Something Is Going To Happen

From near and far, young and old, people of every shape, ability and gender, welcome to Loading Ready LIVE! Today on the show... [[Continue the flythrough|0002 friendzone]]

You turn around. Above a small corner table you see a lightbox. Someone has written Choicer’s Taste on it. [[Head back|0002 B friendzone]]

The TV is off. [[Head back|0002 friendzone]] [[Continue the flythrough|0003 entrance]]

You enter a hallway. In front of you is a closed blue door with a window. To your left you see cluttered shelves. Something is written on the side of them. Next to the shelves is another closed blue door. The hallway extends to the right. [[Blue door with window|0003 A studiob]] [[Examine shelves|0004 magnet]] [[Blue door without window|0003 B bathroom]] [[Go right|0005 chalk board]]

You see a cozy walk-through living room. To the right is an L-shaped sofa. In front of it is a coffee table covered in takeout food boxes and camera equipment. To your left you see a large TV. Behind you is a lightbox. [[Look behind you |0002 A lightbox]] [[Look at TV |0002 C TV]] [[Continue the flythrough|0003 entrance]]

You see a cozy walk-through living room. To the right is an L-shaped sofa. In front of it is a coffee table covered in coffee cups and Magic: The Gathering wrappers. To your left you see a large TV. Behind you is a lightbox. [[Look behind you |0002 A lightbox]] [[Look at TV |0002 C TV]] [[Continue walking through|0003 entrance]]

Peering through the window you see a recording studio with the lights off. The door is locked. [[Examine shelf|0004 magnet]] [[Blue door without window|0003 B bathroom]] [[Investigate hallway|0005 chalk board]]

You see many prized trinkets on the cluttered shelves. On the attached sign, someone has used magnet letters to spell out ASKMASTER. [[Blue door with window|0003 A studiob]] [[Blue door without window|0003 B bathroom]] [[Continue down the hallway|0005 chalk board]]

You attempt to open the door, but it’s locked. You hear someone shriek “OCCUPIED” from inside. [[Examine shelves|0004 magnet]] [[Blue door with window|0003 A studiob]] [[Turn around and walk down the hall|0005 chalk board]]

You continue down the hallway and come across a chalk board. Someone with very tidy handwriting has written the words EMO-RO-CO in large letters. On the opposite wall is a cross stitch with the words Everything is Fine. [[Finish the flythrough|0006 long hallway]] [[Look out the window|0005 A window]] [[Try the glass door|0005 B glass door]]

You find yourself in an unusually long and narrow hallway. The right side is lined with windows, but the window coverings are down and drawn so you can’t see out. You can hear Paul reading the end of his introduction. “Y’know, I really think most of these LIVE meetings could just be an e-mail,” he says. [[Run to the end of the hall |0007 studio c]]

As you approach the window, a pair of middle aged men walk around the corner. An instinctual fear rises inside you. They are dressed as doctors, but do not exude the trustworthy aura of true physicians. “Do you have a question for the love doctors?” They ask in unison. [[Run away|0006 long hallway]] [[Try the glass door|0005 B glass door]]

The door is locked. The glass has been frosted, so that light can enter, but you can’t see through it. It is dark outside. [[Continue down the hallway|0006 long hallway]] [[Look out the window|0005 A window]]

You see a desk with a computer on it. Paul is sitting in front of the computer. He turns around, looks you in the eye and says “all this and more on Loading Ready Live, starting right now.” [[Start the show |1001 StudioCStart]]

[[Continue the game |1001 StudioCStart]]

The first segment is over and you are in Studio C. It is a large room full of cameras, lights, and stuff that looks cool in the background of a shot. Paul is gone, and after the last segment, you're feeling... [[Hungry |1002 StudioCHungry]] [[Sleepy |1099 StudioCSleepy]]

Your tummy rumbles. A small pink creature with no eyes, nose, or clothing appears on a high shelf. Even though it looks soft and fuzzy, you know that it is made of skin. [[Say "Hi, Bartleby." |1003 StudioCConversation1]] [[Scream and do not stop screaming |1098 StudioCScream]]

Bartleby is always startling, but is usually pretty harmless. He opens his mouth to speak. [[Listen to Bartleby |1004 StudioCConversation2]]

