The Last Picture - a choose your own adventure

[Amake]

By now the MS Paint Adventures model should be familiar: You post what you'd like to happen next in the form of a command, and I draw the next picture based on the most interesting/timely/funny input/s. Unlike that scamp Andrew Hussie I don't have a plan for the story, but only a setup, a ruleset and some characters; you will decide where that goes.

So this should make the basis of a neat collaborative story, if anyone's interested.

The Last Picture


You are "Shooter" Charlie Callman, award-winning photo journalist. You're standing in your stylish* metropolitan penthouse apartment thinking about what to do next. A fleet of alien spaceships just appeared in the sky and the Internet has been shut down. You should probably cover that. Or try to get an interview Tom Hanks. So many choices.

*Well you think so, and who the hell are any lifestyle magazines to judge?

>Dismantle camera

[McGurganatorZX]

>Dismantle Camera

[Amake]

>Dismantle camera


You withdraw your brand new Firebolt Mk. I from your inventory, along with a screwdriver you keep for just such occasions. Memories of your grandfather's typewriter repairshop come to you. Long summer days of taking apart old, mechanical typewriters just to see how many tiny pieces they had in them.

No one could ever put the machines back together after you were through.

You don't have any idea how cameras are built. What, do you think the world's greatest sniper needs to know how to make a gun?

Your cellphone camera probably isn't going to be enough to fully capture the end of the world as we know it.

You put the screwdriver away.

>Lean out the window

[Omega Lairon]

Code: Select all

> Lean out window

And/or a far less serious, "just joking" option:

Code: Select all

> Lean out window, then try to spit on people walking around on the street below. Preferably a fat stranger

[Amake]

Just going to get the obvious references out of the way to save some time.

>Retrieve arms

You are always armed.

>Examine chest

You fail to find anything particularly noteworthy. You are somewhat uncomfortable.

>Lean out window

You lean out the window. Someone on the ground gets a shower of glass shards in their hair. They make a sound that could only come from someone not seriously injured. You come face to face with one of the golden saucers. You wave awkwardly and ask if you can take their picture, or perhaps if they'd like to say something to your readers. The saucer doesn't appear to acknowledge your presence.

>Put teacup on saucer

[Robo4900]

>Look for teacup to place on saucer.

[Amake]

>Put teacup on saucer

In an attempt to establish diplomatic relations and not at all to make fun of the shape of their spaceships, you make a cup of tea and place it on the saucer.


An alien emerges from the top of the craft and wobbles down toward you. You cannot guess its intentions from its body language, as it is alien. You're basically shitting yourself.


Your instincts take over and you snap a picture as the visitor brings the tea to what you assume is a face. Judging by the preview, they don't photograph well. You try not to think about radiation.

>Offer alien biscuits to go with tea

[Kapol]

>Offer alien biscuits to go with the tea.

[Amake]

>Offer alien biscuits to go with the tea.


The alien does not like tea, apparently. That was your favorite cup too.

Fine, your only cup.

And teapot.

Your cupboard is in fact empty. Plan B for Biscuits is falling apart. You consider your options. The first ones that spring to mind are:
1. Use absolute aggression.
2. Hide under the bed.
3. Get to the roof.
3. Get to the street. What kind of idiot would try to escape up where there's nowhere else to go?
4. Call the president.
5. Get creative.

> 6. Ask the alien if they speak English

[Robo4900]

>Ask the alien if they speak English.

[Amake]

>Ask the alien if they speak English.


You return, bisquit-less, to try to communicate with the alien. You believe in the power of words. You're surprised to find the alien is going back inside the ship, which begins to glow and move. You think it's flying over your house. You think it's starting to feel Independence Day-y in here.

>

[McGurganatorZX]

>Jump onto the ship

[Amake]

I'm rewatching Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, if you want to guess at some influences in this teaser of the forthcoming action sequence. You shouldn't let the imminent editing stop you from joining in, trying commands or making any comments or suggestions, of course.

>Jump onto the ship



You prepare to jump through the window to get your closeups with the aid of your trusty gas-powered grappling gun. You pause for a moment to pose heroically in recognition of the fact that gross matter presently assumes a state of unprecedented validity.

(Edit: Okay let's do this)



Your trusty grapple gun fails to find purchase on the smooth metal hull of the ship.



This may have been a bad idea. The bright city rushes up to meet you at a very realistic speed. Why did things have to get so real so soon?

>Grapple with death

(I actually rolled a D10 to see if the jump would work. It came up 1. And this is panel 13. But don't panic yet.)

[McGurganatorZX]

>Roll a Natural 20

[Robo4900]

>Grapple to a building or street light, whichever would be easier to hit.

[Amake]

>Grapple with death



You take the most obvious course of action, firing your grapple hook at an open window in the next building to do the Spider-man. You decide to change out of your skirt at the next opportunity. You tell your neighbors "sorry" under your breath as the building disintegrates behind you in a blaze of light so spectacular no Hollywood budget could hope to reproduce it.

>Put trousers on

[Duckay]

>Put trousers on

[Amake]

>Put trousers on



You land on the closest conveniently tall rooftop and grab a pair of pants from your nebulously defined inventory. You're reasonably sure the exploding skyscrapers and general fin-du-world ambience keeps anyone from looking hard in your direction while you change. You end up with a rad pair of baggy urban-camo sweatpants. You can already imagine all the sweet high kicks and stuff this gear will let you pull off. You feel like a million dollars. You should probably do something about the blood in your face but you don't even care.

>

[McGurganatorZX]

>Apply First-Aid to head wound

[voicedOtter]

>Look for other people in house

[Amake]

That sounds interesting. I'm just posting to let you all know this thread didn't slip my mind or anything. My ex-stepbrother died and I've been dealing with that by trying to create something of substance. These cartoons here doesn't seem to work very well for that for some reason. But I'll probably get back on it within 24 hours.

[Duckay]

I'm really sorry to hear that. Take all the time you need. Do you need to talk to someone?

[Amake]

Thanks, but I've been talking with my family pretty much nonstop since tuesday. We weren't even close. Actually I haven't really talked to him since I think 2006, when I threw him out of our then parents' apartment because he was hopped up on goofballs and frightening small children.

He killed himself with drugs. It took over fifteen years. It's not pretty or fair or kind, but he used up every last bit of feeling I had for him long ago.

Keep calm and carry on scratching down crummy cartoons, I say. Actually, let's make it a little more challenging. Anyone want to submit a character, based on themselves or otherwise, give me their name, portrait, traits/flaws, backstory and/or hopes and fears and we'll see if I find a way to work them in.