Revenge is a dish best cooked by the entire LRR forum.

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Zed Alpha
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Revenge is a dish best cooked by the entire LRR forum.

Postby Zed Alpha » 09 Dec 2008, 12:14

My neighbors are rednecks.

To help with that, for those of you who don't know, or for those of you who think you do, this means the following:

They don't bathe often.
They're racist, while still trying to act "black" with every opportunity.
They're stupid.
They're apathetic to the point of sociopathy.
They're more physically adept than I.
They're foul in every fucking way imaginable and I really want to drink their brain and eat their blood.

Help me get revenge on them for this, their latest offense.

I want some really creative, non-lethal, non-lasting-harm stuff. Something that can humiliate them and get them to back off. Feel free to get as oddball as you want.
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Alex Steacy
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Postby Alex Steacy » 09 Dec 2008, 12:24

Move to Canada.
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DmitriW
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Postby DmitriW » 09 Dec 2008, 12:25

Alex Steacy wrote:Move to Canada.


But then the terror--er, rednecks win! D:
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Postby Fuzzyfreaker » 09 Dec 2008, 12:32

DmitriW wrote:
Alex Steacy wrote:Move to Canada.


But then the terror--er, rednecks win! D:


So... America wins?
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Postby Cheeseonfire » 09 Dec 2008, 12:32

Post their address on 4chan.
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Evil Jim
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Postby Evil Jim » 09 Dec 2008, 12:39

Give their address to the nearest Kingdom Hall.
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Postby Daco » 09 Dec 2008, 12:42

Cheeseonfire wrote:Post their address on 4chan.

if 4chan doesn't/wouldn't say "in b4 personal army" or "not a personal army" this is the best you can do
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Postby Elomin Sha » 09 Dec 2008, 12:47

Refer them to some Scientologists.

Steal they're favourite sheep.

Eel in the letter box.

Put a decomposing dogfish into their house some how while they are out (those things smell bad).
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Postby Lyinginbedmon » 09 Dec 2008, 12:53

Make a youTube video inviting all their viewers to come to their house party.
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Postby Mouse » 09 Dec 2008, 12:58

Lyinginbedmon wrote:Make a youTube video inviting all their viewers to come to their house party.


In the same vein of this idea: Throw a party with all your minority friends and give them the wrong address, so everyone has to knock on the neighbor's door at least once. Be sure to remind your friends that this is a costume party, and to dress as hillbillys. When your friends finally make it to your house...turn up the gangsta rap.
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Postby Metcarfre » 09 Dec 2008, 13:05

Elect a black President.
amirite?
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Postby AmazingPjotrMan » 09 Dec 2008, 13:11

What is their latest offence?
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Postby DmitriW » 09 Dec 2008, 13:18

AmazingPjotrMan wrote:What is their latest offence?


I'm wondering this as well.
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Postby korri » 09 Dec 2008, 13:24

I have to say I know a lot of people like this (can anyone say pennsyltucky?) and they can be very annoying. However, not all people stereotyped as "rednecks" are like this. My godfather owns guns lives in the middle of nowhere and is a little rough around the edges, but he is one of the nicest people I have ever met.


I don't mean to defend your neighbors (for all i know they are terrible people) but I really hate stereotypes
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Postby Evil Jim » 09 Dec 2008, 14:31

Alex Steacy wrote:Move to Canada.

See, if you moved to Canada as Alex suggests you will be in a different temperate zone & therefore will be able to sneak over at night & freeze fresh fish to your neighbour's picture windows.
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Arius wrote:People were just so awestruck by your awesomeness that they became catatonic.
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Annchan
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Postby Annchan » 09 Dec 2008, 17:18

I also don't understand what they did wrong.
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Postby masamune » 09 Dec 2008, 17:39

my neighbours are all idiots with noisy kids.
avoid? tolerate?
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Postby Tim » 09 Dec 2008, 18:18

Revenge is stupid.
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Postby jtaylor » 09 Dec 2008, 18:31

masamune wrote:my neighbours are all idiots with noisy kids.
avoid? tolerate?

in this boat. and dogs.
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Postby Timelady » 09 Dec 2008, 18:41

Three words: Guerilla. Christmas. Decorating. :D

Seriously though, I feel your pain. The sweet little old ladies across the street moved out recently and now we've got a wonderful family over there that are apparently turning the place into a private garage or used car lot or something and rev loud engines all night, swear loudly at each other, and yell about VD on the cell phone. If your neighbors across the street with their house set back half an acre from the road can hear your private conversations, ur doin it rong.
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Zed Alpha
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Postby Zed Alpha » 09 Dec 2008, 19:07

Annchan wrote:I also don't understand what they did wrong.


