15 - The Prostitute Permit and Other Tales

[Graham]

Boom!

The news isn't always as silly as it ought to be. That's where we come in.

[Shinneh]

*watches feed dump*
*goes to bbc website*
"German city of Bonn taxes prostitutes with meter" is a top story

Hmm, feed dump beat the bbc to it!

Apparently there isn't a better source for news.

[Lisra]

I thought it would be Hamburg. Weird that.

[CSt]

Actually, that's only a problem for cities with prostitution on the streets. The women who work in brothels have paid taxes for years, in the streets not so much.
Hamburg is mostly off the street, other cities have to use other ways.

[Lisra]

Good point. I never noticed prostitutes in the streets until I moved to the Netherlands, and I solely lived in big cities until then.

[CSt]

Well of course... you have to know where to look

[Yaxley]

Aren't 7 woods usually women's clubs?

On the plus side, I'm glad you found the other viking helmet. That should do good things for the hatistics.

[dackwards d]

What the flight company should have done was take the unfortunate incident and market it as a feature! Coders have been doing it for years. "A woman got drunk and started stripping on one of our flights! Do you want to miss out on a free lapdance if it happens again?"

Also,
"Excuse me sir, but why do you have an expression like something just unexpectedly slipped into your anus?"
"Snake? Snake?! SNAAAAAKE!!!!"

Also also,
I must not make blowjob joke, I must not make blowjob joke, I must not make blowjob joke...

[Graham]

Kathleen is really messing with the Hatistics this week. Can't wait to see the graph.

[iamafish]

damnit! Not one piece of non-prescription eyewear? seriously? that's $500 down the drain. Did pretty well in terms of prescription eyewear though.

good ep too. I want to make a comment about Kathleen and her making a good prostitute, but i can't think of a way to word it in a way that doesn't portray me in a bad light...

[a_swe_mayt_hink]

i wouldn't mind being part of the republic of Kathleen, i dont mean that in a sexual way....'or do i?'

no seriously, if cat money doesn't sell the idea to you i don't know what will.......

firstly Grahams poem, was a work of brilliance.

secondly, Kathleen as a prostitute (not a sentence i ever thought i would ever write) trying to seduce paul's policeman's character....slightly awkward to watch. It almost seemed like Paul had no idea what was happening.

thirdly, as part of the republic of Kathleen, Paul wearing a multicoloured afro should be implemented at all the times.

[JackSlack]

WARNING. WARNING. WARNING.

This is it, people. We've trained our whole lives for this. We thought we could play the market like gods and now we are all sons of bitches.

Ladies and gentlemen. I'm JackSlack, of Action 9 news and I stand before you at our hat-based financial system's apocalypse. In Moscow, a lemur has been sighted with the mark of Crnobog upon its red fur. Evil spirits stalk the Australian outback, their stone knees clicking in the night. In New England, a ... really, really big crab named Basatan or something has been spotted.

The end of the hat market has come.

We've hit haturation.



Just received word from Sweden: the Hound Garmr, the worst of monsters, has emerged, and Tyr is in the fetal position under his bed crying for mommy. In other news, prescription eyewear went up considerably, nearly doubling its value for investors. Hats, rather predictably, have earned their investors a very nice sum to burn as fast as they can before the entire market collapses. Wigs were nearly down to nothing. NPEW was down to nothing.

In Athens, a lioness with a snake for a tail and a goat's head emerging from its spine has delighted a local petting zoo, where it turns out to have a fondness for children. Aww.

Here's the Count by Count!



And with that, I'm taking my suddenly larger investments, putting out the word to any of my nubile supermodel friends that I have a bunker, and retreating to my bunker to watch the world burn on my 52" plasma. I'm JackSlack, and may God have mercy on your soul.

[Kathleen]

WARNING. WARNING. WARNING.

This is it, people. We've trained our whole lives for this. We thought we could play the market like gods and now we are all sons of bitches.

