Wish Corrupting Game

[plummeting_sloth]

Done. You see the world perfectly in it's totality. Your mind collapses into madness almost instantly.

I wish my wallet produced 20 dollar bills.

[Mowinckel]

granted, but they instantly catch fire, so your wallet is just always on fire now

I wish my knife was sharper

[Drecon]

Granted. Your knife now becomes sentient and has a razor-sharp wit. The downsides: you can't cut anything with it anymore. Also, nobody can hear his voice but you.
Slowly you go insane, eventually giving in to the suggestions of the knife of using it on yourself...

I wish I could get a job.

[Master Gunner]

(Umm...about your granting of Mow's wish...that's already true. Hence why he wanted the knife to be sharper. Mow is an odd person, he stabbed himself in the ear yesterday because it felt itchy).

Granted, your job is to reenact the 12 labours of Heracles. You don't get any of his powers though. Have fun with the stables.

I wish I didn't hate my job for no reason.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. You now have tons of legitimate reasons to hate your job; your manager, the guy just down the corridor who shouts at the top his voice all day, the spiders.

I wish I didn't get so fatigued.

[plummeting_sloth]

Granted. You know have perfect, unending endurance. Much like the SMBC comic with Superman, your local town council now requests you to turn a dynamo continuously in order to create free energy.

I wish these bananas would a little slower

[ex-Lurker]

Granted, the bananas now stop time in an area around them, trapping thousands.

I wish for a nice hat.

[Fezzul]

Granted, but it's two sizes to small for you, so you can't wear it.

I wish I could make myself consistently happy.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. You can make yourself, but it comes at the expense of the use of your legs whilst the ability is 'turned on'. Walking, driving and all other mobile activity instantly becomes the object of your intense hatred, due to the sadness that must necessarily come with it.

I wish I didn't feel the need to spend so much time online.

[Drecon]

Granted. You are now an apple.

I wish I wasn't allergic to fruit.

[Koyote042]

Granted. You are a fruit bat. Which doesn't seem like a bad wish at first until you try to tell one of your friends about it and get smacked dead by an unsuspecting broom. Now you are a dead fruit bat.

I wish I was a robot unicorn.

[Bebop Man]

Granted.

Your job is to get killed by every Odin Sphere protagonist. Repeatedly.

I wish I had a copy of Dragon's Crown.

[plummeting_sloth]

Done. The Dragon has you arrested for copyright infringement and lese majeste.

I wish the batteries on my wireless mouse didn't loose their charge.

[CaptainEnder7]

Granted. Rather than loosing charge, they now increase in charge whenever you use them until they explode.

I wish I could write better.

[Bebop Man]

Granted. You're Ernest Hemingway on the day he blew his brains out.

I wish my teeth were so PERFECT I wouldn't have to go the dentist ever again.

[ex-Lurker]

Granted, your teeth are now so shiny white that you can't smile again, as that would blind everyone around you.

I wish I have a normal sleep schedule.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. Your sleep schedule is optimised according to Beijing time, meaning you are always asleep at inconvenient times of day.

I wish I weren't so scared of university.

[Ptangmatik]

Granted! Now the university is scared of you, good luck finding where it's hidden itself

I wish I could crochet

[Hepheastus]

Granted! Now all you can do is Crochet, you cant ever put the needles down and you slowly die a painful death of dehydration. You do however make a nice sweater to remember you by

I wish I was a Cyborg

[Amake]

Granted! You now have a wire in your brain that simulates pleasure when you kill. It's the only way you're able to feel anything because the rest of your body is sort of like a tractor, except packed full of guns. And it's owned by the state. I could only pull the funding to make you a cyborg by getting a defense contract. Sorry about that.

I wish James Cameron would stop goofing around with the Avatars and start filming Battle Angel Alita, soon.

[Bebop Man]

Granted. It stars Megan Fox.

I wish games weren't so expensive.

[Fezzul]

Granted. But they just put a 300% markup on consoles.

I wish I had a Gretsch guitar.

[Bebop Man]

Granted. You can't pluck a single chord without it snapping off and slashing your eye, though.

I wish I had a portal gun.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. It can only fire the orange half of the portal. The blue half is permanently embedded in a wall in Basildon.

I wish it were about ten degrees cooler.

[Ptangmatik]

Granted! The sudden reduction of ten degrees in your local area causes an immense shift in the weather pattern, the sudden cold front makes the air denser, dragging in a lot of warmer air into the sudden void left by the compacting of the local air, resulting in a category F5 tornado.

No survivors.

I wish to better understand quantum physics