Wish Corrupting Game

[Dutch guy]

Granted, Your revolution is crushed by the military within hours.

I wish I had more time without losing any I'm already using.

[Keab42]

Granted. Your lifespan has been increased by 30 seconds. Use it wisely.

I wish I could sleep.

[Kirkygirl]

Granted. You now turn into Sleeping Beauty and the only way you can be awakened is by a very ugly knight named "Sir Humpslefreg". And he is a very, very lonely man.

I wish everyone that is sad right now in the world had at least one day of happiness.

-Kirkygirl

[aeric90]

Granted! That day is February 29th, 2011.

I wish I had a robot.

[MotorWaffle]

Granted. It's a terminator, and it's after you.
I wish I had the authority to hit skater punks who ride in front of my car.

[epocalypse]

Granted, you do, but also the duty. Wnen you don't hit skater punks, we take your toes off, one at a time.

I wish that I wasn't leaving just quite yet, but got where I was going in time.

[Evil Jim]

Congratulation! Unfortunately, now that the world knows about your teleportation ability you'll never be able to rest peacefully in one place for long.

I wish I could redo the events of this past evening & make it end on a much more positive note.

[epocalypse]

Granted, Welcome to Groundhog Eve! It may take several hundred to thousand goes, so I recommend picking up some hobbies, like the pipe organ, and Macramé.


I wish for... damn, I don't know, little help?

[operagirl95]

Granted! A diminutive help shows up on your doorstep, with magical powers to assist you in any way possible! Unfortunately, he's so small you step on him when you look outside to see who rang the doorbell...

I wish I could move tomorrow.

[The Jester]

Granted, but it is now moved to the end of next week and leaves you and everyone else on Earth rather confused.

I wish I had some way of making steady money for the forseeable future.

[Dutch guy]

Granted, you get 1 cent every day for the next 10 years to let a guy come and punch you in the 'nadz every day.

I wish the weather didnt suck right now.

[Arius]

Granted, it blows. Hope you like tornados.

I wish I was pefectly healthy.

[Myrph]

Granted, you become perfectly healthy! Not only that you are the only person who has the antibodies to resist a deadly virus which has infected the rest of the population! Have fun being the only person left on the planet!

I wish I could cram all the knowledge I need for my exams ready for them next week...

[Keab42]

You instantly acquire all the knowledge required for your exams. However the sudden input of data makes your brain explode. Good luck with that.

I wish my voice would recover.

[JustAName]

Granted. Your voice is now so euphonious that everyone will do what you say, and you spend the rest of your life not talking for fear of a misinterpreted colloquialism.

I wish I wouldn't get stage fright for my clarinet recital today.

[The Jester]

Granted, but the stage is now frightened of you and won't keep still for you to perform on it.

I wish I could, at will, jump into and out of whatever fictional universe I want.

[thadivilhimsewf]

Granted: you are now hunted by the secret cult of baby eaters that previously had a monopoly on that power, however.

I wish to no longer head a secret cult of baby eaters that can jump into and out of fictional universes at will. Hypothetically.

[The Jester]

Wish granted. However, since it was I, your new nemasis, who... "retired" you, I can say with complete certainty that you won't get much fun out of your retirement.

I wish I had a new nemasis.

[wartjr2373]

Granted, but because there is no such thing as a nemasis, I have full artistic liberty to make up what that means, and I've decided that a nemasis is a black hole. You've doomed us all. Thanks a lot.

I wish I could afford to travel to Seattle for PAX Prime.

[JustAName]

Granted, but now I won't be able to go, consequently the LRR crew won't get the cookies I was planning on making for them, and they will always blame you for it.

I wish I had the ability to acquire knowledge quickly and retain an infinite amount of knowledge without going insane.

[ThrashJazzAssassin]

Granted, but in return you must read all of the ever-increasing supply of really bad "dark fantasy" novels trying to cash in on the success of Twilight. Have fun being unable to forget a single word of them!

I wish my computer would FUCKING. STAY. FIXED.

[Arius]

Granted, it's stolen by a computer technician.

I wish I hadn't swallowed bleach.

[Mister Fiend]

Granted! You swallowed Naruto instead, and are beaten to death by enraged Narutards who have been denied their filler arcs and pointless side stories.

I wish I wasn't staring at an uncomfortably large amount of my own blood right now.

[aeric90]

*turns you around so you're facing the other way* Granted!

I wish I could get breakfast delivered straight to my desk.

[operagirl95]

Granted. But it's a cold omelet and you have no microwave.

I wish I had $700 for plane tickets.