"I think there's ice cream in the freezer. You should bring it to me." The ice cream joke is getting old. [[Sigh, then say "Fine, I'll get you ice cream." |1005 StudioCExit]] [[Stand your ground and refuse to get ice cream for Bartleby |1097 StudioCRefuse]]

You are standing in Studio C. You can leave through the main entrance into the long hallway, or try to climb through the tangle of cables into the side entrance of the equipment room. The main entrance is slightly less clogged with loose debris. [[Leave through the main entrance into the hallway |1006 LongHallwayStart]] [[Clamber through the side entrance into the equipment room |1095 EquipmentRoom1]]

You are standing in a long hallway lined on one side with windows. The blinds are closed but it seems unusually dark outside. To your left is an unlit doorway that leads into the prop room. Unsecured costumes and props tumble gently in the microgravity. To your right, the hallway leads to the equipment room and the office's main entrance. [[Peek through the blinds |1007 LongHallwayDark1]] [[Go left into the prop room |1094 PropRoom]] [[Go right towards the main entrance and equipment room |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

It is extremely dark outside. You can’t make out anything. [[“Why is it so dark out, Bartleby?” |1008 LongHallwayDark2]]

“I can’t comment on matters of light and darkness. I don’t have eyes” [[Say “That’s fair” even if its fairness is debatable. |1009 LongHallwayDark3]]

“You still haven’t procured any ice cream, and we’re not getting less hungry.” [[Say “Fine Bartleby, I’ll get ice cream” even though being around him has kind of curbed your appetite. |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

You try not to think about the darkness. You walk down the hallway until you are standing at the office's main entrance. The door to the outside is made of frosted glass. It seems unusually dark on the other side. There are also doors to the Equipment Room, Studio B, the Bathroom, and the Friend Zone here. A chalkboard is covered in strange writing you cannot decipher. A magnetic board is festooned with colourful letters, apparently arranged randomly. Bartleby is following you, hovering just above your shoulder. [[Offer to leave the office to buy ice cream —good ice cream. |1011 MainEntranceArgument1]] [[Examine the writing on the magnetic and chalkboards |1093 BoardWriting]] [[Go to the Friend Zone towards the Kitchen |1024 FriendZoneInterlude]] [[Go to the Bathroom |1092 Bathroom]] [[Go into Studio B |1091 StudioB]]

"I feel I made myself clear — there is ice cream in the freezer and I expect you to serve it.” [[You know with absolute certainty that there is no ice cream in the freezer. Stand your ground and leave The Moonbase. |1012 MainEntranceArgument2]]

You reach for the door. The handle is cold. A gentle draft tugs at your shoelaces. [[Open the door. Backing down now would only establish a dangerous precedent. |1013 MainEntranceArgument3]]

Against a surprising amount of resistance, you throw open the door. On the other side, a black void dotted with stars stretches out forever. It calls to you. A few moments pass. [[“Are we in space?” |1014 MainEntranceArgument4]] [[Shut the door and try to just live your life |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

"It is a Moonbase. Of course we’re in space." [[Contemplate the Cosmos, ancient and vast |1015 MainEntranceCosmos1]] [[Shut the door and try to just live your life |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

Stars shine brightly in the vacuum. The endless expanse of the universe is alive with the light of creation. Each point is an oasis of warmth and energy gradients. A vast and generous bounty of heat and light giving rise to the possibility of life. [[Say the truest words you have ever said: “I feel small and insignificant, yet precious.” |1016 MainEntranceCosmos2]] [[Shut the door and try to just live your life |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

"Astronauts report similar effects, yet most were still able to get ice cream from a freezer" Bartleby sounds very small and distant. [[Disregard Bartleby and continue to contemplate the Cosmos, ancient and vast |1017 MainEntranceCosmos3]] [[Shut the door and try to just live your life |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

Across uncounted worlds, Chemistry is coaxing together delicate information-bearing helices. The universe is abundant with life. Perhaps the universe selects aggressively for intelligence, meaning that the universe is also abundant with thought. [[Continue to contemplate the cosmos |1018 MainEntranceCosmos4]] [[Shut the door and try to just live your life |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

