Another mindsplitting news story

[Mad Madam Mimm]

http://news.uk.msn.com/odd-news/article.aspx?cp-documentid=149033576

A 33 year old woman from Pennyslyvania (ironically, she's an organist... make up your own innuendous pun there) is planning to marry a fairground ride.

Yes another bizarre tale of "objectum sexuality", an odd psychological condition which causes people to find themselves feeling attracted, physically and mentally, to inanimate objects.

I am not mocking this woman, nor am I sympathising. All I can do is give a confused nod and wish her all the best. Maybe the happy couple will honeymoon in Blackpool.

[TheWiseone]

I however, AM going to make fun of her and add the obligatory:

"She loves lamp."

That is all

[Theremin]

All I can do is give a confused nod and wish her all the best. Maybe the happy couple will honeymoon in Blackpool.

That might not be such a good idea, what if she runs off with some tarty little rollercoaster? The magic carpet ride will have it's heart broken...

Actually, though there is a (BBC?) documentary on objectum sexuality. It's a little mind-bending, but it's so worth seeing, even if just for the spectacle.

[Intellectually funky]

Wow.... but how can sh... this strikes me speechless. So is she going to have it moved closer to her house? Are the kids going to be Bumper cars? these are very valid questions. just... wow

[Lyinginbedmon]

If they split up, does the ride need to pay alamony?

[Mad Madam Mimm]

My reaction exactly. I just love the fact that the picture of teh ride in the article is so phallic. Also, Theremin, channel 4 did a "documentary" (phhh, it's channel 4) about guys who had objectum sexuality but limited to cars. It was imaginatively titled something like "guys who have sex with cars" or something.

[theDreamer]

I heard once of a woman who married the Berlin Wall.

She looks upon Germany as murders for killing her husband.

[empath]

"I'm not hurting anyone and I can't help it," she added. "It's a part of who I am."

Well, as much as I want to agree with this statement, I have a counter-argument to the 'I can't help it' - yes you can, it's called THERAPY.

Which brings up the whole 'marrying the ride' issue - is she going to take her marriage vows seriously, and if so, how is she going to feel about other people riding her 'husband'? Is she going to get possessive? Is she going to try to buy/take the ride from its legal owners? Is SHE going to move closer to IT?

Or is she going to stay 160 miles away from 'her husband' and only visit her prospective spouse about once a month? This isn't completely weird - long-haul truckers, sailors, etc. have been doing this sort of thing for quite a while.

But c'mon, she's continuously referring to the ride as 'he', and that, alone, makes me worry about her ability to perceive reality safely.

Yes, I really mean that if she'd said "I love it as much as women love their husbands and know we'll be together forever," she said. "I was instantly attracted to it sexually and mentally." I'd be merely ambivalent about this.

She DOES admit "I knew it wasn't 'normal' to have feelings for a fairground ride." so this pulls me back in the direction of ambivalence.

All in all,


My Inner Cynic™ has a warning for her: 15 minutes doesn't last as long as you think.

[masamune]

i saw a doco about the condition with that woman in it. it was both hilarious and incredibly scary. that woman who has sex with the eiffel tower was in it too. 'twas a good night all 'round.

[Theremin]

My reaction exactly. I just love the fact that the picture of teh ride in the article is so phallic. Also, Theremin, channel 4 did a "documentary" (phhh, it's channel 4) about guys who had objectum sexuality but limited to cars. It was imaginatively titled something like "guys who have sex with cars" or something.

I think I saw Louis Theroux do a little report on one of those guys, some old man in love with his vw beetle.
Say, is being in love with a monument more or less crazy than someone who falls for a horse or a dog?

[Lyinginbedmon]

Say, is being in love with a monument more or less crazy than someone who falls for a horse or a dog?

One of those at least has been popularised enough to receive Internet ridicule.

