Holy moly, this is going to be one big ass blog post today, because I have a lot to talk about, and I’m not about to start cutting out jokes in the name of lame things like “conciseness” and “ease of reading.”

Those things are for… well, I was going to say chumps, but in reality, all writers should strive for simplicity. But then again, I also have a ton (or in Canada, a metric butt tonne) of stuff to talk about.

First of all, as summer winds down, aren’t you looking for a hot playlist of certified hits*? No? Well, you’re getting one anyhow. I (Kathleen) invited myself onto the That Thing You Like podcast to talk about awesome summer music. Feel those sweet Jamz™ wash over you. Perfect tunes for the beach, makeouts, or just sitting in a dark room.

Next up, I just have to remind everyone we have a Pinny Arcade pin! It’s Professor Pigglesworth, the cute, unofficial mascot of CheckPoint.  These pins are limited edition, so if you want one but won’t be at PAX Prime, maybe track down someone who will be? I hear our forums are a lovely and inclusive community! This pin was designed by none other than me (Kathleen) to be as cute as Penny Arcade would let us make it!** A great gift for fans of CheckPoint, pins, LRR, Pinny Arcade AND pigs!

Moving on, this week in video related news, we give you another deceptively educational The Whole Story video, this one about batteries. What is real? What will get you in trouble if you put it in an essay?*** You’ll just have to watch and find out. Also the stinger is supposed to be epic.

For Unskippable, Graham and Paul take on Dead Space 3, and tackle what is surely one of the most asinine premises for a video game series, the Dead Space markers.

So we have these towers called Markers. They make energy. But they also turn everyone around them into horrible monsters. Yet for some reason, people keep building them. Even though we know what they do. This is stupid. Is this the conversation people are having every time one gets built?

Scientist: So these markers give you FREE energy.
Dude: But… don’t they also turn people crazy and then into horrible undead monsters?
Scientist: Well, yes but the energy is free!
Dude: I would argue the whole “monster thing” should be included in how you’re defining “free.”
Scientist: You lack vision.

Moving on, this week’s CheckPoint is looking to branch out a bit. We’ve heard Sony Santa Monica is up to something big, and that sounds like fun. We have skills. And various body parts. Please call us.  Also in the news, the Xbox One is also changing again and the COD: BLOPS zombies have decided to up their game a little.

Finally, thanks for everyone who said they wanted more cat tokens. Look for more news on those sometime after PAX!

*These hits were not certified by any body whatsoever.

** Penny Arcade placed no limits on the amount of cuteness we were allowed.

*** Most of it.

The Friday Nights crew has survived the road trip to Calgary, now onto the GP…  James gets caught in a compromising position. Kathleen and Cam find themselves facing off at the worst possible time. Jer tries a bold new Jund strategy, and Alex and Graham need foils, food and lots of signatures.

Finally, in honour of my “in spirit cat spirits” I did a quick and dirty, but full colour cat spirit token, for anyone that wants to download and print their own. Remember, cat spirits may be cats, but they can still fly.

Obviously, this in not the best homemade token in the world, but if people are interested in having a complete set of cat tokens (cat spirit, cat centaur, cat knight, cat soldier, cat… bird?) let the LRR crew know!

It’s a busy Monday in Loading Ready Run land, but rather than videos, we start with pigs.

Pigs are great. They’re smart, they’re cute. Well… sometimes they’re cute.

In real life they’re actually kind of terrifying. Have you ever seen a pig? Your Babe/Charlotte’s Web fantasies go right out the window, shattered by a 300 pound thing that is roughly cylindrical, lethal at one end and filthy at the other.

Anyhow… Professor Pigglesworth, the sort of unofficial CheckPoint mascot, is a fantasy pig, so he’s cute. Terminally cute in fact. The only way to cure this terminal cuteness is to buy your own official Pinny Arcade Professor Pigglesworth pin at PAX Prime!

You’ll be able to buy the Professor Pigglesworth pin from us at our booth in Band Land, and remember, these are super limited edition, never to be re-issued pins, so once we run out, we’re out.

Speaking of CheckPoint, this week’s CheckPoint is all about The Sims. Is it the most progressive game ever made?  Certainly more progressive than Company of Heroes 2. Watch the video and see why!

This week’s Unskippable finishes off the long, strange tale of post-apocalyptic Russia in part two of Metro 2033: Last light. Last we left our hero, he was having some fairly major problems seeing invisible demons. This week, that doesn’t get resolved at all, but there is a long elevator scene. Oh cutscenes. Never change.

Finally, this week’s Loading Ready Labs video The New Timezones aims to solve a very specific set of problems with a very specific set of solutions that may or may not cause entirely new problems. Looks, if you want to make an omelette, you need to break a few kneecaps! Wait… that’s not right. I’ll get back to you. I’ll have a better simile on your desk by 9:00 am ZZT.

Happy Thursday everyone!

What do Boron, Lincoln and Loading Ready Run have in common this week? The number 5! Boron’s atomic number is 5, good old Abe Lincoln is on the $5 U.S. bill, and LRR put out a whopping 5 videos this week.

Yes, I realize this is a stretch for something relevant to talk about, but deal with it.

First up is the latest episode of Friday Nights – GP Bound. The crew heads off to Calgary to play in a Grand Prix, but will they survive the long journey, James’ erratic driving and each other? Spoiler: Yes.

Note the awesome cat cameos in Friday Nights. I had to use so many treats to get them to stay in frame… Another video where we see a cat cameo? This week’s Feed Dump! What do you get when you combine a hopelessly corrupt, but totally adorable electoral system, future Skynet and Cam and Beej? The first ever house-dump. Featuring bonus cat.

Next up is Unskippable, celebrating the Escapist’s JRPG week with an all new Atelier game – Atelier Ayesha! Paul and Graham take on another brutal challenge — making a game where nothing happens seem interesting. See if they survive!

This week on CheckPoint we take a couple of nasty practices to task. Did you know people in Australia and New Zealand get price gouged on the cost of video games and software? We’re trying to fix that with Gift a Game to an Aussie Day. Secondly, women are very frequently reduced to being mere sex objects in games. It’s not nice, but maybe we can do it to men for a change? Kathleen tackles sexism the only way she knows how — with a Bishi Roundup and lots of crude jokes.

And finally, this week’s LRR video takes on a cinematic bent with The Fountain. What’s the best way to uncover ancient secrets and mystical treasures? How about a robot. Seems safe. Boring but safe. The working title for this video was “Realistic National Treasure.”

This week LoadingReadyRun goes high concept with our astronaut themed video Floating Solo. After all, what’s better than plotting a murder to help you get through those endless, boring days in the infinite blackness of space? Wait, literally anything? Well crap.

I’m going to level with you men, we may have not thought this whole “manned mission to Mars” thing through very well.

Speaking of the blackness of space, this week’s CheckPoint is all about Star Control 2. Well, the spiritual successor to it at least. So how do you make a sequel to one of the most influential and beloved games of all time? Carefully, we hope.

Also there is going to be a Gran Turismo movie. Hopefully it will feature Vin Diesel and not be very true to the game.

Finally, we move on from the cold darkness of space to the cold darkness of the Russian subway system in this week’s Unskippable, part one of a two-part episode on Metro: Last Light. There is a terrible horror stalking the survivors of the war. No, it’s not two midgets in a trenchcoat. OR IS IT? 

Hint, it is not.