The bad Jokes thread.
- Master Gunner
- Defending us from The Dutch!
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Via Kanitaria in the chat:
Twitter | Click here to join the Desert Bus Community Chat.TheRocket wrote:Apparently the crotch area could not contain the badonkadonk area.
- empath
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Please ensure that Kanitaria gets this:
No, seriously; both of the last two 'bad' jokes are quite good!
No, seriously; both of the last two 'bad' jokes are quite good!
- Gap Filler
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Two fellows are in the pub chatting. One says, "We've know each other a long time but we don't really know each other. What do you do for a living?" Before the other guy can answer there's a low boom off in the distance followed by a rumble. Everything shakes briefly.
Once it's stopped the first guy, looking in the general direction of the boom, says, "Sounds like another gas mains gone, been happening a lot lately." Turning around he continues, "So go on, you just about to say what you do for a living."
The other guy looks at him and says, "I work for the gas board."
Once it's stopped the first guy, looking in the general direction of the boom, says, "Sounds like another gas mains gone, been happening a lot lately." Turning around he continues, "So go on, you just about to say what you do for a living."
The other guy looks at him and says, "I work for the gas board."
"In the neighbourhood of infinity; it was the time of the giant moths..."
- Dubious_wolf
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Except today that's "looks like another meteor."
"I work for the astronomical studies board"
"I work for the astronomical studies board"
^( " )^
winner!
winner!
- Ptangmatik
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Another Milton Jones one (read it out loud to yourself)
We wanted to know if the firemen liked the new fire station that had been built, so we took a poll and they all fell through a hole in the floor.
We wanted to know if the firemen liked the new fire station that had been built, so we took a poll and they all fell through a hole in the floor.
Last edited by Ptangmatik on 18 Feb 2013, 16:36, edited 1 time in total.
Geoff_B wrote: ... Even for here, that was weird.
- LogicSword
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
I've always had trouble counting to ten in french,
Un... Deux... Trois... Quatre... Cinq... Siz... Sept... *coughing fit*
Sorry, I have a wheat allergy.
I'm off to see Milton Jones on Wednesday night... I make no apologies for the terrible jokes I will be spamming this thread with afterwards.
Un... Deux... Trois... Quatre... Cinq... Siz... Sept... *coughing fit*
Sorry, I have a wheat allergy.
I'm off to see Milton Jones on Wednesday night... I make no apologies for the terrible jokes I will be spamming this thread with afterwards.
- Ptangmatik
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Niiiiice! I love Milton Jone's interpretation of the Grandfather paradox ;-D
Geoff_B wrote: ... Even for here, that was weird.
- Merrymaker_Mortalis
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
I love Milton Jones. He's the only comedian I've seen who can get away with telling 1 liners. In fact, in some cases they're lame; but he makes them funny.
Yeah basically I friccing hate Jimmy Carr.
Yeah basically I friccing hate Jimmy Carr.
- iamafish
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
I've been avoiding Tesco beef-burgers after the recent horse meat scandal, so I'm going to try their meatballs. apparently they're the dog's bollocks
Thoughts From a Fish Bowl<------ my blog...
My Twitter
My Twitter
iamafish never wrote:the male trouser snake is evidence that evolution has no sense of aesthetics
- LogicSword
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Merrymaker_Mortalis wrote:I love Milton Jones. He's the only comedian I've seen who can get away with telling 1 liners. In fact, in some cases they're lame; but he makes them funny.
Yeah basically I friccing hate Jimmy Carr.
Have you seen Tim Vine? I think he's better than Milton Jones most of the time.
But yes, Jimmy Carr sucks.
- Ptangmatik
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
I was once shipwrecked and had to swim for it! I never gave up though, ten miles I swam, the last three were agony, they were over land! Finally I collapsed in a heap on the ground. I've no idea who left it there.
Geoff_B wrote: ... Even for here, that was weird.
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
LogicSword wrote:Merrymaker_Mortalis wrote:I love Milton Jones. He's the only comedian I've seen who can get away with telling 1 liners. In fact, in some cases they're lame; but he makes them funny.
Yeah basically I friccing hate Jimmy Carr.
Have you seen Tim Vine? I think he's better than Milton Jones most of the time.
But yes, Jimmy Carr sucks.
I prefer Milton's delivery. Tim Vine tends to be a little too earnest for me.
- General Michi
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
What do you call a rodent with no name?
Anonymouse
Anonymouse
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
A few of my favorites.
