The Sex Thread

[auberginequeen]

My biggest problem about giving handjobs/blowjobs is that it's kind of boring. I don't mean that making my partner happy bores me or is insignificant, but it's not exactly mentally stimulating either.

My mind wanders to things and I ponder over stuff in the middle of it but I can't tell anyone (although I'd like to) because my thoughts aren't particularly sexy. Like thinking about kittens or wanting to ask something like "Marshmallows really do have a strange texture, don't they? Like eating a cloud..." aren't exactly tittilating, and the less and less aroused I get the more I want to just talk about all the shit my mind is trying to amuse itself with.

[Duckay]

It's not really the semen that bugs me do much as the general penis area.

It's not so terrible that I'll outright refuse, but no, I don't enjoy it, and way prefer to use a barrier.

[plummeting_sloth]

General Penis Area is my Chris Brown cover band

[Alja-Markir]

@Aubergine RE: boredom during certain activities

I am not a monk, or even all that well versed in the proper methods of meditation used by various religious and social orders, but the closest I ever get to profound meditation (aside from sensory deprivation experiments) is during lovemaking.

Chiefly I practice this so-called meditation as a form of self control, allowing me to last much longer than normal. I do this in two ways. 1) By carefully (but not too carefully!) regulating my body functions, respiration, heartbeat, timing of movements, and heat flow. And 2) I compartmentalize the sexy thoughts into a back corner of my mind and direct the brunt of my consciousness toward emptiness and reflection.

I think of massive stones. I picture the ocean with a mountain rising from the depths, jutting into the air, cloaked in greenery, wreathed in clouds. I picture lighthouses, and I mentally leap from their heights, catch the wind, and fly across the waters at incredible speeds. I dash through thick woodlands, I sink into the soil and flit ghost-like through the stones and earth. I envision rivers tumbling over sweeping vistas, and wind rippling grasslands that stretch as far as the eye can see. The only motion is that of the natural word, no sounds beyond the wind and waves, no bird calls even.

Then that little compartmentalized section in the back starts leaking steam and other warm fluids from the edges, and I drop my expanded mind into a hazy stand-by mode, activating the maintenance perameters, equalize the physical and mental pressures with the ambient surroundings, take a quick status report, restart and reconfigure where necessary, and then back to the thrusty-thrusty as my mind flits away through a nature documentary again.

I try to avoid reflection on kōans, though. Apparantly that causes me to start babbling in various languages incomprehensibly.

~Alja~

[theDreamer]

You say some random things sometimes, dude, but that has got to be the most unrelated "RE:" I've ever seen...

[Yoshi_Gal]

I have discovered a new favourite game. It's called Surprise Blowjob in the middle of playing Xbox.

He'd been playing battlefield 3 for hours now and I was bored outta my mind so I though you know, what? Surpise blowjob time! He managed to keep playing for a few more minutes before succumbing completely. It was impressive.

Once he was finished he promptly feel asleep naked, sprawled out on the lounge chair with the Xbox controller resting on his stomach. And like any good girlfriend I took photos. He's all class.

[Avistew]

That's interesting aubergine because I'm kind of the same with receiving. I just lay there thinking "well this is boring, I'm not actually doing anything".

I don't find giving boring at all though. With blowjobs you have a bunch to do anyways, and with handjobs you can watch his face, you can kiss, you can suck his nipples or his ear, you can talk dirty to him. My mind actually never wanders when I'm doing it, but that's probably a matter of taste, because sometimes it wanders during intercourse for instance.

By the way, we have a running gag about lasagna because one day we realised in the middle of sex that we had forgotten to put away the lasagna. Now we say it as though it was something dirty (oh, yeah, put away my lasagna!)

My main problem with handjobs would be that my hand can get tired sometimes and usually I'm lying down next to him in a way that doesn't make it practical to switch hands (not that I'd have enough dexterity in the other one anyways).

[auberginequeen]

Well both of us are submissive and as a result it usually ends up with someone having to pretend to be dominant. It doesn't always work out well. Sometimes I get the urge to be dominant but it's like, once in a blue moon. I guess you could say I was weredom.

But the thing about pretending to be dominant is that you don't necessarily find it as sexy as if you were actually dominant, I suppose. As a result the arousal tends to be a bit one-sided. Sure, you enjoy doing it for the sake of making them happy but sometimes you get nothing else out of it. Nothing wrong with that, but a mind unstimulated often tends to wander.

