The Big Relationship Thread

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Laurnil
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Laurnil » 30 Sep 2013, 07:38

<------ Doesn't know who they are.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Ptangmatik » 30 Sep 2013, 07:56

Bring me sunshine, in your smile,
Bring me laughter, all the while,
In this world, where we live, there should be more happiness,
So much joy you can bring to each brave, new tomorrow
Geoff_B wrote: ... Even for here, that was weird.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Laurnil » 30 Sep 2013, 08:33

Uhh....pretty poem. But, I'm not a fan of the idea that another person can make you happy or rather that you should make your happiness dependent on another person. You have to be able to make yourself happy, first. Not that having a mate can bring happiness, but more like you have to be able to do it on your own, first.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby LogicSword » 30 Sep 2013, 08:35

I'm very much looking forward to the play what Elomin wrote.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Fezzul » 30 Sep 2013, 09:04

Wait, I thought Elomin would be Eric, not Ernie?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Digital Dolphin » 30 Sep 2013, 09:14

Laurnil wrote:Uhh....pretty poem. But, I'm not a fan of the idea that another person can make you happy or rather that you should make your happiness dependent on another person. You have to be able to make yourself happy, first. Not that having a mate can bring happiness, but more like you have to be able to do it on your own, first.


^this

It took me way too long to learn this in life, and longer yet to actually put it into practice. It might be the hardest life lesson to learn for some (probably was for me).
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Tycherin » 30 Sep 2013, 09:59

Y'know, I used to be squarely in that camp, and I still maintain that basing your happiness entirely on another person is terribly unhealthy and worse still unlikely to work. But the more life I live, the more I find that the idea of being able to make yourself happy all on your own is more self-deluding fantasy than anything. We're social creatures. We're built to be in relationship with others, romantic or otherwise. Happiness that you give yourself is essential, but it isn't sufficient on its own. We need other people - not necessarily specific people, but other people in general.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 30 Sep 2013, 10:05

I have no happiness!!!
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 30 Sep 2013, 10:25

I'm content in myself, rather capable of having fun and enjoying things alone, but I'd still rather like to have a companion to share things with. Whilst I wouldn't agree with a great many things he thought and did, Christopher McCandless was I think rather wise in saying "Happiness is only real when shared."
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Laurnil » 30 Sep 2013, 10:47

Tycherin wrote:Y'know, I used to be squarely in that camp, and I still maintain that basing your happiness entirely on another person is terribly unhealthy and worse still unlikely to work. But the more life I live, the more I find that the idea of being able to make yourself happy all on your own is more self-deluding fantasy than anything. We're social creatures. We're built to be in relationship with others, romantic or otherwise. Happiness that you give yourself is essential, but it isn't sufficient on its own. We need other people - not necessarily specific people, but other people in general.


Well, much like what you are saying, I don't think being able to make yourself happy excludes the happiness that others bring you. Humans are social creatures. My comments were merely directed towards those who make their happiness dependent upon another person. "I can't be happy without him." "She's the only thing in the world that makes me happy." "I like myself because he likes me."
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Laurnil » 30 Sep 2013, 10:54

Fezzul wrote:Wait, I thought Elomin would be Eric, not Ernie?



Please, explain to me who these people are. I googled it and came up with an old BBC show. I've lived in Oklahoma all my life and haven't been exposed to it. Also, I'm at work and can't watch any videos right now. Thus, I can't really determine if your statement is accurate or not.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 30 Sep 2013, 11:03

Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise were a comedy double act considered to be the best of the comedy teams along with The Two Ronnies. At an end of their show they would sing: Bring me Sunshine. One of the best pieces they did was the Breakfast Sketch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1bJHr8t1xA and playing hell with famous conductor Andre Previn: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPUkJBS3pB4

They also had a gag where they would realise they were on camera during a sketch and smile.
Ernie is the short know it all and Eric is the tall one causing all the problems. I'm Eric, you're Ernie.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Ptangmatik » 30 Sep 2013, 12:12

Geoff_B wrote: ... Even for here, that was weird.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Laurnil » 30 Sep 2013, 12:28

Still at work. I will have to check that out later. It isn't that I'm not allowed to watch videos, it is that I don't have speakers.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Pikachaos » 30 Sep 2013, 14:49

Laurnil wrote:
Pika, I know you don't know me and I don't really know you, but here is some advice:

You say you're 18 and I say slow your roll. Take your time. You are going to be an entirely different person at 21 and then another completely different person at 28. This person cannot be the person you spend your life with IF you try to immediately jump into love. What's the worst thing that has ever happened in his life? Politically, what do you believe and how different or similar is he? There are so many things that you will be finding out about yourself at this point in your life, the smartest thing is share those things with this person.

Also, don't say "I love you" until you've had that first fight. You can't know if you love him until you've seen him at his worst. Right now feels amazing. I know. But, eventually, that amazing feeling does and has to give way to everyday life. How do you two function regarding mundane things?

There is no right time to have the "Talk." Actually, there shouldn't even be a "Talk." You should be expressing how you feel and you guys should be talking about it. Don't bottle it all in and wait for that talk.