How does a tree get on to the internet? It logs on
Why couldnt the bicycle make it up the hill? It was two tired
What sort of disease do martial artists get? Kung Flu
How does a tree get on to the internet? It logs on
Why couldnt the bicycle make it up the hill? It was two tired
What sort of disease do martial artists get? Kung Flu
- Gap Filler
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Old Jewish gag:
An old man's sitting outside and sees a kid coming along with something in his hands. Old man asks, "What you got there?" Kid says, "Chicken wire, gonna catch me some chickens." Old man says, laughing as the kid goes on, "You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Later, the kid's coming back the other way with his chicken wire and a load of chickens in it.
Next day, the old man's sitting outside and sees the kid coming along with something in his hands. Old man asks, "What you got there?" Kid says, "Duct tape, gonna catch me some ducks." Old man says, laughing as the kid goes on, "You can't catch ducks with duct tapee!" Later, the kid's coming back the other way trailing his duct tape and a load of ducks stuck to it.
Next day, the old man's sitting outside and sees the kid coming along with something in his hands. Old man asks, "What you got there?" Kid says, "Pussy willow."
The old man says, "I'll get my hat."
An old man's sitting outside and sees a kid coming along with something in his hands. Old man asks, "What you got there?" Kid says, "Chicken wire, gonna catch me some chickens." Old man says, laughing as the kid goes on, "You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Later, the kid's coming back the other way with his chicken wire and a load of chickens in it.
Next day, the old man's sitting outside and sees the kid coming along with something in his hands. Old man asks, "What you got there?" Kid says, "Duct tape, gonna catch me some ducks." Old man says, laughing as the kid goes on, "You can't catch ducks with duct tapee!" Later, the kid's coming back the other way trailing his duct tape and a load of ducks stuck to it.
Next day, the old man's sitting outside and sees the kid coming along with something in his hands. Old man asks, "What you got there?" Kid says, "Pussy willow."
The old man says, "I'll get my hat."
"In the neighbourhood of infinity; it was the time of the giant moths..."
- Valkyrie-Lemons
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
So I've been looking through the evidence in the Oscar Pistourious case, and y'know what?
I don't think he has a leg to stand on.
I don't think he has a leg to stand on.
Prospero101 wrote:...is it weird that I REALLY hope that someday I say something memorable enough to be quoted in someone else's signature?
I'm trying this 'Twitter' thing, if you just want to send a message/question/joke, please send it to: @Valkyrie_Lemons , thanks!
- Drdiggit42
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Valkyrie-Lemons wrote:So I've been looking through the evidence in the Oscar Pistourious case, and y'know what?
I don't think he has a leg to stand on.
Didn't John Cleese tweet that joke?
All problems can be solved by trebuchets and/or fire.
When you're a pessimist there are only good surprises.
Steam ID - DrDiggit42(Currently: Indignity: ■■■■■) Add me if you like.
When you're a pessimist there are only good surprises.
Steam ID - DrDiggit42(Currently: Indignity: ■■■■■) Add me if you like.
- General Michi
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
My friend and I were singing Tom Sawyer to ourselves earlier. I then took out my phone and said "Oh!" to which he questioned "What?" to which I responded "It's only 1.30. I thought that 5.00 was Rush hour"
- Valkyrie-Lemons
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Drdiggit42 wrote:Valkyrie-Lemons wrote:So I've been looking through the evidence in the Oscar Pistourious case, and y'know what?
I don't think he has a leg to stand on.
Didn't John Cleese tweet that joke?
No idea, I'm not on Twitter. But I wouldn't be surprised if he or someone else has said it. It's not exactly the most original joke.
Prospero101 wrote:...is it weird that I REALLY hope that someday I say something memorable enough to be quoted in someone else's signature?
I'm trying this 'Twitter' thing, if you just want to send a message/question/joke, please send it to: @Valkyrie_Lemons , thanks!
Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Garfman wrote:One I always like bringing out:
Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles of his feet became very thick and hard. He was a religious man, fasting often to the point that he became very thin and frail. Also, because of this diet, he got very bad breath. So, he became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic, plagued with halitosis.
No, you lost the punch line. He's a super calloused fragile mystic HEXED BY halitosis.
(Supercalifragilisiticexbealidocious)
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Oldie but goodie:
There's a church in Las Vegas where the congregation puts casino chips in the collection basket. Every day, the monk takes these chips and takes them to the casino in exchange for cash. That's why he's known as the chipmonk.
There's a church in Las Vegas where the congregation puts casino chips in the collection basket. Every day, the monk takes these chips and takes them to the casino in exchange for cash. That's why he's known as the chipmonk.
- Lord Hosk
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Re: The bad Jokes thread.
Why did the football team go to the arcade?
to get their quarterback.
to get their quarterback.
Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb
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You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
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