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- Alja's Words of Wisdom -

• Don't marry too soon. There's no rush.
  
• Don't have kids too soon. You need to be more than ready to handle being entirely responsible for someone's life.
  
• Don't have more than two kids naturally. Global population growth at this point is bad, mmkay? Maintain the status quo, or reduce it with one or no kids. However, adopt as many as you like.
  
• Don't let others pressure you. If your parents want grandkids, tell them to go volunteer at a day care, or a child's hospital, or an orphanage, and to stop living vicariously through you.
  
• Don't care about what some people think. Love who your heart chooses, no matter their gender, race, religion, age, etc. Genuinely love, and let everything else fall into place.
  
• Don't worry about being alone. Love is found in many places, and in many forms. Don't go dating just because you feel lonely. Instead make friends, become part of a community, and let love find its way to you. Eventually you'll meet someone who you are drawn to, and perhaps them to you.
  
• Take chances. Not stupid risks, of course, but chances. Go out with friends, meet new people, say hello to strangers. If you are gently pushed by someone else to step out of your comfort zone from time to time, DO IT. Worst thing that happens is that you have a mediocre time, but who knows, maybe you'll have a blast and find something or someone new to spend time on.
  
• Love selflessly. The purest love is that for others. Do what is best for the person you love and what makes them happiest, even if it means sacrificing things you yourself want. This ranges from doing simple little things for them (like leaving love notes, making breakfast in bed, going to the movie they want to see instead of yours), to the opposite extreme of letting them live their life how they want to, even to the point of letting them go if that's what will truly make them happy.

~Alja~

AmazingPjotrMan wrote:What ever happened to getting married at 16, giving birth to at least five children and then have the eldest take over your farm?

Suffrage?

Allen! wrote:My mom never got married.
But she keeps dropping hints that I should.

You should, Allen!. You are quite a catch.

(I'll let the crew laugh at that for me.)

Truthfully though, my parents didn't have me or my brother until they were 28 or 29, but they got married when they were 24 or 25. It is a matter of maturity anyway. I told my parents that I don't want to date until I have a good solid hold on my life.

But to take this thread in a different direction, perhaps to get some insight onto why your moms do this, how close are you to your mom?

My Mother was 19 when she got married, my Father was 26. I was born when she was 20. My sister was born 5.5 years later.

I don't have that problem my parents and some of my family believe I might be gay. I don't know what gives them that impression, I just prefer being on my own. It does allow me to wind them up sometimes but doesn't help me in the long run.

Elomin Sha wrote:I don't have that problem my parents and some of my family believe I might be gay. I don't know what gives them that impression, I just prefer being on my own. It does allow me to wind them up sometimes but doesn't help me in the long run.

I was single for so long in my early twenties that my Father started to worry that I was gay. I'm straight. I just had an annoyingly long dry spell.

Alja-Markir wrote:- Alja's Words of Wisdom -

[*]Don't have kids too soon. You need to be more than ready to handle being entirely responsible for someone's life.


~Alja~

Well , daaamn

I also think it's inpart to me not doing anything with a girl at all and they don't believe my answer of 'I've got video games to play.'

Tetsubo wrote:

Elomin Sha wrote:I don't have that problem my parents and some of my family believe I might be gay. I don't know what gives them that impression, I just prefer being on my own. It does allow me to wind them up sometimes but doesn't help me in the long run.

I was single for so long in my early twenties that my Father started to worry that I was gay. I'm straight. I just had an annoyingly long dry spell.

=P nothing wrong with bein gay. I'm happier then most hetero couples i know.

Elomin Sha wrote:I also think it's inpart to me not doing anything with a girl at all and they don't believe my answer of 'I've got video games to play.'

What confused me is that I had been chasing women since I was five. Actively at age fourteen. There was little doubt in my head that I was hetero. My gay stepbrother told my Father the same.

Hakaryu wrote:

Tetsubo wrote:

Elomin Sha wrote:I don't have that problem my parents and some of my family believe I might be gay. I don't know what gives them that impression, I just prefer being on my own. It does allow me to wind them up sometimes but doesn't help me in the long run.

I was single for so long in my early twenties that my Father started to worry that I was gay. I'm straight. I just had an annoyingly long dry spell.

=P nothing wrong with bein gay. I'm happier then most hetero couples i know.

I never said there was. I'm just not gay.

I know your not. I was just making a poorly told joke.

I am sure a good portion of my HS was convinced I was a lesbian. I wasn't... I just refused to date ANYone. My best friend from HS is a lesbian though. She was dating guys at the time. People just thought she was "weird".

Infact... I'm quite sure a good many people are convinced I'm lesbian. I'm not. Not near it. Not even remotely bi. I'm just anti-social and more than a bit of an outcast.

Now... my parents just think I'm stubborn. That's their own fault. They told me from a very young age I wasn't allowed to date till I was 30. Do you know what that does to a pre-teen's psyche?

2stepz wrote:I am sure a good portion of my HS was convinced I was a lesbian. I wasn't... I just refused to date ANYone. My best friend from HS is a lesbian though. She was dating guys at the time. People just thought she was "weird".

Infact... I'm quite sure a good many people are convinced I'm lesbian. I'm not. Not near it. Not even remotely bi. I'm just anti-social and more than a bit of an outcast.

Now... my parents just think I'm stubborn. That's their own fault. They told me from a very young age I wasn't allowed to date till I was 30. Do you know what that does to a pre-teen's psyche?

How old were your parents when *they* started to date? I bet it was under 30...

