MtG Crapshot script: The Spike

[Amelie]

This just came out of a chat discussion about the ridiculous things you could do with Spike, Tournament Grinder if you wanted to be ridiculous. There's probably other directions to go with it if it's still too soon since the last Beejdrop or whatever.

INT: Moonbase.

Two people are playing Magic. I'm picturing Graham and Cameron. The game has gone on for a while. There's a Rules Lawyer in play and something with a "Cast a spell from your hand without paying its mana cost" ability, and maybe also some things to indicate it's an overly complicated game involving not only Unstable cards. The extra large Shivan Dragon, a variety of tokens, why not a Doubling Season. That's probably too much effort, fine, just an idea.

Graham (enthusiastic): I tap four and cast Spike, Tournament Grinder.

Close up on the card, just to let people read it.

Cameron (despairing): No. Why? No.

Graham: And I pay eight life for her ability, choosing. . .Meghan Trainor from Dropmix as my card.

He pulls the card from off screen, and we get another close up as he puts it at the center of the table.

Cameron: That's not even a Magic card. That's not even a playing card.

Graham: Ah, but the rules don't say anything about that.

Close up closer on the Spike card, highlighting the words "A card you own".

Cameron (intently reading the card, unsettled enough to act like a tough guy in a movie (as one does) before he realizes Graham's mistake and becomes concerned; maybe Graham is ill): I don't know what sick game you're playing, Stark - uh, you can't actually just grab "any" card, it has to be banned from Magic.

Graham: So you're saying you. . .don't. . .allow it? (Eyebrow wiggle.)

Cameron: Jesus, fine, you can't do it, so I guess then you can do it. I give up. What's it even -

The Beejdrop happens as the spell resolves.

Beej, in Graham's place: I just thought it would be funny.