The depressing depression thread

[AdmiralMemo]

That feeling when you reach out to someone you remember from several years ago, just to be friendly, and they don't remember you.

[Tinasaur]

I'm so frustrated, I can't keep myself under control. I try to stay healthy, I try to study, I try keeping myself occupied and not succumb to the anxiety.. I try and I try, and I fail and I'm so tired of failing.

[Deedles]

I've gone from the strongest person my friends know to being broken. It's finally got too much for me. I think I need help. And I have work tomorrow so I have to pretend to be fine.

This is the one place I have that I can actually vent this. The only ones that actually know me here I trust. God knows some people will use it as gossip and a weapon against me. That'd end up with me being in an explosive rage but it'd end up with me in a worse off position too.

I can't do this anymore. Not alone. And it's not a feeling I'm used to.

*hugs tight* You still are one of the strongest people I know, and I know that you can get through this!

[DennyR]

Joy, I'm being sent back to a doctor to have my meds reviewed again. Been feeling really terrible the last month or so, and so my psychologist is saying this should be looked at. Mostly torn between feeling really alone, or just completely indifferent to everything.

Really, really didn't help having Valentine's this week where my family were nearly rubbing their plans in my face and forcibly reminding me I'm alone.

[Dutch guy]

I've gone from the strongest person my friends know to being broken. It's finally got too much for me. I think I need help. And I have work tomorrow so I have to pretend to be fine.

This is the one place I have that I can actually vent this. The only ones that actually know me here I trust. God knows some people will use it as gossip and a weapon against me. That'd end up with me being in an explosive rage but it'd end up with me in a worse off position too.

I can't do this anymore. Not alone. And it's not a feeling I'm used to.

Things can overwhelm anyone, no matter how strong a person is. Everyone has a breaking point. The fact you have found yours does not mean you are not a strong person. It just means your human. Good luck with everything, I hope you can find someone who can support you and take some of the weight off your shoulders.

[Darkobra]

I've gone from the strongest person my friends know to being broken. It's finally got too much for me. I think I need help. And I have work tomorrow so I have to pretend to be fine.

This is the one place I have that I can actually vent this. The only ones that actually know me here I trust. God knows some people will use it as gossip and a weapon against me. That'd end up with me being in an explosive rage but it'd end up with me in a worse off position too.

I can't do this anymore. Not alone. And it's not a feeling I'm used to.

*hugs tight* You still are one of the strongest people I know, and I know that you can get through this!

*hugs* I have friends at work. They all heard about it. Someone told everyone discreetly. And a guy said I'm still a strong bastard to take a blow like that, get into work and get the job done.

I don't feel it. I am actually ripped apart. But he said as long as I'm still standing, I'm still fighting.

And I have you. You helped me last night. The friends I work with helped me today. And even now, shivering with anger, you're able to keep me restrained.

Gotta find me a new woman. With big boobs and a beard as glorious as mine.

[Phi]

So the past week / two weeks have not been great, to say the least. I graduated and am working from home now, but I find that I do not want to do anything, least of all work. I don't want to check or answer emails, or talk to anyone about not important things, like everything at my work. I want to stay in bed and do nothing, or meditate. I feel very stuck and depressed.

[Deedles]

I've gone from the strongest person my friends know to being broken. It's finally got too much for me. I think I need help. And I have work tomorrow so I have to pretend to be fine.

This is the one place I have that I can actually vent this. The only ones that actually know me here I trust. God knows some people will use it as gossip and a weapon against me. That'd end up with me being in an explosive rage but it'd end up with me in a worse off position too.

I can't do this anymore. Not alone. And it's not a feeling I'm used to.

*hugs tight* You still are one of the strongest people I know, and I know that you can get through this!

*hugs* I have friends at work. They all heard about it. Someone told everyone discreetly. And a guy said I'm still a strong bastard to take a blow like that, get into work and get the job done.

I don't feel it. I am actually ripped apart. But he said as long as I'm still standing, I'm still fighting.

