The Aces of LRR

[Fenrir]

Now, I know we have a LGBT+ thread, but ...

I thought perhaps there could be an asexuality thread too. So! If anyone has issue with this being a separate thread then by all means close this, but in the meantime ...

Any asexuals in the house? Well...any who're comfortable enough to come forward.

[Timelady]

Yep! There's a few of us here; I'm not around the forums often enough these days to know who's still active or not. How's it all going?

[AdmiralMemo]

While I'm 100% heterosexual on that axis, on the asexual-hypersexual axis, I might as well be functionally asexual. I have a very low sex drive and very little sexual desire, probably topping out at 10% of average at max, more likely less.

In a world where every form of media is practically saturated with sexual desire in some form or another, it does make me uncomfortable at times.

[Elomin Sha]

I am Elomin!

[betsytheripper]

I'm gray-A, but dealing with a bit of an identity crisis right now, as I'm having very intense sexual attraction I've never felt before. I still feel that gray-A is a well-fitting way to identify myself, though.

[Psyclone]

Hey hey! I'm very much ace(/aro? who knows). Or grey ace, maybe. I've definitely been in situations like you, Betsy, so I don't really know what's going on. They always seem to end with me losing interest.

[Fenrir]

I've come to realize this year that I - much like my boyfriend, actually - am a homoromantic asexual. In my case I fluctuate between grey-ace and demisexual.

I posses a sex drive (and am certainly not sex averse) but rarely experience sexual attraction. And this has been more strongly focused toward my boyfriend, but only then after having formed an emotional bond with him.

[Antitonic]

Greetings sirs and/or madams, my card:

[Fenrir]

Welcome, Ant!

I must admit, I'm still trying to get this whole ace thing figured out. A lot of it - as I mentioned - has been informed upon by my boyfriend. It wasn't really anything I'd given a great deal of thought to until I got involved with him and he started telling me about his experiences as an asexual.

What've other peoples experiences been like?

[Elaro]

My experience has been insane and quite annoying. Am I an ace? I sure as hell wish I was. Does that make me one?

Then again, I sort of look down on sexual pleasure as the trick our brains pull on us to get us to reproduce. I think sex is inherently dishonest. If you don't want to have kids, why have sex? For the pleasure? In an honest activity, I feel, you want to do something, and you can let loose and just... I don't know, know that your body and mind are united in purpose. But sex, you have to take precautions against the very thing that is going to naturally happen! It's super dumb!

Also the whole "seeing something in a sexual light" thing is just a chore. I'm actually, genuinely interested in the subject matter without having to look out for sexual innuendo. It's like "woop dee doo, the Université de Montréal library is shaped like a tower with a dome on top." Knowing that it's "phallic" just make me uncomfortable. I don't want to know that! Maybe I'm schizoid, but people talking about sex in front of me makes me uncomfortable.

Also also, I don't get the appreciation of secondary sexual features. It's like, hey, here's some fat and muscles over some bones attached TO A GODDAMN PERSON who you should be paying attention to more than to their body.

Except... I masturbate, and I sometimes have intense desire for sex and intimacy. But I find no pleasure in other people's company. I find reassurance, yes, but I have to force myself to seek out people's company.

Anyway, I really wish I didn't have to deal with sex.

[AdmiralMemo]

What Elaro said +1

I mean, I have an attraction to and appreciation for female breasts, up until the moment that I actually think about it. Once I think about breasts as a concept, what they are and such, the attraction disappears. Perhaps it's just my latent emotions coming out, and when I actually engage my brain, it tamps everything down?

Maybe I should just stop thinking and I would end up being a happier person? Wait... Dangit... Sorry for bringing the Depression Thread in here.

[Psyclone]

I get that, Memo. I find people very attractive with their clothes on, but once they come off or I think about them coming off, I get get uncomfortable. I don't know what it is either.

[Fenrir]

Hmm. It kind of sounds a little like y'all are sex repulsed, maybe? http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Repulsed I'm not sure what else to say, honestly. Though if you're on tumblr there's http://theasexualityblog.tumblr.com/ It's a great little resource and you could submit an ask to see if they could point you toward some relevant source material that could help you make sense of things.

[AdmiralMemo]

No, I don't find sex repulsive, so that isn't it. I just have a neutral attitude about it with regards to me. It doesn't bring up any strong emotions when I think about it.

[Psyclone]

I'm definitely sex neutral, too. I've had it and enjoyed it, it's just never something I've been particularly passionate about and it's entirely physical.

