Another Nevr Script: A Long, Awkward Mug

[Nevrmore]

Not much to say about this one. Here's the first draft.

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EXT. STREET – EARLY AFTERNOON

MILTON is strolling down the street, presumably on his way home. However, he is quickly intercepted by a very thuggish looking man, SAWBUCK, who forcefully pushes him into a nearby alley.

CUT TO:

EXT. ALLEY

MILTON is pushed into the alley. He quickly rebounds to regain his balance.

MILTON: Hey! Just what the Hell is this?!

SAWBUCK pulls out a handgun and levels it at Milton's chest.

SAWBUCK: This is a stick up!

MILTON (suddenly terrified): W-What?!

SAWBUCK: You know, a hold up!

MILTON: What?!

SAWBUCK: A shakedown!

MILTON: I-I-I-

SAWBUCK: Dammit man, this is a mugging! Don't you understand?!

MILTON: A mugging?!

MILTON turns to look at the camera and pulls an exaggerated face of terror.

SAWBUCK: WAS THAT A VISUAL PUN?!

MILTON: N-No! I'm just terrified!

SAWBUCK: Good! Nothing gets my trigger finger itchier than a visual pun!

MILTON: M-me too! I c-can't stand 'em!

SAWBUCK: Well then we agree on something. Maybe we'll be friends after I'm done ROBBING YOU.

SAWBUCK points the THE GUN more forward to remind MILTON of who's in charge.

MILTON: Ah! No!

SAWBUCK: Yes! Now give me your wallet!

MILTON: Okay! Okay! Hold on!

MILTON quickly fumbles into his back pocket and pulls out his WALLET. He very hesitantly reaches towards SAWBUCK, who snatches it away and immediately begins examining its contents.

SAWBUCK: Let's see here...Hey! What is this, you don't got any green in here!

MILTON: I'm a college student, I hardly ever carry any paper money!

SAWBUCK: What? None?

MILTON: I-I might have some change in my pocket i-if you want that.

SAWBUCK: Oh, so my pants will be all jangly like an alarm to lead the cops straight to me?!

MILTON: N-no, that's not what I-

SAWBUCK: I oughta kill you where you stand!

MILTON: OH GOD NO PLEASE

SAWBUCK: Shut up! Fine, if you don't have any dough I'll just take your credit cards. How about that, Mr. smarty college boy?

MILTON: I-well, I don't think that would be a great idea...

SAWBUCK: What, why?

MILTON: I-I mean, aside from the fact that I have a bad credit score, The first thing I'd do when I got home from this would be to cancel the cards. You'd never get to use them...

SAWBUCK: What?! I see! Trying to trick me again! Make me take your stupid, worthless plastic?! Well you can't put one over on this thief! They don't call me Sawbuck for nothing, you know!

MILTON: W...why do they call you Sawbuck?

SAWBUCK: Because I kill anybody who doesn't!

MILTON: Oh Jesus!!

SAWBUCK: NO, I SAID SAWBUCK

MILTON: OH SWEET MERCIFUL SAWBUCK PLEASE DON'T HURT ME

SAWBUCK: That's better! Now...Here's what I'm going to do, college boy.

SAWBUCK takes MILTON'S CREDIT CARDS from out of his WALLET.

SAWBUCK: I'm still gonna take your plastic, but I'm also gonna take...

SAWBUCK pulls MILTON'S DRIVER'S LICENSE out as well.

SAWBUCK: ...Your driver's license.

MILTON: Uh-

SAWBUCK: That way, if you DO cancel your cards, I'll know exactly where to find you. Yessir, don't think you'll be safe in your little abode at...

SAWBUCK reads off of the LICENSE.

SAWBUCK (reading, with confusion in his voice): ...”6969 Dickbulge Bull-Is-Hard?” What?

SAWBUCK looks at MILTON.

MILTON (sheepishly): I...uh...I'm underage, see. That's a, um, fake license...

SAWBUCK: You're just full of fucking tricks, ain't ya? Well I've had enough of the run-around, Mister...

SAWBUCK reads off the FAKE LICENSE again.

SAWBUCK: ...”Harvey Man-taco.” This farce ends now, capisce? You got any paper on you?

MILTON: Uh, y-yeah, yeah...

MILTON checks his pockets. He eventually pulls out a folded up piece of LOOSELEAF. SAWBUCK hands him a PEN.

SAWBUCK: Now take my pen and write down your address.

MILTON: ...No I don't want to.

SAWBUCK: Well it appears we're at an impasse. Luckily for you this just happens to be the Compromise Gun. It settles arguments real well.

SAWBUCK points the gun right into MILTON'S face.

SAWBUCK: WRITE DOWN YOUR FUCKING ADDRESS NOW.

MILTON: AAAAAA OKAY OKAY OKAY

MILTON, visibly trembling, tries his best to write on the LOOSELEAF. After several seconds pass, SAWBUCK impatiently snatches it from his hand. He reads what has been written.

SAWBUCK: Gimme that! ...What the Hell is this? This is chicken scratch, it's illegible!

MILTON: It's hard to have good handwriting when someone's pointing a gun in your face, okay?!

