I actually came up with this one myself. I thought since you mention Uwe Boll in several of your skits, why not do one reading off laundry lists of what NOT to do when making a game-based movie (w/commentary involved of course). For instance, my list consists something like this (I wouldn't suggest mentioning this word-for-word if you do happen to make this vid). Also, show footage depicting each one (I'm sure it's not so hard to find in his "movies"):
1) Make it so that it doesn't resemble the game's at all in ANY way, shape, or form. IE: have there be an old muddy yard shack in HOUSE of the Dead, or make it to where the characters are always in daylight in Alone in the DARK (notice the two keywords here, in all caps), unless they're talking about the audiences themselves of course. IE: someone stabbing themselves at home watching House of the Dead, or being the only person in the theater watching Alone in the Dark, yeah, then I'm sure you'll be "alone in the dark" alright. After all, how much did AitD made worldwide again? Oh, you don't have to look it up for me, I'll tell you right here. It won't take me long *ponders*... oh yeah, that's right, ONLY $8 MIL, so you know a lot of people must've been feeling that way when they saw this movie! NOW the title actually makes a bit of sense!
2) Throw in a ton of game clips from left to right, to remind the audience of the game they're trying to base the movie off of. After all, I doubt anyone knew that HotD was based off of a Sega rail shooter to begin with!
3) Take a bunch of B-List actors (Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Meatloaf, etc) and have them show no emotion whatsoever in these movies. Actually, take a bunch of fine actors and have them put up some of the worst performances ever caught on tape for that matter. After all, need the director mind them of why they were there in the first place? BLACKMAIL, persay?
4) Have a ton of talented screenwriters write the first draft of your next "big hit", only to piss them off later by telling them that their script lacks a main character with advanced superpowers, gratuitous sex scenes, slimy dog monsters, and pointless gun fights, and then hire a team of untalented hacks to include all of that in their sh*thole excuse for a script in the final cut themselves. For a footage source, use the webpage on somethingawful.com that pretty much tells the whole story.
5) Cast Tara Reid as an archeologist; who in their right mind would cast that dumb bimbo as ANY type of intellect in their movie?
6) Use 360 turntable effects around characters as they shoot; oh, and don't forget to take redout effects from the videogame and use them over the characters when they die!
7) When you make a fast-paced zombie-action flick, pretend, for just one second, that you're re-creating the Matrix. In other words, add a ton of cheesy Matrix effects to already atrocious 30 minute gun battle, but wait! You forgot to add the main ingredient... a bunch of teenagers who suddenly know how to use kung fu at the most convenient time in the movie; when the zombies come out for the FIRST TIME, DUH! Oh, and the coup de gracie... be sure to throw in an Asian chic whose name is liberty and wearing a bunch of red, white and blue-stripped clothes. Have her be Neo, and go kung-fu on the zombies's asses! That'll work out GREAT, won't it? Phh, yeah, when asses fly (and I mean REAL asses, not the ones you see everyday on the internet), which that won't be anytime soon, obviously. Wait, did I forget to mention that you'll see a lot of those in his movies as well (F'ING NUDITY!)?
When making a zombie movie, just remember; it's JUST a movie! The zombies don't have to look real! Just hire a bunch of random actors and have them wear halloween zombie costumes throughout the movie! That'll do just fine!
9) Spoil the entire movie's ending with a narratial encore; why waste 90 minutes on a film when he basically spells the entire movie out for you in just the first couple of minutes?
10) Have there be a Rave of the Year on what many people in that movie call a BAREN island! But, to make it even more interesting, have there be very few people on it!
11) During large gun battles, throw in a score of blazing techno/rap/metal, even through rap (a) sucks (b) doesn't belong in a movie about shooting zombies from left to right and (b) sucks, both lyrically and musically
12) Spell out the entire movie's story with an opening scroll text encore, only make it even slower moving than the ones from the Star Wars movies so that it takes at least 5 full minutes just to inform the audiences of what the hell the movie is about; I'm sure there aren't OTHER ways of explaining the movie's story (sarcasm).
13) Have an agent who is supposed to be dead suddenly get up during the movie (Alone in the Dark)
14) Make sure there is no character development whatsoever; just load it up with CGI monsters, gratuitous sex scenes and pointless gun fights from left to right.
15:) Play an anti-racism song during a topless love scene.(Alone in the Dark)
16): Play techno-salsa music during a car chase scene.(AITD)
17) Give your characters special weapons and ablities and no normal backstory!
18): Have BloodRayne wake up from a nightmare and then go fuck a guy.
19): Make the monsters affraid of the light, then come out in the morning and attack the main characters in the end. (AITD)
20): Do an adaptation of Dungeon Siege and rip-off LOTR, then call it In the Name of the King.
21): Give a simple farmer fantastic martial arts skills.
Granted, it'd be one long ass video, but it'd be very informative and it would tell future film makers what NOT to include in their movies if and when they hit the stage where they are to begin making them.