EVERYTHING.

They have, for the past eight years or so (in seperate generations of stupid, stupid,stupid children), made me and my family's lives living hells. Truly. Not a day goes by without them doing something to harass, vandalize, and/or fuck up our lives. Mine in particular, since I'm in the same school system as they are, and are a visible target.

The latest offense is tiny: gumming up my hair. Then there's the spitting in my face, the running over of christmas lawn ornaments, egging the houses.

Petty-sounding, I know, but it's the straw on the camel.

Damn, but I need to rethink my "no hitting girls under 10 years old" policy.
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Postby Aztec Cowboy Mafia » 09 Dec 2008, 19:47

-Sign 'em up for all the mailing lists they can handle. Bonus points if you pick things you know they hate.

-Vaseline on the doorknobs. Sticky things like honey work too.

-A ton of rubber bands on the driveway. It's nearly impossible to sweep them up properly, so they'll have to take the time to pick them all up by hand.

-If they have any smallish, easily-replanted plants, go over there in the dead of night and replant them elsewhere. Alternately, about a cup of gasoline or propane sprinkled liberally around a plant's roots will kill it in a short while.

-A ton of ketchup packets under the wheels of their car.

-Tie one end of a length of rope to their doorknob, and the other end to a large water balloon or something similarly messy and fragile. Balance said thing on their gutter or roof above the door, so that when they open the door it'll fall and burst/break.

A word of warning, though: no kind of prank will get them to back off. If you pull anything on them, it will escalate. If you're okay with that, then go right ahead, and don't forget to post about it.
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Postby AlexanderDitto » 09 Dec 2008, 20:21

Aztec Cowboy Mafia wrote:-If they have any smallish, easily-replanted plants, go over there in the dead of night and replant them elsewhere. Alternately, about a cup of gasoline or propane sprinkled liberally around a plant's roots will kill it in a short while.


Won't somebody please think of the plants! D: What did the azaleas ever do to you? D:<

Yeah, frankly, nothing you do will do anything more than just piss them off, which will only get them being more obnoxious to you. If they get too loud, call the cops on them for disturbing the peace, and explain that you can't get them to quiet down because they've physically assaulted you. Other than that... what can you do?

I have a neighbor (live in an apartment) who gets really drunk and bangs on his piano at strange hours of the night. Can't do much. My grandparents are the landlords, and they can't do much either. They've told him not to.

Another one of the many reasons I hate people!
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Postby The Hitman » 09 Dec 2008, 20:26

Having just watched Life in the Undergrowth today, I think a funny prank would be to lay eggs inside their young, so when the eggs hatch your larvae eat their way out of the host bodies and burst, wriggling out of their skulls.

...

You're a parasitic wasp, right?
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Postby theashigaru » 09 Dec 2008, 20:50

Zed Alpha wrote:
Annchan wrote:I also don't understand what they did wrong.


EVERYTHING.

They have, for the past eight years or so (in seperate generations of stupid, stupid,stupid children), made me and my family's lives living hells. Truly. Not a day goes by without them doing something to harass, vandalize, and/or fuck up our lives. Mine in particular, since I'm in the same school system as they are, and are a visible target.

The latest offense is tiny: gumming up my hair. Then there's the spitting in my face, the running over of christmas lawn ornaments, egging the houses.

Petty-sounding, I know, but it's the straw on the camel.

Damn, but I need to rethink my "no hitting girls under 10 years old" policy.


Well, let's see. If they're doing things to vandalize your property, then a call to the cops is well in order as long as you can prove they did it. If they're doing things like spitting in your face, then a roll of pennies does wonders when concealed within a fist and some momentum behind it.

The second suggestion really isn't a good idea, but it is an idea. Vandalization does warrant a call to the police with some proof though. If they do it on a somewhat regular basis, then putting a camera in the window or something similar might be a good idea.

As you can see from my location, rednecks are fairly plentiful around me too. Typically, I get along with them pretty well. The occasional discussion of hunting, off-road vehicles and the like generally enhances their opinion of you.
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