Learn from our stupidity!

[Wraith]

This thread is for posting brilliant advice you learned from doing something that made you feel stupid. I'll go first:

When using a media player program, such as Zune, Windows Media Player, iTunes or Spotify, start with the OS volume as low as it can go without being muted. Turn the media player's volume up until it is at a volume you like. If you have it turned all the way up and it's still not loud enough, then adjust the OS volume.

Why? Because nothing will ruin your headphone enjoyment quite like full-blast system noises, instant message notifications, etc. With the media player's volume high and the OS volume low, the system noises should remain fairly quiet regardless of the music's volume.

[Darkobra]

If you've sparked a lighter and think you hear it leaking gas, don't hold it to your fucking ear and set your hair on fire.

[Timelady]

On a related note, when bending over a paper cutter (guillotine, whatever), make sure to tie your hair back first.

[MatParker116]

When working as a waiter at all times make sure your watch your step. As an unseen step will result in a sizzling hot meal impacting your chest. Which will cause pain.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

Saying 'have fun' without malice to someone going off to watch something random after their dad has just died makes some people alienate you.
Which is ironic as they're homophobic and racist very often. Ah irony.

Saying "A dog is for Christmas not just to life" to your classmates who love the activity of murdering every single animal smaller than a pebble very ironically angry.

The human mind cannot understand irony.

[Elomin Sha]

Never say 'How hard can in be?' on a popular British car show which is no longer about cars.

[King Kool]

Don't use sheepskin condoms.

[Geoff_B]

Don't rub your eyes after handling tabasco/chilli/any other sauce, even if your finger looks clean.

[Alja-Markir]

Don't expect to do anything but piss people off interjecting cold calculating logic into emotional discussions or events.

~Alja~

[Avistew]

Don't rub your eyes after handling tabasco/chilli/any other sauce, even if your finger looks clean.

I went in this thread to say the exact same thing.

[DuelLadyS]

When explaing to your siblings that you must be touching the ground with your other hand to form a circuit and get a good shock from Grandpa's electric fence... do not demonstrate the process.

(It was 20 years ago! Don't look at me that way!)

[CSt]

When working near a pool, try to remember you have your phone in your pocket, before kneeling down to fix something. Also, when your phone has fallen in a pool, get it out immediately and don't stand there cursing for five minutes.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

When explaing to your siblings that you must be touching the ground with your other hand to form a circuit and get a good shock from Grandpa's electric fence... do not demonstrate the process.

(It was 20 years ago! Don't look at me that way!)

When you see a funny looking fence, like it has ribbon and metal sewing through it; Ask what it is instead of blindly touching it and having a phobia of being electriced for eternity.

I seriously I won't touch anything that gives me a charge that is above my natural charge. And it was my Great Aunts' Fence. What is it with that generation and private electric fences? (She keeps horses in the New Forest).

Also if you plan on sitting on a rock in a lake (shallow bit), make sure your Gameboy Advance is in one of your open trouserspockets (with no zip or buttons). Then rotate your arse on the rock for some reason and let it slither out. Then stare in horror as gas bubbles escape from it. And be more concerned about the state of the Pokemon Cartridge in it than the actual console. (So much progress that could have been lost!)

[empath]

Don't rub your eyes after handling tabasco/chilli/any other sauce, even if your finger looks clean.

I went in this thread to say the exact same thing.

This is a VERY recurrent theme... (me2!)

[Darkobra]

When your friend's stuck in a river:

1. Make sure you take your phone out your pocket.
2. Don't go in bare-footed. Motherfucking sharp rocks TORE ME TO RIBBONS!
3. Make sure you also have a way out. I actually climbed up a hill with thick trees and bushes, each one with thorns. Grabbed onto it, wanted to pull away, thought "FUCK IT! IT'S EXTRA GRIP!" and continued to pull myself up. THEN I got a branch stabbing me in the side, which I snapped, ripped out of me and climbed up!

That was one long 2 hours. Phone still works though!

[Avistew]

I thought of another one: don't cook naked. Especially if it involves oil.

[Geoff_B]

Presumably that could extend to most other past times as well.

[Fezzul]

Sex is probably easier naked... Especially if it involves oil.

[Smeghead]

If driving a truck with a wideload; don't cut corners... like real corners of buildings.

I didn't do it, by another guy that was in my regiment did; he cut the corner off the building (he also damaged some streetlights and broke a supporting beem on a garage with his truck).

You know, maybe the lesson in this post should have been "Don't give the keys to a millitary truck to someone who can't drive"

[Lord Chrusher]

Sex is probably easier naked... Especially if it involves oil.

But usually you are not heating much above body temperature.

[Fezzul]

Not if you do it like I do...

[ElementalAlchemist]

Don't rub your eyes after handling tabasco/chilli/any other sauce, even if your finger looks clean.

I went in this thread to say the exact same thing.

This is a VERY recurrent theme... (me2!)

"Always consult this topic before doing anything"?

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

OMFG CHILLIES

My sister was scraping out the seeds and it squirted her eye so she was not foolish and still got owned.
Of course she rubbed her eye and thought it'd be a good idea to rinse it under water. That's where her stupidity started.

[Metcarfre]

I fail to see how that's 'stupid', rinsing out things you get in your eye is the first thing to do in most situations. Or, I guess all these eye wash stations in my lab are for decoration.

Anyways, my actual recommendation is that you not play soccer barefoot.

[Geoff_B]

The worst part? I did it again after lunch today!