And on those many worlds the same yearning considers the same stars. Not only a need for knowledge, but for connection, the same need to find other minds and share experiences, to challenge the pitiless void and extract a few precious bits of knowledge and meaning — the unspeakable sweetness of knowing. [[Continue to contemplate the cosmos |1019 MainEntranceCosmos5]] [[Shut the door and try to just live your life |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

But in such a vast universe what else could come to be? Pain? Certainly. Pain is merely information fed to the mind. Doubt? Doubt seems like a natural consequence. Fear? Yes, fear would follow. And from fear, courage acquires meaning. Close to you, something baleful stirs in the fibre of the cosmos. It has a voice, and it is saying something you can almost make out. [[Focus on the voice. Listen to it. |1020 MainEntranceCosmos6]]

“You were screaming something about unspeakable sweetness and remembered that you were supposed to be getting ice cream.” [[Snap back from your reverie as the voice continues to talk |1021 MainEntranceCosmos7]]

"The ice cream was a pretense to tempt you into navigating a series of nefarious hazards. Experiencing the sublime was not supposed to be one of them." [[Feel used |1022 MainEntranceCosmos8]]

Bartleby is a strange creature. It doesn't seem impossible to you that something he engineered could in some way challenge the majesty of the universe. His presence looms enormous, even with the cosmos stretching out before you. [[“Bartleby, what have you done?” |1023 MainEntranceCosmos9]]

"Only what that universe permits. Only what was already there, waiting to be." He gestures towards the Friend Zone. Somehow he exerts a terrible gravity, greater than the rest of the universe combined. [[Fall backwards into the Friend Zone, and bear witness |1025 FriendZoneStart]]

You enter the Friend Zone. Bartleby is somehow already here, radiating a terrible energy. You have no choice but to watch. Bartleby opens his mouth, and his words are written into the fabric of the universe. He is the AskMaster; and you? You are his audience. [[Watch AskMaster |2001 Studio C]]

[[Continue the game|2001 Studio C]]

Consciousness returns to you slowly. You open your eyes and find yourself on the floor of studio C. Bartleby is nowhere to be found. Now that you’re on the floor, you can really appreciate just how disgusting it is in here. Maybe someone will come and clean it you think hopefully to yourself. After a few minutes your hope dims, because someone has come to clean it. That someone is you. This will take some time, so where do you start? [[Cable management|2001 A Cables]] [[Pick up costumes|2002 Wizard Costume]]

All the good XLR cables are in a pile in front of the door to the equipment room, presumably because whoever last tried to put them away found the final five feet of the journey too arduous. You slowly detangle the cables, noting that the little tags you attached to their ends that read “don’t make toil, please re-coil!” have been totally ignored. [[Hang XLR Cables Back in Equipment Room|2001 B Equip room]]

You see that the good wizard costume has been tossed into the middle of the floor. As you pick it up you discover that whoever wore it last decided to leave a half eaten tube of mango tango go-gurt in the pocket. Presumably it was the go-gurt’s decision to leak everywhere. [[Carry it gingerly|2003 Prop Room]] [[Carry it recklessly|2003 Prop Room]]

Having tidied up the cables, you are now able to enter the equipment room. You feel a deep sense of satisfaction as you hang the cables back on their labeled hooks, but your reverie is almost immediately spoiled by a strange moaning sound. [[Ignore the moaning|2001 C Ignore]] [[Investigate the moaning|2006 Investigate moaning]]

After a few minutes the moaning stops — faster than usual, you note with mild interest. Break time! [[Get some coffee|2001 D Coffee]]

Thankfully the moaning seems to be coming from the haunted part of the prop room. On the left you see the Door to the Dinosaur Past. The “do not touch” post-it note you put on last week has fallen off. The door is slightly ajar and a warm light emanates out from it. On a shelf to the right of the door, there is a see through tote bin labeled “haunted dolls.” The doll in the front of the bin opens its eyes and watches you with interest as you approach. [[Look through door|2006 A Dino]] [[Check out dolls|2007 Dolls]]