And I have you. You helped me last night. The friends I work with helped me today. And even now, shivering with anger, you're able to keep me restrained.

Gotta find me a new woman. With big boobs and a beard as glorious as mine.

You can never go wrong with a big boob, big beard combo!

So the past week / two weeks have not been great, to say the least. I graduated and am working from home now, but I find that I do not want to do anything, least of all work. I don't want to check or answer emails, or talk to anyone about not important things, like everything at my work. I want to stay in bed and do nothing, or meditate. I feel very stuck and depressed.

Maybe find a reason to go outside? Any reason, can be as simple as just going for a walk, or to have a coffee/tea/soda in a cafe you like. Just get out of the house for a bit. Working from home can be dangerous for people with depression because you still end up feeling shut in and isolated.

[Danielle Pepin]

Joy, I'm being sent back to a doctor to have my meds reviewed again. Been feeling really terrible the last month or so, and so my psychologist is saying this should be looked at. Mostly torn between feeling really alone, or just completely indifferent to everything.

Really, really didn't help having Valentine's this week where my family were nearly rubbing their plans in my face and forcibly reminding me I'm alone.

Perhaps Desert Bus community chat irc would help you feel less alone? The address to get there is irc.dbcommunity.org #desertbus (ports 6697 SSL or 6667). I use it when I can't see friends in person.

I felt the same at the last family get together. Someone looked at the 3 babies at the table and said something to suggest I should "get on that" despite having had a very recent breakup and they were the one I'd told first about it. Regardless of any thoughts of children being in my future it still stings like lemon on an open wound.

I'm so frustrated, I can't keep myself under control. I try to stay healthy, I try to study, I try keeping myself occupied and not succumb to the anxiety.. I try and I try, and I fail and I'm so tired of failing.

Are you able to exercise, like just doing some on the spot cardio marching/side-steps to get your heart up for a while and move the muscles? The other day I was surprised by how much more at ease I felt after only about 20-30 mins of doing that and some stretches.

That feeling when you reach out to someone you remember from several years ago, just to be friendly, and they don't remember you.

Well, I know that wasn't me, cause I recognize your name in chat all the time. Did it seem like they may have been facetious or sarcastic without the face to accompany it in typing or they had to ask where they knew you from? I've had that before on Steam before cause they didn't know my username as well as my irl name.

Also I'm glad that sound at the door was just a cat too. I missed that happening in chat.

30 and 0

You're over 30 now? Welcome to the club of survivors of 3 decades! ...if that's what the context was.

[Danielle Pepin]

Darkobra, I approve of your taste in bearded women.

Phi, you may have tried already but exercise may help somewhat if you're able to get that far out of bed... Hope you feel better soon.

[Elomin Sha]

My birthday is in July and I'll be 31. 30 and 0 was a jab at myself for 30 years and 0 Valentines. I think I'm going to turn it into a record, first I need to live to over 1000.

[AdmiralMemo]

That feeling when you reach out to someone you remember from several years ago, just to be friendly, and they don't remember you.

Well, I know that wasn't me, cause I recognize your name in chat all the time. Did it seem like they may have been facetious or sarcastic without the face to accompany it in typing or they had to ask where they knew you from? I've had that before on Steam before cause they didn't know my username as well as my irl name.

No, it was a guy I went to college with. We only spent like 4 months together, but we bonded over Star Trek and Half Life during that entire time. Granted, that was 16 years ago, but he didn't even remember the name of his roommate (another fan of both) when I brought him up.

[Dutch guy]

That feeling when you reach out to someone you remember from several years ago, just to be friendly, and they don't remember you.

Well, I know that wasn't me, cause I recognize your name in chat all the time. Did it seem like they may have been facetious or sarcastic without the face to accompany it in typing or they had to ask where they knew you from? I've had that before on Steam before cause they didn't know my username as well as my irl name.

No, it was a guy I went to college with. We only spent like 4 months together, but we bonded over Star Trek and Half Life during that entire time. Granted, that was 16 years ago, but he didn't even remember the name of his roommate (another fan of both) when I brought him up.

