Overheard conversation

[The R]

Several years back, probably around 2005 when I was selling Alex's tshirts at various conventions; I had overheard a conversation in a nearby booth I couldn't see since there was racks of merchandise.

It was a few girls who were discussing boyfriends and such and there was this particular girl describing her new Bf and going on about how great he was ect. ect. and things seemed to go well and she was being applauded by her friends. Then one of them asked "How old is he?" and she mentioned he was 16 and in grade 11 (she was in gr12 and was 18) and suddenly the tone in her friends voices changed instantly.

They were kinda shocked at the answer and started pitting questions at her in a very disapproving manner and she was forced on the defensive as the questions made it seem like she was being interrogated. It got to a bad point where one of them said very condescendingly "Why can't you date a guy in your own grade?" to which she said almost yelling "BECAUSE ALL THE GUYS IN MY GRADE ARE ONLY INTERESTED IN SEX, AND THIS GUY ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT ME". They quickly shut up after that, but still had some kinda hostility against her.

Now the thing that I find peculiar is that I have seen girls in 8th grade date 12 grade guys and nobody bats an eyelash, and even the whole "Im more mature since I date older guys [smugface]" (Heck when I was 22 I had a 15yr old girl hit on me very aggressively to which I had to politely turn her down for obvious reasons). so Its kind strange to me that a guy younger is seen so negatively.

This just a Highschool thing, because usually older girls later on would only get stuff like "Oh you cougar you *mwrawr* >:3 "

[Cureless_Poison]

I usually aim for slightly older, ones my age never seem to work with me.

[theDreamer]

Have you ever met a 16 year old male?

I'm still one (6 days until this fact is no longer true) so I can say this with all sincerity. 90% of the time they suck. Maybe she was lucky. It happens rarely. I like to think that I'm one of the better ones. Not by much, but a fraction of a percent.

The only things worse are 14 year old boys, and anyone in a 'secret society.'

[Lyinginbedmon]

As these forums can attest I've only ever had one girlfriend and she was mere months older than me. I don't really intend to stray too far from that really, once it gets to years life experience starts delineating.

[theDreamer]

Well, it all comes down to how old you are in comparison. My step-mother is 6 years younger than my dad.

My uncle just proposed to a woman he's been seeing who is 5 years older than him. When we found out my 49 year old uncle was dating someone in their mid 50s, we almost laughed. Before that his oldest girlfriend since his break up with a woman 2 years ago was 40. Generally they were in their mid 30s, and never lasted long.

My girlfriend is exactly 1 month older than me. It makes remembering dates easy, and we went through a lot of similar things.

[goat]

As these forums can attest I've only ever had one girlfriend and she was mere months older than me. I don't really intend to stray too far from that really, once it gets to years life experience starts delineating.

There is an XKCD comic to that effect that I am too lazy to look up.

[Master Gunner]

Lets just say that anybody I'd go out with would have to be a special and rare kind of crazy, and age is pretty much entirely irrelevant there. I've only met one girl that I've being able to get close to in that respect, and she was just on the edge of that compatibility zone, from where she was able to break my heart entirely. So yeah, I don't know much about age, besides that cross-grades dating is quite common at my school.

I have nothing else to add to this conversation.

[masamune]

i'm at that point where girls younger than me are excruciatingly annoying, and girls older or my age are looking for careers or family. i need to find a girl as lost as me.

[Jillers]

It depends less on age and more on maturity level and compatibility, and what you're looking for - ie: I desire someone who is more mature than I am, so I, generally, look for older guys or guys my own age, though a mature younger man is fine.


I didn't overhear the entire conversation, but I did hear this brilliant snippit a week or so ago:

"I would rather be a nazi than..."

But I don't know how it ended!

[zfubarz]

The only thing I could think of that would make that acceptable is "Uwe Boel" and even that's a stretch.

As for age untill my current girlfriend (who I've been with for over two years) I'd only dated and had relationships with older girls, one I'd actually be more accurate calling woman actually. I don't know why, I'm very immature so it's not like I had that going for me, older girls just liked me. Of course as I said the gal of now has been around for a while, exponentially longer in fact so maybe I wasn't to into those older gals after all.

[Zombaholic]

It's an odd thing. I wouldn't say that real love starts in highschool and such. You're full of emotions as is and if you're going out with an 18 year old or whatever they can sort of take advantage of you. Another point is that they have more ability to do stuff you can't and you feel left out.

Case in point, one of my acquaintances I hang out with is about 16, 17 and she's dated 20 year old men who have jobs, homes, and the such. She finds no problem with this, but the majority of the time she stays with them at their homes since she thinks it's normal. So after failing really hard she just dropped out, and wondering why men don't love her.

So there's a line here between ages when you're such a young one and experimenting.

[Cade Antilles]

First off, that poor girl is in complete denial. Teenage guys all have sex on the brain, right at the forefront of their thoughts. Some are better at concealing it than others, but it's there. At that age, a girl dating a younger guy is just asking for a broken heart. She'll figure it out (and since that happened four years ago, probably has by now).

