Horror Story

Drop by and talk about anything you want. This is where all cheese-related discussions should go
User avatar
Telaril
Posts: 810
Joined: 30 Jul 2008, 06:07

Horror Story

Postby Telaril » 09 Dec 2008, 08:40

The day was cold, the kind of cold that burns the skin if you stand still. The kind of cold that stings, that even close company can't entirely chase away. I meant to go home after lunch, but my friends bade me go deeper into the mall.

"We'll go to the bookstore," they said. "You like books."

I do indeed like books. I like them a great deal, both the text within them and the art of the binding. The beauty of form, and heft, and typeface, and title. At home, old hardcovers share shelves with paperbacks. Here a copy of Don Quixote with a gilt cover, there an old cloth-bound Secret Garden with beautiful illustrations. Sometimes I will buy a classic I am unfamiliar with simply because it has a truly beautiful cover – the blood-red copy of the Scarlet Pimpernel sits on the top shelf, beautiful and so far unchallenged, next to dog-eared copies of Pratchett books. Other times I'll buy hardcover editions of books I love, my leather bound Hitchhikers' Guide sharing a shelf with the Portrait of a Lady.

I have added to this collection with discoveries in used bookstores, yes, but I have equally often discovered some bargain in the cavernous houses of retail that dot the land. It was into such a place that I ventured on that day.

We stepped into the store. It was bright and crowded, nearly cheerful, belying the wickedness fate had in store. I allowed my eyes to wander the tables, judging books, as they say, by their covers.

One book in particular drew my eye. It was perfect in proportion, encased in a crisp, dark slipcover with square edges. The cover was black on black, the matte finish of the field chased with glistening black designs, abstract and lace-like. In the center was an image of two hands, pale and white, grasping a red apple. It was a beautiful book, so beautiful it scarce mattered what text lay within. The object itself might be worth owning, for the striking look on the shelf, for the satisfying heft in the hand. I moved closer, toward the table where it lay.

I reached my hand out to touch it. As my palm hit the smooth, satisfying material of the cover, I happened to catch a glance at the title.

"Twilight."

I drew my hand away as if burned. Perhaps I was. My friend looked at me in horror.

"You touched it. You can't un-touch it." He said. I know, now, that he was right. He was right.





(based on a true story)
User avatar
Tim
proudfoot
Posts: 4213
Joined: 22 Nov 2007, 19:10
First Video: Something funny.
Location: Victoria
Contact:

Postby Tim » 09 Dec 2008, 08:54

So if I'm reading this right... You basically encountered a vampire in book form. Alluring, but deadly.

Did it sparkle in the sunlight, kind of?
Special People: Superhero-with-a-twist web fiction, updating twice weekly.
Losing Freight: A sci-fi serial where readers vote on daily polls to shape the future of the story!
User avatar
thatguyfromtheplace
Posts: 23
Joined: 04 Dec 2008, 18:20

Postby thatguyfromtheplace » 09 Dec 2008, 11:44

my pity, you can never untouch it. Can anyone explain why one of the twilight books has a chess picture on the cover? Also I have not yet touched a twilight book, but it was a close call.
That guy from the place with that thing, you know?
User avatar
Lyinginbedmon
Posts: 10808
Joined: 20 Dec 2007, 18:08
First Video: BioShocked
Location: Darlington, Co. Durham
Contact:

Re: Horror Story

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 09 Dec 2008, 12:08

Telaril wrote:"Twilight."

I drew my hand away as if burned. Perhaps I was. My friend looked at me in horror.
I only meant to stay a while.

:P
User avatar
Alex Steacy
Posts: 2264
Joined: 12 Mar 2004, 22:35
First Video: Beats me! No seriously Graham hits me.
Location: In transit
Contact:

Postby Alex Steacy » 09 Dec 2008, 12:37

We need an old priest and a young priest.
Someone fetch some holy salt, candles and an axe.

Everything's going to be okay.
Image
User avatar
Mouse
Posts: 892
Joined: 11 Jan 2007, 11:26
Location: Spokanistan

Postby Mouse » 09 Dec 2008, 13:04

Alex Steacy wrote:We need an old priest and a young priest.
Someone fetch some holy salt, candles and an axe.

