The General Chat thread

[Prospero101]

Hey gang, can you all do me a favor? I'm feeling really down today, and I was hoping we could stop being cynical for a few minutes and talk about fun stuff. I'll start.

There are some really great comics coming out of Image these days. Back in the nineties it was a temperamental child throwing its toys angrily around the sandbox. Now it's grown up into a cool dude with nice hair that you can talk to about literature and philosophy without being pompous.

I recommend (in no particular order): Fatale, Velvet, Southern Bastards, Manhattan Projects, East of West, and The Fade Out. I will admit that three of those are written by the same guy and two others are written by a DIFFERENT same guy, but they're still all great and available from Image as DRM free PDFs, if you're not lucky enough to have a local comic shop.

[empath]

I refer back to my previous post regarding a local vocational school offering courses/workshops to kids 5-14 in working with Minecraft, LEGO Robotics, and stop-motion filming.

Also....heck two-and-a-half-MILLION-dollars over eight years to make sick kids a little less miserable.

Someone on here is worried about travelling internationally, and instantly is flooded with supportive messages.

As for a sick old dude, y'all just being you are making me a lot less miserable.

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

Hey gang, can you all do me a favor? I'm feeling really down today, and I was hoping we could stop being cynical for a few minutes and talk about fun stuff. I'll start.

Bu-But...Being Cynical is what gives me my powers! D :

Well if we HAVE to talk about fun stuff I guess I can tell a joke.


One day a barman was bored at his bar, as he had no customers to serve. He was about to close for the night when a bunny came into his bar and hopped up onto the stool. The barman looked puzzled and then wondered who let this rabbit into the bar.

"Hello good sir!" Announced the rabbit, which made the barman almost die from shock, "Do you serve any tosties?"
"Y-yes," replied the Barman, "Wha-...Wait, why am I talked to a rabbit? Have I gone mad?"
"Oh no, my fine fellow, I am just your normal talking rabbit, nothing mad about it! Now you said you had tosties, may I have a cheese and ham tostie please?"
"Y-yes, right away sir!"

The barman made the tostie, gave it to the rabbit who ate it, paid for it then left.

The next day the same occurred, "Good day my fine barman!" said the rabbit, "That was a fine tostie yesterday, can I have the same again?"
"Of course," and the barman made the tostie, gave it to the rabbit who ate it, paid for it then left.

The barman couldn't believe such a rabbit existed and planned to ring the local news team, after he asked the rabbit if he didn't mind of course.

The next day the rabbit returned, "Hello my friend, a ham and cheese tostie please!"
"Yes, yes of course," said the barman, "But first, can I ask your permission to ask the local news team to come around tomorrow, after all, you ARE an extraordinary rabbit."
"Of course you can my friend, I do not mind at all."
"Oh thank you! Now let me make you that tostie," The barman went into the kitchen to make the tostie but realised he had no ham left, "Sorry I don't have any ham tonight, can I interest you in a tuna and cheese tostie instead?"
"Well...I don't know," said the rabbit.
"Oh go on, be adventurous," the barman implored to the rabbit.
"Oh very well then."
The barman made the tostie, gave it to the rabbit who ate it, paid for it then left.

The next day the bar was full of press and curious onlookers who had heard about this supposed talking rabbit. The barman was very nervous but also excited that this could turn his fortunes around.
He waited, and waited, and waited, and waited...But the rabbit never came.
"Where is he?" The barman wondered nervously, "Have I really gone mad to believe there's such a thing as a talking rabbit?"
This thought was shared by the onlookers who began asking if this was some mad stunt, or some bad joke. Slowly they began to leave the bar, disappointed and muttering how crazy the barman was.

Soon everyone had left. The bar was empty. The barman resigned himself to perhaps closing his bar forever. He turned off the lights and was about the leave until he saw a blue light from the corner of his eye...It was the ghost of the bunny. The barman was shocked, "What happened to you my friend?"
"Well," said the rabbit, "I seemed to have shoved off this mortal coil."
"But what caused you to die?"
"Rather curious really, I seemed to have died from Myxo-ma-Tosties."

