Getting a bit more "personal"

[Lyinginbedmon]

It's okay, as I understand it they use a cloaking field so that males cannot detect them by sight or sound.

Now, my main issue with dating is largely the passive and the initial action of asking someone out.

See, I'm not great with social situations. I'm autistic, and I don't pick up well on non-verbal cues, meaning body language is often something my brain just omits from context. So knowing when it is right and/or appropriate to ask someone out is something I can only calculate based on examples, most of which I get from literature, so aren't the best materials.

And then, assuming the relationship has progressed far enough (I'm pretty capable of determining a suitable dating experience), relationships in a passive manner (Meaning a couple but not out on a date or such) are a mystery to me, I've no idea what the conduct is for that state.

[Interruptor Jones]

Don't worry too much about what you're supposed to be doing. If you're getting along with a person, great! If they're disappointed because they think you're supposed to be doing something, well, why do they expect it? Have they asked? I find those sorts of passive-aggressive societal expectations incredibly irritating. A worthwhile partner will be willing to explain what they would like from you if there's a conflict. Most partners will simply be hurt that you can't read their minds, and hence, drama is born. It's an uphill struggle, but sometimes the hard work is worthwhile, if you meet a person who will work with you instead of trying to fit you into a role they understand better.

I hope that made some kind of sense...

[Telaril]

There really is never a perfect time to ask someone out. There's a good rule of thumb that says you don't ask someone out when they're having a personal crisis or when they are under a great deal of stress, but that's not a hard or fast rule. Under those circumstances at least use caution.

If you share mutual friends with the person in question, you can ask their advice to try to get a read on the situation. This might seem terribly high-school, but if you have problems reading people it can help.

Really, you can pretty much just go up to someone and say "Hey, would you like to go out sometime?" If they say no it will suck no matter how good your timing was, but you have to be willing to take that risk. Even non-autistic people misread situations all the time. I've asked out people I was SURE liked me and been disappointed. I've had people I was sure thought I was irredeemably annoying flirt with me. You just have to jump in with both feet.

Even if this isn't possible for you, don't lose hope. A lot of the time this stuff evolves organically. You're having lunch with someone once a week, then one day you end up sitting next to them on the couch talking about your dreams, then one day you end up sitting perhaps too close together... hehe.

[empath]

I'm sorry, I'd really like to make a meaningful contribution to the discussion, but I'm burnt out from work, and the following is singing a siren call to me:

Body hair is somewhat of a grey area-

On the issue of feminism: I was fully willing to take my wife's name. I joked that it was so that I'd move forward in the alphabet, but really I saw nothing wrong with changing my name matriarchally. *shrug*

And this - I swear that it's God's honest truth - is what my wife said when I mentioned that the discussion had moved to the topic of feminism:

"Bah, feminism is for pussies!"

[Telaril]

[Kara]

And this - I swear that it's God's honest truth - is what my wife said when I mentioned that the discussion had moved to the topic of feminism:

"Bah, feminism is for pussies!"

I <3 your wife forever.

[Lyinginbedmon]

Ah thread resurrection, but I honestly feel this thread has more motes of wisdom to give.

Regarding the dating subject, I feel reflection upon my virginity-loss burn has given me at least one.

Expect the worst and hope for the best. Don't leave yourself too emotionally open until you're reasonably certain it isn't just going to get you hurt.

I think when it comes down to it, getting slapped or having a drink splashed in your face is better than the potential emotional "heart burn".

[TheRocket]

Growing up hurts. It's life. It happens.

[Lyinginbedmon]

Well it's been a little while now since this thread saw any action (And still infinity since I have either) but I felt this new piece of information deserved to be declared here.

I have a girlfriend!

Well, more accurately, I'm on a trial basis with a female friend with whom I'm already very close and who is very confident the trial will result in a full-on relationship between us.

We're going to see a movie on Monday as our first date. Cliche I know, but with good reason. Hopefully Brad Pitt on a massive screen getting gradually younger won't steal her away from me.

[The Jester]

Fuckin' A

You have the advantage of actually being there, which Mr. Pitt can never match. I hope all goes well.

[notomtolose]

Nice work!! Good luck!

[empath]

Whatever happens, may you have fun and learn and grow from it. Hope even a 'finite' long-term relationship develops from this, but as we've already seen in this very thread:

"There's many a slip 'twixt dress and drawers."