Ladies and gentlemen. I'm JackSlack, of Action 9 news and I stand before you at our hat-based financial system's apocalypse. In Moscow, a lemur has been sighted with the mark of Crnobog upon its red fur. Evil spirits stalk the Australian outback, their stone knees clicking in the night. In New England, a ... really, really big crab named Basatan or something has been spotted.

The end of the hat market has come.

We've hit haturation.



Just received word from Sweden: the Hound Garmr, the worst of monsters, has emerged, and Tyr is in the fetal position under his bed crying for mommy. In other news, prescription eyewear went up considerably, nearly doubling its value for investors. Hats, rather predictably, have earned their investors a very nice sum to burn as fast as they can before the entire market collapses. Wigs were nearly down to nothing. NPEW was down to nothing.

In Athens, a lioness with a snake for a tail and a goat's head emerging from its spine has delighted a local petting zoo, where it turns out to have a fondness for children. Aww.

Here's the Count by Count!



And with that, I'm taking my suddenly larger investments, putting out the word to any of my nubile supermodel friends that I have a bunker, and retreating to my bunker to watch the world burn on my 52" plasma. I'm JackSlack, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Not going to lie, I wore the hat specifically because I wanted to throw off the market. Mwah ha ha!!!

[JustAName]

I *thought* you were trying to mess with it. Also, Kathleen, I think Graham's speech patterns are starting to infect you (well, more evidently; I'm sure they already have for years) - your "What the HELL?" about the flight sounded like his inflections.

[Duckay]

Between Kathleen as a prostitute, the prospect of kitty dollars, and the fact that Kathleen maliciously manipulated the hat market, I have to ask.

What is the process for immigrating to Kathleenia? Do I need a Visa?

[Ahlir]

I want a Homestar hat! Yeah I know they would be easy to make/buy... Humm actually that's a good idea. Wait where was I... oh yeah.

As someone who follows you guys on Twitter I have one thing to say. Kathleen you are now allowed to complain about your body any more. Like wow... really. Those are a nice pair of legs. Totally distracted me from what was going on.

[Tapir12]

The poem was awesome. And so was everything else.

[nicholasmc1]

Not going to lie, I wore the hat specifically because I wanted to throw off the market. Mwah ha ha!!!

IM RUINED, ALL MY CAREFUL PLANNING!

[JackSlack]

Also, Paul? Inferior Disneyland? Really? <pout> I quite like Disney World! It has EPCOT!

[Slack Mesa]

Also, Paul? Inferior Disneyland? Really? <pout> I quite like Disney World! It has EPCOT!

But the Disney complex in California has Disney's California Adventure, an entire theme park about California. One minute you're in California, and then you enter the park and suddenly it's like you've been magically transported to...California!

[JackSlack]

To be fair, it IS widely considered that certain versions of attractions at WDW aren't up to the standards of Disneyland, most notably the Tiki Tiki Tiki Room and Pirates of the Carribean.

[Flewellyn]

Loved the poetry, and the "business transaction" aspect of the prostitute and cop dialogue.

Also, HOLY CRAP KATHLEEN LEGS.

*ahem* Thank you, this concludes our announcements.

[Duckay]

True story: I've always wanted to go to WDW, Florida, because when I was about 6, my teacher told me there was no such place and that I'd just gotten confused.

Also, I admit, I have to wonder if the prostitution thing is funnier to people who live in other parts of the world: I was fairly unfazed by it, because prostitution is a completely legal business here. Mind you, the meter system does bring up the idea that someone could accidentally confuse the parking meter and the prostitution meter...

[JackSlack]

What I like about the prostitution meter is that it's actually quite a neat, non-discriminatory system between full time and part-time sex workers. You only pay for what you use.

[Duckay]

I sort of wonder what the incentive is for the prostitutes using the system. Let's say the punishment for plying your trade without a ticket from the meter is the same as the punishment was, prior to this move, for plying your trade at all. Now, you have to pay money to do what you've always been doing, but you get no increased protection.

This is why I like places that have legalized prostitution in a way that allows for government revenue and real protection for the men and women involved.