[MotorWaffle]

A man had a dream where he saw his life as a walk along the beach. Behind him were two sets of footprints: one was his, and the other belonged to the Sasquatch.

As the man looked, he realized that at some points in the sand there were only one set of footprints, and they were always at the hardest, most difficult points of his life.

This troubled the man, so he turned to the Sasquatch and said "Sasquatch, you said if I followed you, you would always be there for me, but as I look back, I see only one set of footprints at the hardest parts of my life, when I needed you the most. What happened?"

The Sasquatch looked at the man and repliedAAAAAAAAOOOOOUUUUUGHIIIAAAAOOOOUGH!!!!!!

[AdmiralMemo]

One day a barman was bored at his bar, as he had no customers to serve. He was about to close for the night when a bunny came into his bar and hopped up onto the stool. The barman looked puzzled and then wondered who let this rabbit into the bar.

"Hello good sir!" Announced the rabbit, which made the barman almost die from shock, "Do you serve any tosties?"
"Y-yes," replied the Barman, "Wha-...Wait, why am I talked to a rabbit? Have I gone mad?"
"Oh no, my fine fellow, I am just your normal talking rabbit, nothing mad about it! Now you said you had tosties, may I have a cheese and ham tostie please?"
"Y-yes, right away sir!"

The barman made the tostie, gave it to the rabbit who ate it, paid for it then left.

The next day the same occurred, "Good day my fine barman!" said the rabbit, "That was a fine tostie yesterday, can I have the same again?"
"Of course," and the barman made the tostie, gave it to the rabbit who ate it, paid for it then left.

The barman couldn't believe such a rabbit existed and planned to ring the local news team, after he asked the rabbit if he didn't mind of course.

The next day the rabbit returned, "Hello my friend, a ham and cheese tostie please!"
"Yes, yes of course," said the barman, "But first, can I ask your permission to ask the local news team to come around tomorrow, after all, you ARE an extraordinary rabbit."
"Of course you can my friend, I do not mind at all."
"Oh thank you! Now let me make you that tostie," The barman went into the kitchen to make the tostie but realised he had no ham left, "Sorry I don't have any ham tonight, can I interest you in a tuna and cheese tostie instead?"
"Well...I don't know," said the rabbit.
"Oh go on, be adventurous," the barman implored to the rabbit.
"Oh very well then."
The barman made the tostie, gave it to the rabbit who ate it, paid for it then left.

The next day the bar was full of press and curious onlookers who had heard about this supposed talking rabbit. The barman was very nervous but also excited that this could turn his fortunes around.
He waited, and waited, and waited, and waited...But the rabbit never came.
"Where is he?" The barman wondered nervously, "Have I really gone mad to believe there's such a thing as a talking rabbit?"
This thought was shared by the onlookers who began asking if this was some mad stunt, or some bad joke. Slowly they began to leave the bar, disappointed and muttering how crazy the barman was.

Soon everyone had left. The bar was empty. The barman resigned himself to perhaps closing his bar forever. He turned off the lights and was about the leave until he saw a blue light from the corner of his eye...It was the ghost of the bunny. The barman was shocked, "What happened to you my friend?"
"Well," said the rabbit, "I seemed to have shoved off this mortal coil."
"But what caused you to die?"
"Rather curious really, I seemed to have died from Myxo-ma-Tosties."

*blank stare*

[korvys]

*snip*
"Rather curious really, I seemed to have died from Myxo-ma-Tosties."

*blank stare*

Do you know what Myxomatosis is?

[AdmiralMemo]

No, nor what "tosties" are, although the context implies they are food.

[Prospero101]

Yeah, that was a pretty long walk for a short joke.

A "tostie" is some weird regional slang for any sort of toasted sandwich. Grilled cheese and the like.

Myxomatosis is a disease common in rabbits, characterized by skin tumors, hair loss, and death within about two weeks of contraction. I have NO idea what it has to do with toasted tuna and cheese sandwiches, however.

EDIT: OH WAIT! I get it now. "Myxo-ma-tosties." He mixed his tosties, and that's apparently the punch line. Meaning it makes me want to punch something. Heurgh.

[korvys]

Congratulations! You have reached the end of the joke. You may now laugh.

