Wish Corrupting Game

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. He is now four miles away from his lorry and has to walk back.

I wish I could sand this axehead down easily

[wartjr2373]

Granted. Axehead is too easily sanded. Axehead is no more.

I wish test cases weren't a thing in software development.

[Master Gunner]

Granted. No need to twist that, it's just a really horrible wish to begin with.

As a matter of fact, I wish test cases back into existence for software development. I rather like things that work, thank you very much.

[wartjr2373]

I didn't say no tests; I said no test cases. Your wish is granted. There are plenty of test cases, but no one ever runs through them.

I wish the phrase "thank you very much" wasn't most commonly used in sarcasm.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. It is now the accepted word for those ideas formerly expressed using the words 'a', 'the', 'yes', 'no' and 'do you have a penis?' simultaneously. Conversation is now virtually impossible and takes ages.

I wish my computer was faster.

[Ptangmatik]

Granted! Your computer went INCREDIBLY fast, off that cliff

I wish I had a bar of chocolate

[nicholasmc1]

Granted you have an extreme case case of diabetes and that chocolate bar leads you to an early grave.

I wish my work had air conditioning..

[empath]

Granted; you're going to get a nasty cold from that overpowered a/c.

I wish I didn't have to go to work in this pending "winter storm" tomorrow...

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted; you've been fired (although given the stuff you say about your job that might not be much of a punishment)

I wish I was good at writing lipograms

[Gap Filler]

Granted. Lipograms are now banned.

I wish for an illusion of romance, as opposed to an illusion of sex and love which I get every year about this time.

[Ptangmatik]

Granted! you get to watch the perfect illusion of romance on TV.
On your own.
In your pants.
Eating crappy cheap ice cream.

I wish I wasn't so jaded

[Gap Filler]

Granted. You've passed your cynicism onto everyone close to you. They now resent your artificial cheeriness.

I wish I had a sentient suitcase.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. The first time you tried to open it, it began screaming in pain and wouldn't stop until beaten to a useless pulp to put it out of its misery.

I wish I could think of something to do for my birthday

[Gap Filler]

Granted. Throw a party alone.

I wish the septic tank was clean.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. Its entire dirt covering and contents, down to the last excess molecule, have been teleported into your kitchen.

I wish I could think of something to blog about

[Danzama]

Granted, enjoy blogging about your most recent bank robbery. Also enjoy time behind bars

I wish I visited the LRRums more often.

[JackSlack]

Done. They're filled with LRR fans. Oh burn.

I wish I had 20/20 vision.

[plummeting_sloth]

Done. The horrifying hallucinations that accompany this wish are now crystal clear.

I wish I had a better rate on my loan.

[Ptangmatik]

Granted! your %apr is now nicely small, the size of your loan has been adjusted to compensate, meaning you pay the same amount for much MUCH longer.

But hey! the %'s smaller! Numbers, yay!

I wish I already knew all the knowledge I need to pass this course; without it replacing other, more pleasurable memories.

[JackSlack]

Done. It replaces no more pleasurable but arguably more important memories, such as remembering how to drive, eat, and speak.

I wish I was being cuddled by my wife right now.

[Duckay]

Done. You're at work, though. Your boss objects to you being cuddled by your wife instead of working and fires you on the spot.

I wish I was less sleepy and more mentally engaged in things.

[Kapol]

Granted. You're never able to sleep anymore, and your focus can only be on a single thing at a time.

I wish that I could change the world to suit my whims.

[Ptangmatik]

Granted! But only your subconscious whims.

Within two weeks the fractures in reality and the area cause the local earth's crust to severely rupture, turning everything in a 20 mile radius of you into s supervolcano, which your subconscious turns into candyfloss (you were peckish), choking you to death and destabilizing the planet.

I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. The turkey is still alive, and objects to being eaten.

I wish I could stop noticing that little stop that happens every time Kapol's gif circle goes round

[Gap Filler]

Granted. Kapol replaced it with a gif of the circle going the other way.

I wish had three heads and a fifteen inch willy.