While nobody on earth would describe this coffee as “damn fine,” you’re not on earth, so you can say whatever you want, and you do. 8 Light years away, Yuggomax 9, a hyper psychic nebula orbiting Lalande 21185 hears this, and scoffs. “You’re only lying to yourself” it snorts back, without understanding that human brains haven’t evolved to receive interstellar hyper psychic thought transmissions.`*` As the coffee makes its way through your digestive tract, you realize you’re only half done cleaning up. `*`Luckily for Yuggomax 9, in AC2784 most humans abandoned their bodies and became fully digital beings. After this, the ability to send and receive hyper psychic thought transmissions became the most commonly requested cell phone plan add on. The second most common was an IP block for the Lalande star system. [[Go back to Studio C|2002 Wizard Costume]]

You manage to avoid getting any mango tango on yourself as you deposit your wizard robe and hat into the laundry hamper. [[“Since when do we have a laundry hamper?”|2004 Question the hamper]] [[Leave the prop room|2005 Moaning]]

You look inside the laundry hamper. It is filled with old go-gurt tubes and soiled costumes. [[Leave the prop room|2005 Moaning]]

You are about to leave the prop room when you suddenly hear a strange moaning sound. [[Investigate|2006 Investigate moaning]]

You carefully open the door and are immediately overwhelmed by the sweet, uncorrupted scent of the late Cretaceous. You poke your head through and feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. You look up and see enormous pterosaurs circling lazily in a clear blue sky. You look down and see that several garbage bags full of soiled costumes have been dumped here. A velociraptor scuttles out from behind one of the bags. It shoots you a dirty look and honks warily. As it hops away, you notice the empty go gurt tube stuck to its beak. There is nothing out of the ordinary here. [[Check out dolls|2007 Dolls]]

The dolls hiss in protest as you pull their bin off the shelf, then begin to speak as one. “bRinG ALeCkssss! wE mUSt cOmPLEte the pACcct!” The moaning has not stopped. [[Text Alex about his dolls|2007 A text alex]] [[Keep looking for the moaning|2008 Free bop it]]

He texts you back “kay” several minutes later. [[Keep looking for the moaning|2008 Free bop it]]

With the dolls out of the way, it’s clear the noise is coming from the big box of surplus hungarian gas masks. As you slide the box off the shelf you finally see what has been causing such a racket! It was the Cursed Bop It! Now free, the Bop It stops moaning, then starts sniffling and sighing miserably. [[Bop it|2009 Bop]] [[Twist it|2008 A Twist]] [[Pull it|2008 B Pull]] [[Put it back in the box and leave|2008 C leave it]]

You bop it. It sighs wearily. “Twist it.” [[Twist it|2008 A Twist]] [[Ask the Bop It “are you doing ok?”|2010 Doing Ok]]

You Twist the Bop It. “Pull it,” it says dejectedly. [[Pull it|2008 B Pull]] [[“Are you doing ok?|2010 Doing Ok]]

You pull the Cursed Bop It. “Thanks, I guess,” it sulks and then goes silent. [[Put it back in the box and leave|2008 C leave it]]

As you toss the Cursed Bop It back in with the gas masks it makes a buzzing noise. You turn to leave, but you suddenly find yourself unable to move, your feet stuck to the floor. The air around you turns cold. Beside you, the Haunted Dolls are no longer chittering. Instead they are looking at you — or something behind you — with fear. A hoarse voice whispers in your ear as the prop room lights dim. “Surrender your soul to Naberius, demon general of hell!” The room goes black. [[Oh no|2008 D oh no]]

Suddenly in the darkness you hear the telltale gurgle of Paul’s combination time machine/dishwasher starting its “korean fried chicken” cycle. [[Open your eyes|2001 Studio C]]

“Honestly no. Everyone bops me, everyone twists me, and sometimes they pull me, but they never ask if that’s what I want.” [[“Do you… not want to be bopped?”|2010 A to be loved]]

“No, I don’t want to be bopped! I want to be loved! I want to be desired! I want to form a deeper emotional connection! Am I not a human being?” [[“Well… uh…”|2010 B Apologize]] [[“No? You’re a cursed bop it!”|2011 No Sympathy]]

