Collaborative Sexy Romance Assassin Teacher Novel...Thingy

[My pseudonym is Ix]

That, and a small, steel, lathe-turned object just discovered in her pocket. Pointed at both ends and about 15mm long, it widened to form a thin circular rim about two thirds of the way along its axis. As she held it up to the light, Evelyn wondered what it was for.

[Laurnil]

Evelyn then realized she just needed to get out of that place. She needed to get somewhere safe where she could process what the hell was going on. She was in the future and she had aged 20 years? Aged pretty well if she only has a few grey hairs and lines. Was this another forced dream?

She briskly stole the luggage of a similar sized woman, went into the bathroom of a restaurant around the corner, and put some damn clothes on.

[ElFuzzy]

And then

[Duckay]

(Ah, shit. I blame tiredness, I wasn't thinking.)

[Laurnil]

All of a sudden, while Evelyn was still in the restaurant bathroom, the device that previously confused her began to vibrate and whirl. It created a dimensional tear. This must be how she had come to the future. She stepped through the tear and found herself back in on that cold wet street. She was herself and she was following Evan again. Instead of stalking him down, she ran up to him, spun him around and said, "Evan, I've come from the future and I think we're both pawns in someone's sick twisted game."

[My pseudonym is Ix]

[Dammit, I need to make my references less subtle. Am I the only person here obsessed with Inception?]

[Laurnil]

[Dammit, I need to make my references less subtle. Am I the only person here obsessed with Inception?]

[honestly, couldn't figure out what the hell you were describing, visually.]

[ex-Lurker]

Evan turned around, shockingly, staring back at her is a visage filled with writhing tentacle. "I think I figured that out Missy, right around the time my face got Cthulhu'd and I got set on fire permanently." "But you're not on fire." replied Evelyn, confused. "That's because it's the worse kind of fire, invisible fire."

(I'm going to make a deal with you guys, if I see about a day since the last story post, bracket comments don't count, I'm going take over and drive it off the rails.)*

*Note: that statement will be rendered null and void if I decide I'm bored, in which case this metaphorical story train is going off the rails, take off in a trail of rainbows and pave a road with sheep wool, regardless of time intervals.

[Laurnil]

[Hey, I wrote on there yesterday and it hasn't been 24 hours. I created this thread and I might just make a rule that none of your posts count.]

Evelyn just looked at her surroundings and noticed that all the people had cat heads and the lights were all lightning bugs. Fuck, she is still in another dream. So, Evelyn thought to herself, what wakes a person up from a dream? She started walking towards the tallest building in the dreamscape.

[Jamfalcon]

That did the trick. Her uncontrollable fear of standing anywhere near tall buildings jolted her awake. She sat up suddenly, finding herself in a bed. Her own bed.

"Whew," she said, breathing deeply. "I've just had the most peculiar dream."

"What about?" asked Evan, the leprechaun who was sitting on the foot of her bed, counting piles of money.

"I was an assassin!" she said with a laugh.

[Timelady]

Aaaaaand then she woke up.

Tied to a pipe in a cold, unfamiliar basement. Remarkably like the one she had dreamed about before. Except this time, there was nothing and nobody to be seen. Just darkness. Black, inky, darkness with one window slit right at street level.

"Shit," said Evelyn.

Drip, went the pipe.

[ex-Lurker]

Suddenly she heard the scraping of an axe as an unfamiliar person approached, Evelyn braced herself for the worst.
"I need you... to cut all of my firewood!"

(Fine I'll play nice... kind of)

[Laurnil]

[Okay, now you're just recreating LRR videos. Time to put some sexy back into this romance novel.]

"Well, then I need you to bend me over this chopping block and fuck me deep and hard. I've been screwed around enough in the past few days and I really just need to get laid." said Evelyn, not even caring that this strange man was odd, maybe crazy, and had an ax for a hand.

"Uh....OKAY!" replied the strange man.

[Hepheastus]

She waited for a few moments for the man to act. When nothing was forthcoming she turned around to see him still just standing there
"Well?" She asked impatiently
"It's difficult to...undo clothes... with only one hand" He stammerer weakly with his deep raspy voice

[Laurnil]

Evelyn sighed, she moved towards him. She kissed him on his stubbly cheek. For a man that obviously had a horrible doctor, he was much better groomed than she thought a man with an ax hand would be. He smelled of soap. She began to unbutton his shirt. He was trembling.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

Perhaps it was unwise that he hadn't eaten anything recently. For he tended to tremble easily if his blood sugars were too low.
But that didn't bother him now. He was a different kind of hungry.

[ex-Lurker]

Now, he craved human flesh!
(Take that as you will)

[Laurnil]

He tore off Evelyn's blouse and licked her neck while rubbing her nipple with his thumb. He looked into her eyes and kissed her deeply. He felt a passion that he couldn't deny and he had to have her.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

He really loved Passion fruit. She had brenched herself with its innards.

[ex-Lurker]

This final act of brutality ignited the bloody Great Fruit War, ultimately killing millions.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

This is rapidly turning into Douglas Adams' idea of a wet dream

[Ptangmatik]

['Rapidly turning'? The Douglas Adams vibe has been fairly constant throughout ]

[plummeting_sloth]

She awoke again. "Damn that gypsy curse" She thought to herself "Why must suffer through so many erotic awakenings? Will I ever find rele-"

She cut herself off, noticing the stickiness on her neck. Was she still dreaming... and what was making light rustling next to her in bed?