King of the Hill

[ThrashJazzAssassin]

I see what you did there.

The Zeppelin of the South is crushed by the Angel of the North, which I drop on you from a great height before striking a conquering pose on top of the hill.

[Master Gunner]

I quickly attach a grappling hook to the orbiting hill, dragging it down to Earth with me. It happens to land right in front of the Magnetic Hill Concert Site, where AC/DC defeats you with the power of Rock. I crawl from the wreckage and seize the hill to the tune of "Thunderstruck".

[Emperor Gum]

Suddenly, thunder strikes! Master Gunner is thrown from the hill, I sit down under a tree.

[Chfan]

I quickly bust out an electric guitar, begin playing the riff from Thunderstruck, and kick Gum off the top of the hill.

[Theremin]

Guitar riffs are no match for my fierce beats, and I serve Chfan in a dance off, boogie-ing as he slinks away.

[Master Gunner]

Seeing as the hill is currently in my hometown, I rally my "boys from the hood", and the hoards of pasty white/Asian teenagers claim the hill in my name with a combination of breakdancing, every conceivable genre of music (and some that have no proper name), school-bus drifting, and scalding-hot coffee from watercannons hooked up to the 30+ Tim Horten's in the area.

[Theremin]

15 years later all the teenagers a grown up working in dead-end jobs, dissatisfied with life and suffering from existential ennui. I use their malaise to reclaim my trip-hop throne.

[Master Gunner]

In 15 years, not only has the casino down the street being built, but I practically own it. I use the vast resources of my gambling/call-center empire to revitalize the area and stimulate the economy. The masses than rise up with hope and knock you off the hill.

[Theremin]

Hmm...well-played, but the masses are a fickle bunch, and with a propaganda campaign I turn public opinion against you and lead a rebellion, installing myself as 'dear leader of the hill'.

[Master Gunner]

Your poor economic policies quickly lead to widespread famine and starvation, as you live in decadence atop the hill. Soon even your secret police is unable to hold back the tide of anger, and the people rise up against you and steal your palace for their own. I return and they re-instate me and the old government.

[Theremin]

Unknown to you, I survived the attack and started a small media company under the name Wilfred Olmos-Smeagul. As the company expands into a large corporation, we build a massive headquarters where the dear leader's palace used to be.

[Master Gunner]

Thanks to corporate espionage, I ruin your public image and send your stock prices bumbling. Just as you are about to file for bankruptcy, I buy a majority stake in the company for next to nothing, and take my office in the top floor of the massive headquarters on the hill.

[ThrashJazzAssassin]

Hulk SMAAAASH puny building!

[Theremin]

Even Hulk cannot smash radiation-induced terminal illness. After Hulk's death, I return to the hill erecting a chain-link fence around it's perimeter.

[Master Gunner]

I easily bypass your chain-link fence, displace you from the hill, and replace the fence with a highly electrified barbed-wire version.

[Emperor Gum]

(by the by, Master Gunner and Theremin, lol)
I do that thing from the second and third Ender Book. I eat a pain resistant root, climb over the fence but suffer horrible damage, then later get a new body whilst on board a speaceship. What you need to know is that I'm using the hammer ability from Kirby and smash Master Gunner into the distance, Team Rocket style.

[Master Gunner]

And much like Team Rocket, I return in the next episode. Which starts.......now.

[Theremin]

I propose that Gunner and I form an alliance, that one of us immediatly betrays. (hint: It's me.)

[Sillyman]

I claim this hill in the name of the SOS Brigade!

[Master Gunner]

No you don't.

[Sillyman]

UPDATE Hills SET King='Sillyman' WHERE King='Master Gunner'

Yes, yes I do.

[Master Gunner]

Segfault error.

[Sillyman]

Now look what you've done. You've made Nagato have to rewrite all the data.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

[Theremin]

(Steve Irwin impression)
Now, while these little fellas are fighting,what I've done is I've quietly climbed up the hill, laying bear traps and punji stakes behind me. Now I'm just gonna wait and see what these little blighters do next.

[Master Gunner]

ATTACK FROM ABOVE!!!