The Runner Writing Thread

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PhoenixofMelior
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The Runner Writing Thread

Postby PhoenixofMelior » 25 Jul 2015, 13:28

So as we found out in LRR chat today, many of us have a bit of a writing bug. It's always healthy for people to share what they've written if they'd like and get feedback, so let's make a thread to do that so we're not always posting this stuff in twitch chat!

Bit of a preface for mine: I was heavily inspired by the "Branded" in the Fire Emblem Radiant games, and they sort of left a lot of open ends in the story when it comes to the race. My mind sort of ran with the idea and I started coming up with ideas for it. I was also at the time looking to make a fantasy version of... not myself, but my ideal fantasy character. This is where my screen name comes from. The attached prologue is not intended to actually be the story's real prologue, I'll have to re-write that later, but is meant to introduce the main character and sort of set the tone a little bit.

So here's mine, working title The Crimson Assassin: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vOL ... sp=sharing

I'll add more chapters as I write them. Please, let me know what you think, I welcome feedback :) Also feel free to post your own stories, I'll see what I think and I'm sure other people will as well!
koton
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby koton » 25 Jul 2015, 13:36

Behold! Words!

http://bit.ly/1ep33Nd

I haven't had a chance to read yours yet, Phoenix, but when I do I'll be sure to let you know.
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PhoenixofMelior
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby PhoenixofMelior » 25 Jul 2015, 13:58

Thanks, koton (or HippityBobbity, as I am reading) :P

I like your style so far - it's rough around the edges, making it a more entertaining read. I hope you continue with it!
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Deedles
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby Deedles » 26 Jul 2015, 04:30

We already had a writing thread, so I'm gonna link to it here so anyone interested can have a gander. - Writing Thread

I have no writing to add as of right now, but I shall return!
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MetricFurlong
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby MetricFurlong » 26 Jul 2015, 09:07

Nice. My real life writing circle recently broke up, so this might be useful. I may have something up in the next couple of weeks.

I'll also try and link some useful resources. For starters, since so far everyone here seems to be focussed on SF material, The Turkey City Lexicon is a good place to start - as it touches on a lot of amateur pitfalls (especially in parts one and two) in a reasonably light-hearted way.


PhoenixofMelior wrote:So here's mine, working title The Crimson Assassin: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vOL ... sp=sharing

This link's giving me a 'file not found' error.
koton
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby koton » 26 Jul 2015, 13:03

That's really useful MetricFurlong, I am already enjoying reading it. I hope Phoenix forgives me for sharing this without asking, but I have a still working link of their thing. http://bit.ly/1fxJvH6

Also thanks a tonne PhoenixMelior, I am glad you like it. I tried very hard to write more efficiently than I normally do, so I am glad it's still fun to read.
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koton
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby koton » 08 Aug 2015, 13:34

I found world building resources!
http://nkjemisin.com/wp-content/uploads ... ebinar.pdf

It's a quick guide, not to writing, but to imagining worlds and its inhabitants. To veterans it will be elementary, but I liked it like kind of checklist.
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Phailhammer
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby Phailhammer » 09 Aug 2015, 04:34

That's given me some ideas, not for creating new worlds, but enriching the ones I have. :)
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MisterDee
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby MisterDee » 09 Aug 2015, 04:55

I haven't checked in in the Writing thread for a whiled, so here goes:

Three more scenes to edit (so hopefully I should be done before next weekend), then probably 2-3 weeks of copyediting, and then it's query letters time.

On the plus side, the reading I've done on the query process has been a lot more encouraging than I expected (especially as regards the odds of success, and as to the time involved prior to responses.)
MetricFurlong
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby MetricFurlong » 10 Aug 2015, 07:34

Some comments on the work posted (would have done this earlier, but last week's been a bit hectic).

The Crimson Assassin
The switch in perspective from Pheonix to Tannis in the prologue is, I would say, a mistake. Your goal with the prologue is to get the readers invested in the character, and jumping out of her head into someone else's two-thirds of the way through detracts from that. Also, while I don't have much knowledge of contract-killing, spending a few minutes lecturing and taunting you target before killing them does not strike me as a professional approach.

The other thing that struck me is that your dialogue is still rather unpolished. A lot of it feels blunt, and a bit expository, rather than what would come-up in conversation. What a character says and how they say it shows a lot about their personality, which is always going to be relevant information, especially so when they're being introduced to the reader.

One point on grammar: you're use far too many ellipses, and in places where they aren't needed. The ellipse is a very noticeable punctuation mark, and using a lot of them disrupts the flow of the text.


Koton's untitled piece
(I can't read Dutch, so this is only referring to the English part)

The thing that stood out to me most was the line: "And what a forest it was". Since you never describe the forest at all during the section focussed on Chiora, that line falls flat. The reader has no idea what the forest is like, other than it contains hyenas.
The same problem crops up again when she steps beyond the veil. The reader is told the landscape is different, but is not actually shown any of these differences.
koton
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby koton » 16 Aug 2015, 07:24

MetricFurlong wrote:Some comments on the work posted (would have done this earlier, but last week's been a bit hectic).

[snip]

Koton's untitled piece
(I can't read Dutch, so this is only referring to the English part)

The thing that stood out to me most was the line: "And what a forest it was". Since you never describe the forest at all during the section focussed on Chiora, that line falls flat. The reader has no idea what the forest is like, other than it contains hyenas.
The same problem crops up again when she steps beyond the veil. The reader is told the landscape is different, but is not actually shown any of these differences.


Fair points! Oh and the dutch parts are massive exposition dumps I wrote to make sense of the world.
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MisterDee
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Re: The Runner Writing Thread

Postby MisterDee » 31 Aug 2015, 16:14

As an addendum to my own writing, I've started a blog to document the tail end of my writing process as well as the query process.

It's going to be light (or devoid) of creative writing, but hopefully it can be informative to those wishing to seek publication (in that inestimable "I will do all the mistakes so you don't have to" way.)

www.vincentdehaut.com

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