Wish Corrupting Game

[Ptangmatik]

easy enough; three heads of cabbage, delivered by a charming midget called William

Hell of a service charge though

I wish I had more enthusiasm for my new life of enforced cycling

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. The next time you go outside an irate neighbour decides you are the spawn of the devil and you are soon lynched.

I wish I could somehow be not tired after walking 80km

[Drecon]

No problem. Your legs are now replaced by robotic limbs. They have the small drawback of not being controlled by you but being sentient.

I wish to be an inspiring math teacher.

[Kapol]

Granted. You inspire your students to do horrible, horrible things when they get older. One of them grows up to be a famous scientist who just so happens to build a device which destroys the world.

I wish I didn't procrastinate.

[Gap Filler]

Granted. Your admirable work ethic is justly rewarded with a greater work load. And of course, now everyone else is slacking off because they know you'll take the weight.

I wish I could think of more words that rhymed with watch.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. 'Watch' is now pronounced 'Wucking'

I wish I had an extra three hours to get some work done.

[WAYF]

Granted. You also receive an extra three hours' work to do.

I wish Australia had a decent cricket team.

[Keab42]

Granted, the 1999 squad was very decent.

I wish I could speak to women.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. Every woman you meet from this day forward is struck dumb, so they can't speak to you.

I wish I wasn't so lonely.

[Drecon]

Granted. All your feelings are erased, rendering you unable to feel anything ever again. (yay!)

I wish I could travel through time at will.

[nicholasmc1]

Granted when you travel back in time you realise that showers were ACTUALLY a super useful invention....

I wish it wasn't so hot at night.

[Mara Kalat]

Granted, it's now always exactly 0° at night.
...degrees Kelvin.

I wish for the world to be a happier place.

[Ptangmatik]

Granted! And the world is a MUCH happier place, now that its pesky 'humanity' infestation is all cleared up

I wish I could find my camera

[Cerk]

Granted.
All the saved photos on the memorycard are encrypted into a strange format no program can open.

I wish I didn't have to fill up my car with petrol so often.

[WAYF]

Granted. You don't have a car anymore, but hey! You never have to fill it up with petrol again!

I wish I could save all these cassette tapes from their own obsolescence.

[DSmaster21]

Granted. You save the tapes to a cd.

I wish I had some Gatecrash Magic cards.

[Gap Filler]

Granted. What a bum deck that is.

I wish the pendulum wouldn't swing so.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. It swings unexpectedly violently and smashes you in the face.

I wish I could think of answers to these wishes that weren't super-aggressive.

[Mara Kalat]

Granted, you can no longer think of any answers.

I wish autonomous robots would invade Madagascar.

Mara.

[Arikele]

Granted, it is now totally impossible to beat Pandemic.

I wish for an infinite amount of free energy.

[Mara Kalat]

Granted, the world explodes gorgeously as the sphere of plasma expands, soon to envelop the entire universe.

I wish the next pope will surprise everyone by doing an excellent job.

Mara.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Granted. 'Excellent' in this case refers to achieving the ideal worldview of mental fundamentalists.

I wish I could think and write faster.

[Ptangmatik]

You can indeed think and write fifty times faster.

The only thought you are capable of having and writing down is "Baby, baby, baby, oh! Baby, baby, baby, oh!"

over and over and over again, without end.

I wish for a good book to read

[DSmaster21]

Granted you are now blind and have the Hitchikers Guide series in one volume.

I wish to punish gap filler for his corruption of my wish.

[Master Gunner]

Granted, but he enjoys it.

I wish this assignment was already done.