An open letter to the makers of South Park regarding Canada

[Garwulf]

Dear Matt and Trey,

I have been a Canadian fan of your show since its first season, but I cannot remain silent after this most recent episode’s blatant misrepresentation of our great country and culture.

First, Canada does not have a President. It has a Prime Minister, who is not elected but appointed by the Prince of Canada, and anointed with the sacred maple syrup upon his inauguration.

Second, Canadians do not play music at a designated time every day. Instead, we engage in an interpretive dance recalling the founding of our great country and the awesomeness of our glorious Inuit, and the wonders of their laser eyes.

Third, no Canadian could ever bring him or herself to live in a simple house. Our culture forbids the use of dwellings that do not at least bear a resemblance to an igloo. Any Canadian family in the United States would be required by our cultural heritage to have their house rebuilt into the shape of an igloo.

Fourth, Canadians would never build a concrete wall preventing Americans from entering our great country. We would make it out of ice, with igloo decorations.

Fifth, for all your talk of the really cool things in Canada, you have shown none of them throughout the entire run of your series. How can you not show our annual Running of the Polar Bears? Yes, it has been condemned by the United Nations as being inhumane to every living thing involved, but Canada could not truly be Canada without it. How can you present our glorious Inuit without their laser eyes? And how can you, in good conscience, continue to depict our cities as boring and dull – like your American cities – and without their many igloo skyscrapers, igloo shopping malls, and igloo cathedrals?

Shame on you, Matt and Trey. Shame. If you must continue to present Canada on screen to your viewers, please make at least some effort to be accurate.

[Elomin Sha]

Why would they take your feelings seriously? They're not your friend, bud-deh.

[Garwulf]

Why would they take your feelings seriously? They're not your friend, bud-deh.

First, I'm not your bud-deh, pal...

Second, they should take my feelings seriously because we Canadians have our glorious Inuit with their laser eyes! Seriously, they're sort of scary...they shoot satellites out of the sky when they get bored...

[Elomin Sha]

Thirdly: I don't have, to, I'm English, we invented you Canadians.

Fourthly: I'm not you pal, guy.

[Garwulf]

Thirdly: I don't have, to, I'm English, we invented you Canadians.

Fourthly: I'm not you pal, guy.

Fifth, I'm not your guy, bud-deh!

Sixth, you English should show a little gratitude - after all, it was our beaver brigades and elite Canada Geese air force that saved you in the war!

[Elomin Sha]

Seventhly: they only existed because we had you cross-breed with the platypus.

Eighthly Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee,Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee,We're talkin' fuckin' Lee: I'm not your bud-deh, fella.

[Garwulf]

Seventhly: they only existed because we had you cross-breed with the platypus.

Eighthly Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee,Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee,We're talkin' fuckin' Lee: I'm not your bud-deh, fella.

Ninth, I'm not your fella, dude.

Tenth, please stop confusing us with the Australians...we cross-breed with the fearsome were-beaver, and its mighty teeth!

[Elomin Sha]

Eleven: Australians, Kiwis, Austrians, what's the difference?

Twelfti: I'm not your dude, love.

[Garwulf]

Eleven: Australians, Kiwis, Austrians, what's the difference?

Twelfti: I'm not your dude, love.

Fourteenth: I'm not your love, man.

Fifteenth: Count the fins!

(Somewhere there are some very confused Americans reading this thread and going "What the hell?!")

[Lord Chrusher]

Thirteenth, Kiwis don't know how to pronounce any of their vowels where as Australians merely sound like they are talking through their nose.

Fourteenth, I'm not you love, mate.

[Elomin Sha]

Thirteenth, Kiwis don't know how to pronounce any of their vowels where as Australians merely sound like they are talking through their nose.

Fourteenth, I'm not you love, mate.

Fifteenth A: You're talking absolute vegemite.

Sixteenth A: I'm not your mate, aquaintance.

Fourteenth: I'm not your love, man.

Fifteenth: Count the fins!

Fifteenth B: What do the Finnish have to do with this?

Sixteenth B: I'm not your man, boy.

[Garwulf]

Okay, I'm sorry, but I have to share this...

I just posted this open letter onto the IMDB for South Park...and so far I've had two replies in thread thinking it was serious!

I'm not kidding! Check it out: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0121955/boa ... 691073?p=1

Holy shit...I actually got somebody with this!

[Elomin Sha]

You should set up a second account then repost the dialogue from this thread to see if they catch on.

[Garwulf]

You should set up a second account then repost the dialogue from this thread to see if they catch on.

I don't know...it's too damn funny to wait and see how long it takes them on their own...

(I haven't laughed this hard in a while...)

[Ptangmatik]

Look, clearly everyone on the Internet is far too busy and important to ever read past the first line.
Ok, ok, well done for highlighting this smartypants :–P
And I'm not your boy, chum.

[AdmiralMemo]

(Somewhere there are some very confused Americans reading this thread and going "What the hell?!")

Yes indeedy.

[Garwulf]

(Somewhere there are some very confused Americans reading this thread and going "What the hell?!")

Yes indeedy.

Okay...let me put it this way:

When Americans talk about their country to foreigners, they often find themselves exaggerating a bit about its qualities, mainly because of a generally-earned sense of national pride.

When we Canadians talk about their country to foreigners, particularly Americans, we often like to exaggerate wildly just to see how much we can get people to believe, because it's funny.

That's all there is to it, really...

(Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go feed my dogsled team.)