Teenage dating is one of the most difficult, infuriating, confusing, troubling, and awkward things one can go through. The only hard rule, I say, is don't date anyone whose age will get you or the other thrown in jail. Otherwise, there's nothing wrong with trying to date someone younger (just don't be surprised when they turn out to be immature deuchebags).

As for girls dating younger guys being taboo . . . yeah, it's kinda strange, but not unheard of. It's certainly a double standard, as far as societal acceptance. But, there's nothing fundamentally wrong with it.

EDIT: Oh yeah, and I think it was XKCD that had the formula for knowing at what age it becomes weird to date someone. Your Age divided by two (rounded down), plus seven (I think). So, I'm 27, so it's creepy for me to date anyone under 20 (27 / 2 + 7 = 20).

[It's My Delorean]

While having no experiance with actual dating, I can honestly say, that while yes, sex is on the brain when it comes to having feelings for someone, it's not why I would date someone.

So, how come I've never had a girlfriend then?! =P

[Cade Antilles]

While having no experiance with actual dating, I can honestly say, that while yes, sex is on the brain when it comes to having feelings for someone, it's not why I would date someone.

So, how come I've never had a girlfriend then?! =P

The real key is confidence. Women love confidence. That helps in so many ways.

If you're confident, you'll be more comfortable talking to them. You'll be more capable of asking them out, and they'll be more likely to accept. And, even if you don't get the woman you were aiming for, an aura of confidence might draw ones you didn't expect.

How does one build confidence? That's a harder question to answer. It really differs from person to person, but there is one good step. That is to confront your fears. Afraid of rejection? Throw caution to the wind and just ask a girl out anyway. If she rejects you, there will be another. Have mother issues? Don't worry about it, you don't need her approval. See where I'm going with this?

A creed I live by: Fortune favors the bold. What does not kill you makes you stronger. Pain is temporary. Glory is forever. And chicks dig scars!

[Mad Madam Mimm]

The social thing is that the older you are, the less an age gap matters. A 16 year old going out with a 24 year old is considered suspect and some would say wrong, whereas a 40 going out with a 48 year old is more acceptable.

Personally, I don't see age gaps as much of an issue, as long as both people are consenting adults. I think probably 15 years is the maximum age difference I would be comfortable in considering, but that said it varies from couple to couple. Until he died recently, a man in my town was married, and had a family with, a woman 20 years younger than him. But no one questioned it because they "worked" as a couple, as it were. On the other hand, a girl in my year at school has been in a relationship for some time with a 35 year old father of two, which everyone saw as very wrong and almost unnatural.

Personally, I take the attitude of their life, their mistakes. I don't know their other half like they do.

[iamafish]

going back to the original story, i think the girls friends needs to take a look a t them selves and stop being so age concious. A friend of mine (male) has been dating someone from the year above (who is female) and they get on like a house on fire. Age doesn't matter, it's all about compatibility and maturity. In school it poses the problem of the older person leaving school earlier, which can make for some emotional trainwrechages. i'm certainly not looking to next September when my friend realises his girl is gone .

[Kara]

My current boyfriend is younger than me by one year. I just graduated and he's not done til next year. (He's early December 1992, I'm late December 1991.)

I get a lot of cougar jokes, but nothing really. I've got no prob dating younger people, so that's just life right there.

[Unlucky]

My GF's about 6-7 months older than me or so. She's 18 while I'm 17, it's never really been an issue at all. It's my 18 year old mates who go and hit on the 13 year olds that creep me right the F- out...At least I make 'em feel guilty for it.

[Cake]

My girlfriend is 4 years younger than me, almost to the day. I don't see anything wrong with it.

[Kara]

In your instance Cake, there is nothing wrong with it.

An interesting way to look at it is just that if you're 14 and 18, it seems like a much huger age gap than if you're 30 and 26. I think as we get older age gaps become less important because levels of maturity aren't as drastically different from one age to the next. It's more strange for teenagers and very young adults to be dating people that are years apart from them, just because we're in such a huge state of change in our lives and attitudes to a very massive degree all the time.

Also, when you're older it's past the point of having legal issues attached at all.

[gcninja]

Now, my frist and so far only gf is only nine months younger, but age shouldnt matter, i know a 21 yr old whos dating a 35yr old and they plan on getting married int he next year, congrats to them, i hope it works, love knows no bounds and age is a VERY stupid boundry

[Tim]

I was going to mention the (YOUR AGE/2)+7 thing, but looks like I was beaten to it. It's a solid rule. (And no, Randall Munroe didn't invent it himself.)

[Brad]

I've always dated older girls, with very few exceptions. My first girlfriend was 16, I was 12.

That's the actual true version of my oft heard comment, "She was 21, I was 11, what can I say, I was an animal"

[tak197]

Brad, the babysitter doesn't count.

Also, from what I've seen, 98% of relationships started in high school DON'T WORK OUT. Wait until college, and you have a better shot at finding a suitable facsimile to "true love".

[theDreamer]

Peter Parker and Mary Jane.

I rest my case.

(funny story, the amount you can compare me and my gf to the above couple is something I take a surprising amount of pride in)