Everything's going to be okay.


I've got the Holy Water, Holy Oil and a Rabbi (because the Catholics never seem to get it right the first time).
-Holy kleenex, Batman, it was right under our noses the whole time!
-Satan wears a bucket hat!
-If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of?
-Lewis has AIDS
-Meddle ye not with dragons, for ye are crunchy and good with ketchup
User avatar
Shandi
Posts: 504
Joined: 28 Nov 2007, 01:21
First Video: The Secret Life of Toast
Location: Victoria
Contact:

Deadly Attraction

Postby Shandi » 09 Dec 2008, 13:24

I empathize immensely!
I too am often drawn to books in this way with no knowledge of their contents. I love stories, but completely separately I also love the books themselves. I try not to go into book stores because when I pick a book up I rarely have the strength to put it back down. Luckily I haven't had the misfortune of picking up a Twilight yet.
*shudder*

Side note: My Tolkien paperbacks are of this alluring design; glossy on matte black.
-Image
This is why I'm LOL!
-Shandi
User avatar
Daco
Posts: 542
Joined: 25 Jul 2007, 15:26
First Video: can't remember
Location: Belgium
Contact:

Postby Daco » 09 Dec 2008, 15:01

Alex Steacy wrote:We need an old priest and a young priest.
Someone fetch some holy salt, candles and an axe.

Everything's going to be okay.

is holy water, a whip, an axe and a knife ok?
Image
DOOR STUCK DOOR IS STUCK
User avatar
Emperor Gum
Posts: 2110
Joined: 24 May 2008, 20:02
First Video: Moving Out
Location: Cheltenham, UK
Contact:

Postby Emperor Gum » 09 Dec 2008, 15:14

Alex Steacy wrote:We need an old priest and a young priest.
Someone fetch some holy salt, candles and an axe.

Everything's going to be okay.

Wow, that's my saturday night right there! I don't know...
Image
User avatar
wilson_x1999
Posts: 1090
Joined: 18 Aug 2007, 16:31
First Video: Quantum Documentary
Location: Monterrey, Mexico
Contact:

Postby wilson_x1999 » 09 Dec 2008, 15:22

You need to pull an Ash Williams and chop your hand!

Also, we should ask Matt, he might know something about this XD
User avatar
tamaness
Posts: 2673
Joined: 17 Oct 2008, 03:44
First Video: LRReview: Desert Bus
Location: Stuck between a rock and a hard place
Contact:

Postby tamaness » 09 Dec 2008, 15:35

Twilight does have quite an alluring cover. I've almost been suckered in a few times. Then I realized it was on the "bestsellers" table, which I avoid like the plague. After having to shelve Ann Coulter has left me wary of bestsellers.
User avatar
korri
Posts: 2323
Joined: 14 May 2007, 12:02
First Video: I honestly can't remember...
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Contact:

Postby korri » 09 Dec 2008, 15:58

yeah... I read them... and they are like CRACK! I kid you not, if you have a soft spot for romantic stories and vampire stories, then unfortunately you will not be able to put them down.

also the books are like a million times better then the movie. I mean things just sound so much cornier when they say them out loud...
Hello world, remember me? I'm the sad little fuck that you failed to see, who you should have recognized When you had the chance. Hello motherfuckers now its time to dance

my photos! => http://korrinn.deviantart.com
User avatar
Lyinginbedmon
Posts: 10808
Joined: 20 Dec 2007, 18:08
First Video: BioShocked
Location: Darlington, Co. Durham
Contact:

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 09 Dec 2008, 16:01

Between my Critical Thinking and English Language knowledge, I'm fully and completely aware that all great writing is usually just a popularity contest, and so what sells the most copies isn't necessarily a fantastically-written story, just something that appeals to a significant audience.

Like Harry Potter, where every single book has a deus ex machina.
User avatar
Nomadic
Posts: 1157
Joined: 19 Mar 2008, 20:58
First Video: Serious Cravings
Location: Great...now I don't know how fast I'm going.

