Wish Corrupting Game

[JustAName]

It's not, it's 12:23 a.m. That still counts as night.

I wish life wasn't so scary.

[Geoff_B]

Granted. You are forced to be a good person and no longer wish to maim and/or murder things. Thus removing 83% of the scariness of life.

I wish my computer would blow up. While I'm out of the room.

[dackwards d]

Your computer blows up and the internet escapes. Hundreds are injured by the wild internet, scared and in an unfamiliar environment, before it is finally recaptured by the International Web Wranglers Association. As one of the few witnesses to the secretive organisation's actions you are disposed of. They make it appear you were killed in the explosion of your computer then disappear into the night, once more the unsung heroes.

I wish that I could speak another language as well as english.

[Rubberbandninja]

Granted, you can now speak Jibbuwotz. 3 people in the world can speak it, and none of them have internet or live near you.

I wish I had a fresh, non-messed-up pineapple.

[Dutch guy]

Granted, but it's a mutated species in which the flesh eating enzyme is so powerful you can't eat it as it would dissolve you from the inside out!

I wish I had a bigger hammer.

[Geoff_B]

Granted. You can't lift it.

I wish I lived in Ponyville

[Jamfalcon]

Granted. Unfortunately, none of the ponies like you so they all left. You are trapped alone forever.

I wish the weather was about 20 degrees (Celsius), overcast, but without any rain, hail, or other falling weather objects.

[Keab42]

Granted. Unfortunately you are in the projected landing zone of that falling satellite. Good luck dodging that.

I wish my LRR DVDs would hurry up and arrive.

[Geoff_B]

Granted. They've arrived at my house! Ha!

I wish I wasn't so tired

[Fezzul]

Granted. You drink Uber-Redbull and now you are SO FUCKING AWAKE IT HURTS... AHHHH! You will now never sleep again.

I wish I was magical.

[dackwards d]

Granted. You have the magical ability to tell whenever someone picks a radish within 15 metres of you. You also sparkle.

I wish for peace on earth, joy to the world, and a badass monster truck.

[Tycherin]

Granted. All humans have stopped fighting to revel in the wondrous thing that is life. Also, you now have a bad ass-monster truck. It is filled with all kinds of bad ass-monsters. Have fun with that.

I wish that scientists would make up their minds about the theory of relativity.

[JackSlack]

Done, and then some. Not only do they work out the Theory of Relativity completely, but it leads to a grand unified theory of physics, putting millions of physicists out of jobs. The economic repercussions are devastating.

I wish you were a noble djinn.

[Gap Filler]

Granted, and thanks.

You are of course aware of semantics, yes? Noble in this context need not necessarily signify honour.

I wish my porridge was just right.

[Dutch guy]

Granted, your .5 milliliters of porridge is just right.

I wish I could lift this massive hammer.

[Geoff_B]

Granted. It's now a tiny hammer.

I wish today hadn't gone by so fast.

[Duckay]

Wish granted. What have you done, Geoff_B? Now it's today, forever and ever and ever...

I wish I could just find the stuff I like so I can get this organizing and shopping over and done with.

[goat]

Granted, however the pleasure was in the journey and not in the goal. Enjoy your lack of fulfillment.

I wish I were a real boy.

[Jamfalcon]

Granted. Unfortunately, you've just been eaten by a whale.

I wish I could think of an amazingly witty wish.

[goat]

Granted. Witty, but extremely racist. Enjoy that ostracism!

I wish I could pull a Jonah, re: my whale problem.

[Geoff_B]

Granted. You get thrown up onto a beach covered in sick with your skin going through the early stages of digestion!

I wish I knew what I was talking about

[dackwards d]

Granted. You are now incapable of speech, and as such know nothing.

I wish I had gotten here sooner so I could make the obvious joke about goat "pulling a Jonah."

[goat]

Granted! Our attention is undivided and completely focused on your joke telling abilities. Your performance will determine our opinions of you for the rest of your life. NO PRESSURE.

I wish my skin was less... digested.

[Fezzul]

Granted. Your sking is now digestive. In that it is made of Digestive Biscuits. You are eaten by lower-middle class grannies who need something to dunk in their tea.

I wish I could get English sweets in American candy shops.

[goat]

Granted! But they've been americanized in hopes of reaching a wider market. I hope you like your sweets deep fried and wrapped in bacon.

I wish grannies had better colonic performance so that no other partially digested person with my luck has the same problem.