Personal Acceptability [NSFW]

[Valandil]

Another Jimmy Carr one, I rarely cringe or groan at a joke but I actually doubled over wishing I hadn't heard it

There's your problem. Jimmy Carr isn't funny.

[Stroggo]

WHOO! I love these threads.

here's a few
whats worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork[/color]
final one just to ballance things out a little
How do you tell that a plane is from England?

When they cut the engines you can still hear the whining.

[eiopqrtuwy]

I find most of these rather funny, it seems that some of the hilarity is not from the fact that they are personally offensive, but the fact that they could be offensive to someone else.

You really end up laughing at the type of person who would be offended by such a joke

anyway.

what's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?

you can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.
...and I'm done.

hmmm, I prefer making it as a two part joke:

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a brick?
You cant F*ck a brick.

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bricks?
You cant move a pile of bricks with a pitchfork

And while we're on offensive baby jokes:
How do you keep a baby from crawling in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

[empath]

This is sooooo not me, yet I do reflexively chuckle at these near-cliches of jokes:


Why are there so many battered women's shelters?

Because they just don't fuckin' LISTEN.



Whaddya call a guy with no arms and legs whom you owe money?

Bill.

" " " guy with no arms and legs in your bushes?

Russell.



How can you tell the one live baby in a pile of dead ones?

It's eating its way out.


...aaaand for a change of pace:

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three; one to change it and two to sing a duet on how much they miss the last one.

[Elomin Sha]

Another Jimmy Carr one, I rarely cringe or groan at a joke but I actually doubled over wishing I hadn't heard it

There's your problem. Jimmy Carr isn't funny.

I find Carr funny, but that was the limit to his jokes I would take. The only one really.

"Do you agree that a business where baby pigs sould be used as a means to ween paedophiles of children? It could go under the tag line of; THey'll squal but not to the cops?"

[tak197]

As far as bad jokes, I only know a few, but one racist one that I admit I have laughed at before is:

What does a racist sprinkler sound like? highlight for answer.

Spick Spick Spick Spick, CHINK, Nigganigganigganigganigganigga

RE: Matt's jokes:
"If they are ten and younger, they are young and tender."

Also, Morgan, I thought of that teddy bear joke as soon as i realized the tone of this thread. Good on ya for that.

[Elomin Sha]

Have you heard of the new Princess Diana Sat Nav on sale? All its directions are: "Put your foot down I think we can lose them."

[Morgan]

tak, i've heard that one except it was a racist machine gun. pretty much the only difference is the order.

[King Kool]

In response to the racist household objects, those jokes aren't REALLY racist; they just use slurs as onomatopoeia. It's not actually saying, "It's a good thing that white people don't play trombones in parades." or something absurd like that. Actually making a joke like, "Why are white people so stupid?" WOULD be racist.

[Sieg Reyu]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. You've already told her twice!

[TheRocket]

The worst joke I've ever heard... the one that makes the place go silent, was this....



How do you make a 5 year old cry twice?

You wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.

[Master Gunner]

I don't have any to share, as you guys seem to have covered all the ones I could remember. I have to say though, I've laughed, smirked, or found something entertaining in everything posted in this thread so far.

[Annchan]

The worst joke I've ever heard... the one that makes the place go silent, was this....

Morgan already told that one, but thanks for coming out!

[TheRocket]

Whoops! My bad! I have this thing where I consantly ignore Morgan!


Well, that was the worst one I knew of! Sorry I was too late!

[Elomin Sha]

That's okay Rocket, it was nice for the appearance, now you can get back to your proper place, the kitchen.








Sorry.

[TheRocket]

I just came from cleaning it, actually!

After I baked a giant chocolate chip cookie for my sweetheart, of course.

[tak197]

So I just heard three more, not as bad as some of these but still pretty funny.

What's the difference between pink and purple?

The Grip

What's the difference between a golfball and a g-spot?

Men only really search for the golfball

What did the pope say when he was going to mount olive?

"Man, Popeye's gonna be pissed..."

[Hero of Canton]

There shouldn't really be a limit - just know what you're getting into.

What do you call a black person on the moon?
A problem. What do you call two black people on the moon?
Two problems. What do you call all the black people on the moon?
Problem solved.

Dumb but harmless.

This one is just uncool:

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?



A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in an oven.

[ExtraSensory]

Here you go.


"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"9/11"
"9/11 who?"
"I thought you said you'd never forget!"

[Daco]

I just came from cleaning it, actually!

After I baked a giant chocolate chip cookie for my sweetheart, of course.

and you dont share with us?
wth?

[Sir_Substance]

if i botherd to care, most of the jokes in htis thread would offend me.

but they are jokes, so i let them wash over me, and ignore them.

i frequently don't laugh at someone who makes a crude joke, leaving them feeling slightly uncomfortable, that they might have just put their foot in it. the net result is they usually stop telling them in my presence.

if people tell such jokes in public, i will usually say something along the lines of "i would be careful about saying that kind of thing in public, dude".

[iEatNinjaZ]

since racism isnt a problem in this thread

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

How many racists does it take to change a light bulb?
None - racists hate being enlightened.

What do you call a room full of black people?
a room full of really friendly people!

oh yea and a baby joke

what is the strongest muscle in a dead babys body
my dick