The depressing depression thread

[The Jester]

You know that feeling you get when you know you're hungry but you just can't tell what it is you wanna eat? Where nothing you have around the house and nothing else you can think of seems right either?

Well, I have that feeling but for my entire life. I have no idea what to do or what to r
try for. I feel useless since everything I've tried so far hasn't worked or seemed right, and I'm still living at home not contributing or moving forward.

My girlfriend is in a really goddamn difficult situation and I can't do anything to help her out of it.

No jobs I apply for ever even bother getting back to me to say that I was unsuccessful.

I feel trapped.

[Danielle Pepin]

I've experienced similar not knowing what to eat that I would stomach easiest when depressed. If it gets bad enough Bananas Rice Applesauce and Toast (BRAT) helps cause those are foods that are the easier to digest. Your whole life is a long time to not know what you want to eat.

Have you tried the local employment centers to see if you are eligible for hiring subsidy? Some places will pay employers a portion of your wage as incentive to hire you if you fit a certain age and length of time unemployed.

[Bebop Man]

I just got through a shitty temp job and I feel I have nowhere to turn to anymore. I've been scrounging off gigs and oddjobs for so long it feels that's all the work I'll ever get: sparse and low-paying. This is going to be the 2nd year in a row I promise myself I get to make that one trip... and then put it on hold for another year while I search for a job that will pay enough and last long enough.

[JackSlack]

God, I hate everything about my life sometimes, and now is one of those times. I just want to hibernate.

[JustAName]

I want to burrow my way through to a world where people will never sexualize my body without my permission, where I don't have to worry about people objectifying me/my sex/my gender, where I don't need to fear the statistically likely sexual assault. I know I can't. But it would be nice.

[Elomin Sha]

Fayili: That world lives inside the bag.

[LogicSword]

I've realised that very rarely does a day go by where I don't think about the guy who bullied me all through school and worry about him coming back into my life. It's pathetic how much I've let him get to me.

[LogicSword]

I've realised that very rarely does a day go by where I don't think about the guy who bullied me all through school and worry about him coming back into my life. It's pathetic how much I've let him get to me.

[Keab42]

That feeling stays with you until the day they reappear, and they don't even remember who you are.

[King Kool]

I wonder if it takes longer to forget about that than it does to finally extinguish an unrequited crush.

[EikoandMog]

I've realised that very rarely does a day go by where I don't think about the guy who bullied me all through school and worry about him coming back into my life. It's pathetic how much I've let him get to me.

I actually had one of those high school bullies reach out to me over facebook and gave a rather long-winded and clearly well thought out apology and all I could think was "...Huh." I wasn't happy, pleased to hear that but I wouldn't say happy. The damage was already done by this point. I dunno, it was a really mixed feeling to read that.

[2stepz]

I wonder if it takes longer to forget about that than it does to finally extinguish an unrequited crush.

From experience, yes.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Bullying is a fundamentally cowardly way of fulfilling a power fantasy, the most common central concept being that control of and dominance over the life of another will help give the bully some kind of self-justification, allowing them to feel superior to their victim and convince themselves of their self-worth via the power they hold over the victim. In many ways therefore, bullies are just ordinary people with self-worth issues who choose a) to give in to violent instincts and b) place such a low value on their fellow human beings that they choose to focus said aggression onto ruining their lives. Some people grow out of it. Others don't.

Thus, if a childhood bully were to come back into your life and attempt to fit back into the bullying role once again, it would most likely mean that they have been unable to make enough of their lives to justify their own existence and still have all the weakness and insecurity they did as children, the same sense that they are not in control of their own destiny and that the only way they can feel good about themselves is by attempting to exert control over someone physically weaker than themselves. Rather pathetic for an adult, really.

(The chance that they're just a sadist is a) significantly less likely and b) a likely indicator of something seriously dodgy with their upstairs)

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Bullying is a fundamentally cowardly way of fulfilling a power fantasy, the most common central concept being that control of and dominance over the life of another will help give the bully some kind of self-justification, allowing them to feel superior to their victim and convince themselves of their self-worth via the power they hold over the victim. In many ways therefore, bullies are just ordinary people with self-worth issues who choose a) to give in to violent instincts and b) place such a low value on their fellow human beings that they choose to focus said aggression onto ruining their lives. Some people grow out of it. Others don't.

