BDSM Discussion Thread

[Phailhammer]

Yeah, I thought there was an issue with it. I'm tossing up whether to replace it with cuffs, or a more suitable knot.

[Anaerin]

There are some very good sites, and indeed instructional videos out there. I recommend these guys: http://www.knottyboys.com/code/downloads.php

[Phailhammer]

After last night's feedback, I made a couple of changes, some not included here (a couple of different expressions and gags).

Click to Expand

[AdmiralMemo]

Submitted for comment:

[Anaerin]

*smiles* It's beautiful.

[Avistew]

D'awww

[Elomin Sha]

I don't get it.

[Avistew]

I don't get it.

She's being accepting of his kinks, although it seems to be mostly because he was thinking about her when masturbating and doing his kinks. It's their wedding picture he's holding.

I think the joke of the comic is that she was about to flip out, but then realised he was thinking about her and became accepting. Which I guess is still a great reaction although if you want to dissect it further, if he was watching at BDSM porn it wouldn't mean he also loves and desires her and flipping out would still be an overreaction, especially when she walked into his private space without permission.

But that's me overanalysing as usual.

[ReallyThatGuy]

So... I've been thinking about this making this post for some time now and I've finally decided to do it. Under a pseudonym (Those of you who've been around here a bit longer will probably figure it out fast enough First a bit of background to explain where this is coming from
For a long time I've had no interest in meeting women, sex or a relationship. I am fairly certain I am heterosexual but so far I've only felt some sort of attraction to very very few people. I have few friends and know barely ANY women (Working in a 99% male dominated industry doesn't help either)
I also figured something else out. I'm into bondage. Figuring this out took quite some time. I'm still not quite sure what my kinks would be but there are 2 areas. I feel quite dominant when it comes to rope play and the likes, maybe a little bit of sadism. On the other hand I'm very submissive in another way. I'm a sissy (As in, I'm into forced feminisation)
As I have no-one to share this "hobby" with I'm forceably stuck with self bondage, which I'm kinda too much of a chicken to do very stricktly.
I could explain here how all of this came about and the psyche behind it, but I've only recently started to figure things out so I'll leave that out for now.
Thing is, I've recently really started to get myself and my life in order. I've got a steady job, know where I want to go in life and I've bought a house (still renovating but should be done in another 6 months hopefully). I now finally have a place to call my own where I don't have to work around someone else's schedule all the time.

And I've finally got that feeling like I'd like to meet a nice lady and have a relationship and all that. But here is where all of this comes together. I have no idea how to meet people and I'm even more terrified that if I DO succeed she'll run away the moment I reveal my kinks to her.
I've but this in the BDSM thread as I think it'll be more likely to be read by someone who understands the situation. I would now like to "get out there" a bit more and at least find someone to explore the bondage side of things a bit more. Maybe later find someone to have an actual relationship with outside of the BDSM context.
But how do I go about this. I have no idea how the BDSM scene works, where to go, how to introduce myself, etc. I'm awkward when in a normal new social setting. Let alone with this whole thing on the table. And the internet doesn't really seem to have many answers either. Anybody got any tips?

[Avistew]

Fetlife is a good place to find other people into bondage. They may recommend places in your area where you could meet play partners and practice BDSM in person.

[fantôme]

Seconding Fetlife, personally BDSM is not my cup of tea, but I've been to munches with friends as moral support - its basically a bunch of likeminded cool & interesting people hanging out, no judgement and no pressure.

[ChainedNBeaten]

I been dabbling for a few years with my partners. But more recently ive been seeing this woman who has also very open to things others where not open to, in particularly bondage. I was wondering how dose one learn how to properly tie knots with out being shown in person? I am a shy passive but with a dominant home private life. So meeting others in person isn't really my thing. And no my user name is not because I am I'm the seen it is just my name on the internet where ever I am. Plus I like having my home having chains hanging from the ceiling I don't know why but I like chains.

[Master Gunner]

I have no first-hand knowledge on the topic, but I've seen Twisted Monk being referred to before for starter tutorials on bondage knots and rope bondage.

[Dutch guy]

Twisted Monk is indeed a good source for the basics. There are a lot more bondage tutorials dotted around the internet, some better then others.

[BlueChloroplast]

A good comic with links on the bottom that are good: http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/lucy-bellwoods-rope-bondage/

[ChainedNBeaten]

Thanks that link is very useful I just thought that using rope was to complicated. I have straps and such stuff but now after seeing how simple and well explained on twisted monk I might have to spend my next check on there site.

[korvys]

Also, (I might have already posted it): http://www.remedialropes.com/
Not about the how, but about the safety around it ropes.

[BlueChloroplast]

I cast resurrect dead thread! Conversation starter dominance, Is it unavoidable when practicing bondage or S&M?

[korvys]

I'm not sure I understand the question? Though I'm very tired, so that might have something to do with it. Can you elaborate?

[Elomin Sha]

Basically, is it normal that one person takes charge of the situation?

[BlueChloroplast]

I mean by nature of the action is the person who is tying up the other one or inflicting pain upon the other inherently dominant in the situation? Can one be tied up and still dominant? Is not the one being spanked in the submissive role?
I think this is the case but are there ways in which this is not true?

I hope this awake clarification helps

[korvys]

Oh, right. Well, I'm not 100% on if someone always needs to take a dominant role, and someone a submissive role, though this is obviously the most common.

Acts themselves are typically filled by a, but not inherently, dominant or submissive. But, there is a term "Topping from the bottom". This would describe someone who is acting as the bottom, typically the submissive position in the scene (being tied up, being spanked, etc), but is still in charge (in the Dom sense) of the scene.

It's also used a bit disparagingly to refer to someone who says they want to be submissive, but is rather demanding on how that plays out (beyond the normal negotiation of limits, etc).

Additional terminology might help: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top,_bottom,_switch_(BDSM)
The important difference is that Dom and Sub are sort of relationship roles, while Top and Bottom tend to describe positions in a scene.

I hope that make sense.

EDIT: ALso, I'd like to make clear, I have limited experience, I just tend to research the shit out of things I'm interested in.

[Avistew]

I think dominance and submission aren't completely inherent in any act. People may say that penetrating is dominant and being penetrated is submissive, for instance, but you can be dominant and be the penetrated partner (for instance, a straight woman during intercourse isn't always being dominated, she may be the one in charge). I think the same applies with things like pain and bondage: while it's probably more commons for Doms to do the tying and inflicting, they could also be ordering their subs to do it.

Now, the question as I read it wasn't "is the person who is tying up the other/inflicting pain the dominant one" but "can those thing happen without either partner being dominant?"

And I'm not sure. I think maybe... often in any sex act one person may take charge, even temporarily, even if it switches during the same act. Because we can't read minds, and can't ask every single second about every little thing going on, some things will happen because one person took charge. Are they being dominant at that time? If so, then sex itself is impossible without someone being dominant, even if it's constantly switching.

However, if sex can happen without any dominance, then I believe the activities you mentioned can as well.

[korvys]

My leatherwork has continued, slowly.

A couple of new pieces (warning, large images):

A collar, based on the one from Sunstone

Click to Expand

And a pair of cuffs. Same style as the previous ones, but slightly thinner leather, and I've got the pattern nailed down now.

Click to Expand

[AdmiralMemo]

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