Postby undecided44 » 30 Mar 2014, 11:38
Here's a couple takes on the "final boss of Excel," from the perspective of someone who designs and programs spreadsheet models for a living. Sorry but I'm a noob in card design and terrible in art, so please forgive the formatting and lack of image...
Title: Circular Reference
Casting Cost: 6
Type: Creature - Formula Error ["Error" being a relevant tribal affiliation]
P/T: 7/2
Rules text: First Strike
When Circular Reference enters play, put an artifact token into play under your control called "Excel Help." Circular Reference has Indestructible and Hexproof and cannot be sacrificed while a permanent called "Excel Help" is in play.
Flavor text: "I know what's wrong with the formula, I just can't fix it until the program is done telling me what it thinks I don't know."
--------------------------
For those unfamiliar with the circular reference error in Excel, any time you enter a formula that in any number of steps is self referent (i.e., through any series of calculations the cell's value depends on itself), when you try to leave the edit formula box by activating another cell, Excel immediately panics, stops everything, highlights the cell, gives you the formula trace lines between all cells in the chain, pulls up a toolbar with a selection drop-down listing the included cells, and opens the help window to the "circular reference" page to explain what it is and why Excel hates it. So even when you know what it's doing and how to fix it, you can't even begin to deal with the formula until the help file loads up.
This error comes first in Excel's list of concerns 9first strike), and the error itself is easy to fix (low toughness), but the process has to start with getting the help file out of the way.
---------------------------
edit to add my second idea:
Title: Pivot Table
Casting Cost: 3 {G/U} {G/U}
Type: Creature - Legendary Formula
P/T: */*+1
Rules text:
When Pivot Table enters the battlefield, its controller chooses one:
Pivot Table's power is equal to the number of basic lands you or your opponents control;
-or-
Pivot Table's power is equal to the number of non-land, non-creature permanents you or opponents control;
-or-
Pivot Table's power is equal to the number of creatures you or your opponents control, or in your or your opponents' graveyard(s);
-or-
Pivot Table's power is equal to the number of different creature types of creatures you or your opponents control, or in your or your opponents' graveyard(s);
-or-
Pivot Table's power is equal to the sum of the power ratings of creatures you or your opponents control, or in your or your opponents' graveyard(s).
Pivot Table's toughness is equal to its power plus 1.
{3}: Exile Pivot Table from play, then return it to play under its owner's control. That player may select a new method to determine its power.
Flavor text: "So I put this over here, and then it just counts everything by categories?"
"Yes."
"But what good does that do me?"
--------------------------
Last one:
Title: {=MMULT(...)}
Casting Cost: 1 {G/U}
Type: Creature - Formula, Array
P/T: 0/1
Rules text:
At the beginning of his or her upkeep, {=MMULT(...)}'s controller may pay 1 {G/U}. If he or she does, place an array counter on {=MMULT(...)}. Activate this ability only once per upkeep.
1 {G/U}: Remove all array counters from {=MMULT(...)} and place a number of +1/+1 counters on {=MMULT(...)} equal to two times the number of array counters that were removed.
During its controller's end step, if {=MMULT(...)} has 1 or more +1/+1 counters and 1 or more array counters on it, remove all counters from {=MMULT(...)}.
Flavor text: /!\ You cannot change part of an array.
---------------------------------
Some explanation on this one as well: an array formula is a special case where the output of a formula spans multiple cells, corresponding to the size of the input ranges. However, once you set it up, you have to replace the whole thing to make any changes because (as the error message says) "You cannot change part of an array." This one is the formula for matrix multiplication, so it allows you to simplify the process of evaluating the product two matrices of size {n,x} and {x,n}, as long as you specify the output range of appropriate size. The bigger your span (i.e., the more turns you pay), the more powerful the formula is and the more care you have to take to get the input ranges correctly matched, but any change once you set it up means you have to start over...
So to do the math: if you cast {=MMULT(...)} on turn two and hit your land drops, you could:
1) pay once on turn 3, then pay again on turn four and activate to remove counters to get a 4/5, or
2) you hold out for one turn (so you pay on turn 3 then pay on 4 and play another 2 drop, then pay on 5 and activate to remove counters) to get a 6/7,
3) or you hold out for one more turn (so you pay on 3, pay on 4 and play a 2 drop, then pay on 5 and play a three drop, then pay on 6 and activate to remove counters to get an 8/9 that's ready to smash in.
Last edited by
undecided44 on 30 Mar 2014, 21:36, edited 4 times in total.
building on Uno's Minecraft server as ff4ede (pronounced as an exaggerated version of forty).