Crapshot idea/script: The warning

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Garwulf
Posts: 132
Joined: 03 Jul 2014, 10:21
First Video: Unskippable - Lost Planet
Location: Kingston, Ontario
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Crapshot idea/script: The warning

Postby Garwulf » 19 Aug 2018, 09:48

(Inspired by dealing with safety warnings on products for infants)

INT AN OFFICE. Person 1 is sitting down. Person 2 dashes in, almost frantic.

Person 2: Boss, we may have a problem with the new product.

Person 1: Oh no - is it completely unsafe for babies?

Person 2: Exactly the opposite -- it's completely SAFE.

Person 1: I don't understand.

Person 2: There's nothing to put in the warning!

Person 1: You mean it's COMPLETELY safe?

Person 2: Yes!

Person 1: A baby can't suffocate, strangle, or drown?

Person 2: Not even if used by a clown!

Person 1: No injuries or wounds?

Person 2: Neither late nor soon!

Person 1: What about poisoning or infection?

Person 2: Not even with a deflection!

Person 1: They can't burn, overheat, or freeze?

Person 2: Not even in a squeeze!

Person 1: What about a dismemberment or decapitation?

Person 2: Not anywhere in this nation!

(Beat)

Person 1: My God...how are we going to make sure that parents are safe with their newborns if we've got nothing to put on the warning label?

(Beat)

Person 2: I have an idea...it's a stretch, and it's not the BABY getting hurt, but it just might work...

CUT TO two parents looking at the warning label on paper instructions, puzzled.

Parent 1: Where would an infant get a derringer?

SOUND OF A DERRINGER COCKING OFF SCREEN.

Parent 2: Oh! Of course.

- HONK

STINGER:

Parent 1: So, what does this thing DO, anyway?

Parent 2: I...don't know.
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