Pikachaos wrote:Also, on my relationship:
It's going really great. We still haven't fought yet, though I cried one night because I was really, really stressed from everything happening in my life and was feeling very alone because he works a LOT, and then he thought I was mad at him because I was ignoring him as not to cry. Not one of my best reactions to being sad.
I feel a lot better now though, about my days in general. I've learned how to keep myself busy when I'm staying with him in Vancouver.
I am having a bit of trouble though with my knowledge of how relationships work in general. Because of the fact that whenever I'm up in Vancouver I live with him, which has been... 3 months of dating and maybe 5 weeks of living with him? [if I counted right], it feels like we've been dating a LOT longer than that. He's so awesome and everything is so great, but we haven't really had the TALK yet. Like the talk about what this relationship is, and what we expect from it. I really don't know if he sees this relationship as us just having a really good time with each other, or if it's like... for the long haul.
I mean, I'm 18, I don't need him to assure me I'm having kids soon, like his older girlfriends have wanted. In fact that's the LAST thing I want [literally]. But, I wouldn't mind knowing if he expects us to be dating for a year or 7 or 20.
I don't really know when I'm supposed to bring that up to him.
We also haven't said "I love you", and I'm used to guys who say it pretty much right away. I want to know if he'll never love me, or if it's just time. Again, I don't need any answer in particular. I'd be okay if he told me he wanted an open relationship that's super casual, I just want to know what to expect.
TL;DR, what's the usual prodocall after a few months in a relationship? Usual timeline for things for figuring out if it's a serious relationship or not?
Wow this was long.
Pika, I know you don't know me and I don't really know you, but here is some advice:
You say you're 18 and I say slow your roll. Take your time. You are going to be an entirely different person at 21 and then another completely different person at 28. This person cannot be the person you spend your life with IF you try to immediately jump into love. What's the worst thing that has ever happened in his life? Politically, what do you believe and how different or similar is he? There are so many things that you will be finding out about yourself at this point in your life, the smartest thing is share those things with this person.
Also, don't say "I love you" until you've had that first fight. You can't know if you love him until you've seen him at his worst. Right now feels amazing. I know. But, eventually, that amazing feeling does and has to give way to everyday life. How do you two function regarding mundane things?
There is no right time to have the "Talk." Actually, there shouldn't even be a "Talk." You should be expressing how you feel and you guys should be talking about it. Don't bottle it all in and wait for that talk.
The fact that he hasn't said "I love you" yet could be a good thing. It could mean those words matter very much to him. But, it could also mean that he doesn't feel that way about you, which also isn't necessarily bad. He's with you. He obviously feels something and he could be mature enough just to let that grow. But, you have to ask him about it. None of us are ever going to know.
And, here is my advice as a divorce attorney. Don't get married until you've dated for 5 years and full on lived together for 2 years (whether during that 5 years or not). Don't get pregnant before that time either. I know this is a lot to put on you, but know your body, which includes knowing how to properly prevent pregnancy. If those prevention methods are against your belief system, don't have sex. I say all this because I see so many divorce and paternity actions that start out that way. It may feel really great now, but when it costs you $5,000 to break away from that person, that's not going to feel so good. Also, there can never be a clean break when there is a child involved.
Just some friendly advice, take it or leave it.