My mom was pregnant with me at 16... Dad was 23. (Actually, if my calculations are correct, I was a suprise birthday present for my father.)

I know what they intended. It was an overcorrection of "don't make the mistakes we did." Unfortunately, it was repeated often enough and widely enough that it basically destroyed any self-esteem I should have been developing for the relationship world.

My parents didn't get married until they were around 30 and 40 (assuming I counted backwards correctly, all I know is they got married about 25 years ago, my father is in his mid-60's, and my mother had been a teacher for several years and had half a masters degree when they married), and that seems to run in the family (my grandmother's almost 90, and I know that she didn't marry until several years after WWII ended).

So coming from this corner: Take your time, get your education, get your career on track, and make sure you can support yourself before you start trying to support others.

As for me, I'm busy, high-school girls annoy me most of the time, I feel 20 years older than I am, and quite frankly, I'm just not that interested. I know I'm fully hetero, especially if my porn folder is any indication, but I have no interest in actually going out there at this point, I got better things to do. Like play through Fallout 3 again.

Honestly, I'm young and I'm not in the "I want my own life and date poeple before I settle down/know what I want. I know what I want, I know who I want, I know when I want it. I'm most likely set to marry young and nothing excites me more than waking up to the beautiful heart and sexy bitch that is my huband. (boyfriend nao) It's been heavily discussed between us, and I think maturity has a lot more to do it rather than age. I know some 34 yr olds that aren't in the "settle down" mode, and that's perfectly fine. But I also know younger people who are in settle down mode and have the maturity and stability to do so.


Cake, I don't think there is anything wrong with your mom, she's jsut excited for the future!

If you makes you feel better, Cake, I'm 19 and my Dad turned to me the other day and goes "You need to join or club or something. Get out of the house, meet some boys. Don't you want to get married?"

To answer the question, in case you're interested, I'd totally like to get married.

Also, Pjotr, about your whole married-at-sixteen/five kids/farm thing: I'd like to invite you to visit my hometown.

Mouse! How I missed thee!

Lavos wrote:Mouse! How I missed thee!

Lavos, I can't beleive the forumites haven't killed you yet!
Kidding. Missed you, too, love.

I have quested far through La La Land and found it wanting and returned to the internets and no job.

Seriously, the movie business is SO not what it's cracked up to be. Stay away. Far away. *goes back to her novel writing*

My parents have never asked me anything about that. I think my sister ruined it for me when she had a child out of wedlock. I think they're just fine with me not reproducing, and I'm fine with it, too.

I don't know if they think I'm gay or awkward or what. I'm not really concerned with that they think about it. If they ever ask me, "Are you gay?" I'm going to say, "If I am, I hope you won't have a problem with that." and just let that stew for as long as it can.

My father knows his own dating history (I don't know his, and I'd rather not), so he knows what to measure my history on. So, if by chance, my father was a virgin until he met my mother, I have no idea. He was 30 when he married, so as far as that goes, I'm on schedule.

Slightly off-topic, babies are the ugliest things ever. All babies and toddlers, etc. look like midgets that went through a rock tumbler. Babies aren't cute (sometimes they DO things that are cute, but that's behavior); kittens are cute.

When I was over my brother's friend's house, they had his niece over. She's nice enough, but since they were playing poker and I didn't have enough to buy in, I just played Rock Band 2 and basically baby-sat her.

And that's when I realized: I simply do NOT understand what the reward of parenthood is. Is it that you've created this thing that you can be proud of? I can do that with a movie or a story and it can come out a lot more the way I hope it does. I look at it the way someone might look at someone obsessing over painting tiny minatures. "Why are you wasting your time, man? What is the point of this?"

Maybe it's like that quote from Dr. Seuss, as to why he never had children: "You keep having kids, I'll keep writing books for them."

I would love to get married some day, but at my age, I just have to doubt the likelihood of it ever happening. I think I'm what they call the 'hard sell.'
(is sad now; should not think about this)

My parents have yet to pressure me into getting married and poppin' out grankids for them.
My friends on the other hands, keep on openly saying how I should date more, and meet new people, because they're all in long termc ommitted relationships and happy, and I'm single, so I must be unhappy.

Jillers wrote:My parents have yet to pressure me into getting married and poppin' out grankids for them.
My friends on the other hands, keep on openly saying how I should date more, and meet new people, because they're all in long termc ommitted relationships and happy, and I'm single, so I must be unhappy.

HAHAHAH just wait till one of them breaks up and then they will be like "WEE SINGLE LYFE IS SEWWWW GREAT, EVERYONE SHUD BE SINGLE!"

so I'm 27 with a 9 month old baby (so I was pregnant at 26 if that makes a difference)

People tell me all the time they think that's young but I don't want to be 50 when my kids only 15. come on people!

About not having more than 2 kids I think that's silly. I read a statistic that people are only having 1.2 kids per couple on average (No, it's not one kid and one short kid) and I feel like people should have at least one kid each. it's not hard people!
on the other hand, I would never have had a kid without getting married and with marriage at an all time low that could be another reason births are down. not that everyone waits for that...

Mum was not a huge fan of my ex husband (he was alot older than me) when we got divorced, she was very upset that I had wasted 4 years and had no kids to show for it. She doesn't have much faith in my choice of husbands it seems, and isn't trying to get me married. But she does want me to get some kids around here. Her hints are very unsubtle, to the point that she introduced me to a co-worker who wants a kid (and is gay, so needs a gal to help out). Imagine how awkward that situation would be..for everyone involved.