Re: Horror Story

Postby Nomadic » 09 Dec 2008, 16:36

Telaril wrote:"Twilight."

I drew my hand away as if burned. Perhaps I was. My friend looked at me in horror.

"You touched it. You can't un-touch it." He said. I know, now, that he was right. He was right.


Shun. SHUUUNNNN.

So, in related news, I had to take my little sister Christmas shopping. We went to Barnes and Noble. In the said store was a display containing nothing BUT things relating to Twilight. She, being of the proper age and gender, had no issue walking calmly up to them and inspecting the merchandise.

I felt uncomfortable being in the same store as the materials.

I, following my natural instinct, fleed to the Sci-Fi and Graphic Novel section. Mmmhmm...Batman and Timothy Zahn...glorious stuff.
Successfully lurking since 1709.
User avatar
Cake
Magically Delicious
Posts: 4995
Joined: 16 Jun 2007, 02:48
Location: Parker, CO

Postby Cake » 09 Dec 2008, 16:47

Ahhhhhhh!

My brother, his ex-gf, and a girl I had been dating all tried to get me to read that book. But, before I did, I happened to ask kkief02 about it. She... she saved my life.
Wil Wheaton says "Game over, Moonpie."
User avatar
tak197
Feito Com Fruta
Posts: 9010
Joined: 13 Mar 2007, 19:20
First Video: How To Talk Like A Pirate
Location: Stroudsburg, PA
Contact:

Postby tak197 » 09 Dec 2008, 17:10

So last night at my Three Broomsticks meeting, we had our annual christmas party, complete with White elephant gift exchange. Someone brought an envelope that had written on it "A gift to bring out the Edward Cullen in all of us..." and out of the twenty people who brought gifts, it was person number NINETEEN who had the guts to open it.

Surprise Surprise, it was a package of Mary Kate and Ashley Body Glitter Applicator Sheets in silver.

It was pretty epic though. A definite GG to the person who brought it.
Image
Image
User avatar
Red Charlie
Posts: 1060
Joined: 06 Mar 2007, 16:17
Location: Northern Ireland
Contact:

Postby Red Charlie » 09 Dec 2008, 17:45

My girlfriend has being going on about the books for ages now. I'm sick and tired of hearing it. She even has the screenshot on her desktop of the film cast and I'm just like eugh. Unforunately he comes out in the UK on the 19th of December.

The British Board of Film Classification ignored my warnings that some content would not be suitable for adults but they ignored my complaints saying some crap about never having restricted adults before from watching movies.
My reply was "You totally banned movies in the past! For the sake of all adults in the UK think of their sanity man, twilight is causing the downturn in the world wide economy!"
They will rue the day they did not heed my warnings I tell you.


I'm sorry you touched the book but I will NEVER be able to enter any cinema again after it has been tainted by the Twilight.

Edit:

Oh by the way I added the story to my Bebo blog, I have credited you in it but I can only link to here as a point of contact for you Telaril.
Last edited by Red Charlie on 09 Dec 2008, 18:09, edited 1 time in total.
It was really too big:

I give you this instead


.
masamune
Posts: 2230
Joined: 15 Jul 2008, 23:43
First Video: -

Postby masamune » 09 Dec 2008, 18:08

it's another dang harry potter plague. i should really cash in on this broody-youth gig.
User avatar
Master Gunner
Defending us from The Dutch!
Posts: 19383
Joined: 29 Oct 2006, 12:19
First Video: How To Talk Like A Pirate
Location: In Limbo.

Postby Master Gunner » 09 Dec 2008, 18:17

masamune wrote:it's another dang harry potter plague. i should really cash in on this broody-youth gig.


Same here, I can't think of anybody that's properly done a broody-teen book since the Animorphs, and even that strayed close to the line with some of the ghost-writers. Then again though, alien invasion and constant threats on the lives of you and your family actually gives a reason to be broody, and even then they managed to be better about it than most of the characters in the recent crap.
TheRocket wrote:Apparently the crotch area could not contain the badonkadonk area.
Twitter | Click here to join the Desert Bus Community Chat.
User avatar
Nomadic
Posts: 1157
Joined: 19 Mar 2008, 20:58
First Video: Serious Cravings
Location: Great...now I don't know how fast I'm going.