[Master Gunner]

Toasties are simply toasted sandwiches - Grilled Cheese and Tuna Melts, for example. The term is commonly used in the UK and New Zealand.

Myxomatosis is disease from Uruguay that targets rabbits and is spread by insects. It was purposefully introduced to Australia as a rabbit population control measure in the 1950s(rabbits being an invasive species there that are devastating to the local ecology).
Following the success in Australia, it was then introduced to France and the UK (where they are not an invasive species), and it wiped out over 90% of their rabbit populations.

[korvys]

Such is the humour of the people I associate with, that this is not the first joke I've heard where Myxomatosis was the punchline:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKTwFoZnaj4

[Elomin Sha]

We have baked beans in toasted sandwiches too.haven't had one since I was 8.

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

The joke is probably more of a verbal joke, but it does help to know what tosties are (which I didn't realise was not a widespread thing) and what Myxomatosis is.

But hey, if anything you've perhaps learnt two new things today.

*Cue the "More You Know" graphic; which I'm too lazy to look up.*

[Geoff_B]

The version I've heard is "Mixing-my-toasties"

[empath]

wif e consoled me as im lying in bed, laboured breath and sweating from an 'excursion' to merely pee

'i'm sorry you dont have my dwarven constitution, and got dex instead'[she's got the same cold and inflamed throat,but not neartly as tired]

that gave me an epifany - i'mn a halfling - i have quick reflexes and my hands and feet aren't hairyy theyre positively furry. i just figured im dwarfish due to my broad frame and proportional strength, and somewhat decent endurance, but no - that's my wife

i am however still confirmed that i dont multitask very well; even my immune system wants to take sole control of my body while it fights off ths bug, no strength to do much else


as for the great shaggy dog, i will say i'd figured out what 'toasties' are, and almost got the punchline [thanks for the background tho - that made me smile when i made the connection]

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

The version I've heard is "Mixing-my-toasties"

I changed the spelling to emphasis the pun; the version I heard was also "Mixing-my-toasties".

[Prospero101]

PREPARE FOR PUNFALL

The mink lost her furry scarf. She said it was stole.

The shoe salesman wanted it to help, because he had so much sole.

Then his whole left side fell off. He's all right now, though.

I really hate mules. They're so half-assed.

My friend Fred used to be a human cannonball, but he was late for work, so he got fired.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you'll get repossessed.

I must say, when I discovered my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was SHOCKED.

I wondered why that ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I forgot how to throw a boomerang, but I'm sure it'll come back to me.

[Geoff_B]

There are not enough horrible pun foul gifs in the world

[Elomin Sha]

PREPARE FOR PUNFALL

The mink lost her furry scarf. She said it was stole.

The shoe salesman wanted it to help, because he had so much sole.

Then his whole left side fell off. He's all right now, though.

I really hate mules. They're so half-assed.

My friend Fred used to be a human cannonball, but he was late for work, so he got fired.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you'll get repossessed.

I must say, when I discovered my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was SHOCKED.

I wondered why that ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I forgot how to throw a boomerang, but I'm sure it'll come back to me.

God dammit Barbara!

[empath]

There are not enough horrible pun foul gifs in the world

if i tried to post a gif of 'the horrible pun foul ref' in response to all this, i think itd just change to that one of the louie delgrande's head exploding in scanners...

bee tea dubs, propsero - if we ever meet, my wife is going to slap you

[Prospero101]

One day I will find a woman who appreciates a bad pun. In the meantime, I will take her slap like a man in the name of Punnery.

Shit, I should change my username to Master Punner.

[Phailhammer]

A storm swept through the Sydney area yesterday. Being an electrical storm, it ended up hitting the train network, resulting in major delays being reported. They weren't kidding when they said "major".

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

I just heard Batista is going to be in the new Bond film "Spectre".

I don't know if I want him to do a lot of wrestling moves in the film or just avoid them entirely.


(Also 1000 posts, yay!)

[Elomin Sha]

They announced Batista a couple weeks ago. I don't see him doing the Batista Bomb to Bond.

[Bebop Man]

It would be a waste of good casting not to have the guy beat the shit out of Bond, Bane style.