Thus, if a childhood bully were to come back into your life and attempt to fit back into the bullying role once again, it would most likely mean that they have been unable to make enough of their lives to justify their own existence and still have all the weakness and insecurity they did as children, the same sense that they are not in control of their own destiny and that the only way they can feel good about themselves is by attempting to exert control over someone physically weaker than themselves. Rather pathetic for an adult, really.

(The chance that they're just a sadist is a) significantly less likely and b) a likely indicator of something seriously dodgy with their upstairs)

[JackSlack]

Contra Stuart Smalley, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, and doggonit, people should stop liking me.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Twice in the last two days, I've been reminded that I have no friends. Somewhere in the middle, I realised why, and the worst thing of all was realising that it's entirely my fault, and I don't know how to fix it.

[JackSlack]

Ix, can you tell us about your problem? Maybe we can suggest ways to mend bridges.

[Keab42]

Somebody remind me to tell you all about the last 6 weeks. Maybe give me another week or two though.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

I'm terrible at putting effort into friendships. I find it too easy to find excuses, to do something else, to go and get involved with some other part of my life, partly because there's a lot of stuff I like to do but partly out of sheer embarrassment. I find it hard to know how much of me other people are willing to put up with, so I find asking to meet up with someone regularly really, really embarrassing unless it is by necessity (either organised events or circumstance). By default, I try to spread myself around, but don't really know why; partly, I guess, because I have a strange mixture of interests without any real centrepoint to my life. Honestly, I don't know; I never really had friends during my formative years and don't really know how friendships work, or what I want from friends. Or how to be one. Or how to cope when loneliness appears.

[JackSlack]

Ix:

Are there any good clubs in the area? Say, a board game club, or even an FNM around? It could create a firm schedule for social interaction you can stick to, and you can build from there.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Ix:

Are there any good clubs in the area? Say, a board game club, or even an FNM around? It could create a firm schedule for social interaction you can stick to, and you can build from there.

I already do martial arts, rugby and scouting, and that's a severely depopulated list compared to my normal term-time commitments, when I'm usually dog something six or seven days a week. I don't know of any clubs like that though, though I haven't really looked- I've only seen one place where one could buy Magic cards in my area, and their selection was limited to a small array of boosters. Magic, it seems, is not a big thing in my area, hence (partly) why I don't play.

It's almost a moot point anyhow, since I'll be moving in under a fortnight. I'd just like to feel confident that I won't screw up when I'm there.

[Mums]

I've been having a lot of the same problems as what you seem to be going through IX. When I was younger I did not have a lot of friends, mostly for the lack of trying, I had one friend who followed through my youth, we met when we were three and stuck together until we were about 10. I found that friendship to be enough, I couldn't really engage in another friendship. From that time I've had some casual friendships coming and going but I've never been able to give them the attention they've deserved so they have all been reaching their natural conclusion, a lot of it based on me failing to reach out and the others getting sick of not getting anything back from me.

About a year ago I've started being able to change this, I'm not sure why but something snapped in me, making me value friendships more, making me seek out people, making me able to socialise on a whole new level. One big thing factor in this is that I've run in to a group of friends who are very likeminded and they are also extremely good att showing their appreciation for me and the things I do.

I'm not sure what I want to say with this, but maybe that I think and hope that you might be finding your group as well, that you might find something that's worthwhile for you to challenge your comfort zone and open enough for you to be able to feel where your place in the group is, making you understand how much of your time should be invested in them.

[JackSlack]

Blah. I suck at everything.

[2stepz]

I was playing minecraft tonight and actually drowned myself on accident... it felt all too familiar. I'm so tired of struggling to keep my head above water. I mean physically exhausted as well as mentally.

Somewhere in my head I know this is hormonal, but I have been in a hopeless, bitchy, surrendering mood for the last 8 days. I'm back to having anxiety attacks and questioning all of my life decisions.

There is a large part of me that is ready to pack up my entire place, shove it in storage somewhere, and just... give up. Right now, I really want to drop out of grad school, which includes quitting my job, and just... walk away. But I have no safety net, I have no fall back. I could theoretically move back to my folks place, finish my teaching certification and start over next fall... but I have no way to support myself in the mid-term. I don't know if I could handle living at Mom'n'Dads for 6 months... but I kind of feel that's what I need to do.

[JackSlack]

2stepz, I don't have any advice. But I do empathise completely. I feel like that so very often.