Postby Nomadic » 09 Dec 2008, 18:26

Considering this is my 666th post, I felt it appropriate that it be spent here in the most evil of forum topics. So that I am not completely being a douche and breaking forum etiquette, here's something to add to the overall conversation:


I have seen Twilight. Got dragged to it by the same little sister as before. I wanted to kill myself immediately afterwards by ramming my little car head on into the biggest semi I could find. Yes, it was that bad.

I can sympathize to a point with you, Matt...though not with the extended horror of the movie. You sure you're not suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress right now?
Successfully lurking since 1709.
User avatar
Master Gunner
Defending us from The Dutch!
Posts: 19383
Joined: 29 Oct 2006, 12:19
First Video: How To Talk Like A Pirate
Location: In Limbo.

Postby Master Gunner » 09 Dec 2008, 18:30

Ahh...I remember when I got my 666th post.........Actually I don't, even though it was only a few months ago really. Oh well.

Today I decided to check out Twilight to see just how horrible it was, turns out my theatre doesn't even show it anymore. They just got bumped up a notch in my book. They're now at notch one.
TheRocket wrote:Apparently the crotch area could not contain the badonkadonk area.
Twitter | Click here to join the Desert Bus Community Chat.
User avatar
Timelady
Posts: 1139
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 13:30
First Video: Deeply Religious
Location: New Hampshire
Contact:

Postby Timelady » 09 Dec 2008, 18:53

I started it, just to see what all the fuss was about. I think I got about 100 pages or so before I got bored waiting for something interesting to happen. Did anything ever happen, or did generic teenage girl #1 whose name escapes me spend four books chasing mysterious antisocial guy? I'm guessing there must be a vampire in there somewhere...
AmazingPjotrMan wrote:Bacon is not a chronological entity.
User avatar
arallyn
Posts: 95
Joined: 05 Dec 2008, 20:58
Location: the moo-cow state

Postby arallyn » 09 Dec 2008, 19:05

I can't say I've read the books, but I opened one in the bookstore to a random page and it was about an internet search on vampires. Seriously? You need a fucking PAGE to write about that?! And what's-her-face that wrote the books is REALLY ham-fisted with words and prose. As in, it feels like she's punching me with a ham because I can't stand the sap. Bore a hole in it and make some syrup, man.

I brought up the topic of Twilight in one of my english classes when I first heard about it and good lord I did not hear the end of it from the angry women screaming about how it was only written to promote oppression of women (ok, they cited some fair examples in the books there) and anti-abortion stances (fine, fair points there) but it's just a damn book! And a tweeny book, too! Yeesh...



edit: That said, I don't REALLY want to critique it since I haven't read anything but that one page and a really sappy page late in the first book, but from what I'm hearing, I'm pretty sure I won't read any more of it. Romantic novels=bleargh.
Image

Image
User avatar
kkief02
Posts: 1935
Joined: 29 Oct 2007, 15:19
Location: Oregon ^-^
Contact:

Postby kkief02 » 09 Dec 2008, 19:58

Cake wrote:Ahhhhhhh!

My brother, his ex-gf, and a girl I had been dating all tried to get me to read that book. But, before I did, I happened to ask kkief02 about it. She... she saved my life.
And aren't you glad you listened to the LG
Image
Image
Graham wrote:It was less "filler" and more "I'm Morgan! I want to show off my hat! I have sex with dead horses!"
User avatar
tak197
Feito Com Fruta
Posts: 9010
Joined: 13 Mar 2007, 19:20
First Video: How To Talk Like A Pirate
Location: Stroudsburg, PA
Contact:

Postby tak197 » 09 Dec 2008, 20:19

Does this mean Uwe Boll is off the hook for making the worst movie ever?
Also, I just read in the student newspaper that the director of Twilight wont be directing New Moon, the sequel. There is some hope yet.
Image
Image

Return to “General Discussion”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 7 guests