SAWBUCK: Fine! Fine! Write it again, and this time I won't point the gun at you so your widdle fingers don't shake.

SAWBUCK lowers the GUN and sticks it between his pant waist.

SAWBUCK: Any other requests to make your life easier, Princess Man-taco?

MILTON: Well...I mean, a hard surface to write on would be nice.

SAWBUCK: Ugh, fine. There's a cafe across the street. Come on.

SAWBUCK exits the frame. MILTON sheepishly follows after him.

CUT TO:

EXT. CAFE DU TREBUCHET

SAWBUCK and MILTON walk into shot and take a seat at an UNOCCUPIED TABLE sitting outside of the building. SAWBUCK drops MILTON'S WALLET onto it with a small smack.

SAWBUCK: Good enough, your highness?

MILTON: Yeah, yeah...

MILTON, having grown tired of the whole event, writes on his FOLDED LOOSELEAF silently.

SAWBUCK (eying the paper): Say, what is that, anyway?

MILTON: What is what?

SAWBUCK: That paper. You just had it in your pocket folded up, so it must be important. What is it?

MILTON: It's nothing, don't worry about it.

SAWBUCK: Come on, tell me.

MILTON (slightly annoyed): It's nothing!

SAWBUCK: Am I going to have to bring out the Compromise Gun, Harvey?

MILTON: Okay! Fine! It's...a poem, okay?

SAWBUCK: A poem?

MILTON unfolds the paper, showing that one side has verse written on it.

MILTON: Yeah...For a girl...

SAWBUCK (genuinely smiling): Aww, young love. When are you gonna give it to her?

MILTON: I don't know. Probably never.

SAWBUCK: What? Why not? I'm sure she'd adore it!

MILTON: No way. I just don't have the guts to do this kind of thing.

SAWBUCK: Ah, charming girls is easy, kid! It doesn't take any guts!

MILTON: Of course it does. You wouldn't understand.

SAWBUCK: Wouldn't understand! Kid, you think it doesn't take any guts to go point a gun at a random stranger and demand their valuables from them?

MILTON: …..No?

SAWBUCK: Well, it does. A lotta guts. My life's on the line, man! What if you just happened to be a judo master or something? Laid me out flat on the ground with a neck as limp as a drunken hook-up with a piece of string cheese. That's the gamble I take every day.

MILTON: Eh, I guess so.

SAWBUCK: Trust me, kid. In the grand scheme of things, asking a girl out isn't anything to worry yourself about. And besides, the reward is much greater than mugging a guy. True love is so much more special than any old material worth.

MILTON: Heh...Yeah, I guess you have a point.

SAWBUCK: Trust me, Harvey, I know my stuff. You go give that special girl your poem and she'll melt, you hear?

MILTON (confidence in his voice): Yeah, you know what? You're right! What am I worried about? I mean, I survived a mugging, right? Asking a girl out from now on will be a piece of cake!

SAWBUCK: That's the spirit, kid!

SAWBUCK stands and move to MILTON, patting him on the shoulder.

SAWBUCK: I'm proud of you.

MILTON blushes and looks down.

MILTON: Aww...Who would have thought a stick-up would cause me to have a major break through like this? ...Thank you, Sawbuck.

SAWBUCK: Hey, don't call me Sawbuck. Call me...Jesus.

MILTON: What?

MILTON looks up, but SAWBUCK has mysteriously disappeared seemingly without a trace. He looks around in bewilderment. Then, he turns around completely in his chair to face behind him.

REVERSE SHOT:

MILTON watches SAWBUCK sprinting down the street, waving the LOOSELEAF PAPER in one hand and MILTON'S WALLET in the other, laughing triumphantly.

CUT BACK TO SHOT

MILTON looks down and sees the table now bare except for SAWBUCK'S PEN.

MILTON: Son of a bitch!

[TomBrend]

I like this. It's good.

[waZelda]

Some really good stuff here. Could possibly need to be shortened down a bit. At times it was more action based then it was fun, but all in all really good. I'm picturing Matt as Milton and James as Sawbuck.

[RLYoshi]

Hm. I like. Though the ending with Sawbuck running away with the poem and wallet would probably be better as a stinger, possibly starting from "Aww...Who would have thought a stick-up would cause me to have a major break through like this? ...Thank you, Sawbuck."

Another thing I'd suggest is changing the line about being underage. Unless I'm mistaken, 0% of the LRR crew are younger than 16 (or whatever the age limit is where they live). Maybe just say he never passed his test?

[PlasmaCow]

pretty good, I found myself picturing Bill as Sawbuck and Paul or Alex as Milton. Sawbuck just seems a very Bill character...

[AC Drawings]

pretty good, I found myself picturing Bill as Sawbuck and Paul or Alex as Milton. Sawbuck just seems a very Bill character...

I thought the same thing, though I saw Matt as Milton. He has the right voice for the part.

[MotorWaffle]

I might trim down the beggining mugging part a bit to get to the joke quicker, but other then at it's great!

[Nanosauromo]

Nicely done. I'm imagining Paul as Milton and Alex as Sawbuck.

[Kenjifujima]

other then at it's great!