The depressing depression thread

[Drecon]

I happened on this blog (with pictures) about depression.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.nl/

I think there might be a lot of recognition for people? In any case might be worth a read.

[Kapol]

Fun fact, I used to have really bad OCD when I was little and it kicks in again every once in a while. I have to make sure the doors are locked a million times, touch all the burners on the stove and make sure things are not around the electrical sockets. When I got out it is the same, I always think I am going to come home to a burned down house or all my stuff stolen. You're not alone in these OCD/paranoia thoughts. The only way I've found I can deal with it is literally by talking myself out of it and distracting myself. Or giving myself a mental reminder when I lock up "okay this is locked. Totally locked. Remember this. Because it's fucking locked. Now, no guff from you later, mind grapes."

Thanks, that does help me feel a bit better in that I'm not alone. It's at it's worst for me when I'm at the movies. I'm just distracted enough to want to keep watching, but then I think 'Oh God, I left something on." So I spend most of the movie worrying about it. Only when someone else is at the house do I not have the feeling that something is wrong there. It didn't help that, while posting that, I had to stop and go put out a fire on my stove.

[JustAName]

Is there a checklist app on your phone (or, if you have a dumb-phone, just make one out of paper) that you can use? Write down each thing that bugs you when you're out, check them off when you're leaving, and always uncheck it when you get home so that you can be sure you got everything when you're out?

[2stepz]

I just needed to get away from faceplace and vent that I REALLY wish people would stop being all lovey-dovey and shoving their happy relationships in peoples faces.

Also, internal sleep clock - WTF?? I fell asleep at 8 pm, and was awake by 1. WHAT?!? Uggh.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

I have thought about suicide precisely once in my life. And I mean once; directly afterwards I was under a cold shower going through all the reasons why it was such a bloody idiotic idea. To be honest, none of them were to do with other people's thoughts for me (my family excepted), and more for practical reasons: the mess, the selfishness, the poor bastard who has to come and deal with it and/or find me, the fact that I was far from genuinely depressed and the fact that I have determined that I actually want to do something good with my bloody life and make a small bit of the world better, which I couldn't do from six foot under. That probably tells you more about my brain than anything else.

Suicide is an impracticably short-term solution for the victim and a long-term problem for the world.

[Machalllewis]

I seriously want to kill myself. The only thing preventing me is the fact that when you kill yourself your whole entire family has to suffer because of it. I've seen it happen. That is literally the reason I don't go out and commit suicide. Cos I like my friends and family too much to put them through that.

[Koyote042]

The fact that folks here are so great that we want to help each other here is just another example of how great this LRR community is. For those that are finding it difficult to get up every morning to continue, can take solace in the fact that we do care about you and want you to lean on us for help so that you can continue.

[JackSlack]

I seriously want to kill myself. The only thing preventing me is the fact that when you kill yourself your whole entire family has to suffer because of it. I've seen it happen. That is literally the reason I don't go out and commit suicide. Cos I like my friends and family too much to put them through that.

One: There are hotlines. That's for the states, but if you're not in the states, you can google up numbers pretty easy. (Google has a widget set to give you your local number when you even search the word "suicide" provided you're using the localised version of Google.) If you feel you're in danger of harming yourself, call them. You know why you shouldn't, you're saying it right here. Please do not kill yourself.

Two: I've been, and frequently am in, the exact same place as you. I want to kill myself pretty frequently, mostly out of a burning self-hatred. It's often less wanting to commit suicide (a term I see as being about escape) and more to murder myself (a term I see as being about punishment). Either way, yeah, it's horrible to those who loved the person, and I don't want to put them through that. Like you.

That said, I do find solace in a weird factoid. When carbon monoxide was removed from gas in the '60s, the rate of suicide dropped 40%... which is roughly how many of the suicides before then were committed using gas. What does this tell us? When suicide became less convenient, the suicidal did not shift methods. The urge passes. The desire fades.

Now, the urge to kill yourself can be ungodly powerful. And worse, it recurs. But in most cases, it is also short-lived. Fight it out. You will get through this.

[JackSlack]

And now, my turn. I fucking hate who I am, I hate how stupid and lazy I am, and how fucking worthless I am. There is no goddamned reason for anyone to LIKE me, and yet for some reason people don't just like me, they love me. I feel like I constantly disappoint everyone. I am a joke. I'm destined to be beaten by everyone, to never get what I want, and spend my whole life just trying to do what others need. I hate life, I hate me, and I just want it all to be over. I want to be old already. I want to only see a year or two left to go, instead of fucking decades.

I'm such a loser.

[JustAName]

Do you like us? Do you think our judgement is sound? We love you because you're worth loving. And we can't all be wrong.

[Geoff_B]

^ +1

[Jamfalcon]

Jack, please know that while I think everyone on this forum is great, you're honestly one of my favourite people here. All of the evidence I've seen points towards you being pretty awesome, and I want you to stick around here for all of those decades.

[JackSlack]

I am not awesome, nor do I deserve love. I don't even deserve hate. I deserve contempt and disdain at best.

[JustAName]

Nope. <3

[2stepz]

We could all tell you that each member of the forum disagrees with you, but that wouldn't make you believe it.

I understand this. I've battled it myself. Self-hatred will block your ability to see any good in the world, especially in yourself. That doesn't mean the depression is right. There is more to be seen, more to be felt than the depression will allow... so start small. Do something lazy for yourself. Something that makes you feel good, even just a little. Listening to the radio in a bubble bath works for me... just a slight up in the day. Go for a walk or just move. Get your body chemicals moving again.

Then realize how lucky you are that you can do those things. You've worked to pay that water bill, the power bill. You are healthy enough you CAN get up and walk through the neighborhood, or the park. You are supporting people, just through your existance... people that would struggle without you. You have value.

Things you may hate yourself for at the moment are learning experiences. Make the changes... it IS possible.

[JackSlack]

Thank you all.

[ZePancakes]

Uni troubles have been getting pissed, stressed and depressed in one sitting. Feel fucking sad man.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

I know le feels. I recommend finding someone to have a slow, quiet drink with

[nicholasmc1]

Ze, were you coming down for PAX?

[ZePancakes]

Nah I'm in Japan at the moment.

[Lord Chrusher]

It can be more difficult to deal with depression when you are away from home. I have been in the same boat myself. Reach out to those around you.



If you want to learn a bit about the biology and physiology of depression I recommend this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc

The same prof has quite a good series of lectures about human behaviour on both YouTube and iTunesU.

[cuddlyblade]

Ugh in one hour it will have been another year of my life in which i've fucked up everything decent that happened and achieved nothing worth while.

[Preacher]

I am not a good person. I'm overweight, unemployed, generally pissed off, a dick to my friends, and a general drain on society. I understand this, I understand that I'm not healthy and I understand the mentality of, "he's in a bad place, he needs my help." I see no problem with this, when someone is down in the gutter, they need a hand sometimes.

Yet, what if that person who's trying to help, is pretty much the reason you hate everything around and your forced to see them everyday. I've been sitting here for twenty minutes just filled with rage at the fact that the person cannot understand that everything they do and say makes it worst, that I do not want their help. Despite what I've asked they've done the complete opposite and gotten completely involved and all I want to do right now is rip up everything around me in frustration.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Speaking as somebody who frequently says I'm ok when he's not, I can sympathise with your friend (mighty annoying though unwarranted help always is)

[Dubious_wolf]

My cat is old. Old and sick
I've had her for nearly as long as I can remember.
I think she won't last the week.