Revenge is a dish best served with donuts

[Dark_Watcher]

This was a script I wrote last year in my writers craft class, and I figure it could be best served here:

Characters: Devin Plummer, Kyle Newton, Cashier (girl), Maury the manager (guy), Colin Wright

EXTERIOR: Shot of a coffee/donut shop. Devin is seen talking on his phone, and walks into the shop.
INTERIOR: Devin is still talking on his phone, except now he can be heard
Devin: Look, I told you to take care of it yourself.....Because you're there and I'm getting coffee.....Well you were suppossed to supervise everything today...Look, are you even listening?....Do you know all the work I had to do to get to where I am?....Look, just shut-up for a min.....Hey, answer this for me, does this sound like a phone hanging up? (Hangs up phone)

While Devin was talking, Kyle enters the shop and seems to recognise Devin's voice. He approaches him and starts speaking to him when Devin hangs up.

Kyle: Devin? Is that you?
Devin: Huh?
Kyle: Devin? Devin Plummer?
Devin: Wait, how do you know my name? Have we met?
Kyle: Devin, its me, Kyle!
Devin:...Kyle?
Kyle: You know, Kyle "The Pile", "Old Bruiser", "The Small Lebowski", "Devin's Friend", "Devin's old roommate"!
Devin still looks confused
Kyle: Kyle Newton?
Devin: Ky....New.....Oh! Kyle Newton! I remmember you, how have you being doing?! It's been like what, 2, 3 years?
Kyle: 10 years.
Devin: Really? 10 years? Wow, time flies I guess. So hows life treating ya?
Kyle: Well, certainly better now than I was 9 and a half years ago.
Devin: What happened?
Kyle: Well lets see, I had to work two jobs, nearly lost one, nearly lost my home, lost Claire, and I had a stress related heart attack.
Devin: What!? Seriously!? Oh my god, that sounds horrible!
Kyle: It was.
Devin: Wow, I feel sorry for you man
Kyle: You should, seeing as how it was your fault
Devin: Woah, woah, woah! My fault? What did I do?
Kyle: Do you remember that TV we went on? You know, the one that cost $10,000? You said it would be good, that we could have everyone over for sports events, and you promised me that if I paid the full 10,000 that you would give me 5,000 after your next pay check, and then you go off all of a sudden without so much as a goodbye. I almost had no money for food and rent that month.
Devin: Hey now, I left a note saying I needed to pursue a carreer! I had been given the offer of a lifetime, I couldn't not pursue it!
Kyle: You were offered a cashier position at a Wal Mart in the next town over.
Devin: And look where I am now! Manager of the store and I get a discount on all items!
Kyle: In that case, you should have saved enough money to pay me the 5,000 you owe me.
Devin: Fuck that noise!
Kyle: Excuse me?
Devin: I'm not giving you $5,000, I never even got to use that TV!
Kyle: But you said you would pay me.
Devin: Yeah, well, I changed my mind!
Kyle:....Fair enough. Sorry for wasting your time.
Devin: That's better! Now if you excuse me, I have a coffee to order!

Devin turns back to go and order. At this point Kyle pulls out either a stapler or a light gun (whatever seems appropriate, but really anything like a gun), pushes it against Devin's back and hides it so no one else can see it.

Devin: (Turns head to talk to Kyle) Woah! What are you doing!?
Kyle: (Sort of like a whisper) Just do what I say and nothing will go wrong.
Devin: But why?
Kyle: If you won’t pay me, then I’ll get something else out of you. Now, walk to the counter

Devin walks to the counter with Kyle right behind him with the fake gun

Cashier: Hey, what can I get you?
Kyle: (Does some whispering)
Devin: (Back at Kyle) What?
Kyle: (Does some whispering)
Devin: Um, can I get dozen honey glazed donuts, a dozen chocolate dip donuts, and a dozen maple dip donuts?
Cashier: Uh, sure, hold on a second

Cashier goes off to get the donuts while Devin and Kyle still stand

Devin: (Back at Kyle).....I don’t even like maple dip donuts!

Cashier returns with donuts

Cashier: Here are your donuts! That’s alot of donuts, having a party?
Kyle: (Whispers to Devin)
Devin: Excuse me?
Kyle: (Whispers to Devin)
Devin: I’m not saying that!
Kyle: (Whispers to Devin, pokes Devin in the back again)
Devin: Um, yeah! I am having a party.....in my pants! And you’re invited!
Cashier: Excuse me sir!?
Devin: Uh, sorry, I’m kind of dilerious.
Cashier: o...Okay, um, here you go then. Honey glazed, chocolate dip, and maple dip.
Kyle: (Whispers to Devin)
Devin: Uh, thanks. I’m not actually going to eat the maple dip ones though, I’m going....I’m goin....I’m going to spread the maple dip all over my body. They say maple is quite the aphrodisiac, and I’m going to test it out!
Cashier: That’s disgusting sir! What are you trying to do, make me throw up?
Kyle: (Whispers to Devin)
Devin: Listen, I didn’t mean to offend you! The truth....the truth is....the truth is that I’m from the future, and I’ve come back in time to stop a global epidemic of a declining birth rate by having sex with every girl I meet! You can call me, the Sperminator, and you can be my first conquest!
Cashier: Thats it! I’ve had it! You are so disgusting, wait till the manager hears about this!
Devin: Wait, please don’t get the man...!
Cashier: Maury, we have another pervert up here!

Maury the manager comes out, while Cashier leaves

Maury: What’s going on here? What do you think you’re doing?
Kyle: (In a whispering voice) Now tell him “Well, I was thinking about doing the Cashier, but since you came out I think I want to do you!”
Devin: What!? That is insane! I’m not doing that!
Kyle: (Whispers) Do it or you get it!
Devin: You know what I don’t care anymore!
Kyle: Alright then

Kyle makes a bang noise, causing Devin to scream and drop to the ground. He looks up to see that Kyle was not actually holding a gun and is now laughing hysterically

Kyle: Oh man! That felt good! Sorry for all the trouble, but you said you wouldn’t pay me. For that, you only owe me $2,500, so I guess you’ll get back with that as soon as you....

Kyle notices that Devin was so scared that he ended up peeing his pants. Kyle now is laughing even more hysterically

Kyle: Just for that, I think we’re even! Yeah, if you’re in the neighbourhood some time come over to watch the next big game, I still have the TV after all! You have a good day now!

Devin is still on the floor as Kyle leaves the shop.

Maury: Alright, I don’t care what just happened, what I want to know is who is going to be paying for these donuts?

Stinger: Shot of a pizza shop outside, Kyle walks inside. Cut to inside with Colin waiting in line as Kyle walks in, notices him and approaches.

Kyle: Colin? Colin Wright?
Colin: Yes? Wait...Kyle? Kyle Newton?
Kyle: You remember?
Colin: Of course! I couldn’t forget you! How’ve you been doing?
Kyle: Well, remember that stereo system you wanted me to buy 5 years ago?

END

[Graham]

Alternate stinger:
Devin never fully remembers Kyle, and during the stinger he starts in on the same "$10,000 TV" talk as above, as if it's the worst con ever.
Obviously that changes a few things, so I'm not sure if it works.

Regardless, I like the idea a lot!