Don't take it personally Memo. Some people are just bad at remembering people. Period.

I couldn't name half the people in my senior year of high school, even though I had quite decent contact with a lot of them. Putting faces to a name? Not a chance.

[Danielle Pepin]

AdmiralMemo and Dutch Guy: ....and yet everyone remembers the jingle to Double-Mint gum from like 20 years ago not even being a consumer of it or even liking the sound of the jingle. It's not the things we want to remember the most for some reason.

Elomin Sha: Valentine's is just another day and most people who have partners stopped worrying before they found them of how long it was taking them to get there or about the illusion of days being deadlines in the name of capitalism. There is no real pressure. Society is a dick for creating this much stress.

[Danielle Pepin]

Alex is on Crossing the Streams now.

[AdmiralMemo]

I just had two teeth extracted... This is going to suck for a while...

And the worst pain is from the bill...

[Phi]

A couple of days ago was my birthday, and I turned 24. My family remembered, and some of my friends did too, but most did not. Should I feel good that not all forgot, or bad that most people I know and consider friends did not remember? I ended up not seeing anyone the entire birthday and feeling sad. Or is this part of adulthood?

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

A couple of days ago was my birthday, and I turned 24. My family remembered, and some of my friends did too, but most did not. Should I feel good that not all forgot, or bad that most people I know and consider friends did not remember? I ended up not seeing anyone the entire birthday and feeling sad. Or is this part of adulthood?

My birthday was yesterday. I literally forgot that until I just read your post. Checking my phone, my sister was the only person who wished me a happy birthday. I forgot and so did my wife.

It is kind of just part of being an adult, in my experience. If you want to make it a bigger deal you can, it's always a good excuse to have friends over or similar, but the default seems to be no one really caring any more.

[Danielle Pepin]

Yeah, birthdays get less and less of a deal aside from maybe milestones with 0s in them or quarter centuries. I'd think it more depressing if I throw myself a party and few to no people show up. I share birthday events sometimes with people that have a birthday in the same month as me if they are nearby.

[Phi]

Well, that is depressing..

[empath]

In the Things You Never Want To Hear category...

I'm in the cab, and I hear one of my colleagues key in with "Well, you'd better take my number down {he's not available to take fares} - I'll be at the Janeway {Children's Hospital}; she just passed."

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

Well, that is depressing..

Like I said, you can decide to make a big deal out of your birthday, it just doesn't happen automatically any more.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

My volunteer shift ended sooner than normal. I walked to the bus stop to find out the time for the next bus. Before arriving there, I saw the bus pull out. I called it down, it rejected me.

I sprinted up the hill to catch it. I missed narrowly. I may have caught it, but probably got struck by a car.

Next bus was in an hour's time and would take me 45 minutes on top of that to get home.

So I decided to walk the 4 miles home. Took me 1 hour 15 minutes.

I am angry. I want revenge. I am upset. I have tired. I am exhausted. I feel ill because I ran hard in the cold air.
Estoy no bien.

Fuck the buses in this area.

It's a walk I never do out of joyous choice. It is always done when I am unhappy. There's a bridge I must walk across, which is known for people to jump off.

[theknightofiron]

I am increasingly worried that i am broken.
whether this is because of my aspergers or residual brain damage from the car accident a few years ago i am less sure.
not sure why i wrote this
just felt like the right thing to do

[Dutch guy]

I am trapped by my own damn mind. I feel like I'm spiralling the drain. I just can't get myself to do ANYTHING. Even doing the damn dishes is too much of a chore. I come home from work feeling drained. Muck around on the internet a bit, sleep, go to work. Rinse repeat... And I just can't break the chain. I just can't get myself to do ANYTHING.... And to top it all off I caught myself having those thoughts again: "Why do I bother being alive anyway". I haven't been this low in almost a decade.


Addendum:
Don't worry about me, I'm not going to actually do anything. I'm not that far gone and I will be finding help before it ever gets to that point. I know I should seek a psychotherapist/psychologist now, but I just can't deal with it right now. Too many other things demanding my attention.