[Wraith]

Too many pages to read and respond to it all, but the short version: I'm celibate. By choice. There have been times when I wondered if I was insane. To say that I've had some "unique sexual opportunities" in my life would be to put it very mildly. Several months ago, I met the person I've been waiting for. And I'm so glad I did.

[Alja-Markir]

That's so sweet.

I love you too, big boy. Now where did I leave the baby oil and the ping pong balls?

~Alja~

[Lyinginbedmon]

The first date went fantastically (Hence the currently-nonstop smiling, ow)

We didn't end up going to the cinema, largely because she took a different transport route and so I arrived late (I was waiting about ten minutes away from the cinema at a bus stop for her) and we discovered that I had unknowingly picked a senior citizens screening (Which I didn't even know existed)

So instead we went shopping around the town, hitting up Waterstones and HMV twice, and going to Pizza Hut for lunch (Which I insisted on paying for). She looked at books and shoes and insisted on having me look over a new phone and some new clothes.

At the end of the day we stopped at the bus stop and talked for a while, then we hugged and I kissed her on the cheek as she departed. We both had a lot of fun

[The Jester]

Which you wouldn't have had if you'd been sat in a movie screen for two plus hours. Or at least not as much fun, anyway. Film theatres aren't really good places to get to know another person because you can't talk

I will always maintain that films are for friends, not dates.

[Matt]

Which you wouldn't have had if you'd been sat in a movie screen for two plus hours. Or at least not as much fun, anyway. Film theatres aren't really good places to get to know another person because you can't talk

I will always maintain that films are for friends, not dates.

they can serve as both, but it's not a good idea to make a movie your only event for the date.

-m

[Telaril]

I've always thought that "movie and a dinner" was a good format for a date, but that "dinner and a movie" was a terrible one. It can sometimes be difficult to start conversation on a date, especially a date with someone you don't know terribly well already. A movie gives a good jumping off point for conversation. So you start the date with two hours in a theater, then end it with an hour and a half of conversation at a diner.

If you plan on spending less than three hours with your date, a movie is a terrible idea. Heh.

In my opinion the set of "friend activities" and "date activities" overlap pretty extensively. Other than "bonus stages" like candlelit dinners and makeout sessions, I'm just as likely to spend a day shopping and talking and having lunch with a friend as I am with a date. Hell, I WISH I went to movies or shopping with dates anywhere near as often as I do with friends.

[Lyinginbedmon]

Anyone have any ideas for a second date?

My exams are starting up now but I'm still gonna have a fair bit of free time to spend with my new girlfriend

[Kdz]

It might sound stupid, but I love walking in nature. It gives me something to look at and idly do while talking to whoever I'm with. Parks are good, but I'm more of a woods guy.

[WobblyTable]

In my opinion the set of "friend activities" and "date activities" overlap pretty extensively. Other than "bonus stages" like candlelit dinners and makeout sessions, I'm just as likely to spend a day shopping and talking and having lunch with a friend as I am with a date. Hell, I WISH I went to movies or shopping with dates anywhere near as often as I do with friends.

Very much this. Personally, I find that it doesn't really matter what goes on so long as you are enjoying each other's company.

Also, congratulations Lyinginbedmon! I hope everything continues to go swimmingly.

[Unlucky]

Anyone have any ideas for a second date?

Parks are all ways good. Lakes too, parks\lake combination is good.

What's she into? Artsy stuff? Musical stuff? What kinda stuff are you both into? Helps if you go to stuff you're both interested in.

My GF and I usually just end up watching movies\tv shows\ect at my place more often than not simply 'cos we're both very underfunded teens\not very creative sometimes.

[Lyinginbedmon]

Well, for the second date we intended to succesfully go to the cinema to see Coraline 3D.

We set a rendezvous point, arranged transport, and then apparently didn't spot eachother from within may 4 metres

So as a result, we completely missed the movie, despite checking the nearby cinemas for alternative picks. So we bought a large bag of popcorn, came back to my place, and watched Hot Fuzz together on the sofa.

I was acutely aware that, as the movie went on, we gradually got closer and closer together. I think it went very well, though clearly we suck at planning dates

[Interruptor Jones]

Not bad. Not bad at all. I give it two thumbs up for continued good times all round.