The fact that he hasn't said "I love you" yet could be a good thing. It could mean those words matter very much to him. But, it could also mean that he doesn't feel that way about you, which also isn't necessarily bad. He's with you. He obviously feels something and he could be mature enough just to let that grow. But, you have to ask him about it. None of us are ever going to know.

And, here is my advice as a divorce attorney. Don't get married until you've dated for 5 years and full on lived together for 2 years (whether during that 5 years or not). Don't get pregnant before that time either. I know this is a lot to put on you, but know your body, which includes knowing how to properly prevent pregnancy. If those prevention methods are against your belief system, don't have sex. I say all this because I see so many divorce and paternity actions that start out that way. It may feel really great now, but when it costs you $5,000 to break away from that person, that's not going to feel so good. Also, there can never be a clean break when there is a child involved.

Just some friendly advice, take it or leave it.


Thank for your advice!

Though, I see pregnancy as the biggest and heaviest decision of a persons life, and marriage not so much.
As in, I don't think people should have babies just because they get married, and should really take it more seriously than anything else. People can get divorced and go on with their lives, but with kids you can REALLY fuck them up if it doesn't work out.
He and I have both mentioned that we see marriage as not too big a deal. I mean, I see it as, a 15 year marriage that ends in divorce is a successful marriage. ... We both have pretty broken families.
Saying that, I don't mean I expect us to get married or anything, just that it's not something that I need to last my entire life. I just don't see it that way.
But yeah, I am being WAY safe with sex. I have the patch, and we had the discussion on what to do if it failed the first day.

On love, we haven't had our first fight, but I definitely have seen the bad parts of him, I just have never been one to fight with people. I think I've been in one verbal fight in the past 3 years. I didn't fight with my last boyfriend of 1.5 years either. But I guess it's what counts as a fight?


Anyway I think I got a little run-onny lol. I don't need the relationship to be serious, especially this early, I just want to know where it's going.
I just want to know if I should feel comfortable in the relationship, or if I should expect it to end anytime. And how hard he wants to work for it.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Pikachaos » 30 Sep 2013, 14:53

Which yeah, I should just talk to him. >_<
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 30 Sep 2013, 14:53

My family broke up after a 15 year marriage. Wasn't too successful in the middle years.

Pikachaos wrote: I have the patch, and we had the discussion on what to do if it failed the first day.

Relationships have a day one patch? Since when has life becoming more like a video game?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Pikachaos » 30 Sep 2013, 15:07

Elomin Sha wrote:My family broke up after a 15 year marriage. Wasn't too successful in the middle years.

Pikachaos wrote: I have the patch, and we had the discussion on what to do if it failed the first day.

Relationships have a day one patch? Since when has life becoming more like a video game?


Haha, I meant, one of the first days we did stuff we talked about what to do if the worst happened.

Also that's my point with marriage. If there's a child involved, then it's horrible when they have to separate. [or fight all the time trying to hold on]
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby MinniChi » 30 Sep 2013, 15:10

The patch is a type of birth control. It's a weekly sticker instead of a daily pill, or a quarterly injection.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 30 Sep 2013, 15:11

Be glad you nor anyone has to have that conversation with me.

Person: Hey Elomin, how about-
Me: LALALA I'm not listening! Loud noises!
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 30 Sep 2013, 15:18

MinniChi wrote:The patch is a type of birth control. It's a weekly sticker instead of a daily pill, or a quarterly injection.


That sounds like a bad idea for a Children's Sticker Book Collection.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Drecon » 30 Sep 2013, 15:34

Oh yeah, I have an update on the toilet paper thing.

Recently I brought it up to my gf and turns out she completely agrees with me!
We might just work out together in the long run. :)
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Laurnil » 30 Sep 2013, 15:57

Pikachaos wrote:
Though, I see pregnancy as the biggest and heaviest decision of a persons life, and marriage not so much.
As in, I don't think people should have babies just because they get married, and should really take it more seriously than anything else. People can get divorced and go on with their lives, but with kids you can REALLY fuck them up if it doesn't work out.
He and I have both mentioned that we see marriage as not too big a deal. I mean, I see it as, a 15 year marriage that ends in divorce is a successful marriage. ... We both have pretty broken families.


I would agree with you except I don't. I agree on the children issue, but here is the thing about marriage. (You're in Canada and I can't speak specifically to the laws there, but we have the same source of law and I can speak generally) When you get married, the assets you earn and the debts you make belong to both of you. When you get divorced, debts and assets have to be divided. That huge debt he picked up during the marriage because he did something stupid? Yea, that's yours, too. So, yea, marriage is a big deal. It can fuck up your credit. It could drain you financially for 20 years and and then your left with his big ass debt. Or visa versa. Basically, you could work to put a lot more into a marriage and then find yourself left standing with less than nothing. And, some of the hardest divorces I've worked on have no kids involved at all. A divorce isn't simple. There is a reason you have to go through the court systems to get one. It can be so very complicated and take years to do. Marriage is joining yourself financially to another person for the foreseeable future. It is such a serious relationship that the government has to sanction it. That takes a lot to dismantle.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 30 Sep 2013, 15:58

Hence fire insurance.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Laurnil » 30 Sep 2013, 16:00

Elomin Sha wrote:Hence fire insurance.


BWHAHAHAHAHAHA. That was really funny. It was so funny I can't even begin to explain why that was so funny.
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