[betsytheripper]

Here's where I vary: There are times I'm sex averse, and there are times I'm very pro-sex. That's why I feel most comfortable calling myself ace of diamonds.

Psyclone you mentioned sex being entirely physical, and thank you for it. I've had a very difficult time explaining to people that, to me, that's all sex is. It's like going running or something. While it can be enjoyable, and you can bond with someone over shared activities, there is no inherent emotional attachment to just doing an activity with someone. Honestly, I think this is part of why my last relationship really started crumbling, he couldn't disassociate any sexual desire from emotional desire, and thought if I didn't want sex I didn't want to be around him.

All this in mind, still having minor crisis over the guy I mentioned in the relationship thread. Ugh. Spontaneous sexual attraction is crap, can I go back to being more demi?

[iisazel]

I roll around the a-spectrum in terms of sexual attraction

[Eric the Orange]

OK first off I wouldn't say I'm completely asexual. I view my sex drive the same way I view having to eat, breath, or use the bathroom. It's just a thing that I have to take care off when my body needs to. Usually about once a month. But the rest of the time it's something that doesn't really cross my mind.

So that why I feel like I'm an alien living among humans most of the time. Once you start looking at human culture from the outside you begin to see just how prevalent sex/sexualization is in everything. Well that's an exaggeration obviously, but it does seem to permeate most human cultures to a large degree.

And It's not like I don't understand. From a biological perspective the need to pass on ones genes is second only to the need of self preservation. So it makes sense that it would be a kind of common denominator thing.

Which is all the more reason I feel like such an outsider a lot of the time. Like I'm missing something that is one of the most basic things about being human, or even being an animal.

Try and imagine if everyone else in the world was obsessed with, like, sticking their heads in bowls of jello. Like it was everywhere, in books, movies, TV, advertisements. Large portions of the internet were dedicated to it, and those that weren't still had it involved in some way. How weird would it feel to be someone who had no interest in sticking your head in jello, to see everyone else so obsessed with it. That's kind of how I feel not caring about sex in our world.

[Paviel]

I guess I know too much about sex to want to do most of the activities associated with sex. I don't even enjoy masturbating very much. (And whatever enjoyment I do get from it diminishes pretty quickly.)

Yet I'm not sure if I can really call myself asexual, because there is one thing that I'm pretty interested in trying. Just... not interested enough to do it with anyone who isn't already a good friend, and it's not something that I would risk a friendship for. So it's kind of a catch-22 situation, albeit not one that I mind very much.

If nothing else, I enjoy reading, fantasizing, and even talking about sex much more than I think I would enjoy having it.

[Lear1987]

I had a really awkward conversation with a coworker recently trying to describe how someone can be asexual. What finally got it through to them was describing my interest in sex like cocaine. It seems like it would be an interesting experience but not something I'm ever going to put any effort into making happen because its a curiosity or academic interest at best.

Now if only I could get people to quit trying to set me up with everyone because they think i just haven't found the right person. You'd think telling someone you've got no interest in dating would be enough but its evidently not. Though I have met a few nice Ace ladies through the less avoidable attempts to get me to date someone.

[King Kool]

I hesitated posting in this thread because I don't actually know if I am asexual. I masturbate, but I'm not nearly as attracted to most women as most men I know (it's partially that I don't say anything, but also that I know I'm not thinking about it).

And yet, I'll see a beautiful woman or a photo of one, or a longtime friend who I like... and I'll be filled with sadness and what I think poets called "longing."

I may be asexual, but I am definitely not aromantic.

Lucky me.

[Fenrir]

Gah, I've neglected HERE too...

King Kool, that kind of sounds like possibly aesthetic attraction, maybe? Like...being able to ID someone is attractive but not really having any desire to act on it.

It also sounds like your romantic attraction, at least, is hetero. Though from the sounds of it maybe gray asexual would be appropriate for you? Assuming you want to label it.

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.ph ... A_/_Grey-A

Like, for example, I'd ID myself as a homoromantic gray asexual. My *romantic* orientation is gay, but my sexual attraction tends to flux. I mean, I've had sex with my boyfriend, I masturbate but sex isn't the be all and end all for me.

Hope that helps!

[Timelady]

I experience a lot of aesthetic attraction too, if that's any comfort to anyone. Just...ooooh, you're pretty. And have pretty eyelashes. And I like that scarf. Or, just, something <i>clicks</i> and I want to be friends with you and am getting butterflies for that. (And the occasional 'I am lonely as hell and you don't look like a serial killer' night. Those are fun. ) It feels sort of strange going in and untangling it all, figure out what it all really <i>is</i> for you, but you learn some pretty interesting things along the way.