milton Jones most of the time.

But yes, Jimmy Carr sucks.


I prefer Milton's delivery. Tim Vine tends to be a little too earnest for me.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby General Michi » 19 Feb 2013, 18:29

What do you call a rodent with no name?

Anonymouse
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Kajamakuji » 26 Feb 2013, 11:44

A few of my favorites.

How does a tree get on to the internet? It logs on

Why couldnt the bicycle make it up the hill? It was two tired

What sort of disease do martial artists get? Kung Flu
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Gap Filler » 01 Mar 2013, 07:35

Old Jewish gag:

An old man's sitting outside and sees a kid coming along with something in his hands. Old man asks, "What you got there?" Kid says, "Chicken wire, gonna catch me some chickens." Old man says, laughing as the kid goes on, "You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Later, the kid's coming back the other way with his chicken wire and a load of chickens in it.

Next day, the old man's sitting outside and sees the kid coming along with something in his hands. Old man asks, "What you got there?" Kid says, "Duct tape, gonna catch me some ducks." Old man says, laughing as the kid goes on, "You can't catch ducks with duct tapee!" Later, the kid's coming back the other way trailing his duct tape and a load of ducks stuck to it.

Next day, the old man's sitting outside and sees the kid coming along with something in his hands. Old man asks, "What you got there?" Kid says, "Pussy willow."

The old man says, "I'll get my hat."
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Geoff_B » 01 Mar 2013, 08:18

... Then he comes back with a load of cats?
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Valkyrie-Lemons » 01 Mar 2013, 08:39

So I've been looking through the evidence in the Oscar Pistourious case, and y'know what?

I don't think he has a leg to stand on.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Drdiggit42 » 01 Mar 2013, 13:51

Valkyrie-Lemons wrote:So I've been looking through the evidence in the Oscar Pistourious case, and y'know what?

I don't think he has a leg to stand on.


Didn't John Cleese tweet that joke?
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby General Michi » 01 Mar 2013, 15:20

My friend and I were singing Tom Sawyer to ourselves earlier. I then took out my phone and said "Oh!" to which he questioned "What?" to which I responded "It's only 1.30. I thought that 5.00 was Rush hour"
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Valkyrie-Lemons » 01 Mar 2013, 17:00

Drdiggit42 wrote:
Valkyrie-Lemons wrote:So I've been looking through the evidence in the Oscar Pistourious case, and y'know what?

I don't think he has a leg to stand on.


Didn't John Cleese tweet that joke?


No idea, I'm not on Twitter. But I wouldn't be surprised if he or someone else has said it. It's not exactly the most original joke.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby 2stepz » 01 Mar 2013, 17:58

Garfman wrote:One I always like bringing out:

Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles of his feet became very thick and hard. He was a religious man, fasting often to the point that he became very thin and frail. Also, because of this diet, he got very bad breath. So, he became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic, plagued with halitosis.


No, you lost the punch line. He's a super calloused fragile mystic HEXED BY halitosis.

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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby stephen0118 » 01 Mar 2013, 21:46

Oldie but goodie:

There's a church in Las Vegas where the congregation puts casino chips in the collection basket. Every day, the monk takes these chips and takes them to the casino in exchange for cash. That's why he's known as the chipmonk.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby Lord Hosk » 01 Mar 2013, 22:07

Why did the football team go to the arcade?

to get their quarterback.
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby JustAName » 02 Mar 2013, 02:32

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Re: The bad Jokes thread.

Postby empath » 02 Mar 2013, 09:11

:|

...

I know you don't need telling, luv, but you are FUCKING EVIL! :lol:
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