“Yikes… I had no idea.” You say awkwardly as the Cursed Bop It cries. “Of course you didn’t!” it screeches at you furiously. “You never asked, because you don’t care about me! I’ve given you so much! All the bopping and twisting and pulling you could ever want, and yet not once have you ever done anything for me!” [[“Let me make it up to you”|2010 C Make it up]] [[“This is too intense”|2012 Not Work Out]]

You remember all the times the cursed Bop It has tried to steal your soul, and do not offer it any sympathy. The Bop It shakes angrily in your hand. “This is just like you! I’ve been nothing but upfront AND clear about communicating my needs to harvest your soul for my master, and this is how you treat me?! You’re not even willing to try?” [[“I don’t think this relationship is going to work out.”|2012 Not Work Out]] [[“Oh jeez, you’re right.”|2010 C Make it up]]

“Look, I’m sorry. I’ve been a bad… cursed Bop It owner...” You finish lamely. “Can I make it up to you?” “Do you really mean that?” It sniffles pathetically. “Yes, anything,” you say, trying to extract yourself from the conversation. “THEN SURRENDER YOUR SOUL TO NABERIUS, DEMON GENERAL OF HELL!” It suddenly screeches! [[Run!|2010 D Tricked]]

“Well of course it’s not going to work out if you don’t care about my interests! With you it’s always about bopping, it’s always about twisting, and it’s never about serving Naberius, the demon general of hell!” [[Say “I think you should meet someone more active.”|2013 More Active]] [[“Neat. Have you thought about meeting someone more talkative?”|2012 A Talkative]] [[“Maybe you could try someone with less eyes.”|2012 B Bartleby]]

You fling the Cursed Bop It back into the big box of surplus hungarian gas masks and try to run, but you find yourself unable to move. The air around you turns cold and the lights dim. You feel yourself rise up from the floor and then watch in horror as the ground beneath you melts away. The walls, the ceiling, the roof, and finally the stars follow, and then you are left alone in the darkness. A three headed raven appears and speaks to you in a hoarse voice. “How do you feel about military service?” He chuckles. Your vision goes black. [[Oh no|2008 D oh no]]

“Maybe you’re right. After all it does take a lot of energy to serve in one of the 19 legions of hell, and I can tell you probably don’t have the stamina.” Luckily you know with certainty that you have the stamina to do one thing... [[Throw the Bop It through the door to the dinosaur past|2014 Victory]] [[Surrender your soul to Negroni, demon prince of heck|2013 A Whoops]]

“After all, we’ve got a really nice box of haunted dolls here,” you say hopefully. The dolls hear your compliment and chitter approvingly “YesSSSss WE aRe VErY NiCE,” they say. “Ugh please,” the Bop It says, unimpressed. “Everyone knows haunted dolls don’t have souls.” [[I think you need to meet someone more active.”|2013 More Active]] [[“Maybe you could try someone with less eyes.”|2012 B Bartleby]]

“Have you met Bartleby yet?” You say. “He’s a freaky eyeless puppet who can make other people do his bidding so I think you two would get along.” The Bop It sits silently, considering this. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt…” it says, trying to hide its interest. [[Arrange a blind date between Bartleby and the Bop It|2012 C Date]]

It’s not easy to set up a date between a puppet and cursed children’s toy considering neither of them can eat or go bowling. You try to suggest they watch a movie, but Bartleby vetoes every choice except Homeward Bound 2: Lost in San Francisco. You’re in a real romance pickle. [[Suggest the Bop It meets someone more active|2013 More Active]] [[Consult an expert|2012 D An Expert]]

You quickly perform the ritual to summon Betamatrix Epsilon, the omni-gendered superbeing. Shortly after you finish your incantations, they appear to you as an overflowing box of particularly juicy looking mandarin oranges. “What’s up?” They ask as the largest orange unpeels itself. “I’ve got a… lonely cursed Bop It?” you say, embarrassed. The unpeeled orange splits into segments that float in the air in front of you. They spin and twist into a series of concentric circles for a few moments, and then rearrange themselves into a pair of lucious orange lips. “Oh, honey, some people are just energy vampires. Not worth it. Maybe take up painting?” They say, their lips dripping juice all over the floor before vanishing. “Me or the Bop It?” You yell into the empty room. There is no answer. [[Watch the rest of the show|2015 Watch the next Segment]]