[Avistew]

That makes perfect sense. We're both switches so it works well for us. I'm mostly dominant but about orgasm control, so I'm fine either way. What I mean is for instance with fellatio, it can be him being dominant or me being dominant, but since both are fellatio it works out for me anyways. I more rarely am up for cunnilingus regardless of who's being the dom that time.

But being switches we learn to adapt easily. Usually only one of us is in a very strong mood one way or the other, and the other just adapts to it easily.

When you're both the same, it's bound to be trickier as one of the people just pretends and doesn't get as much satisfaction out of it. And acting like a dom when you're a sub can't be easy, as you have to keep making decisions when you'd be so much more comfortable following whatever decision the other person makes. This being said it's good that you're trying anyways, compromises are really important in a relationship, you just have to be sure what the line is between "not what I'd want to do but sure, if you like it" and "I'd never want to do that" and not force yourself to do the latter.
(Not talking about you specifically here, just making a general comment).

[Digital Dolphin]

w00t!
High fives for switches all around!

I should probably throw in that I am much more into giving oral sex than receiving. I've often gotten bored during blowjobs and that doesn't usually turn out so well...

That being said, 69'ing is where it's at!

[Lyinginbedmon]

I guess I would qualify as a switch, honestly it's not something I've ever contemplated. All my partners have taken fairly even roles in either position, so to speak.

[iamafish]

I'm pretty adaptable. I like both. I tend to be dom, simply because both of the women I've had any kind of repetitive contact with in that way have been fairly sub. Kinda annoying, because i'd like to be sub more often, but I like dom too.

[AmzRigh]

I'm mostly sub, but all of my girlfriends have been even more sub than me (save for rare occasions). Yarr.

[Metcarfre]

It's not really a spectrum I consider.

[Avistew]

It's not really a spectrum I consider.

I guess that makes your spot on the spectrum "vanilla"

[The Jester]

As though being neither noticeably sub or dom makes one boring.

[Matt]

As though being neither noticeably sub or dom makes one boring.

Vanilla's damn delicious, and I won't hear otherwise.

-m

[The Jester]

Oh I agree. As a flavour, certainly. However, it was clearly used by Avistew to denote something "boring".

[Matt]

Deliciously boring.

-m

[aeric90]

I wouldn't consider 'vanilla' to be the neutral spot between Dom and Sub. Seems to me it'd be more like 'mutual' with no partner taking or giving up any control.

I am surprised that it's so pervasive in hetero couples though. I guess I was a bit ignorant on that front.

[Avistew]

I didn't mean it was boring. I've always "vanilla" used as the term for... vanilla sex. I don't even know another word for it. I like vanilla (both the flavour and the kind of sex). I don't see it as meaning "boring", I see it as meaning "standard" or "the norm" or "the most common form".

Sub and Dom are terms used in the BDSM community. If they don't apply to you or you've never considered them, it probably mean you're not part of the BDSM community. And they refer to the rest of the world as "vanilla". I've never seen that as pejorative.

Sorry if I sounded like I was making a judgment of any sort. I think sex should be enjoyable and there is no reason trying to bring things into the bedroom that you have no use for. You can definitely be BDSM and boring or vanilla and not boring.

@aeric I don't think that not considering the spectrum means you are in the middle. I think it just means it's not important to you. But if you HAD to pick, you could be anywhere on the spectrum. I guess I would say there are two axes. One that goes from dom to sub, with switch overlapping most of it, and one that ranges from "irrelevant" to "can't have sex without it being the centerpiece and most important aspect of the sex".

[taza]

I dunno about that. Both uses of "vanilla" here go under "delicious but without many surprises".

[plummeting_sloth]

I dunno about that. Both uses of "vanilla" here go under "delicious but without many surprises".

I assumed it was like vanilla servers, where this was sex without any of the new expansions and returns things to a more familiar ruleset.

[Avistew]

Funny note about that: the first time I heard about "vanilla WoW", I was confused because I pictured a BDSM WoW as its opposite. Then my boyfriend explained that it's what he and some others call WoW as it was originally released, when it was harder, and "being such level actually meant something". So in that case vanilla is definitely meant to be a good thing.

I also thought, when I heard about Rick Santorum for the first time, that he had a very unfortunate name. Obviously I know about sex stuff way more than other categories of knowledge.

[Psyclone]

I also thought, when I heard about Rick Santorum for the first time, that he had a very unfortunate name. Obviously I know about sex stuff way more than other categories of knowledge.

Honestly, that is the only reason I am not just completely horrified and offended by his campaign. The newspapers are being great about it too, with their "surging from behind" jokes.