[King Kool]

Heirarchy of good candidates for marriage and coitus:

Ordinary Humans
Androids
Humans that you've never met
Androids you've never met
Fictional characters played by real people
Fictional androids played by real androids
Animals and other living creatures with some intelligence (dogs, horses, bears)
Non-android robots (R2D2, mechanical arms used to build cars)
Perfume ads
Living creatures with insignificant intelligence (grasshoppers, trees, plankton, maggots)
Nonrobotic inanimate human simulacra (movie standees, dress forms, My Size Barbie, Mount Rushmore)
Nonhumanoid inanimate objects used to aid masturbation (dildos, Realdoll, melon warmed in microwave, sock full of Crisco)
Nonhumanoid inanimate objects not generally used to aid masturbation (cars, musical instruments, the sidewalk, playground sand, your favorite book)
Human corpses or body parts
Animal corpses or body parts
Robot corpses or parts
Fictional characters not played by real people (cartoons, manga characters)
Reflections (in mirrors, puddles)
Completely imaginary people
Intangilbes (the smell of cinammon, A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton, Family Matters, a feeling of satisfaction, a cloudy day)
Rainbows
Volcanos

[Theremin]

Could I marry a colour?
It's just that electric blue has been giving me the eye all day...

[theDreamer]

...I think it would be better to marry Jessica Rabbit than to marry a dead dog's tail.

[Alex Steacy]

Heirarchy of good candidates for marriage and coitus:

Ordinary Humans
Androids
Humans that you've never met
Androids you've never met
Fictional characters played by real people
Fictional androids played by real androids
Animals and other living creatures with some intelligence (dogs, horses, bears)
Non-android robots (R2D2, mechanical arms used to build cars)
Perfume ads
Living creatures with insignificant intelligence (grasshoppers, trees, plankton, maggots)
Nonrobotic inanimate human simulacra (movie standees, dress forms, My Size Barbie, Mount Rushmore)
Nonhumanoid inanimate objects used to aid masturbation (dildos, Realdoll, melon warmed in microwave, sock full of Crisco)
Nonhumanoid inanimate objects not generally used to aid masturbation (cars, musical instruments, the sidewalk, playground sand, your favorite book)
Human corpses or body parts
Animal corpses or body parts
Robot corpses or parts
Fictional characters not played by real people (cartoons, manga characters)
Reflections (in mirrors, puddles)
Completely imaginary people
Intangilbes (the smell of cinammon, A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton, Family Matters, a feeling of satisfaction, a cloudy day)
Rainbows
Volcanos

I enjoy this list very, very much.

[TorachiKatashi]

How exactly is the ride going to sign to get a marriage license?

[King Kool]

...I think it would be better to marry Jessica Rabbit than to marry a dead dog's tail.

No, no, she's voiced by a real person, thus why cartoons are included in the higher list. I'm talking about people who only exist in drawings with no humanoid counterpart (for example, Calvin and Hobbes have never had human voices).

[theDreamer]

I see...

What about Manga's that get turned INTO anime? They get uber bumped up?

[Dave-O_Boy]

I bet she's from Scranton.

But yeah. how come the UK news always reports on odd things in the US and never in the UK? It's almost like they're bitter about something.

[tak197]

Oy, don't be hatin on Scranton! You don't know us!

Besides, all ACTUAL Pennsylvanians know the weirdos are from Erie.

[Timelady]

Oy, don't be hatin on Scranton! You don't know us!

Besides, all ACTUAL Pennsylvanians know the weirdos are from Erie.

Hmm, where do you think marrying Scranton would fall on the list?

[Cureless_Poison]

'And I thought those asian guys with the body pillow manga characters was bad, Sheesh!

[Jillers]

I bet she's from Scranton.

I read that as Scantron the first time, and wondering why you were suggesting she worked for the company... not that I'm a fan of standardized multiple choice tests, but it seemed needlessly weird.

Then again, this whole topic...

[teeb]

Also, Theremin, channel 4 did a "documentary" (phhh, it's channel 4) about guys who had objectum sexuality but limited to cars. It was imaginatively titled something like "guys who have sex with cars" or something.

"My car is my lover" was a Channel 5 documentary, not Channel 4 (okay, you were one digit off).

See also : Man admits to sexxing 1000 cars.

The whole documentary is available on YouTube, starting here. If you watch it, let me know what you think. If you watch it and get aroused, seek professional help.

Actually, though there is a (BBC?) documentary on objectum sexuality. It's a little mind-bending, but it's so worth seeing, even if just for the spectacle.

It's a Channel 5 documentary (spot the theme here?), called "Objectum : Sexual Women". One woman marries the Eiffel Tower. Well, at least she can spot phallic objects.

This documentary isn't on youtube, but there are lots of "objectum sexuality" videos.


By the way, I'm trademarking the documentary "Midgets who have sex with sporks".

[Dave-O_Boy]

If you trademark it you have to use it.

Also.. if they just find objects sexually attractive, what does marriage have to do with the situation?