In a movement that is as graceful as it is likely to introduce serious and irreversible problems to the timeline, you open the door to the dinosaur past and then quickly lob the Bop It into the Cretaceous. You take a deep sigh of relief as you close the door firmly behind you. You are free! [[“Time to celebrate!”|2015 Watch the next Segment]] [[“I wonder if there was a better way?”|2012 D An Expert]]

You probably meant to get rid of the evil cursed Bop It, but you appear to have misclicked. At least the Bop It is happy. “No takesies backsies!” It giggles as the room goes dark. [[Oh no|2008 D oh no]]

You’ve endured quite the emotional roller coaster, so you decide to celebrate the only way you can, given the technical limitations of this game. [[Watch the improv segment|3001 Stinger]]

[[Finish the game|3001 Stinger]]

You watch the last segment of the show, and then wander back to the friend zone. You see an L-shaped sofa. In front of it is a coffee table covered in orange peels and horse masks that someone has turned inside out. There is a large TV and a lightbox. [[Look at the lightbox |3002 lightbox]] [[Look at TV |3003 TV]]

Above a small corner table you see a lightbox. Someone has written “the show is over now” on it. [[Ok|3001 B Stinger]]

There is a Steve1989 MRE review video playing. Currently, Steve is trying not to get botulism from a 60 year old can of tinned beef. [[Ok|3001 B Stinger]]

You are still in the friend zone. There is a large L-shaped couch. In front of it is a coffee table covered in candy bar wrappers and old scripts. The door chime sounds and Heather enters the room, tucking in her enormous feathery wings as she passes through the doorway. She has a box of something clutched in her talons. “Hey James, want some go-gurt?” [[The end!]]

Something Is Going To Happen [v1.3] Writing Serge Yager Cameron Lauder Kathleen De Vere Scripting Coriander Dickinson Made in Twine Bionic Trousers Media 2021 [[Play again?|0001 Start]]

You are so tired you fall asleep in Studio C. You doze for hours, although you can’t be sure. You wake up ravenous [[Do something about your hunger |1002 StudioCHungry]]

Startled by the horrifying pink thing, you scream. You scream and scream and scream. The pink creature watches you, its expression inscrutable, but without malice. After a few minutes of continuous screaming, you start to feel ridiculous. [[Stop screaming since it isn’t accomplishing anything, really. |1003 StudioCConversation1]]

“I don’t really see why you would refuse to get ice cream for us both. We both know you’re hungry. What are you trying to accomplish?” [[Consider your game plan |1096 StudioCRefuse2]]

Ice cream sounds pretty good, the more you think about it. [[Agree to get ice cream for Bartleby |1005 StudioCExit]]

The door to the equipment room is blocked by cables, batteries, tripods, bags, lights, bounces, booms, extension cords, more batteries, pegboard, hooks, shelving units, work benches, tools, and something we all agree to call “sundries.” You cannot get through the door. [[This sucks. Give up and go through the main entrance into the hallway |1006 LongHallwayStart]]

The prop room is dark, and apart from a few loose items, suspiciously tidy. The light switch does nothing. Maybe if you come back later someone else will have fixed it? [[This is not my problem |1006 LongHallwayStart]]

Someone has drawn a colorful message on the chalkboard, but your eyes refuse to focus on it. The harder you concentrate, the more the image seems to twist away from your gaze. Frustrated, you give up. Colourful letters have been arranged on the magnetic board, but in no meaningful order. You think some may be upside-down or backwards, but you can’t tell. [[Go back to the entranceway |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

The bathroom is full. [[“That’s vague and threatening.” |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

The door to Studio B is closed, and a closed Studio door is usually closed for a reason. You peek through the window. Yes, that door is definitely closed for a reason. [[Gross |1010 MainEntranceStart]]

“I’m glad you’ve agreed to get the ice cream from the freezer, but I regret to inform you that it was mere subterfuge! There is no ice cream in the freezer! Instead I have engineered a nefarious challenge that you must overcome!” [[Feel betrayed but not really surprised and walk forward into the Friend Zone |1025 FriendZoneStart]]